[Starfire 818]

Table of Contents:
Chapter 1: The Beach
Chapter 2: Belief
Chapter 3: Mess Tent
Chapter 4: Murtagh
Chapter 5: Discussions
Chapter 6: Release
Chapter 7: Preparations
Chapter 8: The Women's Request
Chapter 9: The Calm Before the Storm
Chapter 10: Immenient Danger [part 1]
Chapter 10: Immenient Danger [Part 2]
Chapter 11: Elaine
Chapter 12: Do o Die
Chapter 13: The Oddness of Life
Chapter 14: Menslayer
Chapter 15: Cameryn
Chapter 16: The Closet
Chapter 17: Too many Cooks in the Kitchen
Chapter 18: Arya's thoughts
Chapter 19: Plans
Chapter 20: Women Talk
Chapter 21: Reflections
Chapter 22: The Little one
Chapter 23: Of True Names and Eavesdropping
Chapter 24: Secrets are Told
Chapter 25: Mixed feelings
Chapter 26: Heritage
Chapter 27: True Friend
Chapter 28: A Heart Filled with Joy
Chapter 29: A Whole New Level
Chapter 30: THe choice
Chapter 31: Interesting Interludes
Chapter 32: To Be Free
Chapter 33: What to Wear
Chapter 34: Opinions
[url="http://www.inheritanceforums.com/index.php?showtopic=47844&view=findpost&p=1757931"]Chapter 35: Fight Dirty

Chapter 1: The Beach

Arya roamed the seashore aimlessly. The deep blue sky and the azure waves stretched as far as the eye could see until they met miles away. It was impossible to tell where the water ended and the sky began, as they were the same deep, sapphire blue. A slight breeze blew from the east, just enough to move her hair in front of her face. Arya moved the stray lock aside and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, trying to relax her taunt muscles. It had been three days since the siege of Feinster and she had longed to get away from the stench of death that permeated the air around the city and the Varden camp.


She only seen Eragon once since the battle, and that was when he was informing the council of all the events that had happened. She could tell he was grieving heavily for his masters, as they had been a father figure to him and Saphira alike. She too grieved, but privately. Arya had never been one to openly show emotions. She preferred to deal with them in the confines of her mind.

It amazed her how much Eragon had changed in that respect. He used to show every emotion, let his feelings be known to those around him. Now he hid them more. She knew that the change of the Blood-Oath Celebration was one of the reasons and spending time with elves, but she thought there was more. When he was human, Eragon didn’t fully grasp just what it meant to be a dragon rider. Now that he did, the seriousness of that knowledge may have led him to conceal his emotions. <i>I might have part in it too</i> she thought. <i>I was too harsh at the Celebration</i>. <i>I should have handled it better.</i> She gazed out at the waves that resembled her inter turmoil so well. <i>Whenever he’s around me, I know he wants to get close to me, but he holds back because of his broken heart. I was right in doing it.</i> She tried vainly to assure herself. <i>At the time he was my friend. Now…Now I’m not so sure. I don’t think I love him. I like him, but do I love him?</i> She had been asking herself this question ever since she had fallen into his arms at Feinster.


Arya shook her head. She needed to get rid of these thoughts. The council meeting started in an hour and she wanted to wash the sand off of her before she went. As she turned to head back to the Varden camp, she noticed a man sitting in front of a cove. He was staring out at the water looking like he was searching for answers in their watery depths. He was well secluded she noticed. You could only seem him at a certain angle, but you would have to look directly at him to notice he was there. Curious, Arya headed towards the man. She had a feeling she knew who he was, but she wanted to find out for sure.


As she walked silently towards him, she studied his appearance. His face was turned away from her, but she could she that he was tan with shaggy brown hair and good quality clothes, even though they were rather bedraggled at the moment. The closer she got, the sure she was she knew this man. When she was 10 feet away from him, she saw a cerulean dragon in the cove. The dragon lifted its head and looked directly at Arya, though the man continued staring at the sea.


