[jaders2008]

It had been two days since the dark king had fell at the hands of Eragon Shadeslayer. After a long fight with the king and some help from the vault of souls Eragon was able to kill the king, but in doing so almost ended his own life by using too much energy.

Chapter 1: Worry

Arya wake up, he is coming too. Said Saphira

She had been waiting by his side for the past two days and exhaustion had finally taken her, but with some mental pushes from Saphira she woke up. Eragon stirred for a moment before finally waking up, and with a groan he sat up, turning to look at her.

“What..happened..?"

“You have been asleep for some time, Eragon”

“How long have I been out for?”

“Two days….” was all she could get out before Sapphires head pushed into the tent.

Eragon!

Saphira’s blue eye looked over her rider with love and affection, as she tried to find anything wrong with him. Arya had healed Eragon herself, she knew rest was all he had needed after such an intense fight.

As both got a distant looks in their eyes, Arya could tell there was a conversation taking place. It was interesting to be on the outside looking in at the bond between a rider and his dragon. The two had complimented each other throughout the entire war. One was wise beyond her years with the knowledge that dragon’s instinctually possess, the other was impulsive and brash. Together they were brave and courageous, delivering the Varden to victory over the dark king. Partners of the heart and soul, these two were the saviors of the free people of Alagaesia.

Signaling a end to the conversation Eragon looked at her with his intense brown eyes, she saw a questioning look before he said “Saphira says you have been at my bed for the last two days, and you only just fell asleep not too long ago…”

The tips of her ears burning, she mumbled,” I was just worried, you used up most of your energy in the fight."

In a harsher tone she said, "You are hopeless, Eragon. You need to be more careful then that, what would me had Saphira done if we had lost you.” Her ears burned again with this last statement.

Luckily Eragon had not seen this, as he was looking at the ground in front of him. She hadn’t meant to lecture him, she just wanted him to be more careful.

“I’m sorry I was just worried. You did a great thing, something no one else but you could do.” On a happier note she added, “Get some rest, because tomorrow we celebrate the fall of the dark king, and the rise of a new Alagaesia”

At this she saw Eragon blush a little, he had never liked being thought of as a hero. He had still held onto the idea that he was a simple farm boy from Carvahall.

Now that he was awake she could return to her own tent, and get some much needed rest. She bid him and Saphira good night. Standing she turned, the room begun to spin, her vision burled until there was nothing but darkness. She stumbled, then started to fall backwards.

She stiffened in anticipation of hitting the ground, but the impact never came. Just before she was about to hit the ground, two arms had pulled her to the safety of an embrace. As she stood there in his arms, the dizziness had past and her vision started to cleared. Becoming more stable, she could feel Eragon directing her to a chair in the corner of the room. As soon as she was in the chair Eragon pulled his hands away quickly and retreated back several steps nervously.

“Arya is everything alright? Are you hurt?” She could see the worry in his eyes.

He looked at Saphira “You haven’t had anything to eat and barley any rest for the last two days?“ He asked searching her eye for any signs that she might have another dizzy spell.

When no answer had come from her he took a more affectionate tone.

“So now it is my turn to look after you.” he said with a smile.

“When was the last time you have eaten something? Didn't just get done telling me to be more careful and you go and don‘t rest or eat after a big battle.” He stood and made his way to leave the tent.

“Where are you going?” she asked weakly.

“To get you something to eat before to pass out again” was all he said before he left the tent. He added over his shoulder in a softer voice, “Just stay there and rest, I will be back soon.”

How could she let herself be so weak, she had gone for more days then this before without eating. She must have used more energy then she thought in the fight. So was it the worry for him that kept her wake for the last few days? That can’t be he is just important to the new world that’s all and a friend.

With that put out of her mind, she surrendered to the exhaustion she felt, drifting off into waking dreams.

This post has been edited by jaders2008: 08 November 2009 - 08:11 PM

[HBomb]

Wasn't too bad, I suggest improving your grammar and increase your chapter length if possible.

Do continue though.

[Doodlemacdo]

Hmm, good start. Good emotion.

You need definite improvement on your spelling but if you keep it up you'll do good.

[jaders2008]

thanks for the input i'll do my best. Lol spelling will always be off though i'm terrable at spelling. Other teh spelling what can i do to improve the story?

Well if you like it al post again tonight. i'll try to make it longer.


