[Aramus Shurtugal]

Chapter One: After Feinster

Eragon was walking through a green, seeming endless forest. Stopping at a big clearing he looked up and saw a dragon that looked very much like Saphira flying above him.

But anyone could tell that this was not Saphira, the dragon had misty blue scales and was much bigger than Saphira and there was an elf with moonlight hair on her back. the elf looked down, at Eragon and smiled, his misty blue eyes twinkling with laughter, Eragon smiled back and waved at him to come down. The elf nodded and talked to his dragon. The dragon clasped her wings together and floated down, when they were a few feet from landing the elf unstrapped himself and jumped off.

Landing lightly on his feet the elf walked to Eragon and pointed to behind him. Eragon turned and saw Arya with a green dragon hatchling on her shoulder, leaning against a white dragon, and watching an elf child with shaggy black hair and eyes that looked like a forest.

Saphira looked on with pride at five dragon hatchling playing together, Thorn stood beside her. Murtagh and a elf standing with each other watching two elf children with black hair and brown eyes playing with a black dragon, the dragon had a look of peace on his face.

Eragon looked back to the elf and saw a violet dragon standing next to the misty dragon behind the place where the elf had been standing, in the elf's place was a black wolf with a strange mark on his head, the wolf howled and turned into the elf.

"Kill the tyrant and all this will happen, if not, then this will."

The elf faded and bones took its place. The forest around him crumbled and turned into a black area, Thorn turned into a bigger dragon with a confused look stamped on his face, Murtagh sat on Thorn with a black hood on and Zar'roc held in his hand. The black dragon jumped into the air and Galbatorix was on his back now. Looking at Arya the dragon on her shoulder turned into a egg and rolled off.

The misty blue and violet dragons started to keen, their keen was filled with sorrow and loss, the children and elf disappeared and Saphira looked on with sorrow on her face as the dragon hatchlings disappeared, Eragon looked at Arya again and saw her die with a black sword in her heart. He screamed when Saphira got killed by Thorn, he turned just in time to see the red blade that ended his misery.

Eragon woke up screaming and his heart racing. Sitting on the edge of his cot, he felt his forehead and liquid was on it. Blodhgarm pulled aside the tent door and looked at him, as he pulled his head back, Eragon could hear feet running off somewhere. After that all that he could see was that bladed piercing Arya's heart and Saphira getting the life crushed out of her, all he could hear was the mournful keen of those dragons, and the words of the elf kept ringing in his head,

"Kill the tyrant and all this will happen, if not then this will."

He heard two sets of feet running his as way he closed his eyes and tried to calm down, but his heart was racing to fast. Arya ran into the tent and sat down next to him, and said something that he couldn't hear. Someone entered his mind and calmed him,

Eragon what happened?

I had a dream that started out fine but turned horrible,

Let me see it.

Eragon replayed the dream, and felt horror come from Arya.

Eragon it was just a dream,

just a dream? Dreams don't have an elf say word like that,

Eragon just let it go I am absolutely sure that you will kill Galbatorix.

What happens if Saphira or you die didn't you see Saphira die, and that elf who was he, he was a dragon rider, Arya a dragon rider and and you became a dragon rider and that elf child you had, Murtagh looked so happy and his children, all those dragons.

Eragon! Don't you get that I'm not going to die unless you don't kill Galbatorix so don't worry about it.

Eragon watched in puzzlement as Arya stood up and walked away out of the tent, he didn't want to go back to bed for fear that he would dream the dream again, standing up, he ran his fingers through his hair and changed into a green elven shirt and pants strapping on the Belt of Beloth the wise, he strapped Brisingr on it.

Walking out Eragon almost ran into Saphira, who was standing in front of his tent, snaking her head around she looked him in the eye, he stumbled back to keep from running into her, the sound of rocks falling filled the night, she pulled her head back and walked herself to where the place were her saddle would normally be was right in front of him, smiling to himself he walked back into the tent and hefted up Saphira's saddle, he walked back out and strapped the saddle onto Saphira hopping on he strapped himself in, Saphira took off in a flying leap.
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There were four dragons in the sky, two had riders on them, a misty blue one was flying around its rider had moonlight hair, it viewed the battle field by Uru'baen. A red one was swooping down and picking up men flying high it dropped the men its rider had short black hair, a sapphire and black one fought each other.

