[Riss]

Part One

Risstalle grunted as a second piece of metal was forced through the flesh just below his lower lip. He'd wanted to get snake bites for a while and half a bottle of vodka later and an all too willing helping hand from Pix, he was now wearing them proudly.

"Now that was fun wasn't it?" Pix said.

"You are being sarcastic, right?" Riss replied now with a slightly fat lip.

"Well I enjoyed it." She giggled.

Riss gave her a stern look "You concern me sometimes." He stood up and grabbed his jacket, "Come on lets go grab a drink... I'm far too sober for my own good."

"Sounds good to me" Pix said as she followed suit.

The two left their house just on the outskirts of the village, They'd moved out of their respective parents houses a few months ago and decided to share a house together. It had proven to be a good choice and the pair were very close friends, both having shoved small lumps of metal through the others flesh on numerous occasions. Normally when very drunk.

They both stumbled down through the village. It was a small village and so everyone knew just about everyone. In the evenings a lot of people gathered at the local bar 'General Discussion' which had a games room and a in the basement there was an area for more... adult, entertainment.

Riss and Pix stumbled through the door if General Discussion and we struck by an almost physical wave of cheering. Though disappointingly it wasn't for them.

Evidently Loki and Vaevictus were dueling again. Not with weapons, or even fists but with drinks. By the looks of things they had already had over a bottle of whiskey each and had now progressed onto trick shots.

Loki was currently doing a handstand, a shot glass directly under him. He dipped down and clasped the shot glass with his lips and sucked the liquid from of it.

A cheer went up from the crowd as he downed the shot. However what Loki hadn't planned on was a six foot three two hundred and fifty pound man leaping through the air crying "INCOMING!" before crashing into him.

Riss and Loki crumpled to the floor, Riss roaring with laughter along with everyone else in the bar.

"Sorry dude did I interrupt you guys" Riss said grinning like a cheshire cat.

[Prudery]

XD ohh this is funny. VERY funny.

Love it. Keep going!

One mistake:

I'm far too sober for my own good

[Pasteurized]

Hahaha loved it Riss. I inparticular like the representation of GD and its subs. I wanna get spider bites!

[Vincent]

Haha, awesome Riss! You captured the two biggest drinkers on staff perfectly!

[American Flag]

Good on ya Riss, keep up the good work.

[Riss]

Part Two

Risstalle punched a noob, who had burst into General Discussion and bugun spewing a torrent of verbal diarrhea, square in the face.

"Shut up," he spat at the noob who was lying on the floor, his nose bleeding profusely, "Now get out before before I stop that squeaky voice of yours from dropping by taking away your poor excuse for testicles."

The noob then proceeded to scurry out of the bar faster that you could say 'Captain Tattybojangles'.

With the poor excuse for an intelligent being dealt with Riss turned back to the bar. So far three of his cards had been declined and he wasn't really expecting his last one to work either.

Unsurprisingly it was declined also and he had to go without his Loki Special, a pint of whiskey with a shot of beer. Walking back dejectedly he slumped into his seat and rested his head in his hands.

"You alright, hun?" Pix said putting a reassuring arm around him.

"No" Riss said, "I've got no money. All my savings are gone..... I need a job."

"Dude, you're really not the only one." Loki said.

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Pix "We're in a recession no one has any money and no one can get a job."

"Well how the hell did that happen?" Riss asked feeling somewhat better knowing he wasn't alone.

All of a sudden there an explosion and Loki and Riss uttered manly screams as they were thrown away from the table. Manly mean in a high pitched, girly, prepubescent totally not manly way. All the while Pix still sat at the table with raised eyebrows and a soot stained face, a look of extreem shock on her face.

"Save you manly screams. There is nothing to fear, for I am an..... Inventor!" came a voice from the cloud of smoke that hung around the table where they had been sitting.

The smoke cleared to reveal a man standing on table in the most bizarre attire ever imagined. He wore a flurescent purple kilt, a 'Super Ted' T-shirt, suspenders which had the matrix code running along them, a tri-point hat with a blue flashing feather in it and to to top it all off clogs.

Recovering from the shock Riss finally picked himself up and helped Loki to his feet. He looked over to Pix to see her lock in the same expression she had been since the explosion. He walked over and crouched down. He waved a hand in front of her face. Nothing. Clicked a few times. Nothing.