<i>‘Hello, Arya’ </i>the dragon rumbled. <i>‘What brings you here?’</i>


‘<i>Greetings, Saphira. I was wandering the shore and spied Eragon. I didn’t know who he was, so I came over to see who he was. I would’ve contacted him mentally, but he seemed intently focused in something, so I walked over’.</i> Arya noted Saphira seemed tired and depressed, but not over come with grief. That was a good thing. Something in her line of thought must have shown be cause Saphira said


<i>‘I will be fine Arya. I would like to tear Galbatorix apart more than ever, but I will be all right.’ </i> Her voice sounded full of hate and disgust when speaking of the dark king, but she seemed to calm down towards the end. <i>‘The one I’m concerned about is little one. He just sits there and watches the tide.’ </i>


‘<i>Will he be ready for battle any time soon?’</i> Arya needed to know so she could inform Nasuada if Eragon would be participating in the following battles. While Nasuada technically had power of Eragon, there was very little she could actually make him do unless she caught him in a corner.


<i>‘I will fight Arya. Death sickens Eragon, so I am not sure he will.’


‘If you are fighting Saphira, I’m sure Eragon will join you.’


‘We will see. Now, why don’t you shake him and make him eat something. I need to hunt, but I don’t want him to be alone.’</i>‘


<i>I will take care of him Saphira</i>,’ Arya assured. ‘<i>You don’t need to worry about that.’ </i>Arya felt Saphira pondering that last phrase and knew she had given too much of herself away. If Eragon found out she cared for him and asked her about it, she would have no clue what to answer. She might break his heart again, or maybe she would tell him she loved him to spare him the pain, though it wasn’t entirely true.


‘<i>Be at peace, young one. I will not tell him.’</i> Arya’s relief was evident on her face. Saphira chuckled mentally at her expression. ‘<i>You should not worry so. He would be that forthright. He knows not to pursue you like that, if ever. Now, go wake him up and give him some food.’</i>‘
<i>Yes, Saphira…Saphira,’</i> the dragon looked at her inquiringly. <i>‘Thank you.’ </i>Saphira nodded her head in reply. As Arya severed the connection and turned to face Eragon, she could have sworn she heard something similar to chuckling come from Saphira.


Deciding to ignore it, she walked to where Eragon was gazing out at the waves and then laid her hand on his shoulder. When he did not stir, she shook him and extended a mental probe. Much to her surprise, Eragon had fallen into a deep dream-like state. She easily went through his defenses and found his mind was centered on thoughts of his tutoring at Ellesmera. Although she hated to disrupt him, she knew she must so she spoke to him.


<i>Eragon,</i> she said. His thoughts turned from his late masters to those of Arya. The times they spent together in Ellesmera, when they dueled each other in Farthen Dur…. Why isn’t he listening to me? Then it clicked. ‘<i>He thinks I’m part of his dream not really there.’ Arya was not one to be ignored. ‘Well I’m here and he isn’t waking up, so I’m going to resort to a more hostile tone.’
‘ERAGON!’</i>


Shock came from him mentally and he jumped, making Arya’s arm slip down from his shoulder. He turned to face her.


<i>“What are you doing here,”</i> he asked both mentally and physically.


‘<i>Trying to wake you up,’ </i>answered Saphira humorously. <i>‘I think Arya can now call you Stonears with good reason!’</i>


Arya allowed herself a small smile at Saphira’s jest. Eragon however, half rolled his eyes and stood up, brushing the sand off of his clothes while glowering at the ground. Saphira too stood and took a step forward. She nudged Eragon in the back with her nose. <i>‘Don’t be so pessimistic. I’m going hunting. Think you can behave yourself for a few hours?’


‘Do you have to go Saphira?’


‘Yes, I haven’t eaten a decent meal since Ellesmera and you need to eat.’


‘But I don’t want you to go.’</i> Eragon said pleadingly.


‘<i>You’re a man, Eragon</i>’ scolded Saphira. ‘<i>Act like one. You can survive a few hours without me. Arya’s going to feed you and, knowing them, there’s probably a counsel meeting.’


‘I don’t have to go. They mostly just talk about the same things over and over.’


‘You need to show we’re alive. The Varden need to see their dragon rider. Disappearing for three days probably isn’t best for morale.’


‘All right I’ll go,’ </i>said Eragon grudgingly.


‘<i>Good. Now, go with Arya. She’s been waiting there for you to stop chatting.’</i> With that she took off, leaving Eragon alone on the shore with Arya.


Ok, I know this wasn't exactly expert, but I'm trying. Please comment and tell me [honestly now] if I'm terrible or just need to fix a few things

This post has been edited by Starfire 818: 05 March 2010 - 11:46 PM

[evarya]

That was a very good first chapter.
you have very good description and good emotion to.

I only spotted afew mistakes which where..


A slight breeze blew from the east, just enough to more her hair in front of her face.

