[Lord Raglan]

"God I'm so fat. How'd I get to be so fat? I probably get it from my fat mum. Boy, I'd like one of her big fatty bowls of soup right about now, but I'll just got stuff my face in the Great Hall and hope Hermione thinks it's sexy."

"Oh hey Harry, I was just going to stuff my face in the Great Hall, care to join me?"

Harry quickly glanced at Ron's belly and allowed himself a small smile"Er, no thanks Ron, I already ate."

Ron shrugged, and continued on his face-stuffing quest. On the way to the Great Hall, he saw a small figurine laying on the ground, so he decided to transfigure it into something he could sell in order to buy some sweets in Hogsmeade.

Ron switched on his Ipod on the way there, "Maybe if i burn a calorie moving to the music, I'll have more room to stuff my face" he thought.

He passed by Lavender Brown ("She's pretty hot" he whispered to himself) as he entered the Great Hall.
"Hi Ron" she said, giggling slightly.
"Yo". Ron glanced around checking to see if Hermione was there in the Hall, she was, and he caught her looking a bit jealous.

"Wow", thought Ron"I must be a pretty handsome fat guy."
Hermione was avidly reading the Prophet, when Ron sat next to her she said
"Voldemort was just caught making out with Brad Pitt! Oh My Jonas they're both so gorgeous!"
"Oh great, another Brad Pitt story." Muttered Ron. He turned his attention to the food in front of him.Ron ate his fill, and he, along with Hermione( who had watched him eat with a look of utter disgust, clearly not finding it sexy) left the Hall.
"Say Hermione, you wouldn't happen to have any extra cash, would you?"
"No, I don't. Use your own money if you want Honeydukes." Ron's face fell, but when he looked down, he noticed he was holding a cupcake, so his face lifted again.

Harry met them at the doorway. "Hey guys, sorry I couldn't eat with you, I was busy with Ginny, if you know what I mean." Ginny suddenly appeared, looking flushed and sweaty, and her clothes looked slightly off, as if they had just been hurriedly thrown back on.

Ron looked as if he was about to punch Harry, but then he thought" Nah, better not. He's skinny enough to avoid it." So they four of them exited the Hall together, without anybody being punched.

Just then, Snape glided into their path, blocking their way. "Well, well. What have we here? Potter, Weasly, you look as if you've been up to some mischief. 9000 points from Gryffindor. "

"But sir! It only lasted for a few minutes!"

"It doesn't matter. Back in my day, nobody every made mischief, other than your father of course, often with that Sirius Black. I'm very old-fashioned, so I'm taking another 9000. Carry on."


The group angrily moved on.
"I can't believe we just lost 18.000 points! Let's complain to Dumbledore."
" Good idea Ron! How unexpected of you to have it."
Fortunately, they happened to run into Dumbledore on the way to his office.
"Ah, it's you four. I just discovered that the diary you destroyed back in the day, was actually one of Voldemort's Horcruxes. I hereby award you 18.000 points to Gryffindor.
" The diary was a what, sir?"
"Oh never mind, just forget what I said, other than the 18,000 points. Now move along, and don't make any mischief as a group."

[Lord Murphy]

Kind of a weird way to look at HP. It is ok for a start.