[Riss]

Prologue: Choosing weapons

Risstalle sat in a large room at the head of a very long table, he reckoned it could seat about thirty, but only three other people were seated around it. Down the far end was Ally, she was dressed in lots of leather and was playing around with a small knife. Then on the middle of the table, not seated at quit literally on the table making out, were Under Warranty and Spinner.

Risstalle was looking over a long piece of parchment.

"Ok so that's the campaign into over lets get down to business" came a disembodied voice. Ally looked up rather confused, Spinner looked around for the voice, Under Warranty looked at the others and Risstalle practically leapt out of his skin.

"What!? I'm still looking over the equipment list!" Risstalle protested.

"Yo Riss who is that voice?" Spinner asked, he had arched his neck backwards so he could see Risstalle.

Risstalle sighed "It's Arthryn our GM, she's basically a jumped up narrator"

"Hey you do realize that I'm omnipresent and I'll make your life hell" Arthryn said.

"Yeah yeah blahblahblahblahblah" Risstalle said snickering "Ok so how many pounds..."

"Dollars" Ally interrupted.

"Gold coins" Arthryn corrected

"Whatever, do we have to spend" Risstalle finished.

"200" Arthryn said he voice reverberating annoyingly.

"Well we appear to be in a medieval/sci-fi hybrid universe so we have swords to lasers but we cant afford lasers" Risstalle said a bit dejectedly.

"But I want to have a really big gun!" Spinner protested

"No amount of money can by that Spinner...." Under Warranty said with a sly grin.

"Under Warranty don't say things like that....kids read this" Arthryn said angrily.

"Ah you're just jealous that you can't have a piece of this" Spinner said causing everyone to burst out laughing.

"No I'm not" Arthryn snapped "I've got Tim"

"Who's Tim?" Ally asked.

"He's my a fellow incorporeal being a.k.a a GM and he asked me out" she said.

"Yer by incorporeal she means imaginary" Risstalle said under his breath.

"OMNIPRESENT DAMN IT!!!"

"Yeah yeah now back to weapons. Ok so any projectile weapon is out of the question so lets look at close combat weapons." Risstalle said as the others walked over to him and looked over his shoulder at the weapon list."

The four of them looked at the list for some time taking time to choose their weapons. After some time they all relaxed and took turns to chose their weapons.

"Ok well I'm going for a shock maul and power shield" Spinner said.

"I'll take the laser stave....its basically a long pole with a dangerous bit on the end" Under Warranty said as she grinned toothily at Spinner. "Not that you'd know anything about that"

"I suppose I'll take a pair of electrified daggers then." Ally said, Risstalle didn't trust her with sharp objects, or electricity for that matter...giving her bother at the same time was definitely a mistake.

"Ok well that leaves me, I'll take the two handed chain-sword." he said and leaned back in his chair.

The number '200' appeared above each of their heads and quickly counted down until they were left with their remaining money and their weapons appeared upon them. Risstalle took a look at the weapons list again.

"Oh dear" he said

"What?" Spinner asked menacingly.

"Right at the bottom there is a weapon called 'the really big and powerful cheep laser - 199 gold coins'..." Risstalle said and cringed.

[Riss]

Chapter 2: The RPG gets underway

"Ok Mrs.Games-Master what are we meant to do now just sit around and look cool I mean I'm liking the turbo charged chainsaw thing I've got but what kind of crappy sci-fi RPG is this I mean we don't even lasers!" Risstalle said as he rubbed his left eye. It was a lovely shade of purple from where Spinner had socked him one.

"Well we would have were it not thanks to you," snarled Spinner. He was sporting a bruised hand. He had gone in for a second punch but had hit the high wooden back of Risstalle's chair instead.

"Look I said I'm sorry, it's your own fault for trusting me any way. I mean really we've known each other some time and you haven't learnt that I'm seriously special needs." Risstalle said with a cheesy grin on his face.

"Well if you lot have quite finished I shall summaries the campaign plot for you which you would have heard earlier had you not been beating the crap out of each other, reading or playing with knives!" Came Arthryn's bodiless voice. "Basically you're all mods"

"Whats a mod?" Mrs.Lovett whispered to Risstalle.

"It's a fish that is quite a popular dish in Britain" Risstalle said knowingly.

"Where's Britain?"

".....good point,"

"ACHEM!"

"Bless you" Mrs.Lovett said and everyone snickered.

"Any way" Arthryn continued "You're mods in the land of Inheritance Forums, specifically mods in the province of Arpegee. It's a severally dilapidated realm of the Land of Inheritance."

"So wait we're meant to be fish living on the surface...but shouldn't we die?" asked Mrs.Lovett.

"NO! You are not fish you're mods...peace keepers, like jedi!" Arthryn exclaimed clearly getting aggravated by the group and her lack of control.

"Jedi is a type of cheese" Risstalle said preempting Mrs.Lovett's question.

"No they are not!" Arthryn sighed, she hadn't asked for this she prefered he days of being an Admin but when she had been offered a GM job which payed better and offered more flexible hours she couldn't say no "Ok fine your spellcaster/warriors"

"Well why didn't you say so...I mean all this talk of cheese and fish is just confusing" Risstalle said drawing a note of exasperation for Arthryn.

