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Sunrise C-4 Twilight Fanfic Rate Topic: ****- 3 Votes

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Posted 13 December 2008 - 05:09 PM

This story is also posted on FanFiction.net





1. JACOB

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It was destiny - I had no choice in the matter


I was picked to be his before I was even born


He was picked to be mine before he even knew


So why did it feel so wrong?


My parents had explained to me what imprinting was. I understood that Jacob had no choice and that he was mine forever. Although I technically had a choice, it was hard to choose anyone other than Jacob. He was destined for me and because of the imprinting; his whole being was about making me happy. It was about being the best Jacob he could be for me. Whatever I needed, he became. He was my teacher, mentor, best friend, bodyguard…and soul mate. Even though it made perfect logical sense, I just felt like I deserved at least some choice.

Was I not allowed to choose? Did fate hold its grasp on my life and I was merely a puppet with strings? I could choose to drink blood or eat human food. I could choose to drive to see Grandpa Charlie or run. I could choose to sleep outside or in my warm bed. Those were the small choices. But the big ones, were those already decided for me?

I realize some choices are made for me. Where I go to school, what state I live in, and even what I am: a half-human half-vampire hybrid. Those I understood, they were still choices but made by my parents. I may or may not have some input into the matter. But love? Eternity? Shouldn't I have some say in those? Shouldn't love be my choice?

Don't get me wrong, Jacob is great. I can't think of someone I would rather be with. Every boy I meet I compare to Jacob or my Dad; and for that matter, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper also. I'm not complaining at all about who was picked by fate to be mine. Definitely not. Kudos to fate. It's just that I would've wanted to pick Jacob on my own. I kind of feel cheated from the whole experience. Meet a guy, date him for a little while, meet his parents, fall in love, get married, and have babies. Shudder.

Ok, let's not think about babies yet. Who even knows if I can have kids? To my knowledge, I am the only female of my kind. Ok - truth - there are others like me. A couple. But I don't know much about them. They live down in South America. I haven't seen them since I was a baby. This in all honestly was only a couple years ago. My…uniqueness…includes rapid aging until I am seven years old. Then I will reach my physical maturity. I'll technically be an adult. Living on my own. Free to experience the world and all the dangers and thrills it has to offer. And that brings me back to choice. Could I choose to leave and experience it all or would my love for Jacob keep me in Forks, Washington?

I could choose to leave, sure. I know I could. Saying I have no choice and that fate forced this upon me is a lie. No, not exactly a lie. This was forced upon me. But at any time I can play the "Screw you fate" card and leave. But then I would have to deal with the agonizing pain of a broken heart and I've seen what that can do to you. Well not exactly seen, but my mother has told me enough about it. When my Dad left her for months because he thought it was safer for her. That was when she met my Jacob. Well, she knew him before hand, but she re-met him.

Suddenly a bell rang interrupting my thoughts. I looked up at the clock and class had escaped my attention. I was way smarter than this entire school. It was hard to ignore it. My first day of school was agonizingly boring. I was finally old enough to go to a real school with real kids and my excitement was burst like a dam holding back a lake crashing down on the town below. Being so close to seven, my aging had been slowed to a rate that anymore changes would just seem like a growth spurt. I looked about sixteen maybe seventeen. I could easily pass for eighteen if I tried.

The cover story was that Carlisle and Emse, my grandparents, had adopted another girl to join their family: me. I, of course, am not adopted. I am their adopted son's daughter. I had been homeschooled until I was sixteen; which was partially true except I had only been homeschooled until I was six and three quarters.

"Renesmee," the teacher called.

Damn, I drifted into thought again. All the other students were gone. "Yes?" I asked.

"Is there something I can do for you? Do you understand the homework? Do you need me to show you out to the parking lot?"

No. Yes. No. Well actually I change my mind. The answer to the first question is yes. You can do something for me. You can leave me alone! Second, yes I understand the homework. Even in the painful torture of sitting through this class and not paying attention, my ears and perfect memory recorded every brutal second of it. Thank you very much. And no, I know exactly where the parking lot is. If I wished, I could walk in a perfectly straight line to it and just knock down every wall from here to there.

This was going to be a long school year. "No thank you, Mrs. Trumbel. I think I can find my way out," I said cordially. No need to tick her off the first day. I could save that for later when I show her I know every answer to every question she ever has. I'll prove to her how much smarter I am than she is. Sure she can wave her fancy degree in my face. I'll laugh and shred it to pieces. Degrees. Just give me a few decades and I'll major in every field known to man. I'll make Albert Einstein look like a 2 year old.

Damnit. Mom warned me about this. I'm being smug. Rude even. So what if Mrs. Trumbel couldn't hear me. I needed to have respect for humans. It isn't their fault they are so inferior. No, not inferior, just different. Humans had some advantage that vampire's didn't. I guess I gained the best of both worlds. But could I really call humans inferior and not say the same about vampires? I truly was superior to both species. Yet I couldn't let that get to me. I had to remind myself…oh wait..

I stood up, gathered my books, and headed for the door. Remember was the key here. I had to remember to be human as much as possible. Standing-or sitting-still for too long made me look too much like a vampire. Or at least not human. I turned left down the hallway and proceeded for the locker. I had only glimpsed at the combo on the piece of paper I got from the receptionist in the office when she handed me my class schedule. I had thrown it away. It didn't matter; my combo was safely stored somewhere in my vast database of trivial knowledge. I could go on jeopardy and win some big money. Not that I needed it, my family was rich.

I reached my locker. 34 to the left, 17 to the right, 40 to the left again, and BAM unlocked. I tugged but it didn't come open. I spun the dial again. 34 to the left, 17 to the right, 40 to the left again. Nothing. Did I have the right locker? I looked up at the number and it was correct: B57. I could break the lock, but it really wasn't worth it. I tried my combo again. 34 to the left, 17 to the right, 40 to the left. Damnit! Nothing. I fought the urge to pound my locker into a ball and hurl it across the hallway.

Jacob laughed behind me and I could sense a hint of mischievousness.

"What did you do?" I demanded. My voice was as hard and angry as it's angelic sound could muster.

He gave me that Jacob-smile that neither my mother nor I could resist. Damn. "Aww c'mon, Nessie. It's just a lil joke, don't get upset." He stuck his tongue out at me.

Pfft. A joke. "What did you do?" I demanded again.

"I called your Dad. He drove by, read your mind, and told me your combo. I changed it. C'mon, that's funny. You shoulda seen your face when your perfect bloodsucker memory couldn't remember."

"Shh, Jacob."

"Oh, right. Oops." Jacob was less concerned with being discovered as I was. He isn't a bloodsucking half-vampire like me but he has a secret of his own. My Jacob is a werewolf. Or shape-shifter, whatever you want to call it. He was the alpha of his pack, their leader. So what if his secret came out, who would be upset? Billy? But if my secret got out, I would be in violation of the vampire laws and I would be sentenced to death by the Volturi family; the vampire royal family. The vampire police.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to pick you up from your first day of school. How'd it go?"

"Fine." That was a lie. It was not fine, I was bored out of my mind.

"You alright?"

Ugh. Quit asking. Damnit, Jacob didn't deserve this from me either. I loved him. Surely no matter the boringness of my day, I could treat him as such. "I'm alright. It was a boring day. How was your first day without me?"

"Torture. I wanted to stand outside the window of every class so I could see you. But I felt that would be too stalker-ish."

I laughed. Jacob was so funny and not embarrassed to express his feelings. To anyone else, he would have seemed a little weird, but that is what I loved the most about him. He was so passionate about me that I could forgive anything weird about him.

"You want to go get an ice cream?" he suggested as he entered my new combo into the lock. I watched the lock, picking up each number he stopped on. The locker swung open.

Human food. Definitely not my favorite, but I could eat it. I smiled and reached for his overgrown hand. "Sure, let's go." He grabbed my books from my other hand and shoved them in the locker. Then he slammed it closed.

"The new dairy queen?" he suggested.

"Where else would we go?"

"I don't know, we could go out of town. Maybe to…"

"Jacob," I interrupted. "You know my mom forbids me to leave Forks or La Push." Another choice that wasn't mine to make. If it was mine, I would follow Jacob anywhere. If it was my choice, I'd marry Jacob tonight and we'd escape to a remote island in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Not that I wanted to leave my family, just that I loved Jacob so much.

I guess that answers my question about choice though. If I had the choice, I'd still be with Jacob. Then again, was I saying that because the lack of choice has wound my life in a direction that I could only be with Jacob or was I saying it because even if Jacob didn't become everything I needed, he would still be everything I needed? I guess I could never know.

