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Water and Fire ExA- Chapter 32: End the war | Updated 11/29 | Rate Topic: ****- 34 Votes

Poll: Water and Fire (38 member(s) have cast votes)

Do you read this Fanfic?

  1. Yes (37 votes [97.37%])

    Percentage of vote: 97.37%

  2. No (1 votes [2.63%])

    Percentage of vote: 2.63%

How many times do you check for updates?

  1. Once a day (21 votes [55.26%])

    Percentage of vote: 55.26%

  2. Every hour (8 votes [21.05%])

    Percentage of vote: 21.05%

  3. Once a week (9 votes [23.68%])

    Percentage of vote: 23.68%

What is the best element in this story?

  1. Character development (7 votes [18.42%])

    Percentage of vote: 18.42%

  2. Description (6 votes [15.79%])

    Percentage of vote: 15.79%

  3. Awesome twists (Eragon part dragon, Anurin alive etc) (25 votes [65.79%])

    Percentage of vote: 65.79%

What can I work better on?

  1. Description (9 votes [23.68%])

    Percentage of vote: 23.68%

  2. Character development (12 votes [31.58%])

    Percentage of vote: 31.58%

  3. Dialogue (9 votes [23.68%])

    Percentage of vote: 23.68%

  4. Speed (slow it down) (8 votes [21.05%])

    Percentage of vote: 21.05%

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#1 User is offline   Viva America Icon

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Post icon  Posted 17 May 2009 - 10:57 AM

Water and Fire




By Jesper


This is my fanfiction of Book IV of the Inheritance Cycle.

Short summary: This book begins where book III has ended, right after the siege of Feinster. Eragon is torn by the loss of his masters, and has to face some tough challenges. He has only one love, Arya, but will the world around him appreciate it that he is going to confess his love for her, yet again? Or is it wise to remain silent about it, and distantiate from her. Also, Eragon's half-brother, Murtagh, is struggling against his enslavement by the evil king Galbatorix. Will he and his dragon become free beings once?

You will find out, if you read the story.

Note: The story begins at post #4. I had to edit this post, replacing the 1st chapter there. So don't get confused by the first two replies.

Table of contents.

Chapter 1: Aftermath
Chapter 2: Beyond expectations
Chapter 3: A new rider
Chapter 4: Sunrise
Chapter 5: Sameragdu
Chapter 6: New tactics
Chapter 7: Reluctance
Chapter 8: Hope or doom?
Chapter 9: Names
Chapter 10: Campfire tales
Chapter 11: Complications
Chapter 12: Duel
Chapter 13: A friendly meal
Chapter 14: Mind wanderings
Chapter 15: Belatona
Chapter 16: Agilhard
Chapter 17: Never say never
Chapter 18: Sorrow, pain and despair
Chapter 19: Dark allusions
violence.gif Chapter 20: When all seems lost...
Chapter 21: … A new hope emerges…
Chapter 22: ...To break a heart.
Chapter 23: Utgard
Chapter 24: Mission
Chapter 25: Battle of Dorú Areaba
Chapter 26: For the sake of freedom
Chapter 27: A military's life
Chapter 28: Leadership
Chapter 29: A stairs to freedom?
Chapter 30: A hunt for lunch
Chapter 31: His best catch ever
Chapter 32: End the war

Critique of doom, by Warden!

This post has been edited by Jesper: 28 November 2009 - 07:11 PM

De nacht is foarby, de sinne is frij, omheech te gean, in nije dei.

#2 User is offline   The Shadeslayers Icon

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Posted 17 May 2009 - 12:13 PM

Hey Jesperr. I just finished reading your fan fiction and I am deeply impressed.

Normally a beginner would make mistakes such as their use of Capitales or even something as obvious as sorting their work into paragraphs but you have rose above these mistakes. This leads me to think that you have alot of potential to become a great writer if you are not already a great writer.

I enjoyed the Variety you brought to your fan fiction. You have no idea how boring "It was x days after the battle of Feinster..." gets for the beginning of a fan fiction. You incorporate each character as they were in the books but also make them different enough as your own.

There is so much praise to be granted to your chapter and I sadly do not have enough time to type it all but all I can say is that I personally hope that you continue to write and I will be always looking out for this fan fiction.

