[squirrelhunter3]

This is a poem i wrote for my girlfriend. What do you guys think

for the love of my heart a mortal wont do
i need an angel that angel is u
but can the dove love the raven so coarse
while your song is sweet mine is ragged and hoarse
I knight of Ahnrok plege my heart and my sword
i'll slay all the deamons, i'll fight back the hoard.
It is the truth i write in these words
i'll go into battle with your banner unfurled
I pledge to the world my promises thus
if i should fall no more to rise
the love of my heart will go to the skies.
And fly to u then
so now u know
just how i feel
and though i live in deciet
these feelings are real

[Africander]

For people to pay attention to your poems to could try to use proper grammar and spelling and maybe give it a title.

[ArgetAiedail]

Yeah, proper puncuation and spelling would be good. The poem doesn't have to have a name (goodness knows several of mine don't) but it makes it feel more finished, and it kind of gives your mind a starting place at understanding the poem. The rhyming is good, as far as I know, and the rythm is too, also as far as I know. Just work on grammar and you're good.

[squirrelhunter3]

This is a poem I wrote for English class.

The Ballad of Blue-Blade
Forged in the depths of a mountain mine,
the weapon's blade was blue.
The intentions of the makers mind,
he'd surely come to rue.
A sword to pierce a dragon's heart.
To make the life blood spew.
A warrior called to wield it,
his services required.
Only evil tyrants want this murderer for hire.
Mail worn to fend off claws and teeth.
A shield to block the fire.
A priest in a village told,
to prepare a funeral pyre.
He bravely entered the dragons lair.
He drew the sword, prepared his shield
and bellowed “Come forth if you dare!”
A coal black dragon came from the depths,
his talons gleaming white.
In the light of dragon-fire the sword shone so bright.
The warrior charged, swinging the blade
shouting a battle cry.
The dragon opened his great jaws and roared a challenge too,
and from the base of the dragon's mouth
flames began to spew.
Only by a lucky leap, the fighters life was saved,
from a torrent of blistering heat and everlasting flame.
The warrior stabbed, drawing blood.
The dragon roared in pain.
Though the beast was wounded now,
he was far from slain.
The battle raged on and on,
the minutes turned to hours.
Smoke rose from the cave's hideous mouth
like a castle's ugly towers.
Then in a flash of teeth and claws
the fighter fell to the ground.
The dragon picked up the magnificent blade
and added it to his hoard.
So there near the carcass of a rotting knight
a sword glitters blue.
And whether you want to believe it or not
the story of blue-blade is true.
What do you think?
P.S. I had some questions about it in school; I wrote this long before Brisingr was released so it has nothing to do with Eragon's sword

[Pixel]

You're only allowed one topic for all your poems, so I merged these together for you.

[Arcane]

The one you wrote for your girlfriend is really nice.....You must write more poems like that.... Try using proper punctuation, grammar.... Give it an interesting title... Then it'll become a complete poem!!>>>

This post has been edited by Arcane: 05 June 2009 - 01:07 AM

[Eraagon]

The girlfriend one is really good, are you planning on writing anymore?