Jacob sensed my deep thought, I could tell when he looked at me, but he didn't say a word. It was a bad idea for him to interrupt my thoughts. Especially when he was holding my hand. If I wanted him to know, I would show him. I could tell he wanted to know though. His eyes were trying to pierce my thoughts and dig deep into my psyche excavating all relevant information. Well too bad you're not my Dad, Jacob.

My Dad is a gifted vampire. It's impossible to keep a secret from him, unless my mom was in on it. My Dad has the ability to read minds and my mom has the ability to shield me from him. If I ever needed to keep a secret from him, I had to fess up to her. And then he would know I had a secret anyway and eventually he'd find out. So my family was pretty honest and open. Embarrassment could not be a factor. If I really thought about the things that my Dad knew I thought about Jacob, I would die. I would light a fire and crawl on top of it and burn.

Luckily he has learned to keep his snickering to himself. So I blissfully ignore the truth: he does know. As long as Jacob didn't know. I shot Jacob a quick picture of me kissing him as he opened the door to his car. Just a little something to calm his nerves. I sat down and he closed the door behind me. He still drove the rabbit even though my Dad offered to buy him any car he wanted. All he had to do was point and choose.

"Hey Jake, long time no see," said a girl's voice. I immediately spun in my seat. There, a little stupid teen girl with a little skirt was flirting with my Jacob. I half-considered leaping out of his car and breaking her neck. I could do it; I was stronger than any human. I could crush her just as easily as she could crush a fly. And what is up with that skirt. Not that it bothers me, but it's cold in forks; for a human.

"Hey Carla," Jacob said. I watched him walk past her without hesitation. Good. Although I knew he would do it anyway. He was imprinted to me. That means that other girls don't hold any attraction to him. But she was trying. She immediately stepped around and in front of him. Is she blind? Can she not see me sitting right here?

"So, uhh, it's been awhile. We haven't seen you around much. Now that we moved to Forks from La Push, I never get to see you anymore." Moved to Forks from La Push? Is this her? Really? Could it be? It is. Carla. I should have known. It didn't click at first, but Carla used to play with me and Jacob when she was eight. She wanted to babysit me, but that was not going to happen. Number one, she was eight. Number two, I was a bloodsucking half-vampire with incredible super-human speed and strength. Now she is fifteen, she looks so different.

"Yeah well, I've been busy?" It sounded like a question but I wasn't sure. He wasn't very convincing, in my opinion.

"Ohh, yeah, right. Always at the Cullen residence. You need to get out more Jake. Who is your friend?" She looked in the window and waved at me.

Jacob choked. What could he say? Well Carla, this is that little infant girl you used to play with when you were eight and she looked three. Now she looked even older than you. Yeah right. She'd probably slap him at how absurd that sounds. Just the thought nearly made me chuckle.

"She is uhh, well. Carlisle just adopted her. Her name is Renesmee." I shuddered when he told her the truth. Maybe he was betting on her only knowing me as Nessie. It was the name everyone called me. Luckily she didn't question it. I watched her shrug.

"Well, I'd really like to see you around some. I really miss you. I haven't seen any of my friends from La Push for awhile now. But you're so close, you're here in Forks every day. Come see me."

"Uhh, I don't think so. I'm busy…a lot."

"At the Cullens. Doing what?"

"Stuff."

"Whatever, Jake. I just wanted to hang out. Go ahead and be a jerk." She walked past him, trying to bump into his arm to reinforce her anger, but all it did was make her bounce off Jacob's rock solid body. She nearly fell over. I laughed from inside the car and she heard me. She stomped away.

Jacob pulled open the driver door and slide inside. "Girls," he said.

"Uhh, right here!" I said.

"You're not like those girls, Ness. You're different."

"In so many ways," I shrugged. Sometimes I'd like to just be normal. Not be special. Even by vampire standards I am special. Even by special vampire standards I am special.


2. NEWBORN


[size="3"]After ice cream, Jacob drove me back to my home. Except it was not my home, it was Carlisle's. I was living with my grandpa Carlisle while my mom went through her year as a newborn. Everyone thought it would never happen. She was too in control; until a hunting trip gone wrong. I was thirsty and needed to hunt, she volunteered to accompany me. When we hunt, we act purely on instinct. So when my mother was stalking a mountain lion, she suddenly picked up a human scent. She was on the poor hunter before her rational mind realized it. There was nothing the I could do to stop her, I wasn't expecting it.

That was the catalyst that broke my mother. The taste of human blood destroyed her self control. Now she and Edward were locked up in the little cottage that I called home, until recently. My mother couldn't home school me anymore which is why I was sent to public school. Even though I was half vampire, I still smelled a little human. The beating of my heart and my blood make me irresistible in her current state. Every so often I got to see her, usually right after she hunts and she is feeling most in control. Luckily, her newborn strength had worn off in the first year as expected. So she had a newborn's thirst without the strength. Uncle Jasper was delighted. She was easier to control than his other newborns. No one else felt that delight would be the best emotion.

Today was one of the days I got to see her. It only happens every few weeks or so and only for a few minutes. Just long enough for each of us to say we love each other. I couldn't even touch her. It is particularly hard for me not to be able to touch her because I share my strongest emotions through touch. How could I not touch one of the people I have the strongest emotions about? We were only a few months into this violent raging thirst and already I felt a hole in my chest where my heart should be. I missed her. I really miss her. She is my rock, my support; my source on everything there is to be human.

Jacob grasped my hand as he parked the car in front of Carlisle's house. "Wait here," I said. I ran to the front door and dropped my school bags close inside. I ran back to the car where Jacob stood waiting. "Ready?" I asked.

"I hate letting you see her. She's not well."

"Letting me? It's my choice. You can come along and watch, but that's it."

"Ok ok, sorry. Let's go."

We began to job toward the cottage. I couldn't run nearly as fast as Jacob. Although I was much stronger and faster than a human, I was still held back by my beating heart. I got exhausted quickly when I ran with all my speed. I was limited to short sprints. Jacob didn't mind though. He smiled and held my hand the entire way. It only took about ten minutes to find the cottage hidden in the trees. My Dad stood outside, waiting.

"Nessie," he waved with a smile.

"Hi Daddy." I could hear the sound of three voices inside: Mom, Jasper, and Emmett. Uncle Jasper and Uncle Emmett were probably here to keep me safe. They were the best uncles anyone could ask for. Uncle Emmett was more like my big brother than an uncle. He and Aunt Rosalie helped me do all the things I wasn't allowed to do. If I wanted to go to Seattle or Olympia, they would take me. And Uncle Jasper was my teacher in all things vampire. He taught me to fight, to hunt, and how to make the most use of my extra sensory abilities.

"Nessie," his smile began to fade a little. "Today isn't a good day. The hunt didn't go so well."

"Daddy, I am seeing mom today. She won't hurt me."

"I knew you would feel that way. Jacob," he smiled.

"Ed," Jacob replied.

"Are you going to keep my baby safe?"

"Dad!"

"Sure, sure," he said in his usual laid back voice. Although he seemed nonchalant about it, I knew every muscle in Jacob's body told him I shouldn't be here. He couldn't resist what I wanted though.

"Ok," he said with a sigh. "Just be careful and keep your distance."

"I know, Dad."

My dad took the lead through the door followed by Jacob. I followed closely behind Jacob, clinging to his back. Jacob nearly had nothing to fear from my mom. The smell of werewolves was revolting to vampires. It was my blood she wanted. To my advantage though, I smelled very similar to vampires too, so it was easier for her to control herself. Grandpa Charlie was not allowed to visit her at all.

We've developed a system with Grandpa Charlie. If it was something he didn't want to know, it was classified confidential. If it was something he shouldn't know then it was classified secret. If it was something he shouldn't know, didn't want to know, and should just stay clear off, it was classified top secret. My mom's current state was top secret and Grandpa Charlie wasn't going to be able to see her for a year. He was upset about it, but he complied.

Jasper and Emmett stood beside Bella with their hands on her shoulders. Her eyes were blood red and her nails dug into the sofa. I haven't seen her eyes that red since I was born. I could tell she was happy to see me because she smiled at me, but it was difficult for her.

"Hey Nessie," she said in a calm voice. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know how rough it was to keep a steady voice.

"Hi Momma, how are you feeling?"

"Not good. Maybe you should come back another time."

"No, today. I've been patient."

"Nessie…"

"No, I am staying."

It was silent for a moment. Edward flinched and I knew Bella was giving him a piece of her mind for not trying harder to stop me. He couldn't be blamed, I was not leaving. It was rude though that I had such a limited time with her and she was wasting it talking to him. Not her fault though, newborns are easily distracted; or so I've heard. "Mom?"