Down on the ground a elf and a man both circled each other, swords in hand the elf's sword was blue and the mans was black, running forward the elf raised his sword and struck out for the mans sword hand, the man moved his hand and stuck for the elf's leg, their battle continued like this for hours, then the man dropped his guard and ran forward, sword up, the elf took his chance and ran forward sword arm up their swords clashed and both put their free hand on their sword flats, it was a test of strength, the elf pushed with all his might gaining an inch of ground the mans hands faltered and he stumbled back the elf took this moment and pushed his sword forward yelling,

"Brisingr,"

To kill the man the elf would have to take the same, the black sword was pushed forward.

"Flauga."

The elf on the misty blue dragon's sword flew out of his hand and fast as lightning went flying down, point first it hit the black sword moving it a few inches over. The blue sword, flames covering it, plunged into the heart of the man, the man pulled his sword out of the elf. The elf fell over to his side, screaming in pain. An elf with raven black hair and emerald eyes ran out from the battle and crouched next to the elf, turning him over, it was Eragon, the elf cried for a healer.

Murtagh woke covered in sweat, frantic he grabbed Zar'roc and slashed at the messenger that was standing over him, killing him instantly. Still frantic with fear, he called Thorn,

Thorn we are leaving,

Little one now,

yes now, so come here.

Coming.

Thorn crashed into the wall, breaking it instantly. Grabbing armor and clothes Murtagh jumped onto the saddle that was on Thorn. Thorn took of and flew as fast as he could to the south, toward Feinster.

Finally calmed down Murtagh now regretted having left, but if they went back now he would be tortured and forced to try to kill Eragon, which was the last thing he wanted to do, the first thing to do on his list was to change his true name, the second was join Eragon, and the third was kill the dark king,

Thorn faster! We need to put as much distance between Galbatorix and us as fast as possible.

I'm stressing as fast as I can go already, but I'll try.

Sitting back in the saddle Murtagh looked back and thought that he saw a black streak coming toward them, it was Shruikan! Thrusting his mind into the Eldunari in the saddle bags, he cried out,

"Letta."

Placing the spell so that after an hour Shruikan would be released, he thought that he saw a look of gratitude on the black dragons face. He turned in the saddle and looked down he immediately wished that he hadn't, the ground was a blur, he tasted bile on the tongue,

There goes my dinner.

Its not that bad little one.

Yes it is that was my last meal, great I feel hungry and I didn't pack any food.

The sound of boulders bouncing against each other filled the night air. Murtagh felt his face go red with rage,

Whats so funny Thorn?

You forgot about the food from our last trip, you didn't eat any of it there's a full saddle bag of it.

Oh.

All the rage went away and he laughed at his own stupidity, putting a hand in one of the saddlebags he felt around in all the food until he found a loaf off bread, munching on this he leaned forward and closed his eyes.

This post has been edited by Aramus Shurtugal: 21 January 2010 - 05:16 PM

[seprateraera]

please put out the next chapter!

[Aramus Shurtugal]

Sorry I don't have it yet. And I have to go to bed, one will be out tomorrow. You enjoyed it I hope.

This post has been edited by Aramus Shurtugal: 12 September 2009 - 08:43 PM

[Thunder Gulch]

very nice start to the story. Good descriptions and good to see murthorn in the first chapter.



And update soon

[soldierofwill]

Great! It will be interesting to see you write two stories at once and then push them together (well I think that's what your doing )
I saw only one mistake: Sitting back in the saddle Murtagh looked back and thought that he saw a black streak coming toward them, it was Shruikan! (Still noot the best eye)
All in all I enjoyed. Keep it up!
Your newly addicted reader soldierofwill, bye

[Eragon S Bromsson]

Okay, so even though I havn't finished Adurna Shur'tugal I decided that(since Aramus doesn't show up til' later)I would start this one.

I need critque to help me along. Help is wanted.

Chapter One: After Fienster

Eragon was walking through a green, seeming endless forest. Stopping at a big clearing he looked up and saw a dragon that looked very much like Saphira flying above him.

