[Yeerk Slayer]

Hai. I am aware that this has been done before, I'm sure many times. But I wanted to give my own stab at this, so... yeah. My first attempt at a serious/funny IF story. I'm trying to keep the scenes fairly similar to the original ones in the book, but of course it'll be different. Hopefully I do this well. Here goes nothing:

Prologue: Shade of Fear

Rinion's nose scrunched up. It smelled. Bad. He glanced at the noobs behind him, and wondered if the smell was coming from them.

"Spread out," he ordered. They shuffled around behind bushes and trees. Rinion hoped the smell would go with them.

It didn't. It just stunk worse. Then he realized what the smell was. "Get ready," he snarled. "Members are coming."

Suddenly, the members were there. The first was Zooguy, the last was BloodElf, and in between them was Aiedail7, carrying a "stone".

"Aw, man, why do I have to be the cliché princess?" Aiedail complained.

Rinion shook his head in disgust, and then the noobs fired their arrows. Going with the flow, Rinion jumped up and said, "Kah-may-ha-may-HA!" His hair became bright blonde as he launched light from his hands. Then it returned to its regular colour.

Aiedail watched Zooguy and BloodElf get owned by noobs. "What, I have to die right away? This sucks," Zooguy whined, then died.

BloodElf laughed himself to death. Aiedail just laughed, then ran away.

"Get her!" Rinion commanded, then said, "Circle of Life! Er, fire! Circle of Fire! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Fire suddenly surrounded Aiedail. The noobs were cut off after she owned three of them.

Rinion charged up, his hair once more flashing neon yellow as he flexed his eyebrows.

Aiedail beat the "stone" she was holding with a green glow-stick. Tapping it three times, she repeated the phrase, "There's no place like home!" until it disappeared.

"Kah-may-ha-may-HA!" yelled Rinion. His blast hit Aiedail and knocked her unconscious. But it was too late.

The "stone" was already on its way to Kansas.

[bucket]

Hai. I am aware that this has been done before, I'm sure many times. But I wanted to give my own stab at this, so... yeah. My first attempt at a serious/funny IF story. I'm trying to keep the scenes fairly similar to the original ones in the book, but of course it'll be different. Hopefully I do this well. Here goes nothing:

Prologue: Shade of Fear

Rinion's nose scrunched up. It smelled. Bad. He glanced at the noobs behind him, and wondered if the smell was coming from them.

"Spread out," he ordered. They shuffled around behind bushes and trees. Rinion hoped the smell would go with them.

It didn't. It just stunk worse. Then he realized what the smell was. "Get ready," he snarled. "Members are coming."

Suddenly, the members were there. The first was Zooguy, the last was BloodElf, and in between them was Aiedail7, carrying a "stone".

"Aw, man, why do I have to be the cliché princess?" Aiedail complained.

Rinion shook his head in disgust, and then the noobs fired their arrows. Going with the flow, Rinion jumped up and said, "Kah-may-ha-may-HA!" His hair became bright blonde as he launched light from his hands. Then it returned to its regular colour.

Aiedail watched Zooguy and BloodElf get owned by noobs. "What, I have to die right away? This sucks," Zooguy whined, then died.

BloodElf laughed himself to death. Aiedail just laughed, then ran away.

"Get her!" Rinion commanded, then said, "Circle of Life! Er, fire! Circle of Fire! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Fire suddenly surrounded Aiedail. The noobs were cut off after she owned three of them.

Rinion charged up, his hair once more flashing neon yellow as he flexed his eyebrows.

Aiedail beat the "stone" she was holding with a green glow-stick. Tapping it three times, she repeated the phrase, "There's no place like home!" until it disappeared.

"Kah-may-ha-may-HA!" yelled Rinion. His blast hit Aiedail and knocked her unconscious. But it was too late.

The "stone" was already on its way to Kansas.

So, are you going to reserve some super humiliating, cruel, sadistic torture for me?

It is actually pretty funny though.

This post has been edited by bucket: 22 July 2008 - 11:45 PM

[Yeerk Slayer]

Oh, I have something special picked out for you and EK. You'll have to wait and see. It's not that bad, I don't think.

Thanks.

[bucket]

Oh, I have something special picked out for you and EK. You'll have to wait and see. It's not that bad, I don't think.