She suddenly looked up and caught my eye. "Sorry. How's was school? Did you make any friends? How are your classes?"

"They're fine. I didn't really talk to anyone and my classes are easy. Jacob picked me up after school."

Her eyes suddenly shifted to Jacob. "Jake, how's my bestest?"

"Heya Bells, I'm doin good."

"Mom!" I interrupted. She was distracted again.

"Oh sorry. How's your grandpa? Is he doing good? How is Grandma Sue?"

"They're doing alright. Sue still has trouble being around me even with Jake around. It seems she'll never get used to vampires. Seth and Leah are fun to hang out with though." Seth being fun was an understatement. Leah on the other hand, the word fun was overly generous.

"That's good." She turned to Edward and sighed.

"C'mon Nessie, it's time to go," Edward said.

I grunted, but surrendered. I've had my moment with my mom; I didn't want to hurt her anymore. I would never feel the kind of pain she felt, but I had a basic understanding. I felt the same cravings for human blood, but I wasn't as driven as a normal vampire for it. I was perfectly happy with my "vegetarian" diet. Vegetarian meaning that I don't drink human blood. My family and I lived on the blood of animals. Being half-human though I could survive off human food, but it wasn't very appetizing.

"Alright, well it was good to see you mom." I stood and for a moment I got a risky idea in my head. As I passed by my mom, I slowly brushed my hand against hers and showed her an image of her and I together on a tire swing. It was a very strong memory of mine and I felt it would express how much I loved her. As soon as our skin touched, she immediately grabbed my wrist with her other hand.

"Bella," said Jasper.

My mom's lips caved back showing her teeth. She stared at my hand for a moment, not letting go. I couldn't break free, she was stronger than I was. I waited for Jacob, Edward, Jasper, or Emmett to step in and save me, but they just sat and watched. She squeezed tighter and I could feel the muscles and bones in my wrist scream in agony, but I didn't flinch.

"Bells," said Jacob. I could tell he wanted to leap in front of me, but Edward's expression held him back. Edward could only read my mom's mind when she allowed it, but it seemed like he was listening to her now. What was she telling him to make him stay back? Then suddenly she released me. I stepped backwards and rubbed my wrist. That might leave a mark; I'd have a tough time explaining the mark around my wrist at school.

"I love you too, Nessie," she said. I carefully backed out of the room. As I approached the door, I realized I couldn't leave my mom with the look of fear on my face. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't her choice to do what she did. It was her instincts. I forced a smile hoping she would buy it. Then I quickly ducked through and out into the trees.

"That was stupid," said Edward and he rushed out after me. I could hear the air escaping my mom's lungs from inside the cottage. She had to hold her breath around me to resist the smell.

"It's who I am. Don't call me stupid because it's the only way I know how to really communicate," I retorted. "Plus, it's not half as dumb as what…" Damnit. I knew he picked the memory out of my head as soon as I thought it. His eyes furiously turned toward Jacob.

"Jake! What have you done? Can't you keep your stupid muzzle shut?"

"What? What did I do?" asked Jake.

"You used Nessie's full name. Damnit."

"What? You mean to Carla? She didn't even remember Nessie."

"Maybe she didn't. But what happens when she mentions your new friend to her parents. They'll remember her. How are we going to explain that Nessie aged from zero to seventeen in seven years? You stupid dog."

"Daddy!" I yelled.

"Chill Nessie, I got this," said Jacob. "Look, sorry, I was caught off guard. What do you want me to do?"

"We have to leave."

"What?" Jake and I both said in unison. My jaw dropped.

"Where would we go?" I asked. Immediately I knew the answer. We were going to Alaska.

"I have to talk to Carlisle and Esme."

I dropped my head. It wasn't that I had any real reason not to move. I had no friends other than Jacob, Seth, and Leah. I had just started school. I was just comfortable here. Grandpa was here, home was here, I knew the hunting territory.

I also was not eager to see Tanya. Although she doesn't blame me, I still feel somewhat responsible for the death of Irina. Irina was killed by Caius for being wrong about me being an immortal child. Immortal children were children that were bitten and transformed into a vampire while still being kids. They were highly uncontrollable and deadly. They were all killed off by the Volturi family years ago and making them is against the law. Irina's mother was killed for making an immortal child and Irina thought I was one and felt Bella broke the law. It was a fair misunderstanding; I would've thought the same about myself.

Caius had his own self interests to achieve though and he killed Irina in an attempt to start a war between my family and the Volturi. Of course he used the excuse that she wrongly accused my mother of a crime. That was only his excuse. The truth is that he wanted to kill off the Cullen family but then offer my mother and father a chance at life if they served the Volturi with their unique gifts. Luckily for my sake, Tanya and her other sister had the self control, and a little outside help, to resist attacking. Still, I wonder if sometimes her subconscious blamed me.

By the time the three of us reached the house, Emmett had caught up to us. Someone had to be with Bella at all times, which was usually Edward or Jasper. Edward because Bella was his wife, my mother. Jasper because was an army major during the civil war before becoming a vampire. Even while a vampire, he let a small element of vampires to fight to newborns. He had the most fighting experience. Edward stepped into the house first. "Carlisle? Esme?" he called. They were downstairs in an instant. Even Alice came to join us. Her talent of seeing the future would not give away what was going on. She couldn't see my future or anyone of the werewolves like Jacob.

"Yes, Edward, what is it?" Carlisle asked. He held a book in his hand with his finger stuck between the pages. It was obvious he was being interrupted, but chances were he already had the words memorized from cover to cover. The book was just a cover up while he sat and thought about different things.

"We have to leave. Jake screwed up. He used Bella's real name at school. I knew school was a bad idea."

"No it wasn't," Jacob said.

"Yes it was," I said. "I was bored the whole time."

"Well you need to get the social experience. It's not just about learning. You don't deal with people very well, Nessie. You need to go to school."

I grunted. "School is cool, stay in school," I said sarcastically.

"Where do you think we need to go?" said Carlisle.

"Alaska. We need to leave tonight."

"Ok," said Carlisle. "But do you really plan to move Bella in her current state? It will be a lot harder to care for her and control her on the trip and in Alaska."

"Well the plan was always to take her to Alaska," said Edward.

"Before she became a vampire. The plan was to do it in Alaska so we didn't violate our pact with the wolves and so she would be isolated. We never planned to move her while she was in this state."

Edward sighed and began to think for a moment. "Well I am not leaving her."

"Me neither. You'll need help. Jasper should stay too," said Emmett.

"I need to stay as well, to care for her," said Carlisle.

Alice's eyes suddenly lite up. "Girl road trip!" she burst out. Everyone turned to look at her. "Esme, Rosalie, Neesie, and I can go to Alaska together. It'll be fun. We'll make stops along the way and visit places. I can map out our whole trip. Oh, we should see Crater lake in Oregon."

"Isn't Oregon the wrong direction?" I asked.

"Well, yeah. But we'll just take a little detour." She looked at Edward as if begging his approval.

"That's actually a half decent idea," said Carlisle. "Esme?"

"I'm in," she said.

"Rosalie?"

In an instant, my other aunt was in the room with her arm around my shoulder. "I'm in too."

"Then it's settled, you four will go to Alaska."

"Seven," said Jacob.

"Seven?" Alice asked.

Jacob sighed. "Well I am not going to be away from Nessie that long. And Seth and Leah will come no matter how much I beg them to stay. So that makes four vampires, three wolves."

"Seven then," I said.

"I'll call Tanya and let her know you're coming," said Carlisle.

"I need to go shopping," said Alice.

"I'll start getting us packed and get the cars ready," said Rosalie.

"I'll make some meals for Nessie and the wolves," said Esme.

"I'll go let Seth and Leah know what's up," said Jacob.

Great, everyone had something to do except me. I sighed and thought of my poor mother. Hopefully she wouldn't think this side trip had anything to do with her. I wouldn't want her to think that her outburst would be the cause of my trip. I know Edward would explain it to her, but I wasn't sure if she would believe it. If I could, I would visit her and let her know it's alright. But I knew that would only make it worse. Just being around me caused her physical pain. Then when I left, she went through emotional pain. She blamed herself for being a newborn, I blamed me.

I heard the roar of the Jeep Wrangler Emmett bought me. Maybe some good would come out of this.

"Not a chance," said Edward.

"But Daddy," I gave him puppy eyes. I should have good experience, my best friend was a dog.

"No. Your seven."

"Technically. But physically I am seventeen and mentally I am easily an adult. Daddy please?"

"Do adults say Daddy please?" A thought struck my mind. "Bella, NO!"

"You said it Daddy. Adults don't have to ask." I turned to the garage. "Rosalie," I yelled, "Dad says I can drive."