But anyone could tell that this was not Saphira, the dragon had misty blue scales and was much bigger than Saphira and there was an elf with moonlight hair on her back. The elf looked down at Eragon and smiled, his misty blue eyes twinkling with laughter, Eragon smiled back and waved at him to come down. The elf nodded and talked to his dragon. The dragon clasped her wings together and floated down, when they were a few feet from landing the elf unstrapped himself and jumped off.

Landing lightly on his feet the elf walked to Eragon and pointed to behind him. Eragon turned and saw Arya with a green dragon hatchling on her shoulder, leaning against a white dragon, and watching an elf child with shaggy black hair and eyes that looked like a forest.

Saphira looked on with pride at five dragon hatchling playing together, Thorn stood beside her. Murtagh and a elf standing with each other watching two elf children with black hair and brown eyes playing with a black dragon, the dragon had a look of peace on his face.

Eragon looked back to the elf and saw a violet dragon standing next to the misty dragon behind the place where the elf had been standing, in the elf's place was a black wolf with a strange mark on his head, the wolf howled and turned into the elf.

"Kill the tyrant and all this will happen, if not, then this will."

The elf faded and bones took its place. The forest around him crumbled and turned into a black area, Thorn turned into a bigger dragon with a confused look stamped on his face, Murtagh sat on Thorn with a black hood and Zar'roc held in his hand. The black dragon jumped into the air and Galbotorix was on his back now. Looking at Arya the dragon on her shoulder turned into a egg and rolled off.

The misty blue and violet dragons started to keen, their keen was filled with sorrow and loss, the children and elf disappeared and Saphira looked on with sorrow on her face as the dragon hatchlings disappeared, Eragon looked at Arya again and saw her die with a black sword in her heart. He screamed when Saphira got killed by Thorn, he turned just in time to see the red blade that ended his misery.

Eragon woke up screaming and his heart racing. Sitting on the edge of his cot he felt his forehead and liquid was on it. Blodhgarm pulled aside the tent door and looked at him, as he pulled his head back Eragon could hear feet running off somewhere. After that, all that he could see was that bladed piercing Arya's heart and Saphira getting the life crushed out of her, all he could hear was the mournful keen of those dragons, and the words of the elf kept ringing in his head,

"Kill the tyrant and all this will happen, if not, then this will."

He heard two sets of feet running his way as he closed his eyes and tried to calm down but his heart raced too fast. Arya ran into the tent and sat down next to him, and said something that he couldn't hear. Somone entered his mind and calmed him,

Eragon what happened?

I had a dream that started out fine but turned horrible,

Let me see it.

Eragon replayed the dream, and felt horror come from Arya.

Eragon it was just a dream,

Just a dream?dreams don't have an elf say words like that.

Eragon just let it go I am absolutley sure that you will kill Galbatorix.

What happens if Saphira or you die? Didn't you see Saphira die, and that elf who was he, he was a dragon rider, Arya, a dragon rider and you became a dragon rider as well, and that elf child you had, Murtagh looked so happy and his children, and all those dragons.

Eragon! don't you get that I'm not going to die unless you don't kill Galbatorix so don't worry about it.

Eragon watched in puzzlement as Arya stood up and walked away out of the tent. He didn't want to go back to bed for fear that he would dream the dream again, standing up, he ran his fingers through his hair and changed into a green elven shirt and pants strapping on the Belt of Beloth the wise, he strapped Bisingr on it.

Walking out Eragon almost ran into Saphira, who was standing in front of his tent, snaking her head around she looked at him in the eye. He stumbled back to keep from running into her, the sound of rocks falling filled the night. She pulled her head back and walked herself to where the place where her saddle would normally be. She was right infront of him, smiling to himself he walked back into the tent and hefted up Saphira's saddle, he walked back out and strapped the saddle onto Saphira hopping on he strapped himself in, Saphira took off in a flying leap.
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There were four dragons in the sky, two had riders on them, a misty blue one was flying around, its rider had moonlight hair, as he viewed the battle field by Uru'baen. A red one was swooping down and picking up men, then flying high it was dropping them. Its rider had short black hair, another sapphire and black one fought each other.

