[Burgoo King]

Well, I'm working on turning Project Scythe into a web series. I have no idea how to get critique for a script, but i thought i should post it here as i'm wondering whether or not to post it in the OW section in its own topic or not, as if i did that it would sort of... not get as many views as an original post.

Also; i was wondering if, i did say, turn it into a web series, that people would watch it based on tiny tidbits of the script i am showing here? Be warned: this is my first draft of a scene i have had in my head for over a year now, ever since i started working on Deadwood Street (A.K.A The original).

Here is a little bit of the first draft. The reason why i am not posting it in OW is because i also want your opinion - should i turn this into a series or not? I already have 4 seasons planned out from beginning to end, and there is a little time travel element involved which makes things more epic. Also, I am doing this in 3D which will make it harder to make, but the end product more rewarding as it will help kickstart my 3D career. I am about 14 weeks into my Animation and Digital video course, then i shall move on to Animation (Advanced) (which, by this time, i hope to have at least the first scene of the first episode done. this stuff takes a while, guys!), and then im going to move on to Video Post Production.

Anyway, here is a peek at the script i am currently writing for Episode 001.



Well, what do you guys think? Should this be done or not? I know: its hard to tell because of how little you've seen so far, and i have never wrote a script before, do you think adapting it into a web series (A.K.A - i visualized each chapter of the book as a movie in my mind and that looked much more epic than what i had written) is a wise idea?

[Go for Gin]

I'd be interested. I've seen some of your writing, and I think your stories would benefit from adaption.

[5aphira]

I would say, 3D can be really stuning, but it will take a lot of work. If I were you, I would personally start out with a Flash Animation tool. They are still powerful and require less hours of work. And you see that most modern animation, even on TV is still not made in pure 3D and the few that exist are normally really bad child series that also always look a bit... strange. (I mean in motion)

EDIT: And you should think about the rendering. I've had projects that took hours to render a basic environment. So you don't need just to know how to model an environment but how fast it is rendering. You know, most of A/V companys use many servers to render their videos.

This post has been edited by 5aphira: 06 May 2009 - 08:13 AM

[Burgoo King]

Here's the first draft of the script for episode one. The only script i shall ever post online in case of bloody plagerisim. And yes, i know thats not how you spell it
The PDF IS attatched.
 Project_Scythe_S01E01__First_Draft_.pdf (26.4K)
Number of downloads: 1

[Thundra]

As I said in the topic you made in OW, there are a few minro things you need to work on in your script -- in the sense that you aren't writing it properly. I'm not trying to be mean when I say that, it's the truth. I forgot to mention that when you're writing what someone says, you aren't supposed to have quotation marks. We already know that, because you have the character's name above what's being said, it's them talking, and not part of the description of what's happening.

I'm no expert at writing scripts, but here's a small excerpt from Stephen King's "Storm of the Century":

PART 1
Linoge

ACT 1

FADE IN ON:
1. EXTERIOR: MAIN STREET, LITTLE TALL ISLAND--LATE AFTERNOON
SNOW is flying past the lens of THE CAMERA, at first so fast and so hard we can't see anything at all. THE WIND IS SHRIEKING. THE CAMERA starts to MOVE FORWARD, and we see a STUTTERY ORANGE LIGHT. It's the blinker at the corner of Main Street and Atlantic Street--Little Tall's only town intersection. The blinker is DANCING WILDLY in the wind. Both streets are deserted, and why not? This is a full-throated blizzard. We can see some dim lights in the buildings, but no human beings. The snow is drifted half way up the shop windows.

MIKE ANDERSON speakes with a light Maine accent.

MIKE ANDERSON (voice-over)
My name is Michael Anderson, and I'm not what you'd call a Rhodes scholar. I don't have much time in the way of philosophy, either, but I know one thing: in this world, you have to pay as you go. Usually a lot. Sometimes all you have. That's a lesson I thought I learned nine years ago, during what folks in these parts call the Storm of the Century.

The BLINKER LIGHT GOES DEAD. So do all the other brave little lights we saw in the storm. Now there's only the WIND and the BLOWING SNOW.

MIKE
I was wrong. I only started learning during the big blow. I finished just last week.

DISSOLVE TO:
2. EXTERIOR: MAINE WOODS, FROM THE AIR (HELICOPTER)--DAY
It's the cold season--all trees except the firs are bare, branches reaching up like fingers into the white sky. There's snow on the ground, but only in patches, like bundles of dirty laundry. The ground skims by below us, the wodds broken by the occasional twisty line of two-lane blactop or little New England town.

That's from the very beginning of the script, and, as you can see, there are a few minor things that are different rfom your script. As great as your script is, I suggest going through it and making it a bit more like this one (in set up, I mean), so that's it's easier to read.

[Burgoo King]

As I said in the topic you made in OW, there are a few minro things you need to work on in your script -- in the sense that you aren't writing it properly. I'm not trying to be mean when I say that, it's the truth. I forgot to mention that when you're writing what someone says, you aren't supposed to have quotation marks. We already know that, because you have the character's name above what's being said, it's them talking, and not part of the description of what's happening.

I'm no expert at writing scripts, but here's a small excerpt from Stephen King's "Storm of the Century":

PART 1
Linoge

ACT 1

FADE IN ON:
1. EXTERIOR: MAIN STREET, LITTLE TALL ISLAND--LATE AFTERNOON
SNOW is flying past the lens of THE CAMERA, at first so fast and so hard we can't see anything at all. THE WIND IS SHRIEKING. THE CAMERA starts to MOVE FORWARD, and we see a STUTTERY ORANGE LIGHT. It's the blinker at the corner of Main Street and Atlantic Street--Little Tall's only town intersection. The blinker is DANCING WILDLY in the wind. Both streets are deserted, and why not? This is a full-throated blizzard. We can see some dim lights in the buildings, but no human beings. The snow is drifted half way up the shop windows.

MIKE ANDERSON speakes with a light Maine accent.

MIKE ANDERSON (voice-over)
My name is Michael Anderson, and I'm not what you'd call a Rhodes scholar. I don't have much time in the way of philosophy, either, but I know one thing: in this world, you have to pay as you go. Usually a lot. Sometimes all you have. That's a lesson I thought I learned nine years ago, during what folks in these parts call the Storm of the Century.

The BLINKER LIGHT GOES DEAD. So do all the other brave little lights we saw in the storm. Now there's only the WIND and the BLOWING SNOW.

MIKE
I was wrong. I only started learning during the big blow. I finished just last week.

DISSOLVE TO:
2. EXTERIOR: MAINE WOODS, FROM THE AIR (HELICOPTER)--DAY
It's the cold season--all trees except the firs are bare, branches reaching up like fingers into the white sky. There's snow on the ground, but only in patches, like bundles of dirty laundry. The ground skims by below us, the wodds broken by the occasional twisty line of two-lane blactop or little New England town.

That's from the very beginning of the script, and, as you can see, there are a few minor things that are different rfom your script. As great as your script is, I suggest going through it and making it a bit more like this one (in set up, I mean), so that's it's easier to read.

Ah, yeah, thanks

I should have mentioned that that was the first script i ever made LOL.

[Thundra]

Ah, that would make sense then. I didn't start writing scripts until after I read Storm of the Century, so it bothers me when I see scripts written like how you've written this one, haha.

My bad, sorry about that.

[Burgoo King]

Ah, that would make sense then. I didn't start writing scripts until after I read Storm of the Century, so it bothers me when I see scripts written like how you've written this one, haha.

My bad, sorry about that.

That's okay. I'm writing scripts now because when i write novels, i visualize them as movies, and this one was too good to be just another epic fantasy novel lol