Depressing Poems Options

[Ichigo]

I wrote all these poems when i was feeling depressed which is all the time. Please tell me what you think of them. I think there are like 6.

Alone

He feels so alone,
It doesn't matter whether it's true or not,
He feels alone,
He reaches out his hand for help but noone will grab hold,
Noone is there to keep him afloat,
So he sinks deeper into the pool of despair.

He feels so alone,
To seek out a companion he reaches his hand,
But noone wants him enough to care,
Noone wants him enough to grab hold,
So he stands alone in this cruel world.

Friends try to help him but he doesn't need friends,
He needs a companion,
Someone to love him,
Someone to care about him.
He feels so alone.



Second Choice

To be the second choice,
When you love someone is to be the last choice,
To be the second best,
To be wanted less than the rest,
Is like living death,
Seeing the one you love with another,
Is the worst pain ever.

To be the second choice is worse than any other fate,
So you sit and wait,
For the chance to be with them,
The chance to be the first choice,
The chance that is never coming.

But that doesn't matter,
You will sit and wait no matter how long,
Ten years from now...so be it,
I will sit and wait for that chance to be the one,
To be the first choice.



Unattainable

You love her more than life itself.
But she is always with someone else,
Her love is unattainable,
She says she loves you,
But there is always another she wants more,
You can't stand to not be with her,
The pain is unbearable,
She is unattainable.

The memories of those days past,
Only bring the pain back,
You remember the touch of her lips on yours,
You remember holding her on your arms,
And it just brings the pain back.
She is always with someone else.
Always unattainable.



Lost

It seems as if the whole world is falling apart,
Everything is gone all hope lost,
She says she doesn't wanna talk,
All you did was make one mistake.
Now all that mattered in your life is gone,
All hope is lost.

You watch your soul fall apart,
Into sorrow and desair it departs,
Your soul has sunk into the depths,
All hope is lost.

Without your soul you make an easy target,
Depression awaits you at every turn,
Waiting to steal the nothing you have left,
Everything you had has been lost.



Pain

You cut yourself to relieve the pain in your heart,
The red drops remind you that you are still human,
That you can still feel pain.

You look at the pool as it begins to form,
And feel ashamed for what you have done,
How could you have done this to yourself?
How could you have let yourself become this hurt inside?

You go to someone you trust for help,
But they push you away,
They decide to ignore you for what you have done,
And it just brings the pain back more powerful than ever,
They do not understand what they are to you,
They do not understand they are the buoy that holds you afloat in that ocean of despair,
Without them the pain increases,
Without them you are left with noone.
Left to endure your pain alone.


Shattered Hope

Hope,
It brings strength in the dark,
It keeps back all those bad dreams,
But what do you do when that hope is shattered,
When all that strength is gone,
When the nightmares arrive,
With that hope gone there is nothing to keep back the flood of sadness.

And as sadness continues to fill the hole,
Your soul begins to disappear,
Until you are but a shell of who you once were,
Barely able to make it from day to day,
Sure to others you appear normal,
But you know better,
You know this is all because of that one shattered hope...


Please comment and tell me what you think

This post has been edited by Ichigo: Oct 25 2008, 10:28 PM

[Katya]

Usually, I find depressing poetry to be naggy and redundant.

But man, you did a really great job. I applaud you on choosing not to rhyme these pieces. They make for much more meaningful, deeper pieces.

The best part is the choice.

You made a poem for every aspect of negative emotion. I think everyone should go here when they are sad, because there's bound to be something that they can relate to.

Once again, I really enjoyed reading these.

[Ichigo]

Thanks writing poetry is my way of getting rid of some of the pain. It keeps me from doing something stupid during my depression

[Katya]

No wonder you're so good at expressing emotion through your poems.

Poetry is a nice outlet, I must say. Can I link this thread in my signature? I really like it.

[Ichigo]

ya go ahead i don't care i want people to read it.

[Ganashi]

Wow I like it man, I can connect to some of this. Good job, I hope to read more.

[ClothingOptional]

Usually, I find depressing poetry to be naggy and redundant.

I actually found these to be exactly that. In fact, they seem more like rants than poetry, which is probably why they're so blunt. Bluntness can be good in poetry, but you need to do it in a way that's unique. For example, you could use some unusal syntax. If you can't do that, then you should use some kind of extensive imagery. Poetry is an art form, and it's one of the more artistic forms of writing because there's so much you can do with it. But you didn't really do anything. You just used lines and topics that everyone has read a million times. If you're going to write poetry, you should be poetic.

But this is just my opinion. Clearly, some people like what you've done, and there's nothing wrong with that. I do encourage you to continue writing, especially if this is an outlet. It is a very good thing to be doing. Plus, you can improve. My suggestion would be to read some other poetry, whether it be on this site or from a book. Learn from your fellow writers.

This post has been edited by ClothingOptional: Oct 26 2008, 09:35 AM

[imcoolio]

My favorite was "Unattainable." Very good. I can really connect with it.

[Ichigo]

If they do seem all kinda the same I'm sorry as i wrote them all about the same girl in my life.

[Anya]

I think they're really good. I agree with what Katya said, there's something that most people could relate to in there. I can see what ClothingOptional was saying too, because they are rather blunt, but the way you wrote them gives them a certain appeal. You can tell that there's some real raw emotion in them, and that makes it so that there's a certain beauty in the bluntness.

My favorite was probably the first one. It would be better if you'd fix the typos though. It's 'no one,' not 'noone'

[Queen Cookie]

If they do seem all kinda the same I'm sorry as i wrote them all about the same girl in my life.

I liked all the poems. You're really good.
And as they'rea bout the same girl... do not worry so much over her. Maybe she wasn't meant for you, or maybe she's only confused.

[aldrnari]

I agree with ClothingOptional, because they do seem all the same and if you read all the poems together it would seem that they are one poem, not separate. Try changing the way you write the poems. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate them, I just think they need a bit more variety.

[Ichigo]

Well when i'm depressed i don't really care how blunt my writing is. All i'm trying to do is get the emotion out as quickly as possible before i start cutting.

[ClothingOptional]

If you don't want to be criticized, don't post them. If you're looking for attention, there are groups for that. I don't want to sound rude. I'm just being honest.

[Ichigo]

Yes i want the criticism i'm just letting you know why they are all so blunt