Edward shook his head obviously giving up on the fight. He hadn't tried very hard. He must've picked up on my thoughts earlier and felt I needed it. I felt a little bad for taking advantage of the situation.

Edward snickered. It was obvious he heard that. Everytime I was reminded that he could hear me, I remembered all the things I didn't want him to hear. Like the one time. WAIT! La la la la la la la, la la la la la. And on that farm he had a pig. Ee ei ee ei oo. With an oink oink here and an oink oink there.

Whew, trouble adverted. I turned toward the stairs and headed up to Edward's old room which was now mine. As the only person in this household that actually had to sleep I got my choice of sleeping arrangements. I chose my Dad's room since it was already fitted with a bed. All of my clothes were scattered on the bed. Sure I could arrange them neat and properly, it would take no time at all. But this was how I rebelled. I can't be perfect. I could do worse. It suddenly hit me like a brick flying through the air, I didn't have a suitcase to pack. I've never left on any kind of vacation. I've been in Forks my entire life.

Sure I've taken small trips, overnights. We didn't pack for those. Only Jacob and I sweat and Jacob can carry clothes for both of us. This was a conundrum. "Emmett!" I shouted down the hall. Of course he wouldn't need me to shout to hear me, but I was in a hurry.

"Sup girlie!" he smiled.

"I've got a bet for you."

He paused for a moment. "I'm listening."

Ok. First bet ever with Emmett. "I bet you that Alice is going to come back with a suitcase completely packed for me. If I win, I want ten minutes with my mom before we leave."

He signed. "Ness, you know I can't do that. You'll have to talk to your Dad."

"I can't. He'll say no. Please Emmett. Please. There isn't any reason for Alice to even know I don't have a suitcase."

"She's Alice. It doesn't take a fortune teller to know that when Alice goes shopping, she shops."

"Please please please please."

"NO!" Edward shouted from below.

"Sorry Ness, that's the answer right there." I begged with my eyes but they had no effect. "Sorry girlie."

Just then, I heard Alice step through the front door. She was up to my room in a split second with two suitcases in hand. "Nessie! Emmett, go away, I gotta show Nessie some stuff."

He sighed at me. "Sorry girlie," he said as he stepped out.

Alice gave him a questioning look then turned toward me a smiled. "Guess what I got."

"I have a pretty good idea already." And I did. It was exactly like Emmett said. When Alice goes shopping, she shops. Big time. I am sure she just spent three hundred dollars on me. It seemed like my Dad's side of the family had no quarrels about spending money. My mom, though, taught me to be humble with money. Didn't matter how much we had.

"Which one is mine?" I asked. Not even knowing Alice prepared me for the answer.

"Both!" she said with some kind of pride that she spent all that money on me. It was unnecessary.

"Uhh. Thanks?"

"I can take it back," she offered. Her expression was apologetic.

"You already know I'm keeping it, Alice. Just show me what you got.

Her face turned to a bright smile. "Ok well, don't get upset but," she paused, "let's just say you don't need to bother packing." She threw the suitcases on the bed and unzipped them. She started shuffling through tops and bottoms, socks and hats, gloves and undershirts. That was only the first suitcase. Then she threw open the second suitcase and exposed a wide selection of shoes, hair supplies, and makeup.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Alice, I don't even wear makeup. Look at me, my skin is perfect. And shoes?" Alice surely couldn't have forgotten I inherited my mother clumsiness. Even with my vampire enhanced senses, I still managed to have the bad luck of tripping over a small rock or crack. I've even been known to fall over sideways for no reason. Not my fault, if your body grew as fast as mine did, you'd fall over too. Hopefully when I turn seven all that will stop.

Alice was hard to turn down though. Her overly happy attitude was contagious. With a smile, I flipped the lids closed. I zipped them up and pulled the handles. "Thanks Alice, you're the best." I dragged my new wardrobe down the stairs and into the garage where my yellow jeep wrangler sat waiting. Rosalie already had the engine running and the stereo on. She had taken off the top. I threw my bags into the back. Moments later, all the girls gathered in the garage with their luggage.

"Wait," Edward said as he caught us climbing into our cars.

"Daddy? Come to say bye?"

"Yes. But also, I think you should talk to your mom before you go."

My eyes brightened and a smile crossed my face. I ran through the house and out the front door, down across the yard and into the woods, and then I sprinted with all my strength toward the cottage. Edward easily caught up to me. I got tired quickly but I didn't stop. I slowed down to an average human speed but I kept running. I'd catch my breath when I got there. As soon as I reached the cottage, Edward jump in front of me.

"I want you to be brief. Tell her what happened, tell her you love her, and tell her you'll see her soon."

I nodded. I was being given a freebie and I wasn't going to screw it up. "Can I give her a hug?" I asked.

Edward looked at me for a moment and seemed to honestly consider it. "Wait for Emmett to get here and then I'll think about it. If it seems ok, I'll give you a head nod."

"Ok, sounds fair," I said. At least he was open minded about it. I stepped toward the door but he stuck his hand out and held me back.

"Wait," he said.

It was just then that I heard the footsteps approaching. Jacob and Emmett stepped through the trees. Jacob stopped by my side but Emmett pushed his way through the door. Edward followed behind him tailed by Jacob and I.

"Mom?" I said. The room was dark. It took longer for my eyes to adjust than it took for the others. The dark was a little creepy, but what about my life wasn't?

"In here Nessie," she said from the living room. I followed Edward into the room where she sat on the couch with her arms folded. Jasper sat next to her and Emmett found a position behind her. It was a good sign that they didn't have their hands on her. Perhaps her strength and control was returning.

"Hi Mom," I smiled. I rarely got to see her every couple weeks and now I see her twice in one day. It must be a good sign. Even if she still couldn't be around humans, she might be getting more immune to my scent.

"Hi Ness. I hear you're taking a trip."

I nodded.

"I'll miss you. It's hard enough as it is."

I felt the constriction in my throat. Heart sunk and tears began to well. I wasn't going to cry though. I was determined not to cry. I didn't want her to hurt anymore. I couldn't cry.

"Ness?"

"Momma, I'm going up to Alaska. Not because of earlier today, that's not it. You're getting better, I know you are. Please momma, I love you so much. Please don't think it's your fault." Her hands went up to her mouth and her eyes were in shock. "We had a slip up at school today and..."

"Nessie, Nessie, Nessie. Please stop." My voice cut off but my mount couldn't close. "Ness, my dear. I understand. I truly am sorry for what happened earlier, but I know why you are going to Alaska. Don't let my…status…hold you back. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy Alaska. Don't be afraid, don't be sad."

That was it, I was done. I let go of the strength I had left and let the tears come. The dam broke and the crying burst out. Bella tried to comfort me out of instinct but Jasper held her back. Jacob wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into a hug. After a few moments I was able to compose myself again.

"I just. I'm going to miss you so much and I want things to be like they were. I miss all our time. I miss my mom."

Jacob whispered in my ear reminding me to keep it brief. It was a reminder what my mom was going through. Not only did she face the physical pain of resisting the smell of my blood, but now I was forcing emotional pain in the mix as well. I didn't want to do that.

"Mom, Dad says you're going to join us soon. I'll be looking forward to that. I know you're doing your best and you'll get better. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Nessie."

I looked to Edward for his approval. He met my eyes but shook his head. It was an obvious no. I had overstayed my welcome and she was finding it harder to hold back. 'Be brief' he had told me. I fought for a smile and found it deep inside my heart. I allowed it to rise to the surface. "Bye momma, I'll see you soon." I stood and turned toward the door. Jacob followed me out with his hands on my shoulders. I almost needed his strength to help me out. I fought the urge to turn around and hug her despite my father's disapproval.

"Bye mom," I said as I walked through the door. It was rough, but I kept walking. I walked all the way back to Carlisle's house. Alice, Rosalie, Esme, and Seth waited in front of the cars. As Jacob and I approached Leah came out from hiding in the trees. Jacob, Seth took the mustang. We convinced Leah to ride with the rest of us girls in the Jeep even though she really didn't want to. She was so stubborn sometimes but Jacob told her it would be good for her. After years of being around vampires, she still felt uneasy. She didn't trust vampires and I feared she never would.

As I climbed in the driver seat of the wrangler, I was both excited and sad. One the one hand I was taking a trip out of Washington and moving to a new area. On the other, I was leaving my mother behind.


This post has been edited by TParis: 14 December 2008 - 12:37 AM

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Posted 20 December 2008 - 09:20 PM

I have a third chapter done, but I dont have any comments yet.
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Posted 21 December 2008 - 12:12 PM

Hey! I can make some comments! (I'm surprised no one else has, it's so popular.)