Thanks.

Don't mention it. I can hardly wait.

[Gramayre Ebrthil]

Seems pretty cool Yeerk, please dont make me a n00b, PLEASE!

[Kazza]

Hehehehehehe

It's funny, YS.

[China Oolong]

I love this. Now update.

(PLEASE?)

This post has been edited by unconquerableflame: 23 July 2008 - 08:57 AM

[Yeerk Slayer]

Seems pretty cool Yeerk, please dont make me a n00b, PLEASE!

Well, just post if you want to be something/someone in particular. Of course, many spots are taken already, but definitely not all of them.

I love this. Now update.

Okey-Doke.

Chapter One: Discovery

Saint Rising (Henceforth known as Josh) gazed down at the footprints. He was tracking a deer. It had an injured leg.

Suddenly, he spotted it. It was in the middle of a meadow.

"WTF?" Josh said. "Why's there a meadow in the middle of a mountain range?" Regardless, he strung his bow an took aim. Then the meadow exploded in blue fire. "Ahh!" Josh screamed in panic, "Wile E. Coyote's after me!"

The deer ran off. Josh fired he arrow but missed. "Hey," he complained, hair singed, "how does a deer with an injured leg run so fast anyway?" He sighed in disappointment.

Despite all the blue fire, nothing was burning to a crisp, except for Josh's hair. Everything else simple smouldered, including the large, blue "stone" in the center of the meadow. Josh went over to it and picked it up, then let out a yelp and dropped it.

"Ow!" the "stone" said as it hit the ground.

"Ow!" Josh said, flailing his hands around like a headless chicken. "That stone is HOT! But not as hot as the elf princess I'm going to meet." He smirked, then frowned. "But I don't know that yet. Sh! You didn’t hear it from me."

He blew on the "stone" until it cooled off enough to pick it up and put it in his backpack. Then he went back into the forest-y part of the mountains, ate cheese, and laid down to sleep. Since he was not in his house, he had no one to sing him to sleep, so he had to sing himself to sleep.

"I has a stone, I has a stone, I has a stone, hey hey hey hey . . . !" he sung quietly until tiredness overtook him.

[Lelex]

Hehe I love it!
I wants an update, I wants and update, I wants an update, hey hey hey hey...

[Yeerk Slayer]

Update will come soon.

In the meantime, I need some more cast members. Characters who currently need to be replaced:

Saphira
Merlock
Brom
Elain
Gertrude
Haberth
Angela
Solembum
Trevor
Jeod
Torkenbrand
Orik
Ajihad
Nasuada
Hrothgar
Fredric
Oromis

And that's it... XD Yeah, most people...

[bucket]

Update will come soon.

In the meantime, I need some more cast members. Characters who currently need to be replaced:

Saphira
Merlock
Brom
Elain
Gertrude
Haberth
Angela
Solembum
Trevor
Jeod
Torkenbrand
Orik
Ajihad
Nasuada
Hrothgar
Fredric
Oromis

And that's it... XD Yeah, most people...

Can I have a role?

[Yeerk Slayer]

You already have one of the roles that was not listed.

[bucket]

You already have one of the roles that was not listed.

Ah.....I'm bracing myself.

[Yeerk Slayer]

You'll do fine, don't worry.

Anyways, here's the update!

Chapter Two: Palancar Valley

The sun rose that morning. Somehow, it was special enough to be noted that morning, and not any other morning, even though Josh and the narrator both know that the sun rises every morning.

Josh ate a package of SpagBol for breakfast, then started to head home. He thought of the Spine, then thought of the earthquake that took place in the mountains a month ago. He still protested the change of the name from "The Spine" to "Brokeback Mountains". He had, after all, seen the movie.

Josh followed River river to his hometown of Kansas. Once there, he found his way to the butcher shop, and entered. Then he screamed and wet himself. "OMG! Morzan is in Kansas selling meat! Eeeeee!"

"No, you idiot," Morzan202 said, shaking his head. "How many times do I have to tell you? It's M202. Not Morzan, not Morzy, not M&M, and not Tarzan! Got it?"

Josh nodded and said, "Okay-doke! So now that we got that, you'll give me free frood, right?"

"Actually, it's food, not frood," M202 sighed. "And no. Not unless you give me your money."