Please post helpfull advice return in an hour or so add to the chapter or new one.

[Stormfire]

Seriously...

jaders2008: Use proper grammar when post please. That includes using punctuations where they are needed and captializing the beginning of your sentences.

And, on top of my earlier warning, you have already gotten one from another moderator about this, so if it happens again, I'm post suspensing you for 48 hours.

[evarya]

It was a pretty good start...Needs to be a bit longer though...And watch your spelling no ones perfect but still watch it..
But other than that it was good it had pretty good description and emotion..Kepp up the good work.

[jaders2008]

Chapter 2 Dinner

As he left the tent Eragon’s mind raced about what had just happened. Had she really just stayed up for two days straight worrying about him? That didn’t make any sense she had already told him she felt nothing for him. And what about her almost fainting into his arms? It was so hard to let her go, all he had wanted to do was pull her closer. And the smell of crushed pine needles was…..

Little one, these thought will get you nowhere.

The confused feelings he had, were sweeping across the bond to Saphira.

Sorry you know how I feel, it’s just hard sometimes to not think about it.

I understand, but you did promises her you wouldn’t pursue her.

I know, he grumbled.

He had worked so hard to gain the trust of Arya back and he wasn’t going to do anything that might make her unhappy again. Her friendship was important to him, eventhough he wanted more risking the friendship was not an option. He thanked Saphira for reminding him.

I love you, little one

I love you too.

Eragon moved towards the edge of the camp, where the supply tents were located. He was trying to figure out what to make for her to express his gratitude for the last two days she has spent looking after him. When he had reached the tent he told the guard exactly what he wanted and after five minutes he was headed back to the tent. Luckily his tent had been placed near the edge of the camp and few people took noticed of the lone figure.

As he entered the tent, Eragon was happy to see Arya asleep in the chair that he had placed her in. He felt protective of the beautiful elf asleep in the chair, tearing his eyes away from her peacefully sleeping face he began to boil some water. After a moment the vegetables were chopped up, clean and ready to be placed into the pot. There was carrots, beets, squash, tomatoes, and peas in addition to some spices to make a vegetable soup. He hadn’t cooked much in his life so this was making him a little uneasy. He took a spoon full of his soup and gave it a try. Oddly enough it wasn’t too bad, not the best he had ever had, but not the worst, thankfully. As the soup cooled he cleaned the pot and added some more water to boil, adding in the tea leaves he waited for the leaves to release their juices into the water. Removing the leaves with a strainer the meal was ready. Taking one final look over the meal he nodded in satisfaction.

Eragon moved over to the chair where Arya was sleeping, he very gently gave her arm a little shake.

“Arya” he whispered

She was still very tired, he could see it in her eyes. During the time they had spent traveling together in the last two years, he had learned to look into her eyes to get the answers he wanted. Her face was always expressionless, necessary in the world of the elves, but it often made the humans she spent time with uncomfortable. Her face had been well schooled and would show him nothing, but the eyes could never be trained, so there Eragon would focus when he talked with her.

Finishing his thoughts Eragon turned, handing her a simple wooden bowl, with a matching spoon.


"Here eat this, it will make you feel better."

"Thank you. You didn’t have to cook me dinner Eragon, I am fully capable of doing it myself."

"It was the least I could do for you to show my gratitude for watching over me. Now eat it before it gets cold."

They spent the time in silence while they ate the meal. It was a comfortable silence of acceptance between comrades and friends. Eragon’s mind drifted back to the camp fire where Arya had opened up to him about her past love Faolin. He felt a pang of jealousy as he thought of the name, he quickly suppressed the feeling the best he could. He wanted to talk to her like that again and learn more about her. He was unable to think of anything to say that would allow that, so he just decided to enjoy the company.

The soup was soon gone, much to the embarrassment of Arya, who had eaten most of it.

"I guess you liked it," he said happily, with a hint of pride.

"I didn't realize how hungry I was until you offered me a bowl. You have my apologies."

"For what?"

"For eating more then my share of the meal."

"Nonsense, the meal was cooked for you and was my treat. I would have been offended if you had eaten any less." He added this last statement with a smile.

"Thank for the meal but I really must being going. Tomorrow when everyone knows you are awake they will want to have the celebration they have been waiting for, so get some rest. Everyone agreed to wait for you to wake up, it didn’t seem right to have one without the man that made it happen. Good night." She turned and was gone without another word.