I haven't read Twilight, but I know enough to recognize your main character and what imprinting is. I'll edit this post with comments when I finish reading.

Edit:

I read some of the first pages of Twilight, and it seems like you followed the same style; starting with the thoughts of a main character. And through the entire two chapters, Nessie was very reflective, which was awesome. I'm all about seeing, or hearing the reactions to situations.

When Carla comes around to bother Jacob and Bella, I don't think I recall a description of her. She seems sort of faceless now. What I mean is, they always say a book is like a movie in your head. So perhaps you should tell us what she looks like. It doesn't have to be a detailed description; just brief. And while I'm talking about this, I don't know if their was anything about what Nessie looked like, except her skin is flawless, haha.

QUOTE
We began to job toward the cottage.


I think thats supposed to be "Jog"

I liked all the build up to seeing Bella for the first time in the story. Since she is the main character, I think everyone would be excited to see her; though she might not be in the best state, heh. Really tugs at your emotions to see her like that.

I'm not quite sure what else to say. I usually deal with character development, but you've got that down pretty well. That doesn't mean I'll stop reading though.

Post the third chapter soon please!

This post has been edited by Pixel: 21 December 2008 - 01:05 PM


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Posted 22 December 2008 - 01:16 PM

Thanks for the review Pixel. My little sister said the same thing. I need to describe the people and my surroundings better. I am reworking chapter 4 to add more visual detail.





3. ROAD TRIP


I should be excited. I’m on a road trip with no parents, I have Jacob, and I’m with my best friends. What could be better? But the fifty pound weight tied to my heart only grew heavier. I was letting my mom’s condition destroy this opportunity. How many seven year olds get to drive to Alaska? I had to let go, not think about it.

Edward promised she’d come to Alaska soon. As soon as they were sure she could be controlled enough to move her without fear of losing her. It simply wasn’t safe right now to move her when she could run at the first human scent. In Forks, we all knew the area and we could control where she hunted.

The Jeep hummed along at a steady 150 mph that was actually slow for vampires. Jacob followed close behind in the Mustang with Seth. We were just crossing the Canadian border when my stomach started growling. I realized in the excitement that I had not had dinner yet. It was getting late anyway and I felt a yawn creeping up on me.

“Can we pull over?” I asked.

“Hungry?” said Alice.

“Nothing gets passed you,” hissed Leah.

My stomach growled again. “Really hungry,” I said.

“I packed some food,” said Esme.

“I’d like to get out and stretch too. And I think it’s time for someone else to drive.” I checked the clock. It was midnight already. The only place open would be IHOP or Denny’s. I checked the highway signs as they flew by. Even at these speeds, it was impossible for me to miss the sign. My enhanced vision picked up every crack, every paint chip in each sign as it flew by. Food, Gas, Lodging. Nothing. Next Exit. Food, Gas, Lodging. Nothing. We traveled a few more miles. Food, Gas, Lodging. There it was. It wasn’t on the food sign, but I could clearly see the IHOP sign. I took the exit, turned right and drove down to 120 st and turned left.

I pulled into the IHOP and parked the jeep. I killed the engine and then stepped out. Leah had already climbed out the back and was stretching her arms and legs. I felt the urges scream through my muscles and I reached my arms behind my back and let my back curve and let out a yawn. “Ohhh,” I said as I shuddered. “That was a long trip.”

“Yeah it was,” said Jacob as he came up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist. “I missed you every second of it.”

“I was only twenty feet in front of you the whole trip,” I said. I pulled his arms off my waist and headed in the doors.

A young hostess, obviously older than me, waited inside. “Hello, welcome to IHOP. How many?”

“Seven,” I said. “But we only need four menus.”

“Ok,” said the hostess. She seemed a little curious why only half of us needed menus but she obliged. “Please follow me.” She led the way and we all followed her to two tables. She pulled them together and we adjusted the chairs and found our seats. “You’re waitress will be along soon.” I scanned the menu for whatever looked appetizing. I never craved human food, but we just didn’t have time to go hunting and I was hungry.

As I read the menu, my mind began to drift toward Edward. It must be really tough for him to have to choose between his wife and daughter. Something about his always seemed to attract him to those in need. He had his selection of vampires and he turned them all down for a human. I am very glad he did, though, or else I wouldn’t be alive. I just find it weird. And then after my mother was turned into a vampire, he had seven years of me to take care of. Now that my mother is in her current state he is back to taking care of her. What is he going to do when all is well and he has no one to take care of? Maybe I’ll have a baby by then. Shudder. Yeah right.

“My name is Destiny, I’ll be your server. What can I get for you, miss?” the waitress asked. I didn’t even realize I was zoned out again. After a full day of boringness at high school and then five hours on the road, I was very tired and exhausted. A class of coke sat in front of me. To my left sat Jacob and then Leah and then Seth. The others were on the other side of the table and all had glasses of water. I knew they wouldn’t drink the water, it was just for show.

“I’ll have scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and hash browns,” I said. If I had a favorite human food, it was eggs. I loved eggs. Scrambled, sunny side up, hard boiled, I liked them all.

“And you sir?”

“I’ll have your twelve ounce sirloin with a baked potato,” said Jacob.

“And you ma…”

“Same,” Leah interrupted.

“Sir?”

“Same,” said Seth.

She turned to the others. “Are you sure there is nothing I can get you.”

Alice smiled. “No thanks. By the way, happy anniversary.”

Destiny smiled. “Umm thanks, how did you know?”

“It’s all over your face,” Alice said.

She smiled wider. “Thanks!” She turned and headed for the kitchen.

“I’ll be right back,” I said.

“So Leah, when we get to Alaska it will be colder than it is here. We would love it if you would stay inside with us,” said Esme. She was practically begging Leah. The only vampire Leah could stand to be around was me and only because I was half human. I knew what Leah’s answer would be but Esme had a huge heart and couldn’t resist offering her hospitality.

“That’s alright. I’m sure I’ll be fine, thank you.” Leah was never less than friendly. I partially understood, I suppose. Leah was one of my best friends but I know she found it extremely hard to be around me. She had once loved Sam, the leader of the first La Push pack. Sam and Leah were supposed to get married until Sam imprinted on Leah’s cousin; just like Jacob imprinted on me. I was a reminder of the reason she could never be with Sam. It was hard to be happy in life knowing the one person you loved had no choice but to reject you. She had often talked about running away and travelling the world, but she never did it. I like to think it is because she would miss me.

“Well we can’t let you kids come all the way to Alaska and not give you somewhere to live. We’ll build a house for you. We’ve got plenty of land. As soon as we arrive we’ll find a contractor and build something right away. Alice can supply the home with plenty of clothes for you guys. You can stay there as long as you like.”

“That’s really nice of you,” said Seth.

“No, it’s not. We’re fine, thanks,” said Leah.

“Leah,” said Seth. “It is really nice of them. Don’t let your pride get in the way.”

Leah shrugged. “Sorry,” she said to Esme. “It is really nice of you. I just…”

“I know,” said Esme. “It’s in each of our blood. But I must do this for you, please.”

Leah nodded.

“Thanks,” said Jacob. “We would love that.”

I smiled. “Thanks grandma. I’ll be right back.” Five hours of driving suddenly caught up to me. I stood up and looked around for the restroom sign. I immediately rushed to the back of the room moving just slow enough not to seem abnormal. I reached the back and rounded the corner to the right. There it was, the girls room. One door down from the mens. I nearly sprinted down the hallway. Just as I was passing the men’s room, the door opened and a figure stepped out.

I didn’t have time to react or stop. My body was in full motion and even if I could’ve reacted, momentum would’ve carried me on. I crashed into him. Normally for a human male and a human female, if two were to collide it would be the smaller and more petite one to get knocked to the ground. In most cases, and surely in this care, that would be the female. However, when you’re colliding head on with a vampire, it doesn’t matter who is smaller, you’re going down. He hit the ground with two loud thumps.

“Oh my god, are you alright?” I asked with shock on my face. He just looked back up at me with his baby blue eyes, his perfect dirt blonde hair, and his perfectly defined nose and smiled. He was the most perfect non-vampire I’d ever seen. I offered him my hand and he took it. With one easy tug, he was up on his feet.

“Wow, you’re a tough little girl,” he said. Little? Humpf. Way to ruin the moment.

“Little? I knocked you over.”

“I said tough!” he explained. “What’s your name?”

I considered telling him that my name was something like Sarah, but something about his eyes just told me I could trust him. After all, I wasn’t going to see him ever again. “Nessie. Well Renesmee, but everyone calls me Nessie.”

“Renesmee? That’s unique. I can’t say I’ve ever heard it. Where does it come from?”