Down on the ground a elf and a man both circled each other, swords in hand. The elf's sword was blue and the man's was black. Running forward the elf raised his sword and struck out for the man's sword hand, the man moved his hand and stuck for the elf's leg, and their battle continued like this for hours, then the man dropped his guard and ran forward, sword up, the elf took his chance and ran forward, his sword arm up, and their swords clashed. Both put their free hand on their sword's flat sides, it was a test of strength, the elf pushed with all his might gaining an inch of ground as the mans hands faltered and he stumbled back. The elf took this moment and pushed his sword forward yelling,

"Brisingr,"

To kill the man the elf would have to take the same, but the black sword was pushed forward,

"Flauga,"

The elf on the misty blue dragon's sword flew out of his hand and fast as lightning it went flying down, and it, point first, hit the black sword, moving it a over few inches. The blue sword,flames covering it, plunged into the heart of the man, but the man pulled his sword out of the elf (this part was rather confusing, I suggest you edit it yourself) and the elf fell over falling to his side screaming in pain, an elf with raven black hair and emerald eyes ran out from the battle and crouched next to the elf turning him over, it was Eragon, the elf cried for a healer.

Murtagh woke, covered in sweat, frantically he grabbed Zar'roc and slashed at the messenger who was standing over him, killing him instantly. Still frantic with fear, he called Thorn,

Thorn we are leaving,

Little one now?

Yes now, so come here.

Coming.

Thorn crashed into the wall, breaking it instantly. Grabbing the armor and clothes Murtagh jumped onto the saddle that was on Thorn. Thorn took of and flew as fast as he could to the south, toward Fienster.

Finally calming down, Murtagh now regretted leaving, but if they went back now he would be tortured and forced to try to kill Eragon, which was the last thing he wanted to do, the first thing to do on his list was to change his true name, the second was join Eragon, and the third was kill the dark king,

Thorn faster! We need to put as much distance between Galbotorix and us and as fast as possible.

I'm stressing as fast as I can go already, but I'll try.

Sitting back in the saddle Murtagh looked back and thought that he saw a black streak coming toward them, it was Shruikan! Thrusting his mind into the Eldunari in the saddle bags, he cried out,

"Letta."

Placing the spell so that after an hour Shruikan would be released, he thought that he saw a look of gratitude on the black dragons face. He turned in the saddle and looked down and he immediately wished that he hadn't, for the ground was a blur, he tasted bile on his tongue,

There goes my dinner.

Its not that bad little one.

Yes, it is, that was my last meal. Great! Now, I feel hungry and I didn't pack any food.

The sound of boulders bouncing against each other filled the night air. Murtagh felt his face go red with rage,

Whats so funny Thorn?

You forgot about the food from our last trip, you didn't eat any of it, there's a full saddle bag of it.

Oh.

All his (you can also write 'all the rage in him') rage went away and he laughed at his own stupidity. Putting a hand in one of the saddlebags he felt around in all the food until he found a loaf of bread. Munching on this he leaned forward and closed his eyes.

Nice beginning, although there was a generous amount of mistakes.
I'll suggest you to slow down your typing speed a bit, or if you can't, to at least proof-read the chapter before posting, and if you can't do that either then there are always people here who'll point out your mistakes.

Also, try to use a less commas and more full stops. I have done it for you on top, but is'll be great if you can work on that, again if you can't or if you're in a hurry, well there are people to point out those mistakes.

I've highlighted and corrected all the mistakes I could find.
All the best, and please post soon,
Cheers.

This post has been edited by Eragon S Bromsson: 22 August 2009 - 03:17 AM

[Aramus Shurtugal]

Great! It will be interesting to see you write two stories at once and then push them together (well I think that's what your doing )
I saw only one mistake: Sitting back in the saddle Murtagh looked back and thought that he saw a black streak coming toward them, it was Shruikan! (Still not the best eye)
All in all I enjoyed. Keep it up!
Your newly addicted reader soldierofwill, bye

No you guessed you fool! it was supposed to be a surprise. Gr now I'll have to think of something else to do.

This post has been edited by Aramus Shurtugal: 12 September 2009 - 08:42 PM

[Aramus Shurtugal]

Sorry that it took so long for this chapter. I promise to get more chapters out as soon as possible.

Chapter Two: A False Freedom

Murtagh opened his eyes, it was nighttime still. He looked down at his hand, the loaf of bread was crushed into a small ball of bread, he let it go and watched it fall to the ground.