Your friend,
The Shadeslayers
(Insert clever, witty comment here)
- The Shadeslayers

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Posted 17 May 2009 - 12:41 PM

For a first go it was really good...and TS you should spell Capitals properly ).gif Anyway...yeah I look forward to seeing where this goes in the future because you do show potential.

Can't judge a book by its cover though, keep writing.
My Book IV: Nexus. And my other Book IV: Babylon.

Before starting your own fanfic please read this, it should really help you out.

My real name is Joey...for those who wanted to know.

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Posted 17 May 2009 - 01:13 PM

Chapter 1: Aftermath.

The sun shone brightly in the sky, and birds were singing their morning songs, welcoming the new day. A day that would have been a lovely day to be walking in the tall grass, which was growing in the fertile soil surrounding the city of Feinster. Herbivores, such as deer, sheep and cows were all enjoying the abundance of the grass they were inhabiting. Normally, they would have been enjoying the fresh breeze that came from the sea. But this day, thin smoke rose up from burned houses in the city, polluting the morning air.

One could walk for hours through the vastness of the area, becoming one with nature, and let their thoughts carried away by the temperate sea breeze. But not this day, for it was a dark day, full of pain and distress. It was the day that a young Dragonrider woke up from his well-earned sleep.

A young Dragonrider, with a face so young, and a body so old, if age would come through scars and pain. Not only physically, but mentally as well. And the age of the Dragonrider had grown by years overnight.

A shadeslayer he was, and an apprentice he had been until recently, when the master of the Dragonrider had died during a battle near a city far from the chilly city of Feinster. And outside of the city of Feinster this young Dragonrider, Eragon, woke up as he heard the birds call out his name.

Or did he just imagine that?

Nevertheless, Eragon yawned and stretched, but quickly stopped in his movements after he felt the pains from the day before. “Alone, Alone in the dark! Alone!”. The last words of his master’s dragon, Glaedr came vividly back into his memory again, and Eragon suddenly felt his energy drawn from him, and he felt miserable. Sorrow, and despair clouded his heart.

All his hopes for a good and joyful morning went washed away, as one would clean a dirty boot in a river. But then a familiar mind came into his, calming him down, and taking the feelings of agony away. Saphira, his proud dragoness, contacted him via their special mental bond, which was the most powerful thing a rider and his or her dragon could share. They were one, and they had no differences between the two of them.

“hello little one, you woke up late today. I went hunting earlier, and when I came back, Nasuada asked us to heal the wounded. She also asked Arya to aid us.”

“Ok, let me get ready then, for I believe we have a lot of men to deal with today. It was a long and devastating battle yesterday.”

Eragon then began to dress himself in his elven tunics and shaved himself by using his self-made spell and gathered some nuts, bread and berries from a bag he got off from Saphira’s saddle-bags. When he was done eating, he left the tent and began to walk in the direction of Arya’s tent. He discovered she wasn’t there before he arrived, because he didn’t sense her.

“Saphira, is Arya with you already?”

“Yes she is little one, I thought that woman-two-legged-ones were the one who needed much time to prepare themselves, but you seem to prove otherwise”, Saphira snorted.


Eragon still felt hurt too much to reply to the witty answers from his partner-of-heart, and simply ran towards her. When he saw the shiny blue scales of Saphira, he noticed a beautiful black haired elf meditating in front of the humming dragon.

“Good morning to you, Arya Shadeslayer, as far as a morning like this can be good”.

“Hello Eragon Shadeslayer, I would prefer you to just call me Arya, as I only call you Eragon, remember?” said Arya with a such a small voice that surprised Eragon.

“She must still be very hurt from inside over the loss of Oromis and Glaedr”, Eragon thought to himself.

“Did Saphira tell you we were summoned by Nasuada to heal the injured men?”, Eragon asked.

“Yes, actually, I was told by Nasuada, and I contacted Saphira, as you were still asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you up, as I know sleeping is the best way to cure and clear your mind after a fight”.

“Thank you for that, Arya. Well, let us get moving to the healing tents then, shall we?”

