[Anton the Scholar]

What do we see?

What do we see in a sunset,
that makes us smile and sigh.
What do we see in an eagle,
the ruler of the sky?
What do we see in a flower,
that causes us delight?
What do we see in each other,
that makes us want to fight?

What do we see in jewelry,
that makes us lust for gold,
What do we see in our age,
That makes us not want to grow old?
What do we see in our clothing,
the styles we like and hate?
What do we see in skin color,
That makes us discriminate?

Somtimes, it seems, we see too much.
Other times, not enough.
Sometimes we worry about seeming soft,
and about not seeming tough.

I guess all we can do is open up,
and try to see through what's outside.
for if we can end our petty disputes,
the doorway to peace will open wide.

-Anton

This post has been edited by Anton the Scholar: 24 July 2009 - 01:28 AM

[Anton the Scholar]

Please tell me what you think. I've only written a few poems in my time, and I've gotten mixed feedback. Here I hope to find out if I'm relly any good.

This post has been edited by Anton the Scholar: 24 July 2009 - 02:33 AM

[Anton the Scholar]

My first sonnet.

Life was so simple when I was younger,
I seldom had any care in the world,
I ne’er did work, and rarely felt hunger,
My life’s carpet was yet to be unfurled.
But all too soon the Earth picked up her pace,
And ran around the Sun with lightning speed,
And even though I did not want to race,
I joined and did my best to take the lead.
Now, even though time goes by much faster,
There seems to be so much more to be done,
And to console me, all I can muster,
Is that I know I’m not the only one.
Life is so full of change, and this I know.
The secret is: By change, where will we go?

[Anton the Scholar]

We are the Birds
We have lived here long,
Our homes have been the trees,
Once we were the proud rulers of the sky,
And the minstrels of the forest.
Never did we ask for much,
Just a bit of peace,
And normally we didn’t worry,
For the earth fulfilled our need.
And when humans came forth,
And began to build and fight,
We did not worry.
Our forests had plenty of trees to spare.
We were put on this earth together;
Why not share it?
So we did, and all was well.
The humans didn’t need too much at first.
Soon, however, they began to take more,
It became hard to find places to live.
They tore down our forests,
They dammed up our rivers,
They dried up our marshes.
They took our homes and turned them into massive markets and super stores.
Once there were fields of green.
Now there are masses of hard grey earth.
Even today they shout Save the Earth!
And then they shop at health food stores built where our homes once were.
Where once we wandered, whistling without worry,
Now we scavenge for scraps.
We are the starlings, the armies of the sky.
We are the falcons, the roaming pilgrims.
We are the hawks, fierce hunters.
We are the pigeons, loyal messengers.
We were so beautiful and great.
Now we are diminished and dying,
With no one to save us.

[Anton the Scholar]

Some random couplets.

What would you do,
If I sued you?

Why, I would be blue,
If you were to sue.


I cannot get a very good job,
And that is why I work for the mob.


How long is it going to take you to see,
That I am in you, and you are in me.

What have I done wrong;
Why can weget along?

Yor Only one flaw,
Is you've broken the law.


I know these aren't very good or poetic, but they are short, sweet, they rhyme, and they're sort of funny.

[witch168]

I liked the first one a lot, especially this line:

What do we see in each other,
that makes us want to fight?

You don't have to worry so much about punctuation. Sometimes it kinda messes up the flow of the sentence and this is the poetry cafe, where nobody can jump on you for bad grammar.
Also, the last stanza (4 lines) was an abrupt ending. It kind of sounded like you petered out at the end.

The second sonnet would be much easier to read if you double spaced the stanza's. It was kind of daunting to look at. It's okay that they didn't rhyme, and I liked the description, especially:

We are the starlings, the armies of the sky.
We are the falcons, the roaming pilgrims.
We are the hawks, fierce hunters.
We are the pigeons, loyal messengers.

I did feel like it was a little rushed, though, and a little repetition doesn't hurt.

This one also made me laugh, maybe you can expand on it to make it a sort of conversation between two people:

What would you do,
If I sued you?

Why, I would be blue,
If you were to sue.

-The Witch

[Blazing Elf]

Vey nice poetry. I liked the first one too.

[Blazing Dragon]

Vey nice poetry. I liked the first one too.

Totally.

[Anton the Scholar]

Thank you for your feedback. Especially yours witch. It is strangely refreshing to hear the good and the bad balanced so well. I will take your suggestions into consideration.

-Anton