Well that went well, he thought to himself as he cleaned up the meal. I wonder what the celebration will be like.

This post has been edited by jaders2008: 11 March 2009 - 02:53 PM

[jky1995]

It had been two days since the dark king had fell at the hands of Eragon Shadeslayer. After a long
The tips of her ears burn and she quickly state” I was just worried, you used up most of your energy in the fight. You are hopeless, you need to be more careful, we almost lost you.”

He just looked at her for a second then looked down . “ I’m sorry I was just worried, you did a great thing something no one else but you could do. So feel better you need your strength to make a new world” With that she got up to leave the tent, before she could make it one step the room started to spin and she started to fall backwards.

Just as she was about to hit the ground two arms come up around her pulling her to the safety of any embrace. As the dizziness started to clear and she became more stable Eragon directed her to a chair in the corner of the room. As soon as she was in the chair Eragon pulled his hands away quickly and retreated back several steps nervousy. (spelling)


“Are you ok?” (I don't think 'ok' is a good word to use) She could see the worry in his eyes. He looked at Saphira “You haven’t had anything to eat and barley any rest for the last two days?“ He asked searching her eye for any signs that she might have another dizzy spell.

Just like evarya said you need more description. Where are they? How is Eragon feeling? How is Saphira feeling between the awkard moment of E and A? Stuff like that make your story more powerful. You have a few mistakes. The above are just some. Good job and update soon.

This post has been edited by jky1995: 07 March 2009 - 12:31 AM

[jaders2008]

Chapter 3 Party

Eragon woke up to a messenger outside his tent, he was informed that Nasuada would like to speak with him as some as he is able. He thanked the massager and went about getting dressed, he pulled on a sapphire blue shirt and pants. Looking into the mirror in his room, he straighten his hair and fixed a button that was crooked, after he looked suitable he started towards Nasuada’s command tent. He was announced by a guard

“Eragon Kingslayer,” Eragon looked at the guard with supprise, before he could question the guard, an answer came from the inside of the tent.

“Enter,” It was Nasuada’s strong commanding voice.

Nasuada was talking to several of leaders and also Roran. Upon him entering the room the conversation stopped and he was swept up into a bear hug by Roran.

"Glad to see you awake. Arya said she would tell us when you awoke and demand you be left alone until the time. Which effectively kicked us all out of your tent."

Eragon raised an eyebrow at this statement, but said nothing. After hearing similar welcomes from everyone in the room he was filled in on what happened while he slept. After the battle it seemed everyone was picking up the pieces left in the wake of such a large battle. Magicians on both side where busy healing the wounded, both sides helping the other as much as possible due to the fact the no longer had binding oaths with Galbatorix. With wounded everywhere not much else had been done, the flied had been cleared of all bodies which had been buried in a large grave with a memorial posted over it. The soldiers not put to work were given a day’s rest after such a long battle. They continued on for some time listing of the numbers of dead and wounded. After about twenty minutes Roran stood up waving his arm.

"Ok, that is enough. No more talk of such depressing topics, we have a celebration to plan. Eragon is awake and fully recovered so tonight we toast him and make merry our thoughts, because after that we start to fix the evil Galbatorix has put upon this land."

Seeing his brother so happy made Eragon smile. The smiles spread around the room, the energy slowly changed from depressed to excitement as the subject changed to how to throw such a large festivity. For the next hour plans were made to clear the center of the camp, bring out the best Dwarf ale, and provide food for the soldiers. This was going to be one celebration that no one would forget. The plans made everyone prepared to leave, Eragon excused himself from the excited conversation and made his way back to his own tent.

As he walked back, he was thinking about the sheer size of the party and how much planning was going into it. He was so lost in thought he didn’t see Arya until he almost walked right into her. Looking at her a thought came to mind and before his courage failed him, he asked

"Are you going to the celebration tonight?"

"Yes I will be in attendance tonight."

"Well if its not to much to ask can I..urm….I was..wondering if you could..save a dance for me?"

The question seemed to catch her off guard, but her face immediately return to the impassive expression she normally held. She thought for a long moment and he started to think he had gone too far, but then just as he was about to apologizes she answered.

"Yes"

And with that she said goodbye and left him standing there. It was just a simple answer, but it had meant some much to him. He was so excited, it was hard to contain the emotions building up inside of him, he reached out to his partner of heart.