Together the three friends walked to the healing tents, and spend the afternoon healing the injured men. They made sure they wouldn’t heal the injuries which didn’t require to be healed in a few moments, like bruises and little wounds, but they made sure no wound was infected and broken bones were mended. They pitied the men who lost limbs, and they made sure they told them their loss was not for nothing.

When they were mostly done with healing, they felt tired and in need of a proper meal. Saphira left to hunt and Eragon and Arya went to the cooking tents where they held a meal together.

“Have you already tried to contact Glaedr?”, Arya asked.

“No, and I don’t think I will try, unless he either makes contact with me, or within a week or two, as he still mourns for his rider. Alone, Alone in the dark! Alone! were Glaedrs last words, Arya, and he spoke these words with so much desperateness, that I think he will need much time to get over the death of Oromis.”

“I’m sorry Eragon, I did not know being separated from your rider would cause these thoughts… These last words make me very angry towards Galbatorix, as he has separated many dragons from their riders, not even granting them the joy of being in the void together!.”, said Arya suddenly with her old fury and firmness.

“Then let us together make him suffer for the pain he has caused to the world, but let us not rush things, I am still not ready to fight against Galbatorix yet”, said Eragon to calm the Elf princess down.

They then left the cooking tent, to discover Saphira returned from her hunting trip. When they walked up to the large sapphire blue dragon, they noticed a small group existing out of Humans and Urgals approaching them, with a proud stepping, dark skinned young woman in the centre of the group.

When the group arrived, the Urgal and Human bodyguards split into the shape of a half moon, so they would be able to guard the back of the young woman, and she would be able to speak with the trio.

“Saphira, Eragon, Arya, good morning”, Nasuada said. “I wanted to give you information on our march to the city of Belatona, and I wouldn’t want to wait until you three were in my tent, as it is quite a mess there”.

“What is it you want to discuss, lady Nightstalker? It was clear to us that we would march with the army alongside the Jiet river, or did you change plans?” said Saphira.

“How could someone underestimate the wit of a dragon, is my answer as usual”, said Nasuada with a grin. ”As Saphira just guessed, we have indeed changed our plans, which is directly or indirectly the cause of the mess in the commanders tent. We agreed on a quick march up to the city of Belatona over land, but a Varden commander, who is familiar with the lands of the area between Feinster and Belatona, informed us that it was rather hard to get a quick march going, as the lands are very soggy and wet from the river. It would be impossible to carry food and supplies on a caravan behind the army. Therefore, we have decided to build ships, probably the same type as your cousin Roran used to get from Narda to Teirm. Some of the commanders weren’t happy with this decision, and since those commanders are very good in standing behind their ideas, a little argument held place in the tent”.

“Who were these commanders, Nasuada?”, Eragon asked.

“Nar Garzhvog, Fadawar and Narheim”, replied Nasuada. “They refused to get on the ships because it is in their nature to not be involved with deep waters. But after the few needed debates we convinced them to take the ships, as long as we promised we wouldn’t let them drown”, grinned Nasuada

Saphira, Eragon and Arya were highly amused by hearing how scared the mighty warriors were for the waters of the river. The couple then discussed about the amount of time it would take to reach the city of Belatona, and how they would protect themselves from possible attacks. Nasuade told them that making the ships would take up to three weeks if everybody from the army would help, and it would take up to a month and a half to reach Lake Leona, as they were going upstream. If all went well and without casualties, they would be fighting again in two months.

“One question, Nasuada”, Eragon said.

“Yes, my vassal?”

“Where are we going to build the ships?, We are a hundred miles from the river, and I don’t think you want to build the ships at Feinster,”

“Ah, I see you are very clever, Eragon, but I came up with an idea to get ourselves from the city to the river. We are going to dig a canal, and you three alongside the elves will be a perfect help with that. Talons will make a great shovel, and with your magic you will be able to reach the river in three weeks. Then we can ship immediately”.

Nasuada then was amused by the looks the trio gave him. Eragon was looking confused, Arya showed no emotion as always. And as she had suspected, if looks could kill, she would have been reduced to ashes instantly by the proud Saphira.

“Talons are not for digging in mud, talons are for ripping apart two-legged-tailless-short-snouts!” Was Saphira’s reply.

“They might be, but not for the upcoming three weeks”, Nasuada said with a faint smile on her face”. She then left for the commanders tent, leaving the three with their own minds.