I must have fallen asleep.

In the distance he saw a long expanse of white tents, farther back he saw a tall citadel, Fienster. In the air above the tents he saw Saphira diving and looping, on her back Eragon whooped. Thorn changed direction toward them. Saphira warily flew over to them but stopped when they were a few feet from Saphira. Murtagh noticed with deep regret that Eragon didn't make eye contact with him but instead absentmindedly traced his fingers along Saphira's neck scales.

Murtagh cleared his throat before beginning to speak.

"Eragon we left Uru'baen last night, I wanted to know more about changing my name."

Eragon looked up, his face was puzzled but wary. Murtagh wondered what was running through his mind, a trap, something else.

"Murtagh why do you really have to be here?"

"It's just like I said we left Uru'baen last night."

"I guess that I'll try not to think about what would happen if this was a trap. Well, Murtagh I already told you just do something different. Like, if I were to punch you what would you do?"

Almost without thinking he replied.

"Punch you back."

"Right that's what I thought, what if instead of that you...hugged me."

"Hug you?"

"It was the first thing that came to my mind so don't make fun of it!"

Eragon's eyes flashed with anger, and he banged a fist on the pommel of a sword that Murtagh had not noticed before. Murtagh tried to look apologizing, but he broke out in laughter.

"Sorry, its just, hug me? Since when would you hug me?"

"If you were to change your true name I might hug you in joy."

Murtagh felt his eyes widen, and the laughter grew louder.

"Would you quiet down,"Eragon hissed lowly but g]dangerously," there are other people asleep and awake they might hear you!"

Murtagh closed his mouth and tried to quiet down, but his shoulders still shook for ten minutes before he finally got the laughter under control.

"I don't know if I want to change my true name now."

"We should land so that way none sees you."

Murtagh nodded his agreement before even thinking about it. Saphira twisted back in a small loop diving below Thorn. Thorn dived straight down pulling up a hundred feet from the ground. Murtagh whooped as the air rushed past his ears. He turned in the saddle and looked for Saphira, she was in a small clearing just big enough for another dragon and rider. Thorn flew over and landed next to her. Eragon had lighted a small fire he was sprawled out next to it, his hands behind his head. Murtagh got off of Thorn. He walked over to Eragon and laid down on the other side of the fire. The trees around him were pines and oaks, the ground was grass with flowers. He felt at peace here for some reason

"We'll work on changing your true name tomorrow, I'm tired."

"How could you be tired? Your an elf now."

"I didn't sleep well earlier."

"Why not?"

"I had a dream, actually a premonition, it kept me awake."

"What was it about?"

I'll show it to you if you'll let me."

Eragon rolled over, his head propped up on his right hand, Murtagh did the same. A gentle rap on his mental barriers told him that Eragon was ready. Murtagh lowered his barriers, Eragon's mind was different than any that he had ever broken into, deep music with a tint of lightheartedness played in the background.

Eragon was walking in through a green, seeming endless forest. Stopping at a big clearing he looked up and saw a dragon that looked very much like Saphira flying above him.

But anyone could tell that this was not Saphira, the dragon had misty blue scales and was much bigger than Saphira and there was an elf with moonlight hair on her back. the elf looked down, at Eragon and smiled, his misty blue eyes twinkling with laughter, Eragon smiled back and waved at him to come down. The elf nodded and talked to his dragon. The dragon clasped her wings together and floated down, when they were a few feet from landing the elf unstrapped himself and jumped off.

Landing lightly on his feet the elf walked to Eragon and pointed to behind him. Eragon turned and saw Arya with a green dragon hatchling on her shoulder, leaning against a white dragon, and watching an elf child with shaggy black hair and eyes that looked like a forest.

Saphira looked on with pride at five dragon hatchling playing together, Thorn stood beside her. Murtagh and a elf standing with each other watching two elf children with black hair and brown eyes playing with a black dragon, the dragon had a look of peace on his face.

Eragon looked back to the elf and saw a violet dragon standing next to the misty dragon behind the place where the elf had been standing, in the elf's place was a black wolf with a strange mark on his head, the wolf howled and turned into the elf.

"Kill the tyrant and all this will happen, if not, then this will."