“Umm, it’s a mix between my aunt and grandma’s names. Rosalie and Esme.”

“Well my name is Jared,” he said. He offered his hand out for me to shake it and I did. I felt my cheeks blush. I couldn’t believe I was blushing for a human. He had no idea I could suck his blood dry and leave him rotting in an alley. I could. Him and his oh too perfect smile could just be eaten by maggots for all I care. “You’re part of that huge group right? It’s kind of late for dinner. What’s up?”

“Uhh, we’re kind of on a road trip. We’re moving to Alaska for a little while.”

“Alaska? Where to?”

“Well we’re moving to Denali.” He sighed and I wasn’t sure why. It was like he was expecting - no hoping - for something different. “Just for a little while. Once we find a house, we’re going to move to Anchorage so I can go to school.”

He eyes brightened. I could hear the rhythm of his heart increase as the warm blood surged through his veins. I hadn’t noticed the smell until now. It was an earthy smell like the trees in the forest. I could smell musky cologne and also a hint of gun powder. He was a hunter, no doubt. Was he really completely oblivious he was standing with one of the world’s best hunters. Even now he was falling victim to me. He was becoming my prey. I have never seen a human like this before.

I was half-human myself. Is it cannibalism if I am also half-vampire? Is this what my mother is feeling right now? The unquenchable thirst, it was a raving mad urge forcing my teeth to have a mind of their own. The deep desire to kill this perfect creature with no more effort than it took me to drink a glass of soda. All I had to do was let go, just let my instincts take over. No. How could I ever face my mother knowing I have tasted human blood? Knowing I had taken the risk of becoming just like she is now. She would never forgive me.

“I’m from Anchorage. We’re heading back there now. Wow. What are the chances? What school are you going to?”

Damn. I shouldn’t have given him my name. Now it was nearly impossible to come up with a cover story when we got there. I needed to retreat. I needed to grab everyone. We needed to leave. I couldn’t go to Anchorage now. The plan needed to be changed. Why hadn’t Alice seen this coming? Oh wait, she can’t see me. The second fate determined that Jared’s path would intersect mine, she was unable to see him either.

I backed away from him slowly. He must have seen the fear on my face. Our plans were only hours old and already I had wrecked them. How long could I keep this up? My first two tries in public have both ended in less than a day. In the same day. It was pointless. I should just ask Alice to continue my home schooling and never talk to a human ever again. The Clearwaters and Jacob don’t count. Sue and Charlie either.

“Are you okay?” he asked. It was incredibly oblivious how ignorant he was to the danger standing in front of him. He just stood there so innocently. Does he really think those muscles would stop me? No. He doesn’t even know vampires exist, let alone a human-vampire hybrid stood in front of him.

So how to answer his question? Of course I was not okay, but I couldn’t tell him why. I could say yes but I feared for the first time in my life that I couldn’t trust my voice to be angelic and graceful. If I uttered a single sound he would detect the fear and know that I was lying. Maybe I could shrug it off.

“Sorry, I got distracted,” I said. “I just suddenly realized that we haven’t decided firmly on Anchorage. I’m sorry to get your excited.”

“Yes we have,” said the all too familiar and completely wrongly timed voice behind me. I turned and saw Rosalie standing behind me with her hands on her hips. “I came to check up on you. I was afraid you fell in. If you’re as accident prone as your mother, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

When I turned back to Jared, he was staring at Rosalie wide eyed. She wouldn’t look anything like my aunt. If anything, she looked like my sister. Of course, Rosalie was much prettier than I was. I still suffered with pores, sweat, and growth. Rosalie’s face held a constant perfection that no one could resist: except Edward.

“We’re going to Anchorage and you’re going to West Anchorage High School,” she said definitively.

“That’s great, I go there!” he said.

“Great, then Nessie will have a friend.” She smiled at me. I wanted to smack that smile off her face. It would be useless though, she’d react before I got within an inch of her.

“Awesome, are you going there too?” he asked Rosealie.

A hint of vengeance crossed my mind. “Actually she is. Rose and I both start in a week.”

Rosalie’s happy face suddenly turned into fierce anger. For a moment I thought she might say I was lying. She humpfed and walked away.

“So, I guess I’ll see you in a week?” he said.

I shrugged. “I guess.” Time was up, my human biology needed to…be human. I pushed passed him and in through the ladies room. Found an empty stall and took care of business. Once I finished, I washed my hands and proceeded back out to the table. Our food was already served. I sat down and poked at my eggs. Suddenly my appetite was gone. I looked around for Jared but he wasn’t around.

“So, I guess we’re all enrolling in school again,” said Rosalie.

“What? Why?” asked Alice. It must frustrate her whenever something happened to me and she couldn’t see it. She had grown accustom to seeing the future and then Bella and I burst into her life. Of course Alice can see Bella’s future; it was the werewolves Bella brought with her that are beyond Alice’s grasp.

“Because Nessie just met a guy who goes to her new high school and she said I am going to school with her. And there is no way I am going to school and you’re not.”

“Cool,” said Seth. “High school girls.” Leah elbowed him in the stomach. Vampires were not the only ones who were immortal. As long as the werewolves used their shape shifting abilities, they too were ageless. The average age amongst us was in the fifties, but no one would suspect any of us was over eighteen; except maybe Leah. Seth looked the youngest, he only looked fifteen. But the truth was that I was the youngest at a mere seven years old and about to start high school…again.


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Posted 24 December 2008 - 10:15 PM

QUOTE
The Jeep hummed along at a steady 150 mph that was actually slow for vampires.


Are they driving on a desolate road? Because even if they can go that fast, I wouldn't imagine they would because they may get in trouble. But maybe I'm missing something because I haven't read the books.

QUOTE
A class of coke sat in front of me.


I'm sure you meant glass.
QUOTE
Alice smiled. “No thanks. By the way, happy anniversary.”

Destiny smiled. “Umm thanks, how did you know?”

“It’s all over your face,” Alice said.

She smiled wider. “Thanks!” She turned and headed for the kitchen.


I know that maybe you shouldn't drag this scene on, but I would be a little more put off if someone just guessed that it was my anniversary. If I were the waitress, I would wonder how she even knew that I had a husband or boyfriend. When the waitress walks away, maybe you could just mention that she looked bewildered or something.

Nice update TParis; I hope to see more soon, this is pretty interesting!



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Posted 27 December 2008 - 02:28 PM

QUOTE (Pixel @ Dec 25 2008, 03:15 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE
The Jeep hummed along at a steady 150 mph that was actually slow for vampires.


Are they driving on a desolate road? Because even if they can go that fast, I wouldn't imagine they would because they may get in trouble. But maybe I'm missing something because I haven't read the books.


I've read the first book, and they always drive super fast but they never seem to get in trouble for it. But I think I'm missing something too, because the first book doesn't seem to explain it (unless, of course, I skipped a page. I do that often).

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Posted 28 December 2008 - 04:21 PM

That's incredible, TParis! What happened to Bella is horrible- that's what makes this so great! ).gif I mean, I have nothing against Bella, but this is such a good story twist. yes.gif There are a few very minor spelling mistakes I noticed, but other than that, I didn't find anything... A part of the story would be really interesting from Edward's POV... Or Bella's. Do you plan on doing a chapter from Bella's POV any time soon, or is it just a Renesmee thing?

Oh and when can we expect an update? lol.gif


QUOTE
I've read the first book, and they always drive super fast but they never seem to get in trouble for it. But I think I'm missing something too, because the first book doesn't seem to explain it (unless, of course, I skipped a page. I do that often).

Edward can read minds, and he makes a joke to Bella in Twilight, calling his talent a "built-in radar detector". Alice can see the future, so those two could probably stay away from trouble with cops.
Also, Forks is a pretty small town, so I doubt that they have cops posted on every single road. Most of the roads that lead out of town go through forests, and from what I understood, they aren't exactly ultra-modern high-ways, so that means that the others could probably stay out of trouble as well.

And if a cop caught them, I'm sure they could "dazzle" him or her or pay the cop off. lol.gif


This post has been edited by NiduenDrottning: 28 December 2008 - 04:23 PM

And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

--Edgar Allan Poe


Check out my still untitled and "under construction" story here. I could use some advice.

#8 User is online   TParis Icon

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Posted 29 December 2008 - 11:53 AM

Thanks for the suggestions. I've found quite a few of the spelling mistakes myself but I'll be sure to go over it. And I'll check over that scene with the waitress as well.

As for them driving fast, all of the vampires have fast cars and when Edward mentions the "built-in radar detector", I always assumed it was because of his enhanced hearing. For example, bats use sonar to communicate and see. Since historically Vampires are considered a bat species, it would make sense that it isn't Edward's telepathy that gives him the edge but rather his hearing. And that advantage should carry over to all vampires. In book 2, New Moon, Alice drives just as fast through Italy. In book 4, Breaking Dawn, Bella makes it pretty quick between Forks and Seattle.