Should have been move her hair...

Greetings, Saphira. I was wandering the shore and spied Eragon. I didn’t know who he was, so I come over to see who he was.

Should have been came..

I think your doing very good but you should seperate you sentences a little more...Cause its very difficult to read if you dont.

And you should seperate the sence when they talk or think.

Like this

" Greeting Arya"

"Hello Saphira"

But thats just IMO..

Well Im looking forward to the next chapter.

Good Job

[jsquared0905]

You are still on the first chapter, so we can't really say anything.

Evarya already pointed it out but I will again to stress it.

The one thing though, is you need to organize better. At the moment everything is a big blob and it is very confusing to keep track of what is going on. At first I was sure that you were in Arya's POV but as you kept going it got more confusing. Double space out your paragraphs, and remember to double space dialogue as well.

This is kind of what would be preferred for the readers:

Chapter 1: The Beach

Arya roamed the seashore aimlessly. The deep blue sky and the azure waves stretched as far as the eye could see until they met miles away. It was impossible to tell where the water ended and the sky began, as they were the same deep, sapphire blue. A slight breeze blew from the east, just enough to more her hair in front of her face. Arya moved the stray lock aside and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, trying to relax her taunt muscles. It had been three days since the siege of Feinster and she had longed to get away from the stench of death that permeated the air around the city and the Varden camp.

She only seen Eragon once since the battle, and that was when he was informing the council of all the events that had happened. She could tell he was grieving heavily for his masters, as they had been a father figure to him and Saphira alike. She too grieved, but privately. Arya had never been one to openly show emotions. She preferred to deal with them in the confines of her mind.

It amazed her how much Eragon had changed in that respect. He used to show every emotion, let his feelings be known to those around him. Now he hid them more. She knew that the change of the Blood-Oath Celebration was one of the reasons and spending time with elves, but she thought there was more. When he was human, Eragon didn’t fully grasp just what it meant to be a dragon rider. Now that he did, the seriousness of that knowledge may have led him to conceal his emotions. I might have part in it too she thought. I was too harsh at the Celebration. I should have handled it better. She gazed out at the waves that resembled her inter turmoil so well. Whenever he’s around me, I know he wants to get close to me, but he holds back because of his broken heart. I was right in doing it. She tried vainly to assure herself. At the time he was my friend. Now…Now I’m not so sure. I don’t think I love him. I like him, but do I love him? She had been asking herself this question ever since she had fallen into his arms at Feinster.

Arya shook her head. She needed to get rid of these thoughts. The council meeting started in an hour and she wanted to wash the sand off of her before she went. As she turned to head back to the Varden camp, she noticed a man sitting in front of a cove. He was staring out at the water looking like he was searching for answers in their watery depths. He was well secluded she noticed. You could only seem him at a certain angle, but you would have to look directly at him to notice he was there. Curious, Arya headed towards the man. She had a feeling she knew who he was, but she wanted to find out for sure.

As she walked silently towards him, she studied his appearance. His face was turned away from her, but she could she that he was tan with shaggy brown hair and good quality clothes, even though they were rather bedraggled at the moment. The closer she got, the sure she was she knew this man. When she was 10 feet away from him, she saw a cerulean dragon in the cove. The dragon lifted its head and looked directly at Arya, though the man continued staring at the sea.

‘Hello, Arya’ the dragon rumbled. ‘What brings you here?’

‘Greetings, Saphira. I was wandering the shore and spied Eragon. I didn’t know who
he was, so I come over to see who he was. I would’ve contacted him mentally, but he seemed intently focused in something, so I walked over’. Arya noted Saphira seemed tired and depressed, but not over come with grief. That was a good thing.

Something in her line of thought must have shown be cause Saphira said
‘I will be fine Arya. I would like to tear Galbatorix apart more than ever, but I will be all right.’ Her voice sounded full of hate and disgust when speaking of the dark king, but she seemed to calm down towards the end. ‘The one I’m concerned about is little one. He just sits there and watches the tide.’

‘Will he be ready for battle any time soon?’ Arya needed to know so she could inform Nasuada if Eragon would be participating in the following battles. While Nasuada technically had power of Eragon, there was very little she could actually make him do unless she caught him in a corner.

‘I will fight Arya. Death sickens Eragon, so I am not sure he will.’

‘If you are fighting Saphira, I’m sure Eragon will join you.’

