[jack4prez69]

Heres the poem

it doesnt have a title and the spaces between the lines shouldnt be there

the gaps should though


enjoy






The black abyss

swirling

around me.

My darkest fears

loom closer.

The reaper swings

his mighty scythe.

I run.

Run away

from emotions.

Escape.

Escape the loathing.

The devils breath

trailing

down my neck.

It’s black.

All

Black.

There is no

light.

There is no

happiness.

I hear screams

of victims

and the corresponding

laugh of murderers.

I have no hope.

Love.

False highs

Only

dark empty lows




Where did the world go?

Where did the sun go? I lay down on the cold

Hard

ground

It is bald ground.

The vegetation too

has vanished.

What kind

of hellish

place

is this?

Perhaps

that is exactly

what it is.

Then

voices begin whispering.

It is inaudible

but

in the surreal silence

it beats against my eardrums

with the force

of El Toro.

I begin to wish

they would come

out.

I want to face

them.

Just let

them

destroy

me.

Nothing

is worth it.

They draw closer.







An evil light

finally

sheds vision

upon the landscape.

It is barren

a wasteland.

Rolling hills

of jagged rocks

root themselves

to the landscape.

Parasites

to the eerie beauty.

I could see for miles.

If not for them.

Then.

The whispering

begins

again.

And this time

it makes sense.

The end is near our little one

do not be afraid.

Come closer

we shall grant you

what you wish.

Do not be afraid.

Suddenly

I do not want death.

Two dark forms

appear

on the horizon.

no.

I stand up

and run.

Run to live.

To experience

life’s sensations

another day.

They walk at a

steady

pace.

Yet

they are

gaining

ground

quickly.




Do not be afraid.

They draw flashes of metal

from the depths

of their dark

billowy

garb.

No.

I trip and fall.

I scratch my right hand

when I break the fall.




The blood

from the cut

gleams

with a morbid glee.

It knows.

I look up

The figures are over me.

I look past them

at the sky

,scorched

and scarlet,

for the first time.

It is a dead

gray

on the horizon.

Do not be afraid

they cackle.

As I am lifted back

To what I believe

Is reality

They lift

the luminescent shards.

Plunge.

NO.

























I wake up.

I am sweating.

I look to my right.

My hand.
















Is bleeding.

[Galbatorixs Nemesis]

you've got skill for writing but the poem lack's rhythm.... maybe next time it'll be better.... nice attempt

This post has been edited by Galbatorixs Nemesis: 15 April 2009 - 05:21 AM

[Africander]

It lacks organisation, write something in verse, or alter this one, because in my opinion the structure does suit it.

[jack4prez69]

Structure and rhythm are irrelavent when writing freeform narrative

anyways it has much more structure when you take out that like billion spaces that i didnt put in there.

if i can get your emails then i'll send you a real copy because this is not how i wrote it

[Africander]

Emails in my profile, you should edit the post to remove the spaces if they shouldn't be there, perfection is important.

[jack4prez69]

my computer for some reason isnt letting me

[Prudery]

Wow, that was nice. The timing is a little off, but it is a very true poem. A lot of people (Including me) can connect to it.

[jack4prez69]

It is a story rather than a metaphor

It kind of exemplifies reincarnation

[gabriella]

Hmmmmm, a freeverser I see.....these are dangerous and to master them its good to master the rhytmic and patterned poems....
Try sonnets first and then try to write freeverse, and they will have more flow to them..... You've go the potential......hope to see more new and improved!!

[jack4prez69]

its been forever since i posted this on but i was bored at camp and i wrote this poem about a jewish girl in nazi germany whose life is interconnected with an apple tree so im going to post it
its very sad and more of an emphatic story than a poem ( which means it is not to be read like a limerick or something, its not supposed to have a rhythm or a scheme. its supposed to have a meaning)

enjoy


The Apple Tree

There is a meadow
Outside a little town
In Germany

In the middle of the meadow
Is an old
Rotted
Shack


Bobbing
Amongst a sea of ferns

Choked
By poison oak

An eyesore
Upon the Fauna

Beside the shack
Is a mossy mound

Invisible
Among the vegetation

Passed from all memory

A relic of stale history

A family of rabbits
lives underneath

If you felt the mound
You would find a Rusted
Six-pointed
Star


Many years ago
This mossy mound
Was no such thing

It was a charred stump

And before that it was a magnificent
Apple
Tree


But even before the ancient shack

It was
A seed


In the hands of a baby girl
And the arms of a father
And the presence of a mother
With dreams

Of a better life


The seed was planted in fertile soil
And with the girl
Grew


The family built an abode
Cozy
Safe
Homey

The father got a job in town
Doing anything
And everything

The mother held down the fort
And tended the new sapling


They were respected
And made friends

========

Time Passes

========

The young tree blossomed
As did the girl


With swirling green eyes
A midnight mane
A slender figure
And a heart of living gold

She was striking


And her beauty ran deeper
Then the eye of the beholder
Can see

========

Time passes

========

Whisperings of War
Blown in
Once upon
A summers breeze


The father quits his job
Finds his rifle

And marches off


The girl puts the bread on the table
And the trees apples are sent to the effort


The mother and the girl
Are frequently
In the synagogue


A letter is received

There is Grief
Weeping
And Pain


The girl places a headstone at the foot of the tree

And the mother
Picks up a bottle


Months later

The girl
finds her mother
on the floor
Dead


Fallen on her bottle
Shard in the heart

The air is filled with the irony Stench of Blood
And the Reek of cheap Wine


Another headstone
Is placed
At the base
Of the tree

========

Time passes

========

The girl
Is now a woman

And her beauty Is deeper
Than the eye
Of the Beholder
Can see


She has gone through life
Without a man


But she catches the fancy
Of one man
With more common sense
Than the eye


He courts her


Now she has bounce to her step
And gold on her hand


They are to be wed


But the whisperings begin again


Friends become foes

Trust becomes a commodity


She is warned of uniformed men

She does not heed


They come

They take her


And the man
places a gravestone
at the base
of the tree


Boys of the same uniform
As the men
Come in the night
And raid the house
And take the gravestones
And plant poison oak


The tree has begun to droop


Months later
The house is rotting
Rooms collapse

And the tree
Is dieing


There is a ferocious storm

It pours

And lightning
Ignites the tree

And it burns
And burns
And burns

The tree
Has been reduced
To the charred stump

It is dead

========

Time passes

========

The man went on with his life
And married another woman
Who bore him a son


The charred stump
Is now
The mossy mound


The son is twelve
The man near death

And from his death bed
He sent his son
To mark the mound

With the star

Of David

========

So ends the apple tree

[Blazing Elf]

Good. very good.