My primary concern for the speed was the ice on the roads. But Edward makes it clear in Twilight that he can see all dangers on the road and his reaction time is considerably quicker than that of a humans. If he were to come upon an obstacle, he could easily avoid it.

Of course, I could incorporate all this into the story so no one else is confused.

This post has been edited by TParis: 29 December 2008 - 11:54 AM

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Nellie - Book V - Chapter 20 now up
The Protector - Chapter 1 - Please critique
[00:53] katya: If I had to have a lezzie fling, hadha ftw




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Posted 29 December 2008 - 10:00 PM

Ah, I see. All those senses would come in handy.

But you don't have to put that into the story; most people here have read the series, and it's aimed towards Twilight fans I'm assuming. Though it would be easier for me, heh.



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Posted 31 December 2008 - 12:54 PM

4. ALASKA


I wasn’t awake for the rest of the trip so when I finally woke my eyes were nearly blinded by the sun. Jacob sat next to me with his arm around me and I realized we must have made another stop somewhere along the drive. The cold air from the open convertible top may have bothered me except that Jacob kept me warm under a blanket. Alice sat on the other side of Jacob and lay against his shoulder. She had grown very attached to the wolves unlike Rosalie. Esme drove with ease across the iced roads. The snow blanketed everything as far as I could see. Trees with no leaves were spread far and thin. I wanted to go build a snowman, but I knew everyone was anxious to get to Denali. I knew I was only one who was truly comfortable with both the wolves and vampires.

Of course, Alice tried her hardest to be friends with the wolves. She and Jacob got along splendidly most times. I could never choose between Jacob and my family. If either one of them tried to make me, they’d be very disappointed. Jacob will always be my best friend. However, as far as lover goes I still felt I deserved the choice and I was not going to commit to him yet.

“Where are we?” I asked with a yawn. I stretched my arms in all directions nearly hitting Jacob in the jaw. I tried to twist in my seat to pop my back but there wasn’t enough room. Anyone else could probably jump out of the car, stretch on the side of the road, and catch up to the car before it got too far away. But not me, I was still limited to a human cardiovascular system. Sprinting that kind of distance and speed was out of the question. I had the strength, just not the endurance.

“We’re a few minutes from the house,” said Esme. “You slept through the entire morning.”

I yawned again and looked at Jacob. He smiled at me with that your-so-cute-you-slept-for-hours smile. I felt like a baby whenever they suggested I couldn’t keep up with any of them. Sleeping was defiantly something that made me feel less equal. Of course the wolves had to sleep as well, but they weren’t as restricted in other ways as much as I was. Even though they also had beating hearts, their bodies were enhanced by their wolf genes.

“What time is it?” I asked. I wouldn’t say I was jealous that I was somewhat weaker. I am very proud of my uniqueness in all its benefits and disabilities. I wouldn’t quite call my disabilities “disabilities” either because in truth, I was still equal to or greater than any human. It was only when I compared myself to vampires or werewolves that I came up short. As far as vampires go though, any of them would trade places with me. I had the advantages of immortality and strength without the disadvantage of being dead.

“Almost three,” said Jacob.

“Three?” I quickly did the math in my head. “That’s only 15 hours. What? Were you doing one hundred and fifty?”

“I told them it was a little fast for icy roads, but your bloodsucking family just didn’t care. They’ve got nothing to fear.”

“Relax, Jake,” said Alice. “We can see black ice and any problems from a mile away.”

“Sure, sure,” said Jacob. He turned to me. “Leah, Seth, and I are going hunting as soon as we arrive. We’re hungry. Dinner was less than filling last night. Would you like to come?”

I shrugged. “I actually just hunted two nights ago with dad. I think I am good for now.” It was the truth, I had hunted. Edward wanted me to hunt before I started school to ensure I didn’t have any wild cravings. Of course, I wasn’t nearly as driven by my thirst as the full blooded vampires were but it was just a precaution. I had no problem fitting in as an average teenage girl, now that I’ve reached my peak of my growth.

If I were to get checked by any sort of doctor, I’d immediately get thrown into a hospital. But as long as I avoided thermometers and needles, I would be alright. Vaccinations were absolutely no problem, Carlisle signed for my vaccinations. In truth, a needle wouldn’t puncture my skin and we were all sure that any virus that entered my system would quickly be destroyed by my immune system. Vampires didn’t need immune systems, they were dead. But we were fairly certain that for one, there are no viruses that attack Vampires, and two, my body would be able to fight it.

Of course, my biology is very similar to human and Carlisle was always taking my blood for some test or another. Blood giving wasn’t done in the usually way though. Essentially, I’d have to bite myself. You have no idea how your own blood tastes if you were a vampire. I always wondered if I could suck myself dry. Would I be a real vampire then?

But it wasn’t the real reason I didn’t feel like hunting with Jake. I had a lot on my mind and I wanted time to relax.

“Alright then,” Jacob said. A large two story mansion came into view from its hiding place behind a thicker batch of trees. I had slept through a majority of the trip, but I was still excited it was over. The car behind us, with Seth and Leah, suddenly pulled off the road. Seth and Leah jumped out and burst into the trees. “Alright, then. This is my stop. I’ll see ya tonight.”

“You’re not coming to the house?”

“Leah doesn’t know these Vampires and I gotta say that I have to side with her. We’ve got a truce with the Cullens, but not the Denali coven. Seth and I will come by tonight though.”

I sighed. There really was no reason for them not to trust Tanya and her sisters, but I kind of understood. I touched Jacob’s cheek and showed him that I’d miss him. He knew my feelings for him, and I hope he understood my need to be free from commitment for now. I hated feeling like I was treating him like Bella did, but I didn’t choose this life and I needed some choice.

Jacob leaped out the back while the car was still racing toward the brick house. The absence of his heat made me suddenly realize how cold it was. Who drove through Alaska with the top down? I shivered. “Cold?” asked Alice.

“Very,” I said. Rosalie turned on the heater but it did little good. Heat rose and the absence of a top failed to hold the warmth in. I could tell both Alice and Rosalie wanted to come cuddle me in the back seat and keep me warm but their bodies were too cold and hard. The house was coming up quick though, only a minute or so away. I would live.

Finally we entered the circle driveway and parked. Tanya was standing at the front door with a huge grin on her face. She began to slowly descend the stairs as gracefully as a runway model. If it were me, I’d trip halfway and fall the other half. Hopefully once I finally stop growing I’ll be able to stand up straight.

“Esme,” Tanya greeted her. “It’s been too long.”

“Tanya, it’s good to see you. How is the family?” Esme asked.

The others of the Denali clan were just beginning to appear from the doorway. Eleazer and Carmen came out first holding hands but they were quickly followed by Kate and Garrett. I could feel the sadness as the others realized Irina wouldn’t be next out the door. It was a very sad memory which all boiled down to a simple misunderstanding.

“We’re all surviving. It’s hard with the constant threat of the Volturi over our heads. We have been receiving news that the Volturi have not moved passed the…meeting in Washington. Caius is trying to prove himself to his brothers again. Marcus has made no effort to stop him and Aro’s influence is waning. We’re keeping an eye on the situation.”

“Interesting,” said Esme. “We haven’t heard anything. All is quiet in Forks.”

“Hmm,” said Alice. She squinted her forehead. “I haven’t seen anything either.”

“Weird,” I said.

“Well come in, come in,” ushered Kate. “We started a fire for Renesmeé. We haven’t used our fireplace in fifty years.”

I shivered. “I almost forgot it was cold.” I rushed up the stairs and in through the front door. The others followed me inside.


Shoot me now. Take a gun to my head and kill me. Death would be better than this. Torture by the Volturi would be better than this. A hundred vampires could be sucking my blood and I’d be happier than I am at this particular moment. My heart could be torn from my chest and held in front of my face still beating and the only thought that would cross my mind is thank you. If Carlisle was right about heaven and hell, I am dead and went directly to hell.

Tanya turned the page in the photo album that lay across our laps. Each picture she pointed to had a story that was as fresh in her memory as the day it happened. I learned more about Edward in these few hours with Tanya than I ever learned from anyone else; besides Carlisle. It was obvious there was more to Tanya and Edward than I knew. I’d make a special note to ask Bella about them later.

The fire crackled lightly beside me. I was severely and utterly bored. The house offered nothing for my mind to investigate. The walls were bare and plain with off-white paint. The fireplace was simple stone leading up into the ceiling. The floor was an unpolished wood with no rugs and the couch was dusty and dirty. I could tell it hadn’t been used in awhile. Finally relief came in the form of tapping on the window. Jacob stood outside and smiled at me. “Can I let him in?” I asked Tanya.

