[Da' Tara]

So...I thought Id try my hand in poetry, and this is my very first piece of poetry. Please, let me know what you think. I would appreciate it

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Title: Angel

This is a story for the brokenhearted,
for those who can't forget a love departed.
It is a story of my greed,

a selfish greed that broke my Love.

Her beauty was so rarely challenged,
a Roman goddess long forgotten.
Her soul I loved so dearly,

and dearly did I break her heart.

Oh, be still my soul!
the tears you weep have flooded canyons,
the loss you feel remains unchallenged,
Oh…be still my soul.

It must’ve been the foreign taste,
that had me leave my Love in haste.
for dreams of richness I abandoned,

abandoned my Angel to distress.

She meant to me a grain of sand,
against our love she couldn’t stand.
Believe me, Love, it was not true,

but true enough to you it was.

Oh, be still my soul!
the tears you weep have flooded canyons,
the loss you feel remains unchallenged,
Oh…be still my soul.

I still feel you in my dreams,
nighttime brings me little peace.
Death was guided by my hand,

and by your hand you welcomed it.

I cling strongly to our memories,
the love we had and the life I missed.
Your words of love remain in echo,

forever echo in my wretched core.

Oh, my evil soul!
the blood you spilled has flooded canyons,
the guilt you feel remains unchallenged,
Oh…you evil soul.

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This post has been edited by Phee: 19 May 2009 - 01:01 PM

[sunfest13]

Very nice, it`s rare to find someone as good as this at writing long poems. Saying them aloud as you make them is easy, but writing them down before you forget them? That`s hard.

Keep writing please, I can`t wait to read some more.

[Da' Tara]

Im really glad you enjoyed it, sunfest. I put a lot of thought into it, and it was a real challenge. I hope I can write more like it...and that it wasnt just a random stroke of luck.

[Skulblaka Shur'tugal Yodec]

Yes, that was pretty good. I liked it. Keep it up.

[Da' Tara]

Thank you Skulblaka

Here's a new one I wrote, doesn't follow rhyme and its pretty short. I hope you like it ^^

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Title: Struggle

Within me a struggle

within you a fight

within us a battle.


A battle for power

control and desire

my soul overshadow.


A soul thus conflicted

two faces it shows

one winner takes all.


The winner is chosen

whether virtue or vice

solely by what you empower.

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What do you think?

This post has been edited by Phee: 04 March 2009 - 01:25 PM

[Da' Tara]

I wrote this one on Valentines Day...but forgot to upload, oops!

I was also messing around with Shape Poetry, haha.

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Enjoy! ^^

[Africander]

A question. Did you write that angel poem just like that in one sitting or did you have to think carefully, for long? I want to see if there is difference in the tecniques

[Da' Tara]

Yea, I wrote it in one sitting. It just came to me during a lazy day at work...I knew what I wanted to say, but actually getting it out was a challenge. I had to flirt with rhyme a bit till I finally got it right.

This post has been edited by Phee: 21 February 2009 - 12:52 PM

[Lord Raglan]

Angel is really good, I like the sort of chorus "oh be still my soul".

[Da' Tara]

Title: Farewell

We made a promise…
No tears, we said.
I'm sorry, you whispered.
bowing your head.

This might be the last moment,
The last coffee we drink,
So smile, my lovely,
Think of beautiful things.

We had a wonderful time,
Filled with love and devotion,
Remember the good days,
Hold back your emotion.

No crying, we said,
If we grow apart.
But I love you, you answered,
You’re still in my heart.

Our love is complacent,
No longer the same,
The passion is dead,
And no one’s to blame.

Now I must walk away,
And wish you the best,
May your nights be peaceful,
And your days blessed.

Farewell.

And there you sit before me,
Silent streams flow down your face.
I love you, I love you!

Farewell…I say.

This post has been edited by Phee: 20 February 2009 - 05:20 PM

[Da' Tara]

Here's a poem Ive written for someone I love. Its kind of short though...I wonder if I should add to it.

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Title: You and Me

Confusion fills this void I feel
As I lay to sleep each night
I long so much to make it real
And know our hearts are right

What can I do when all I hear,
Is that we must give up this fight.
And that becomes my greatest fear
my heart holds on with all its might.

Let’s try again, let’s try some more
That’s all we ever say
And when we try, we fail to know
Things won’t work out our way

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C&C please--would love to know what you think.

This post has been edited by Phee: 19 May 2009 - 12:23 PM

[Da' Tara]

A list poem.

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Title: What you make me feel

Angry, sad, and a little scared,
Forgotten, abandoned,
Moody.
Safe, amused, and perfect too.
Excited, happy,
Hopeful.
Jealous, foolish, discouraged, and lost.
Worried, defiant,
Lonely.
Sexy, wanted, truly loved,
Needed, envied,
Beautiful.

Confused.

This post has been edited by Phee: 21 March 2009 - 03:41 PM

[Boons]

Amazing Phee, you command the reader like a true master of language. You should be very proud of your work.

Also, do these all link somehow? They seem to be telling a story.

[aPrieerox]

Phee, You are such a great writer.
i envy you

My favourites were Farewell, You and me, and What you make me feel.

I really loved them so much!

xoxo

[Da' Tara]

A new one! I feel that its somehow incomplete however...any advice?

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Title: Dear Heart

Dear heart,

I think I’ve had enough,
You shoot, you miss,
You lose yourself.
You cry about your wretched luck.
The pain you feel
I know too well.

Don’t you know?

I suffer just like you,
Each time you fall apart.
The tears you weep,
Fall from my eyes.
Your lonesome cries,
Escape my mouth.

Oh lonesome heart,

If you fall in love again.
Take care to know that all your angst
is shared by your poor vessel.
Don’t try again, forsake that love,
this game of life is not for you.
Keep to me, and me alone,
only I can see you through.

This post has been edited by Phee: 19 May 2009 - 12:20 PM