"I don't--"

M202 jumped onto the counter and pointed at Josh. "HA! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, FOOL! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

Josh quivered in fear.

M202 jumped back off the counter and coughed. "So, since you're a hobo, leave and come back later with money."

"I'm not a hobo," Josh protested. "And I have something else to pay you with. A talking rock," he said, pulling it our of his Barney backpack.

"Oooh, shiny!" M202 exclaimed. "Me likes shinies. I've give you some pretty pennies for the shiny."

"I collect pennies, okay, here you go!" Josh handed M202 the "stone", then added, as an afterthought, "I got it from the Brokeback Mountains."

M202 yelped and tossed it back to Josh. "I'm not gay! I can't have something from those mountains! You take it back and keep it!"

Josh frowned. "But I'm not gay either, that's not fair! Aw, man, you suck," he groaned, putting the "stone" back in his backpack.

"Now, go!" M202 ordered. "Or else I'm going to have to make you by playing Disturbed so loudly your eardrums will explode!"

Josh whimpered just as MooMoose and Hresvelgr burst through the door. "M202," Hres growled, cracking his knuckles, "what have you done now?"

"Nothing," M202 hissed. "That kid over there came in and called me gay!"

Hres turned his demonic gaze on Josh. "Is that true?"

"Yup!" Josh said proudly, grinning from ear to ear.

Hres smiled, and thumped Josh on the back, sending him to the floor. "Good for you, pal. Now, M202, I going to take all your meat and give it to Josh, because that is the most logical and fair result of this fight."

"Fine," M202 agreed grumpily.

"Wait," said Moo, "if everything is solved now, what is my purpose here?"

"Nothing," M202 replied, "so you can leave." When Moo stayed put, M202 roared, "I SAID YOU CAN LEAVE! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

Moo ran from the room crying. "I hate you!"

Josh, now in ownership of all of M202's meat, left with Hres. "Thanks," he said to Hres. "I'm sick of all our stupid vegetables. Everyone in my family is a vegetarian except me, and it sucks."

Hres laughed and said, "Your time will come, young padawan learner. But stop by later so I can use you as a slave, okay?"

Josh nodded eagerly. "Okay! Thanks! Oh, also, Revenge wanted me to give a message to MooMoose, but since I'm to lazy too, could you do it for me?"

"Fine, lazy ass. What's the message?"

"He'll come and visit her when the traders come."

"That's it?"

"No. He also says she's totally hot and he wants to smother her in chocolate and then lick it off. Also that he wants to do her on her couch in broad daylight."

"Okay, I'll tell her that for you. Hey, would you like to come over to my place for supper?"

"No, I couldn't possibly."

"Not even for a wafer?"

"Well . . . when you put it that way . . . wait a second, no, I don't feel like exploding. Anyways, I have to get home. Maybe I'll see you later! Bye!"

Josh ran the entire way home and pounded on the door. "Let me in!"

Unnameddragon opened the door. "What sort of trouble have you gotten into this time?" he demanded.

Josh replied, "Well, I couldn't get food 'cause a talking blue rock exploded into the meadow, so I went to M&M's Meat Shop, and called him gay but then he got mad, so Hres yelled at him and then got me all his meat, and I agreed to be Hres' slave later, then I told him about revenge wanting to lay MooMoose, then I ran all the way home!"

Josh collapsed from the exhaustion of saying all of his adventures in one breath.

"Fine," Unnameddragon agreed reluctantly. "Just make sure to give Revenge the rock from the Brokeback Mountains. You know how he loves it when you give him things from there. He's asleep right now, though, so you'd better hop in bed with him and rest up."

Josh nodded. "Okay-doke." He went into Revenge's room and slipped under the covers, then snuggled up to his cousin. There he fell asleep.

[bucket]

You'll do fine, don't worry.

Anyways, here's the update!

Chapter Two: Palancar Valley

The sun rose that morning. Somehow, it was special enough to be noted that morning, and not any other morning, even though Josh and the narrator both know that the sun rises every morning.

Josh ate a package of SpagBol for breakfast, then started to head home. He thought of the Spine, then thought of the earthquake that took place in the mountains a month ago. He still protested the change of the name from "The Spine" to "Brokeback Mountains". He had, after all, seen the movie.

