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Also, I didn't divide this into chapters originally, and I'm not going to now. I hope to eventually rewrite it, making it better overall, and certainly improving the organization. However, for the moment I am going to copy and paste to the best of my abilities and hope that the "chapters" don't sound too bad.
Please tell me anything wrong with my writing and any suggestions are welcomed. While they will in no way effect the first, already written section, I am actually posting this hoping for some criticism/ideas to inspire me for the sequel. Please simply tell me whatever you are thinking, no matter how bad.
Chapter 1 (sort of):
John looked around at his fellow “volunteers”, amongst them he spotted his friends Linda and Sam. They and approximately 150 other people were being held in the large detention cell on a capitol ship somewhere right outside the gravitational pull of earth. He knew enough of space battles to know that the ship was positioned this way so that if trouble did appear they could complete a slingshot orbit and be accelerating out system and into the alternate dimension of slipstream space within a matter of minutes.
John wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, it had been rumored the government had been abducting people in order to conduct illegal, bioaugmentation research for months, but he had thought that they were just rumors, that was until this morning when he had been attacked and subdued, after a half hour of strong resistance, by a group of about two dozen large, ape-like aliens that were covered from head to foot in thick brown hair. These creatures were clearly from, at least, two different species, some had some sort of phase crossbows, the other specie seemed to be fond of blades. Most of them had guns that looked like normal blaster pistols except that they had two long blades sticking out from under the end of the barrels, but shot strange needle-like objects that splintered into shrapnel upon contact with their target. The rest had grenade launchers that had huge curved blades that started at the barrel and stretched all the way back to the user’s elbow.
Any one of these beasts, unarmed, would have been much more than a match for most humans, John however, was not most humans, he took down at least five of these aliens, and he hadn’t been unarmed either. He was always armed with some sort of weapon. He always wore a device around each of his wrists that could arm him. One simply was a hidden knife, it slid out of a sheath with the flick of a wrist and vibrated at speeds that allowed it to cut through nearly anything. He used this wrist knife mainly to kill people stealthily since it released no types of energy that could be traced, and it was nearly completely silent, it was also his decoy, because it was made of just enough stealth ore to fool weapon sensors, but it was made of enough other metals to be tagged as a possible weapon. This was very important in the underground city in which he lived.
John was from a dangerous underground section of earth, designed as a utopia, but now an awful hangout for criminals. As the human population dumped more and more pollution into the air some of the social elites pooled their resources and built a huge underground utopia. This utopia, however quickly became nothing more than a hideout for thugs and criminals of all sorts, a place where they could hide from the growing eyes of the Illuminati and the GAG (the Ground Air Guard). A private police force that works for the highest bidder, both planet side and in space, hence their name. The local police forces, little more than angry residents out to get those who ruined their previous utopia, were little threat to most of the dangerous underground crowd, the GAG, however, had been cracking down harder and harder on unauthorized weapons underground. As most of the underground residents were thugs, mercenaries, assassins, and other criminals, nearly all of their weapons were, not only unauthorized, but often stolen, or banned from earth altogether. Even though the GAG were dangerous, they were nothing compared to the thugs themselves. This is what kept John using a decoy weapon, it was always better for the criminals to know you were armed, this was true for two reasons. One was that they were less likely to start a fight with an armed person, and two, they were much more suspicious of someone who appeared unarmed.
The device on his right hand was the more important of the two, it looked like a normal power gauntlet, a metal glove that gives the wearer extremely enhanced strength, but was much more deadly. This device, an AT-AT, short for atomic transformation activation technology, was a true technological marvel, and was one of the many highly dangerous weapons banned from earth. This device was so dangerous because it could form any weapon, literally, in a snap. This was made possible because of the glove’s pocket of omni-atoms. These are artificially made particles that can expand, shrink, bond with nearly anything, and transform into nearly any element. Sensors in the palm and fingers of the glove control these specially designed atoms. These sensors draw the atoms out of their resting places and instantly shape and bond them to form any weapon that the user has touched with the sensors.
These weapons were banned because, one, they were too dangerous for criminals to have, and too expensive for cops to afford, and two, they had a horrible reputation of exploding when too many weapon forms were stored in the glove’s small memory unit. John had built his AT-AT himself from the bottom up and had gotten rid of this problem, however he only kept five weapon imprints in the device at a time, so that he could keep his activation motions simple, and the device wouldn’t confuse them. His activation signals were pushing any two of his fingers together, or all of them. This served his purpose well because he didn’t need more than five weapons and he often needed to keep his movements to a minimum right before combat broke out.
Although these weapons were useful, John had an even more deadly one, his friend Sam, and Sam’s sister, Linda. Overall neither Sam nor Linda looked physically dangerous, but their appearances were deceiving. They were both always armed, whether they appeared so or not. They both had AT-ATs on one of their hands, and each carried a decoy weapon of their own, that could be used in small-scale fights. Sam, a flame sword on his belt, and Linda, an air-powered sniper rifle slung over her back. Although these two people in themselves didn’t look that impressive, they shared a deadly secret with John, all three had power over two of the six basic elements.
These friends met for the first time in a special-ops training center, where they had been trained to be deadly with any known form of weaponry. They had wanted to join the UNSCSC, the United Nations Security Council Space Corp, marines. However, after the Illuminati had taken over earth and before they had revealed themselves, they had sponsored a UNSCSC program to enhance soldiers. Through the use of breaking-edge technology combined with ancient dark magic rituals the Illuminati henchmen gave John, Sam, and Linda, the only surviving test subjects, control over the six basic elements, fire, water, earth, wind, lightning, and darkness. Any one of the powers would have made the human body so unstable that the friends would have exploded. The Illuminati had planned ahead, however, and gave them each power over conflicting elements, bringing stability along with their unnatural powers. To Sam went the powers of earth and wind, to Linda the control of fire and water, and to John, control over lightning and that of darkness. The three friends, learning of the torturous deaths faced by the other “failed” test subjects, used their newly granted abilities and destroyed the entire camp, along with everyone in it.
Over the years they grew more skilled, and as a result, much more powerful. They started to expand their control and their powers grew until they each could harness the others’ elements, but still had only mastered their own. This made them a deadly team in combat, not only could they kill eighty-five percent of the sentinents in the galaxy one-on-one, but they could also combine their controlled elements to form terrifyingly strong attacks, capable of instantly wiping out most types of sentient, and insentient, species.
However, none of this helped the three of them at the moment. They had been stripped of all of their weapons, even their AT-ATs, their mysterious captors had known what they were. Any one of them could have broke out of the chains that were binding them and saved all three of them, even if the other two were unconscious, but the question was, at what cost? They had joined the hidden rebel organization, known as Whiplash, to try to use their abilities to help people and bring an end to the Illuminati, killing or injuring most of the beings in the room full of prisoners would defeat their purpose of trying to help people. So they silently signaled to each other to remain still and peaceful, for the moment.
I'm just going to claim this is a chapter and hope any readers will simply believe me. I apologize for any choppiness between posts. I'd be happy to hear any feedback or suggestions and answer any questions.
This post has been edited by lt dragon: 05 August 2009 - 09:46 PM
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