Did you hear that Saphira? She said yes!! He let his excitement flow freely over the connection, it was returned from his partner she was happy for him. He was enjoying the feeling until in the back of his mind he felt worry. It was not him, the feeling was coming from Saphira.

Whats wrong?

I'm just worried that you might get hurt again, you seem to get yourself into difficult situations when you are left alone. After the last time you tried to win her affection you were depressed for days. I don’t want you to have to go through that pain again, little one

Thank you, I understand, but I just need her friendship right now and will control myself to make sure nothing gets into the way of that.

You are growing wise my partner.

With that Eragon closed the connection and almost skipped back to his tent. Removing his clothes he bathed in some water that had been brought to his tent while he was gone. Feeling refreshed, using magic he shaved the three day stuble on his face. He began to shift through the few clothes he had, looking for the right outfit. It wasn’t long before it was time to head towards the center of the camp. Eragon had chosen a dark blue elven shirt with pants to match. The outfit was made for him so unlike some of the other clothes he had this fit him well. He exited the tent to stand in front of Saphira.

Well, how do I look?

Approval of the outfit flowed over to the connection, he had figured as much, the outfit was the same shade of blue as Saphira. He pulled himself into the saddle and they made towards the center of the camp.

An area had been cleared for the two, and they were welcomed with a roar of applause and the new cheer of Kingslayer and Brightscales. As he heard the name cheered he secretly decided he preferred the name Shadeslayer, the name he shared with Arya.

He was waved to the head table by his cousin and Nasuada which by their flush cheeks he figured had started drinking a little earlier in the day. After some speeches about victories and battles won it was his honor to start the feast. With a roar from Saphira and a "lets feast" from him, everyone began to eat. The spread of food was amazing, ranging from vegetable soup, wild boar, some beef dishes, and very sweet looking desserts. The entrees were endless, and Eragon ate until he could not stand another bit. Leaning back into his chair he enjoyed the sparing match that was currently taking place in the center of the dance floor. Watching the swordsmen, he noticed they were both quite good, though the taller man negated his defenses on his lower right side, his opponent took advance of this striking there multiple times in quick succession defeating his opponent.

As he waited for the next match a fuzzy feeling was entering his head. It was coming from Saphira, she was finishing off her third barrel of ale much to the disappointment of the dwarf in charge of the ale, at this rate he would have nothing left. Eragon let out a roar of laughter as Saphira’s hiccups started.

That’s..hic…not veerry..hic..funny. Was all she could manage.

This made Eragon have another fit of laughter. The only thing that stopped him was the sight of Arya standing several tables away having a conversation with Blodgharm, one of his elven guards. She was stunning, dressed in a green dress that hugged every curve of her body making it seem even more perfect. The dress had a low neck line and straps running over her shoulders, revealing an almost open back, the site made Eragon’s heart skip a beat. Her hair was tied back in elven style with a single silk ribbon that matched the dress. Catching himself staring he quickly looked away and started to enjoy the fest ivies. There was sparing matches, sing, dancing, and many stories of heroes on the battle field, it lasted well into the night. Eragon had danced some but after consuming some more ale, for courage, he decided it was time to ask Arya for the dance he had asked her to save. He head in the direction he had last seen her, when he saw her not to far from him, talking to a soldier, he started towards her.

"Come on pretty elf, too good to dance with a common soldier?"

"I gave you my answer, now please leave."

"I don't have to take that from you. If I say we are going to dance then we are going to dance!"

The soldier made a made a grab for her arm but was surprised when his hand stopped inches away from her arm. He looked directly into the man’s eyes holding his arm. He found himself looking directly at Eragon.

"She said no."

"This has nothing to do with you. I suggest you let go of my arm boy."

"The lady has already given you her answer and it would be wise if you just left."
Eragon’s blood boiled as he wanted to beat this man within an inch of his life. But he stayed calm looking directly into the soldiers eyes. He could smell the ale on his breath and he was obviously intoxicated, with a squeeze of his hand Eragon felt some pops and the man’s eyes bulged with pain as he pulled his arm away. The man swung for Eragon’s face but again his hand failed to make contract with its intended target. With a twist and a side step, Eragon was behind the man, his arm twisted behind him the soldier was forced into a bow.

“Now apologize and be on your way please.”

The soldier mumbled an apology and quickly left.