The elf faded and bones took its place. The forest around him crumbled and turned into a black area, Thorn turned into a bigger dragon with a confused look stamped on his face, Murtagh sat on Thorn with a black hood on and Zar'roc held in his hand. The black dragon jumped into the air and Galbatorix was on his back now. Looking at Arya the dragon on her shoulder turned into a egg and rolled off.

The misty blue and violet dragons started to keen, their keen was filled with sorrow and loss, the children and elf disappeared and Saphira looked on with sorrow on her face as the dragon hatchlings disappeared, Eragon looked at Arya again and saw her die with a black sword in her heart. He screamed when Saphira got killed by Thorn, he turned just in time to see the red blade that ended his misery.


The memory stopped here, Eragon's presence left him, Murtagh looked up at him, then at Thorn's tail, his eyes constantly looked there. only the very tip was missing the rest of it had been healed and grown back. Murtagh looked back to Eragon. his expression was what he though wondering.

"So there's another one of us. His dragon was to big to be a new one even with growth acceleration."

"Yes but we have no name, only what he looks like."

Eragon's face became thoughtful, his eyes far away, he looked back to Murtagh,

"Glaedr. He should know who that elf was."

"Glaedr?"

"The dragon that you killed over Gi'lead."

Eragon got up and went to his saddle bag, he pulled a canvas bag out of it, He strolled down next to Murtagh. he loosened the drawstrings and let it slide down, it was a golden Eldunari, a line of white swirled around it.
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Eragon glanced at Murtagh, his face had a look of sorrow on it. Eragon tapped on the mental barriers made of his grief around Glaedr's mind, the barriers lowered. Eragon let Glaedr's and his words and images be heard by those around him.

What is it Eragon?

Master. Did you know this elf?

He flashed an image of the elf in his dream.

Yes I did, he was Oromis's master when he was in Alagaesia.

In Alagaesia?

He left years before the fall, his name is Aramus and his dragon's is Acitcratna, he left to his homeland Hyrule, they were at war.

So he is still alive?

Yes, he should be, unless through some trickery he was killed. You could try scrying him and his dragon I'll show you what the land that he was from looked like, he would show to Oromis what Hyrule looked like and the people in it.

Dozens of images flashed by, a castle, a horse, a elf with midnight hair, a elf with black hair, so many that he couldn't keep track of them, it stopped.

There now leave me to myself.

Glaedr left his mind. Murtagh jumped over the fire and crouched next to him. He, hurriedly, scooped a small bowl and filled it with water, he pictured the elf in his mind and muttered.

"Draumr kopa."

The water turned black for a few minutes then it showed the elf, he was standing next to his dragon. in a clearing. It was daytime, the sun beat down on the arena. Eragon quickly modified the spell to include sound,

"You will die Aramus, today you will die,"

A voice with evil dripping off it said.

"No Pylon today is your day of reckoning, you killed my father two hundred years ago today, in this same clearing, fitting isn't it that you will die on the same day that my father did."

Aramus's tone was menacing. Acitcratna nodded her agreement. She nudged her rider affectionately, then leaped to join the dragons that were in the sky, watching.

That's strange I can see dragons but I thought...These must have been alive when Aramus was there

Aramus crouched forward a sword in his hand, it was misty blue, Pylon was across the clearing crouched like him, Pylon was shaped like he had seen many battles, with black eyes and hair, he was an elf too. Pylon charged across the clearing, his sword raise. Aramus neatly side-stepped and slashed downward, Pylon barely put his sword up in time.

Pylon kept running til' he was on the other side of the clearing, he peered into the forest for a few minutes then pulled out a wolf puppy, it dangled from his hand, whimpering. Aramus ran across the clearing, halfway across his skin rippled and he changed into a black wolf with a water droplet shaped symbol on his head, he became a blur, a growl cut through the air.

Pylon's face went pale and he dropped the sword that was held at the wolf puppy's throat, the puppy fell on its paws. Aramus ran after the retreating figure. He caught up to Pylon and leaped his teeth grabbed Pylon's neck a crunch filled the air, it lingered with the life of Pylon not wanting to die away. Finally, Pylon's eyes clouded, closed, and he went limp.

