[ajax24]

I wrote this a while back...it doesn't ryhme...but I think, and I've been told, that it has a very good flow to it. Let me know what you think.

Lost on my own and broken from within
I weep in anger for what You've taken away, Lord
My soul has been shattered by the things of this world
By my choice of putting this before You

I find myself lost in this selfish regret, guilt, and sorrow
Not seeing that You've done this for my own good
You put doors before me and I made a choice
To open the one I determined to be true

I found joy for a time but never real peace
You taught me many things about myself
Things I need now
And things I needed then

Now more choices have been made
This pain is never ceasing
Lord, why did you let this happen
You could have saved me from this all

A year down the road back then I couldn't see You
I was blinded by anger and tears
I was torn from the inside, my trust lost forever
I had given my heart and my soul to something other than you

Father God, I'm sorry
I beg you to forgive me

Now You've burned my world in Your cleansing fire
And You still shape my life's molting frame
You break, You cut, You tear away the old
You are giving me my heart's desire

Now I fall to my knees only to rise higher
Higher than the eagles ever dreamed
Lifted up by Him who brought me back from the dead
I sing praises for the pains of my past

[ajax24]

I guess it could be described as a story written in verse maybe??

[Kari]

I'm no poetry critique, so I'll do my best. XD In my opinion, it doesn't flow particularly well. You lack a meter that makes it easy for me to read.

Other than that, the poem is pretty darn good. I actually feel that it's logical in flow and I can somewhat sympathize with it and relate to it. Very well done!

[ajax24]

I'm no poetry critique, so I'll do my best. XD In my opinion, it doesn't flow particularly well. You lack a meter that makes it easy for me to read.

Other than that, the poem is pretty darn good. I actually feel that it's logical in flow and I can somewhat sympathize with it and relate to it. Very well done!

Thanks for the reply....I know it doesn't flow very well...I was more or less just talking. I was attempting to write something in the form of a Psalm.

[HJP]

i like it a lot. i tend to prefer poetry that doesnt rhyme much and i think its very relatable. it shows pain and emotion and i actually like the way it flows. i might just save it

[ajax24]

i like it a lot. i tend to prefer poetry that doesnt rhyme much and i think its very relatable. it shows pain and emotion and i actually like the way it flows. i might just save it

Thank you!

[Blazing Elf]

Nice poem and I can relate to it.

[skolapper]

You know, at first glance, this "short story" looked like crap and I didnt want to read it because of how long it was, but, you know what. I liked it. It was worth it. Extremely wordy in my opinion but damn well written. I feel you can make this a little more concise though. Being excessively wordy and showing off your vocabulary isnt really working here. Keep your voice but calm down with all the extraneous words. You dont have to make it simple - you dont have to do anything - but, I assure you that this story might be better if you didnt force your reader to stop and think for 2 minutes about every other sentence. Work on it and keep it up.