Josh followed River river to his hometown of Kansas. Once there, he found his way to the butcher shop, and entered. Then he screamed and wet himself. "OMG! Morzan is in Kansas selling meat! Eeeeee!"

"No, you idiot," Morzan202 said, shaking his head. "How many times do I have to tell you? It's M202. Not Morzan, not Morzy, not M&M, and not Tarzan! Got it?"

Josh nodded and said, "Okay-doke! So now that we got that, you'll give me free frood, right?"

"Actually, it's food, not frood," M202 sighed. "And no. Not unless you give me your money."

"I don't--"

M202 jumped onto the counter and pointed at Josh. "HA! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, FOOL! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

Josh quivered in fear.

M202 jumped back off the counter and coughed. "So, since you're a hobo, leave and come back later with money."

"I'm not a hobo," Josh protested. "And I have something else to pay you with. A talking rock," he said, pulling it our of his Barney backpack.

"Oooh, shiny!" M202 exclaimed. "Me likes shinies. I've give you some pretty pennies for the shiny."

"I collect pennies, okay, here you go!" Josh handed M202 the "stone", then added, as an afterthought, "I got it from the Brokeback Mountains."

M202 yelped and tossed it back to Josh. "I'm not gay! I can't have something from those mountains! You take it back and keep it!"

Josh frowned. "But I'm not gay either, that's not fair! Aw, man, you suck," he groaned, putting the "stone" back in his backpack.

"Now, go!" M202 ordered. "Or else I'm going to have to make you by playing Disturbed so loudly your eardrums will explode!"

Josh whimpered just as MooMoose and Hresvelgr burst through the door. "M202," Hres growled, cracking his knuckles, "what have you done now?"

"Nothing," M202 hissed. "That kid over there came in and called me gay!"

Hres turned his demonic gaze on Josh. "Is that true?"

"Yup!" Josh said proudly, grinning from ear to ear.

Hres smiled, and thumped Josh on the back, sending him to the floor. "Good for you, pal. Now, M202, I going to take all your meat and give it to Josh, because that is the most logical and fair result of this fight."

"Fine," M202 agreed grumpily.

"Wait," said Moo, "if everything is solved now, what is my purpose here?"

"Nothing," M202 replied, "so you can leave." When Moo stayed put, M202 roared, "I SAID YOU CAN LEAVE! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

Moo ran from the room crying. "I hate you!"

Josh, no in ownership of all of M202's meat, left with Hres. "Thanks," he said to Hres. "I'm sick of all our stupid vegetables. Everyone in my family is a vegetarian except me, and it sucks."

Hres laughed and said, "Your time will come, young padawan learner. But stop by later so I can use you as a slave, okay?"

Josh nodded eagerly. "Okay! Thanks! Oh, also, Revenge wanted me to give a message to MooMoose, but since I'm to lazy too, could you do it for me?"

"Fine, lazy ass. What's the message?"

"He'll come and visit her when the traders come."

"That's it?"

"No. He also says she's totally hot and he wants to smother her in chocolate and then lick it off. Also that he wants to do her on her couch in broad daylight."

"Okay, I'll tell her that for you. Hey, would you like to come over to my place for supper?"

"No, I couldn't possibly."

"Not even for a wafer?"

"Well . . . when you put it that way . . . wait a second, no, I don't feel like exploding. Anyways, I have to get home. Maybe I'll see you later! Bye!"

Josh ran the entire way home and pounded on the door. "Let me in!"

Unnameddragon opened the door. "What sort of trouble have you gotten into this time?" he demanded.

Josh replied, "Well, I couldn't get food 'cause a talking blue rock exploded into the meadow, so I went to M&M's Meat Shop, and called him gay but then he got mad, so Hres yelled at him and then got me all his meat, and I agreed to be Hres' slave later, then I told him about revenge wanting to lay MooMoose, then I ran all the way home!"

Josh collapsed from the exhaustion of saying all of his adventures in one breath.

"Fine," Unnameddragon agreed reluctantly. "Just make sure to give Revenge the rock from the Brokeback Mountains. You know how he loves it when you give him things from there. He's asleep right now, though, so you'd better hop in bed with him and rest up."

Josh nodded. "Okay-doke." He went into Revenge's room and slipped under the covers, then snuggled up to his cousin. There he fell asleep.

I love satire.