"That was unnecessary. I am capable of handling myself thank you. There was no need for you to step in." Anger flashed across her face, as she stare directly at him.

"Do not misunderstand my actions Arya. I know you are more than capable of handling yourself. I was not insinuating that you are weak or a helpless female. Whether or not you are capable of handling the satiation does not mean you should. That man should never have done that. If I have caused you any discomfort I apologize for my actions."

"I accept your apology and thank you for helping me."

He was able to relax after that and remembered what he had come over here for. Forgetting the drunken soldier, he bow to Arya and said.

"I came to ask for that dance if you are still willing." Again he got the same answer, a simple.

"Yes."

He took her by the hand and directed her to an area on the dance floor not so crowded by people. At that time the band started an upbeat tempo, they began to dance. It was a little rough at first, due to the fact Eragon was nervous about getting to close and upseting the delicate balance of friendship he had with Arya. Even so, as the music played on they got closer and closer until they looked as one. As other dancers noticed the two they moved off to the side to give them more room.

One minute Arya’s body would be pressed up against his, he would then release her into a spin moving her to the beat. As they moved and swayed to the music the grace of the elevs was easy to see for all. As the last note played, Eragon pulled Arya into a dip, their faces were inches apart both breathing heavily. Eragon found himself staring in to those beautiful green eyes, had the crowd not started a roar of applause, he would have stayed there longer lost in her eyes. With a smile he pulled her up and they walked off the floor. His face still flush Eragon thanked Ayra for the dance, before he lost control turned and headed back to his tent. There was nothing the party could offer him better then that dance, plus Saphira’s condition was worsening.

As he reached his tent his head was really starting to spin. The dance had been iincredibly exciting but the lightheadedness not only a result for the dance. He chuckled to himself as he looked at his partner of soul passed out drunk next to the tent. Her ale intake was beginning to have major side effects on him as he stumbled into the tent. Even though his heart was still beating to the tempo of the song, a waking sleep over took him as he fell down into his bed.



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Ok that was fun, what you think of that chapter. I tryed to take a little more time with it so it should be better to read. I changed the ARE YOU OK part see if that fits better. Really I thought about what to put there but thats all that came to me.

Thanks for the posts guys so long as you like the story I will update.

Hope you thought there was going to be a kiss if you didn't feel it tell me I want to be able to create that feeling.

Anyway update maybe late tomorrow.

Again tell me what you think.

This post has been edited by jaders2008: 11 March 2009 - 11:40 PM

[LenweLoshelin]

I like your storry, but i think it wil be hard to write how the world wil move on after the war, without forget any characters ( like roran, or nasuda, ).
but i hope that this storry wil end, and not becom dead like that other

and i want a update XD

[Suyash]

I except your apology and thank you for helping me.

that one was a comedy + grave mistake.But you are doing a fine job,since our try of taking over the story of E/A by stupid marshall88 failed.Keep updating

This post has been edited by Suyash: 07 March 2009 - 04:53 AM

[Katenya]

Your story is good. I like it. I was just wondering if you could use speach marks for speah and italics for when people are thinking because sometimes I get confused when it is all in italics. Apart from that there is no other criticism for your story only to ask you to keep writing because I like your story =]

[jaders2008]

Thanks for the help guys. I fixed the accept problem, that was a bad mistake, just over read it I guess.
I'm not sure how to make a difference between thought and speech I'll have to think on it.

Could you guys focus more on the story and how to improve it please? My spelling is bad and I know that. So point my mistakes out and I'll fix them but I want more feed back on my story.

Also does anyone know if I have to make pages. I was just wondering because this story should have broken up into two pages by now. If anyone could help send me a message so we don't get into trouble thanks.

Post maybe tonight have some important thing to do today.

[ppeter]

it's very good! Keep on going

[sunfest13]

I`d advise putting spoken words in quotes and italicizing only thought speak, because it gets confusing otherwise.
In CH2:

The soup was soon gone, much to the embarrassment of Arya, who had eaten most of it.

I guess you liked it.


I didn’t realize how hungry I was until you offered me a bowl. You have my apologies.

For what?

For eating more then my share of the meal

Nonsense, the meal was cooked for you and was my treat. I would have been offended if you had eaten just a little bit. He added this last statement with a smile.

This post has been edited by sunfest13: 07 March 2009 - 08:28 PM