“Well, I suppose we will begin tomorrow then”, said Eragon. “we will save as much energy as we can in gemstones, and we will have to let our digging machine get herself some food”.

“If you don’t want to be reduced to nothing more than a burnt squirrel, you’d better not say such things anymore” Saphira angrily said.

They then went in their tents, to get to sleep. Saphira curled herself up in front of Eragons tent, and became one with her own thoughts.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This post has been edited by Jesper: 26 October 2009 - 06:10 AM

De nacht is foarby, de sinne is frij, omheech te gean, in nije dei.

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Posted 17 May 2009 - 04:47 PM

i loved it plz keep writing
yay they are going to remake gold and silver
be aten

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Posted 17 May 2009 - 11:21 PM

Liked it...Thank you for not doing the days after feniester...Everyone is doing that...And yes the cannal is very original..Keep it going Jesper..

Peace ~Ev~
I Believe Life Is Magical~It Is So Precious~There Are So Many Kinds Of Life In This Life~So Many Things To Love~The Love Of A Husband Or Wife~A Boyfriend Or Girlfriend~The Love For Children~The Love For Yourself~And Even Material Things~This Is My Love~It Is Mine~And It Fills Me~And It Defines Me~And It Compels Me On." -Molly Shannon




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Posted 17 May 2009 - 11:27 PM

Hey Jesper, very nice idea, haven't seen it before which is a nice change thumbsup.gif , also good to use a time skip over it, one question though. What kind of story is this going to be? ie: ExA. Anyway nice start, cannot wait for the next update.
War is a river that may freeze over for a time, but always continues flowing.

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 01:06 AM

Saphira is too lenient...


^ Dunno why I did this...

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 02:28 AM

This was a very well-written first chapter! I think the dialogue was very well done, and I noticed no spelling mistakes, which is impressive. The only thing you could do differently was you don't need quote marks when writing mental speak, but that is a minor detail.

I like your river idea, although I personally don't think Nasuada would be so cheerful about being so badly delayed.

Overall though, way to go! thumbup.gif
"The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong."

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 09:37 AM

The delay has it's cause ).gif

Thanks all for your support, I've even got more credit here for this in 1 day then for all my essays and poems at school the last 5 years lol.

I don't know exactly what lenient means but I'll look it up and see what I have to change.

Oh, the story is going to turn somewhat ExA, and Murtagh might surprise and also Galby's death might be a surprise for all of you, so I will keep writing. Since I got home late today from work, I have to make dinner for me and my sister in 30 mins or so, I'll start writing after I have taken a shower, and after dinner ).gif.

Also, wednesday and tuesday I have free days, so more chapters will be coming (I hope).

Thanks again all of you ).gif
De nacht is foarby, de sinne is frij, omheech te gean, in nije dei.

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 12:51 PM

Chapter 2. Beyond expectations.

Day an night pass by, unchanged in it continuous cycle of light and darkness. Together they form the most stabile cycle the universe knows. Never ever has the day forgotten to show its bright light that it brings to the world underneath, nor has the night ever lacked appereance, knowing it brings hope to the small animals that seek for food and refugee under its cover of utter darkness.

Days and night come and go, weeks pass by, months are striped away by the shape of the moon, and each year the summer returns, known for the heat and the sun, at its climax in the earth's cylce around it.

Today was mid-summer day, and two weeks had passed since the army of the Varden had began cutting trees for their fleet. The trees would be cut, dried,and crafted into boards. Normally, this proces would take much more time, as the wood would have to be completely dried. But these weren't normal times, and the ships would only have to survive a few weeks on a calm river.

The wood that had already been in Feinster, which was, obviously, dried and of the best quality, was being used for the most vital parts of the ships. The men and women were working the best they could, helped by the citizens of Feinster, and as of now, they were right on the predicted schedule.

They would probably need just over another week to complete the ships, the shipbuilders had said. As soon as the smithies and the rope industries of Feinster, which miraculously had been saved from burning, would sent the last delivery, they could finish the ships off.