‘We will see. Now, why don’t you shake him and make him eat something. I need to hunt, but I don’t want him to be alone.’‘

I will take care of him Saphira,’ Arya assured. ‘You don’t need to worry about that.’ Arya felt Saphira pondering that last phrase and knew she had given too much of herself away. If Eragon found out she cared for him and asked her about it, she would have no clue what to answer. She might break his heart again, or maybe she would tell him she loved him to spare him the pain, though it wasn’t entirely true.

‘Be at peace, young one. I will not tell him.’ Arya’s relief was evident on her face. Saphira chuckled mentally at her expression. ‘You should not worry so. He would be that forthright. He knows not to pursue you like that, if ever. Now, go wake him up and give him some food.’‘

Yes, Saphira…Saphira,’ the dragon looked at her inquiringly. ‘Thank you.’ Saphira nodded her head in reply. As Arya severed the connection and turned to face Eragon, she could have sworn she heard something similar to chuckling come from Saphira.
Deciding to ignore it, she walked to where Eragon was gazing out at the waves and then laid her hand on his shoulder. When he did not stir, she shook him and extended a mental probe. Much to her surprise, Eragon had fallen into a deep dream-like state. She easily went through his defenses and found his mind was centered on thoughts of his tutoring at Ellesmera. Although she hated to disrupt him, she knew she must so she spoke to him.

Eragon, she said. His thoughts turned from his late masters to those of Arya. The times they spent together in Ellesmera, when they dueled each other in Farthen Dur…. Why isn’t he listening to me? Then it clicked. ‘He thinks I’m part of his dream not really there.’ Arya was not one to be ignored. ‘Well I’m here and he isn’t waking up, so I’m going to resort to a more hostile tone.’
‘ERAGON!’

Shock came from him mentally and he jumped, making Arya’s arm slip down from his shoulder. He turned to face her.

“What are you doing here,” he asked both mentally and physically.

‘Trying to wake you up,’ answered Saphira humorously. ‘I think Arya can now call you Stonears with good reason!’

Arya allowed herself a small smile at Saphira’s jest. Eragon however, half rolled his eyes and stood up, brushing the sand off of his clothes while glowering at the ground. Saphira too stood and took a step forward. She nudged Eragon in the back with her nose. ‘Don’t be so pessimistic. I’m going hunting. Think you can behave yourself for a few hours?’

‘Do you have to go Saphira?’

‘Yes, I haven’t eaten a decent meal since Ellesmera and you need to eat.’

‘But I don’t want you to go.’ Eragon said pleadingly.

‘You’re a man, Eragon’ scolded Saphira. ‘Act like one. You can survive a few hours without me. Arya’s going to feed you and, knowing them, there’s probably a counsel meeting.’

‘I don’t have to go. They mostly just talk about the same things over and over.’

‘You need to show we’re alive. The Varden need to see their dragon rider. Disappearing for three days probably isn’t best for morale.’

‘All right I’ll go,’ said Eragon grudgingly.

‘Good. Now, go with Arya. She’s been waiting there for you to stop chatting.’ With that she took off, leaving Eragon alone on the shore with Arya.

That is how your first chapter would be preferred to look like, at least something like that, I think.

And you don't need quotation marks when they are mind talking.

Plotwise, just remember to keep it original. This beginning seems eerily similar to a few others, but at the same time has a few unique things. It is still a good start none the less. I will refrain from going all out until you post more updates.

Keep going though. Your definitely starting better off than a handful of the fanfics.

This post has been edited by jsquared0905: 18 April 2009 - 04:37 PM

[BaneOfGalbatorix]

That was amazing. You have a lot of talent and this story will become excellent over time! Can't wait for your next update.

[Starfire 818]

Thank you! I wasn't sure if I was any good or not. I'll try to organize better and double space. I've never post a chapter before though, so I wasn't sure what to do. I'll try to update frequently as I have a lot of time on my hands, but I'm also a rather lazy person.

[Alfa kona]

It's a good start, and all the mistakes were already pointed out. I'm guessing it's going to be ExA? Keep writing, I'm interested in finding out how you're going to do this.

[Starfire 818]

Thanks! I'll try to get chapter 2 up later tonight, but I don't know for sure. I'm just a very lazy person. I mostly get distracted from writing mostly with or TV. Anytime I don't update for a while, just scold me for being lazy and I'll get back on track.
How do you change to topic description? I looked on my control panel, but I can't find anything

This post has been edited by Starfire 818: 11 May 2009 - 02:42 PM

[BaneOfGalbatorix]

Go to your first post and click full Update.