"OK basically your on a mission to save the land of inheritance form the anti-army, a vast army that has set its self up in the land of Ayeffeye. Basically you need to go meet a contact who will be waiting for you on the borders of Arpegee and Teesea however your priority is too try and broker a diplomatic agreement with the Anti-army before you take drastic action. Remember...Diplomacy is key, oh and Risstalle is in charge" Arthryn said 'I'm so going to regret that' she thought

Risstalle stood up and walked over to the door at the end of the room "You lot coming or what?" he asked. Mrs.Lovett obliged but Under Warranty and Spinner were arguing about his penis size. "Hey Spinner I got a laser for you!" he shouted.

"Where!?" he asked suddenly becoming very alert and pushing Under Warranty away. She yelped as the briefly flew though the air and landed on the floor. Having finally gotten their attention he ushered them along. Risstalle grabbed the handles of the door and pulled. They didn't budge. He pushed and they still didn't budge. After a few more minutes of this he gave up. Well giving up to the extent of using normal means as he took out his chain-sword and hacked through to door creating a nice human shaped hole for them to walk through.

"As the brave warriors walked along the corridor they were blissfully unaware of the trap that the Anti-army leaders, who had no care for diplomacy, had set for our hero's[i]"

Risstalle stopped and looked upwards "Arthryn what are you doing?"

"[i]I'm narrating Risstalle looked up towards the sky questioning his Gods"

"You are not my God!" Risstalle said.

"He cursed the heavens for giving him such and ugly face and ensuring that he will never be loved by anyone"

"Fine!" Risstalle stopped off in the direction of the trap that he knew was coming. And lo and behold moments later they were surrounded by troops and not just troops but troops armed with lasers.

"What!?" Spinner exclaimed "We're screwed!"

"Wow, game over already...sucks to be us" Risstalle moaned.

"We're spell casters" Mrs.Lovett wispered

"What?"

"We're spell casters!" she repeated.

Risstalle smiled "Spinner, you and Under Warranty take the twenty behind us and we'll take the twenty in front" Risstalle stowed his chain-sword and began to cast a spell, he didn't know how he did it he just did.

"Meteor Storm!" Risstalle cried "Damn i't it I rolled a 1, Arthryn what does that mean?"

"Role again"

<roll>

"You ok the spell simply is slightly altered" she said

Risstalle looked upon the troopers as his spell was cast. He hands glowed with pure energy and the air above the troopers grew storm and tiny red clouds formed over their heads.

"See nothing wrong with that and que met..."

The troopers were pummeled by an assortment of meats, sausages, pork chops, beacon, chicken legs, stakes and many others verities. Risstalle sighed and drew his chain-sword hoping to take advantage of the distraction however Mrs.Lovett beat him too it and she cried "Immolation" and the troopers were engulfed in flames causing them to writhe about before becoming still. Risstalle didn't envy them it was not a pleasant way to go. On the plus Ally's spell had included the meat from Risstalles misscast. He walked over and picked up a pork chop and took a bite.

"Bit over done but given the circumstances not too bad." he said quite satisfied.

[Pasteurized]

Hahaha, love it. Can't wait for the next installment.

[Riss]

Chapter 3: Spoils of war

The group sat upon some of the dead soldiers enjoying Risstalle's cooked meatier storm

"Ok I loot the corpses" Risstalle said standing up.

"Wait....what?" Arthryn said.

"This is an RPG right... so we get items off of what we kill, right?" he said feeling quite smug.

"But you're peace keepers! Upholders of justice!" she exclaimed.

"You forgot the loot tables didn't you?"

"Yes,"

"Some GM you are!" Ally muttered.

The corpse next to Ally exploded causing her to yelp "I'm also a vengeful one!"

"Ok well considering that you fail at GMing can we just take their lasers and armour, their profiles must tell you what weapons and armour they have?" Under Warranty said.

"I suppose that could work..."

"Yes! Duel wielded lasers baby!" Spinner cried.

"You're skill level isn't high enough,"

"F***, single wielded laser then?"

"Nope"

Spinner sunk to the floor and cried. Having the chance to use a laser taken away from him was too much.

"Ok fin in that case I sell it all," Risstalle said

"Who are you going to sell it too, you in the middle of nowhere!" Arthryn exclaimed.

"Does it matter... no one every worried about that in the last campaign I was in"

"Well this is not the last campaign this is this campaign you're in. And what I say goes" Arthryn said as several more corpses exploded "Or do you want that to happen to you!?"

"GAH! Fine!" Risstalle shouted, pissed off that he had nothing physical to direct his anger at/ "Lets go. Ok I put the loot in my pack,"

"What?"

"WHATS THE PROBLEM NOW!?"

"Well how are you planning to; one, fit enough weapons and armour to arm forty soldiers into one backpack; and two, how are you planning to carry such a weight!?"

"Hey I happened to read some of the rules and the edition we're playing has no rules about weight limits or capacity," Risstalle said as he hoisted his pack with all the loot in onto his back.

"I hate you" Came Arthryn's voice supposedly under her breath.

"You're omnipresent... we can hear you as well as you can hear us!" Ally shouted.

Under Warranty helped Spinner, still mourning his loss, to his feat.

"[i][b]And so the idiotically lucky warrior foiled the ambush and continued on, now with a new mission. To seek vengeance for this terrible wrong done upon them.[i/][b/]"

Hey guys I decided to revive the IF story that I started before I left, I made a few changes so that it made a bit more sense. Enjoy!

[Under Warranty]

I'm so surprised I missed this, Riss lmao.

Arguing about penis size, teeheehee.

=P

[Pasteurized]

Nice update. Whens the next one!