Far ahead on schedule, was the digging of the canal, which was no surprise, since the magic of the elves, Eragon and Arya, and the mighty claws of Saphira, were very efficient. On the last day of the second week a small group of the Varden came to inspect the work. Saphira, who was covered in mud, which she didn’t like at all, noticed them first.

Look Eragon, Nasuada and Angela are coming towards us. And...

... And?

There are the two women, who where foretold their future by Angela!, Saphira said to Eragon.

What? are you sure about that?

Saphira growled out loud, causing Eragon to jump a few feet in the air. Arya and the elves looked at the blue dragoness, curious as to why she would do such a thing.

Eragon quickly said “Arya, come join Saphira and me, the labour inspectors have arrived”

The three of them walked towards the group arriving at the canal, shortly followed by the rest of the elves, who were eager for a variation in their daily routine.

“Hello, Nasuada and Angela, we are surprised to see you two in such a group. Were you going to check up on us if we are aren’t taking a holiday?”, Eragon said with a grin.

“Save your jokes for later, Eragon, we have many serious cases to deliberate about”, Angela said with a seriousness which surprised the three of them.

The two weeks of digging had been a great opportunity for Eragon to become a little more light-hearted after his masters deaths, as it was a calming task, away from the daily activities needed in the large Varden army. Also, he had been talking with Arya about everything and nothing every evening, and they often went out flying with Saphira, just to enjoy the beauty of the surrounding nature.

“I’m sorry, Angela. I have noticed you have brought unexpected company with you, may I ask what the nature of your visit is?”, Eragon said with a staggered look on his face, and a hidden grin.

“That’s a good observation. Although I’m sure Nasuada is better at explaining.”

“Yes, thank you for giving me the word”, Nasuada said with a slight irritation in her voice. “As you might have noticed, we have two strangers in our midst”, said Nasuada while pointing at the two desert women. “These two are our main reason why we are boring you three and the elves with digging a canal, apart from avoiding travelling over land, digging ourselves into the wet soil”.

Eragon, Saphira and even Arya were all looking in surprise. They did not expect the two women to be such important to let the whole Varden army make ships and dig a canal towards the Jiet river.

“They have no names, as names have power, they say. But they came three months ago at the Varden camp with haste, and they said they knew a secret of great value”. As Nasuada said this, the three were even looking more surprised, and were eager to hear more.

“They came up to my tent, and they told me that they knew a secret way into the deep cave system dug under the keep of Urû’baen. They said they wanted to help the Varden to steal the last dragon egg, but they wanted to do it by the two of them, and didn’t want any Varden assistance.

I highly doubted that they would succeed, but they told me they knew how to bypass the spells using secret spells, which they promised in a magical blood oath never to use, and immediatly forget after they had been cast, aside from using them to steal the egg at least. So they departed for Urû’baen after they had been foretold their future by Angela and had been blessed by Eragon and Saphira. The rest of the story is for themselves to tell”, Nasuada said.

“What lady Nightstalker says is indeed true, Shadeslayer”, said the woman with the scars on her wrists, with a strange accent in her voice. “Me and my daughter travelled to Urû’baen in the greatest secrecy, as it was told that we could only succeed if nobody but the leader of the Varden knew our name, our goal and our secret way of bypassing the enchantments which had been laid on the caves and the egg. We entered the caves by revealing a tunnel, hidden by dark magic, with one of our spells.

The thing about these spells is that we forgot how they were casted, right after we had casted them. This was to prevent people from using them for their own purposes. We are not strong magicians, but we had been given a gem by the one who sent us at this quest, whose name or location we cannot name, and this gem contained enough energy for us to help us cast the spells.

When we finally got to the chamber where the egg was hidden, we had to remove the wards placed upon the door, which we succeeded to do so, and we stole the egg and returned to the Varden, where we arrived eight days ago”.

“We have let several thousand people touch the egg already, but it still has not hatched for anyone”, Nasuada said. “That is why we have come here to ask your Elven magicians and Arya to try as well. If it hatches for nobody, I’d like you to go to the Elven army and try if it may hatch there. As you know, there have been more Elven riders in our history than Human riders, it will be worth the risk to travel to Gil’ead, as Galbatorix does not know the egg is stolen”.