When you scroll down you'll see the topic name and description etc. Also you'll be able to put polls and stuff through there. Everytime you update, you should also change your topic name so it says "Chapter __ is out" or something so readers know.

[VaultofKuthian]

Ya this is good! Keep it up for sure. I want to see where this goes.

[marshall88]

i would like 2 read more the best start i have read for along time

[Starfire 818]

Chapter 2: Belief

Eragon and Arya walked to the Varden camp in silence. He wondered why Arya had come to get him. The meetings never really had much important material to debate. When they did, they just talked about the same thing over and over, bringing up the same problems every time. Eragon shook his head. I never want to be this involved in politics again he grumbled to himself. He knew he was involved now and for the rest of his, but he still held some hope that maybe he would be able to skip the politics part of being a dragon rider.


He glanced at Arya. She was a few feet in front of him; as he had slowed down to ponder the reason of his making this trip. She stopped at the top of a sand dune to wait for him. When he reached her, she said “It’s not like you’re going to your death, Eragon.” She said. “Don’t look so dismal.”


“Yes, Arya svit-kona.” He focused on the trail in front of him, as he knew she was eyeing him severely.


“What is wrong with you, Eragon? You rarely indulge in formalities except for when you are in front of someone who would pass judgment; now, I will ask you again what is wrong?”


Eragon glanced in her direction before continuing on his way. Deliberately staring in front of him, he answered. “I just don’t…. it’s not safe around me, Arya. I can’t get near to anyone, else they would get hurt for being near me.”


“I’m not going to get captured, Eragon.” Arya said looking intently at him. “You’re not going to get me or anyone else hurt. If I am captured, it’ll be because I have valuable intelligence and the elves will pay to get me back.”


“I know, Arya. I just can’t help feeling all this is my fault.” He shook his head as if that would make the answers fall into place.


“What is your fault Eragon,” she asked sounding incredulous. “There’s a risk being around you, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that we’re in danger anyway. Nasuada is close to you. If she gets kidnapped and held for ransom is that your fault?”


“It is if I was responsible for guarding her.” Arya looked like she could slap him. Eragon looked at her with pleading eyes, trying to make her understand. She couldn’t get near him. As much as he would like to get close to her, that would put her in jeopardy, and he couldn’t stand the thought of that. “Arya,” he began. He knew what his reasons were, but he couldn’t find a way to put them into words without saying ‘I love you, but I have to stay away from you.’


“Arya, it’s not that I don’t want you near me, but I just can’t knowingly put you in danger.”


“Danger, Eragon? My position puts me in danger, not being around you.” Arya looked away. “Besides, it’s my job to guard you.”


“No Arya, it’s not. That what I have the elven guards-“


“Who were put under me.” Arya tossed her hair over her shoulders, ignoring the look of confusion from Eragon. “With the death of Oromis and Glaedr, my mother made the guards under my direct command.”


As she stopped for a breath, Eragon commented: “Arya, you already had control over them. That doesn’t make it your job to guard me.”


“I’m not finished. My mother was concerned that if Thorn and Murtagh attacked, you wouldn’t be able to fend them off like last time. She’s sending 5 more spellcasters to the Varden. Also, I’m no longer simply the elven ambassador, I’m your personal body guard.” Eragon wondered why she wouldn’t meet his gaze. Was she making it up?


“Why were you assigned to guard duty, Arya?” He felt sure Izlanzadi wouldn’t have Arya be reduced to a guard for him. She would be too proud for her daughter be brought that low. “A princess doesn’t guard those of lower station.”


“You’re not lower in rank, Eragon,” said Arya. “You’re higher. You are the one free dragon rider. Just because I’m the queen’s daughter, doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily going to be queen. I can refuse the throne.”


“But you’re not going to refuse it. You became disowned because the queen didn’t wan t you to be the ambassador.” Arya looked away and gazed at the path in front of her, picking up the pace. Eragon continued his speech, even though Arya was clearly agitated. “You became the ambassador, even if it meant being separated form family and friends, to help your people. Now you’re trying to convince me you don’t want the elven throne? The best way to help your people?” Eragon shook his head. “You’re not going to refuse the throne Arya. No one would go through hardship if they didn’t believe in something.”