“I would rather the dogs stay outside.”

“Well than I’ll be staying outside too,” I said.

“With the pups?” asked Kate.

“Absolutely,” I insisted. I quickly got to my feet and rushed to the door. I pulled it open and Jacob swept me into a bear hug before I could stop him. Tanya and Kate both seemed to hesitate as if unsure whether to save me or not. Alice waved them off and followed me out into the cold. I shivered and decided it would be a good idea to rethink my decision to sleep outside.

“Hey Ness,” said Jacob.

“Hi!” I said. “Did you guys find enough to eat?”

“Yeah. Well Leah wants to run to Cantwell to find something better to eat.”

“Cantwell?” I asked.

Jacob shrugged. “Whatever. She can do what she wants.”

Then there was an awkward silence. I don’t really know what caused it, perhaps we were both just in our own thoughts; or rather he was. I just stared up at the stars. There were hundreds more in the sky than I was used to as well as galaxies and even what I think was Jupiter. I could even make out the satellites as they flew over. I heard of the aurora lights, but I couldn’t see them. I shivered and Jacob wrapped his arm around me. His body temperature immediately warmed me up.

Then I noticed Alice staring off into the trees. I looked at Jacob and he too was watching the trees. I followed their line of sight out into the trees where I saw Embry and Seth sitting at the edge of the trees. I tried to listen in on what they were saying but there was too much commotion from the wind. I still hadn’t acquired the finer skills in my increased abilities.

“What are they saying?” I asked.

Jacob didn’t move, but Alice turned to me.

“Sam sent Embry to watch us. He trusts us enough to not bother us in Washington, but he wants Embry to stay close to report back if Tanya or her sisters attack. It’s really kind of cute since Seth is angry about it. Seth is telling him that they are not part of Sam’s tribe and haven’t been for years and they need to get used to it. Embry retorted with some bit about him possibly being Jacob’s half-brother and how much he cares. Then Seth shrugged it off and said he will take care of Jacob. Then Embry said that with Jacob hanging around ‘them’ all the time, he needed extra protection. I assume, and I am fairly confident with my assumption, that them means us.

“It does,” said Jacob.

“Anyway, I think it will be good for Embry to be here. Hopefully we can build more trust between us. Not that I like hanging out with dogs, no offence Jake,”

“None taken”

“But I understand the need for our ‘alliance.’ Our mutual need for protecting Forks and La Push. We could not have defeated the Volturi without their help. So I will follow Carlisle’s lead and welcome the wolves for as long as we need each other.”

“We feel the same way. None of us wants to be around you bloodsuckers either. If it weren’t for Bella and Renesmeé, we defiantly wouldn’t be here.” Then Jacob wrapped his arm around Alice. “And then I wouldn’t have such a great friend like you, Alice.”

She rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far, but we’re defiantly on friendly terms.”

Jacob smiled. “Embry won.”

“Huh?” I asked.

“He called Seth a pup and now Seth is mad. He is running off to catch up to Leah. And…now we’re being watched.” Jacob pointed into the tall dark green trees directly in front of us. I could see two bright yellow dots which I assumed we’re Embry’s eyes. “I should go talk to him.” He turned to me and kissed me on the forehead. “Good night.”

“Night,” I said.

He stood and rushed out to meet Embry. Alice scooted over next to me. “You’re going to get cold without your space heater. Come inside, its bed time.”

“Will you sleep with me?” I asked her.

“You know I don’t sleep. But I’ll lay with you.”

“Alright.”

Alice stood up in one single fluid movement. I envied her grace. I grabbed the railing to my right and pulled myself to my feet and then followed her inside. I slowly climbed up the stairs and turned to the left, in through the second door on the left. The room was dark and cold. Dust covered everything. The small twin bed was covered in a white cloth to the left of the door. On the far side was a small window caked in grime. In the center of the room at the end of a trail of lines through the filth on the floor sat my luggage.

“Oh no, this won’t do,” said Alice as she approached from behind me.

“Yeah, you got a broom?”

“I doubt it. Vampires don’t shed skin. I bet no one has seen this room since long before Tanya moved in.”

I moved in toward the bed, grabbed the sheet, and shook it clean. The air instantly filled with dust and I had to cough. It didn’t bother Alice at all. Alice shrugged and then turned and left. I looked back at the bed. At least the sheet had kept the blankets clean, but who knows what is dead inside there. I pulled the blankets apart one by one and inspected every inch of them. Each was clean. I couldn’t find any trace of rats, mice, insects, spiders, or anything else.

Alice came back with a broom. “I found one,” she said while holding a straw broom. The straw was broken and dirty and falling apart. I fought back a laugh.

“I could just get Jacob to turn into a wolf and roll around a little.”

Alice chuckled. “Yeah, then they might be good for something.”

“Alice,” I groaned.

I took the sheet and wiped the window clean while Alice brushed the floor with the broom. Then I used the sheet to wipe the dust off the dresser. It only took us a few minutes to clean up the room enough to sleep in. I looked back at the blankets. “Defiantly not four star hotel material right there.”

“Nope. But it’ll do. Don’t worry about spiders or bugs; I doubt they could pierce your skin.”

“I don’t like crawly things,” I said. “Just the thought of something with legs crawling over my skin.” I shuddered.

“It can’t be nearly as bad as listening to Tanya go through her photo albums,” Alice laughed.

“Alright, fine.” I climbed under the sheets. Alice pulled them up to my chin and I rolled over sideways. Then she lay next to me on top of the blankets.

“Good night, sweetheart.” She kissed me on the forehead.

“Goodnight Alice.”

As soon as my eyes were closed the hamster in my head began spinning on his wheel. I thought about my Mom and Dad and what this would mean to them. Could we ever return to Forks? What would happen to Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Sue? Wouldn’t they wonder where we went? Would Jacob live in Alaska with us forever? And Seth and Leah? Now that Jared knew our real names, would we be able to hide in Anchorage? Would my mom be strong enough to live with us or would she live in Denali? Would I ever get to see her if that happened? It wasn’t long before all my thoughts faded into darkness.


v/r,
TParis

Nellie - Book V - Chapter 20 now up
The Protector - Chapter 1 - Please critique
[00:53] katya: If I had to have a lezzie fling, hadha ftw




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Posted 12 January 2009 - 11:28 AM

I like this story. There aren't many mistakes, but there are some. Evertime you spell "definatly" you spell "defiantly" which is an entirely different word.


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#12 User is online   TParis Icon

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Posted 12 January 2009 - 05:23 PM

Thanks. I am several chapters ahead in this story, I'll post more soon.
v/r,
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Nellie - Book V - Chapter 20 now up
The Protector - Chapter 1 - Please critique
[00:53] katya: If I had to have a lezzie fling, hadha ftw




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Posted 12 January 2009 - 06:13 PM

I like the idea of the story, but you forget Bella's reaction after the first incident, and the fact that the Cullens always search for other people first. And the fact that the wolves would kill Bella, not because they wanted to, but because the treaty demands it of them. I would redirect you to page 419 at the last sentence of the third to last paragraph, "It could have been someone I know!" She wouldn't hunt humans if her life depended on it, let alone if she liked them or not... sorry if this seems a little harsh, but I'm just trying to make a point here. I like how you did the story in first person again though!
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Posted 13 January 2009 - 11:09 AM

just a question, they couldn't stay so long in Forks couldn't they? becaus Carlisle then would be almost 40, and he stil would look like 27, or somthing.

geheime boodschap aan sappie: ik heb nederlands in mijn signatuere gezet, anderen nederlanders doe dat ook, dan vraagt iedereen zich af wat er staat

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Posted 17 January 2009 - 10:04 PM

Hey, TP! I've read the first chapter so far and your story is awesome. I'll add some suggestions once I'm caught up.

Edit: (most of my suggestions have been addressed here, but oh well)
Great start, TP. What happened to Bella is horrible but it makes your story more interesting than Breaking Dawn. And I love how you put so much of Nessie's thoughts and dialouge, but I think you should describe the people and surroundings more.

And I agree with Pix on this part:
QUOTE
Alice smiled. “No thanks. By the way, happy anniversary.”

Destiny smiled. “Umm thanks, how did you know?”

“It’s all over your face,” Alice said.

She smiled wider. “Thanks!” She turned and headed for the kitchen.

I would be really shocked and suspicious if someone knew it was my anniversary.

Keep up the great work!

This post has been edited by Murtagh Morzanson: 18 January 2009 - 03:13 PM


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