Nasuada then presented the egg, which one of her personal bodyguards, the Nighthawks, handed over to her from one of his saddlebags. The group of Elven magicians arrived at the group, and one by one they held the egg in their hands for several minutes, but nothing happened until the last Elf held it.

Everybody was shocked to see that the green egg in her arms began to shake a little, and after a few twiddles, it hatched. Arya clearly had a shocked expression on her face when she saw the egg in her arms began to burst open, and a tiny green creature exposed its head to the afternoon sun.

Arya put the egg at the surface of the ground, and the egg fell apart so that a green grotesque creature could get out of it. The creature had dark green membranes which were covering its small body, which had a brilliant emerald green shade. When Arya touched the dragon, a bolt of energy rushed through her body, and a silvery white mark was visible on the palm of her hand.

She rose up her feet, with the dragon in her arms, with the expression of shock still on her face, and she looked Eragon in his wide open eyes, which slowly began to turn into a happy look.

Congratulations, Arya Shur’tugal dröttningu shadeslayer, and welcome to the club, Saphira said, while she began to hum of great satisfaction.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I might think about granting a few wishes from people who think this or that will happen in book IV, or let several characters die in a painful way, as some people want. (captain Edric and Fadawar perhaps?) But that will come in later chapters. I hope you enjoyed reading this one, and don't hate me for letting Arya becoming the new rider so fast. (remember book III was written in a timelapse of something under a month, and I'm already 3 weeks ahead in my book IV)

This post has been edited by Jesper: 10 September 2009 - 12:36 PM

De nacht is foarby, de sinne is frij, omheech te gean, in nije dei.

#12 User is offline   gabriella Icon

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 01:04 PM

QUOTE
“Did Saphira told you we were summoned by Nasuada to heal the injured men?”,

Just figured you might want to fix the fact that im guessing it is supposed to say Did Saphira tell you....p.gif

).gif
I LIKED IT! D.gif
I'll be honest with you like TS said, you did not make the common beginner mistakes, which does show you have an immense amount of potential. ).gif
I can't wait to see your update ).gif
And i did certainly laugh at the following line:
QUOTE
“Yes she is little one, I thought that woman-two-legged-ones were the one who needed much time to prepare themselves, but you seem to prove otherwise”, Saphira snorted.



btw....what is your native tongue....? ).gif

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 01:08 PM

Thank you very much, I'll fix the errors. I might make more errors like that as I translate from my mind into English, and there are a lot of grammatical differences in that way between my language and English p.gif

Haha, at that line, I just had to put it in as I live with 2 sisters and a mother, and they all just ahve to take sooo much time to get themselves ready, I wanted to be picky at Eragon on that.. it just suddenly came in a random thought to my mind to put that in.

My native tongue is Dutch, and in my language I have a dialect, don't know if that exists in English, but you can compare it as the difference between Scottish and English ).gif

This post has been edited by Jesperr: 18 May 2009 - 01:16 PM

De nacht is foarby, de sinne is frij, omheech te gean, in nije dei.

#14 User is offline   gabriella Icon

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 02:51 PM

QUOTE (Jesperr @ May 18 2009, 02:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thank you very much, I'll fix the errors. I might make more errors like that as I translate from my mind into English, and there are a lot of grammatical differences in that way between my language and English p.gif

Haha, at that line, I just had to put it in as I live with 2 sisters and a mother, and they all just ahve to take sooo much time to get themselves ready, I wanted to be picky at Eragon on that.. it just suddenly came in a random thought to my mind to put that in.

My native tongue is Dutch, and in my language I have a dialect, don't know if that exists in English, but you can compare it as the difference between Scottish and English ).gif


No problem! ).gif Aha, yeah it's not a big thing, I just figured as a friend i would tell you ).gif
HAHA, well even I must admit it p.gif...we do take alot of time to get ready p.gif....it was a great line though ).gif

I read the second part, and its still AWSOME ).gif

Can't wait to see the next update (no pressureee p.gif)

).gif
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Posted 19 May 2009 - 01:05 AM

That was another excellent chapter. You write very well, especially considering that you are not as accustomed to English. I noticed a couple of small spelling mistakes (such as where instead of were) at the beginning of the chapter, but they were very few.

And thank you for making Arya the rider, I always like it when people do that. thumbup.gif
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