“Maybe you shook take your own advice, Eragon,” said Arya finally meeting his gaze. “You just said ‘No one would go through hardship if they didn’t believe in something.’ What do you believe in? You’re clearly going through something and I don’t think it’s just your master recent decease. You’re not suffering for nothing, what do you believe in?”


Eragon stopped and looked down to consider her question. What did he believe in? He had told Oromis, but now…. Now that Arya put it right there, was worth it? In Ellesmera, he had considered if it was worth putting himself through physical pain to fight for the Varden. Now it was if he could stand people near him dying. Death caused others pain as well, not just himself and Saphira. What did he believe in? Was the belief strong enough to get him and Saphira through this? “I believe in a free Alagaesia. If I didn’t, I might as well go home.” Eragon nodded to himself. “Galbatorix must be set down and pay for his crimes. That is worth the death and suffering this war has brought us.” Arya nodded and continued walking. Eragon kept still for a second, and then trailed her back to the Varden encampment.
**********

I don't think the inner turmoil came out right, and in some places it's a little confusing, but I'm posting it anyway. I tried to make sure I double spaced the paragraphs and stayed in the same POV.
Thanks for the encouraging comments. I will try to post tomorrow, though I have church so most likely on Monday.

Please people post! I need comments. I'm working on chapter 3, but I can't get the dialoge wrong. They all end up debating Lord of the Rings. Not what I'm going for. I can never stay on topic

This post has been edited by Starfire 818: 20 July 2009 - 12:59 PM

[The Shadeslayers]

Great Chapter

I like how you brought Eragon out of his shell with Arya for a bit and your structure is greatfor one who has only begun their fanfiction. I look forward to reading alot more of this story.

An improvement would be using grammer to be associated with the characters. Your Arya speaks quite commonly even tohugh she is the Elven Princess. She would use bigger words. Eragon would spend more time thinking about what is he is about to say.

Your story though and you are pulling it off amazingly.

TS, your Fricai.

[Starfire 818]

Thanks TS, I don't really know how old english was spoken and I don't want to go into 'thee' and 'thou'. Normally, my characters end up talking like teenagers sometimes even using slang terms. I'm tring to improve, but as you said I'm just beginning. The only other story I've written was a modern day murder mystery, so I'm out of my comfort zone. Thanks again, I love your fanfic!

I will try to update tommorow, as I can't finish the chapter in time today.

[The Shadeslayers]

Thank you

Personally, I am disgusted that this has only a two star rating. People have been too quick to judge when the story is'nt even out of its first page.

I did'nt mean speak using "Thou" and "Thy". Just to bring their background into consideraion. Eragon only learnt to read a year previously whilst Arya grew up as a Princess.

Eragon would use words like "Aye" and prefer to use body language than words.

"How are you faring Eragon-elda?" asked Arya, her emerald eyes searching his for an answer, oblivious to her body leaning in against his for comofrt. Inches away from contact.

Eragon mumbled an answer a couple of seconds later "Good"

Reaching forward, Arya seized his hand in hers and gazed deeper into the depths of his soft eyes, as if to look beyond them and delve directly into his soul. "Are you sure Eragon?"

Eragon looked at her passionately, a secret tearing him up from the inside but he did not let it show. After a moment, he looked away and nodded to answer her question.


Something like that but not as extreme. Will your next chapter be up tonight? Pleeeeease
TS

[evarya]

Thank you

Personally, I am disgusted that this has only a two star rating. People have been too quick to judge when the story is'nt even out of its first page.

I did'nt mean speak using "Thou" and "Thy". Just to bring their background into consideraion. Eragon only learnt to read a year previously whilst Arya grew up as a Princess.

Eragon would use words like "Aye" and prefer to use body language than words.

"How are you faring Eragon-elda?" asked Arya, her emerald eyes searching his for an answer, oblivious to her body leaning in against his for comofrt. Inches away from contact.

Eragon mumbled an answer a couple of seconds later "Good"

Reaching forward, Arya seized his hand in hers and gazed deeper into the depths of his soft eyes, as if to look beyond them and delve directly into his soul. "Are you sure Eragon?"

Eragon looked at her passionately, a secret tearing him up from the inside but he did not let it show. After a moment, he looked away and nodded to answer her question.


Something like that but not as extreme. Will your next chapter be up tonight? Pleeeeease
TS

Yes, I agree with you Shades..Im shocked this only has two stars..I think you are doing very good..You have very good description and emotion, you have very few mistakes, and your already improving on you orginizing.

So keep It up!!!