A grin spread across Riss's face as a dirty thought crossed his mind.

"No," he said to himself scrunching up his eyes" No. Already been arrested for that twice and she said that if I ever did it to her again she's remove them." Riss turned to Loki. "Dude, you mind getting a bucket wake her up." turning back to the outrageously dressed man, "Sorry who the hell are you?"

"I am an Inventor!" he stated in a raised voice.

"Really?" Riss said.

"No."

"The what are you?"

"Well when I say inventor... I'm more of a drug dealer,"

"Really!?" Riss asked wondering if he could score some gear, forgetting that he had no money.

"No, by drug dealer I mean prostitute.... err recruitment officer. Probably what called me here." the man said stepping down from the table, his clogs making sheep noises with each step.

Before Riss could say anything someone started shouting "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!" and he turned to see Bucket shaking Pix violently. Riss walked up to him and gave him a slap before turning on Loki.

"I said get A bucket, as in get A bucket of WATER," Riss said.

Suddenly something clicked in Risstalle's drunken mind almost like a slightly stupid main character of a humorous book or program finally grasping an overly obvious plot hook.

"Hey you, inventor drug dealer man.... sorry what's your name, anyway did you say you were a recruitment officer?"

"Indeed I did. And call me Spinner."

[Loki84]

Good deal, sir, but you never did specify on the details of said bucket. It's all in the details good sir. Now time to see about an Update.

[Ultima Valenhart]

Loving it Riss!

Captain Tattybojangles hmm? Have you been watching Russell Howard/Mock The Week?

[American Flag]

Before Riss could say anything someone started shouting "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!" and he turned to see Bucket shaking Pix violently. Riss walked up to him and gave him a slap before turning on Loki.

"I said get A bucket, as in get A bucket of WATER," Riss said.

Gold, riss! Gold!

[Spinner]

*slaps you repeatedly while laughing*

Comedy gold, even if I do wear clogs.

Ben

[Pix]

This is brilliant.
And you're damn right, if you ever take advantage of my vulnerable state again I'm taking them off XD

[Riss]

Part Three (just a short update... will probably do some more later on tonight.)

"I PASSED MY DRIVERS LICENSE TEST!" screamed a naked norwegian girl as she ran through the pub causing everyone to momentarily stop what they were doing a watch her lithe form bound through the room and out the door.

"You know thats the third one this month." Loki said as they went back to their drinks.

Riss, Pix and Loki were sitting around the table now with a more sensibly clad Spinner who could apparently change his clothing as his wish and he was now in a three piece suit. He had been telling them about his line of work. He was a recruiting officer for country's law enforcement who were commonly known as Mods. Apparently some of the previous mods had left and Arthryn, the country's Head Administratior who was in charge of the mods... and just about everything, had dispatched people like Spinner to find suit able candidates.

"So you really think that we have the right stuff to be Mods?" Riss asked.

"No." Spinner replied blankly "And by no I really mean yes.... and by yes I mean that its slim pickings"

"And by slim picking do you mean I'm going to have to make sure you'll never have children to get you to stop insulting us." Pix said threateningly.

Spinner leaned over towards Loki "Are you sure she's a girl?" to which Riss, Pix and Loki all threw their drinks at him.

"Good point well made."

"Right now how we apply? I mean do we just need to hand in a CV?" Riss asked.

"No nonono. Its far easier than that. You just have to travel to the Staff Forums and fight to the death with all the other candidates... then you had in your CV."

"You're joking, right?" Loki asked.

"No I never joke...." Spinner said to three very dissatisfied faces "Ok so I joke a little..... fine I joke a lot..... STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!"

[Pix]

I'm such a tough-ass.

[Viva America]

"I PASSED MY DRIVERS LICENSE TEST!" screamed a naked norwegian girl as she ran through the pub causing everyone to momentarily stop what they were doing a watch her lithe form bound through the room and out the door.

"You know thats the third one this month." Loki said as they went back to their drinks.

Haha, this made me laugh so hard that my dog went barking. Epicly random

[Quoth the Raven]

o________O

^Please tell me that was not LG.

Epic. Yes indeed.