Aramus's skin rippled again and he went back to the wolf puppy, he picked it up and soothed it.

Eragon cut the spell and let the water sink back into the earth. He was shocked the wolf had been huge and fast. He looked over at Murtagh, his face was shocked too.

"Maybe we should work on your true name after all."

Murtagh nodded, Eragon used different emotions for him to change, not hate for Galbatorix, other emotions, understanding. they worked through the night.
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Enjoy!

This post has been edited by Aramus Shurtugal: 05 October 2009 - 04:15 PM

[StarSapphireWolf]

Greta chapter Aramus Shurtugal! It was very well writen, and greatly described with emotion and BG. Hope to see another chapter soon.

~ You're Reader, SSW

[golden glaedr]

Good chapter, update again!

[Aramus Shurtugal]

Chapter Three:Anger

"He did what!"

Galbatorix yelled angrily into the face of Tynzen, his messenger.

"He killed the messenger sent to get him...and smashed a wall...and left, my lord."

Galbatorix reached for his magic and muttered, in the ancient language.

"Die with pain."

Tynzen screamed and fell to the ground. Galbatorix stepped over the body, grinning to himself. The grin faded as soon as it had appeared. He walked over to a door and went in it, he walked down the hallways that only he and that traitor, Murtagh, could go into.

The walls were black stone, torches that never went out due to magic hung on the walls every twenty feet, illuminating the wall hangings that pictured elves and dragons being killed. Galbatorix laughed to himself, a evil, vile sound that echoed off the walls. He stopped at a door to his right, the door black like the rest of the hallway. He walked into the room it had a red carpet that had claw marks on it, like the rest of the castle the walls were black stone. Chains hung on one side of the chamber, a whip and other numerous sharp objects, and several jars of seithr oil, were on shelves of the other side. Large cells lined the back of the room, this was his personal torture chamber.

He went into the far right cell. In it was a huge violet dragon, his Rider glared at Galbatorix from the cot. His gray, gold, eyes bore into Galbatorix's blue, black ones. The elf, for it was an elf, had moonlight hair with black streaks every now and then. His face was angled, and pale. He was built was like that of a lance, thin and tall. Galbatorix looked away from the Rider and at the dragon.

"Well, Linum, are you ready to give me your Eldunari?"

Linum snarled and lunged for him. But before he got very far a voice cut the snarl off.

"No Linum, he isn't worth the trouble."

The Rider's voice was empty toneless, at one time it had been musical and joy filled but years in the cell had taken away that joy. Galbatorix turned to him again, eyes looking down.

"So, Munil you decided to finally grace me with your voice, I haven't heard it in many years are you going to tell your dragon to give me his Eldunari or go through another bout of torture?"

"Torture."

The Rider said. Galbatorix shook his head,

He and his dragon are the only other ones that I haven't broke or gotten an Eldunari out of. I still don't see how he can survive this.

Galbatorix went over and hauled the elf off the cot, he brought him out and chained his hands on to one of the chains, he muttered a spell so that Munil's body wouldn't suffer any harm but he would feel the pain. He walked over to the other side of the room and picked up the whip he dipped it into a jar of seithr oil, he pulled it out and whipped the elf til' he was bored, he put the whip away, Munil hadn't even whimpered. Galbatorix attacked Munil's mind after he failed in that. He un-chained Munil and threw him into the cell.

"You will never break me Galby."

"Tomorrow I will break you elf."

"That's what you said yesterday and the day before,"

Galbatorix slammed the door behind him.
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At one time the torture would have hurt him, but now he felt nothing, Galbatorix never had found out. Munil felt Linum pick him up and set him on the cot, he glared at the ceiling, Galbatorix had put a picture there, his dragon being killed. Linum looked up too. They were always connected, clinging to each other, the only thing that they had in this dark place. Linum's

Little prisoner, all will be well. Think of something else.

He thought of his mate, her emerald eyes and raven black hair,

Imbalis.

Her name rolled around in his head before he moved his thoughts to their child, Hunid, with his blue, gray, green, gold eyes and black hair with moonlight streaks. His teacher, Aramus, being taught in secret in the time when the Blood Elves had their war on Alagaesia and no riders could be trained, they were the ones who had ended the war, a simple raid with him and his teacher.
Acitcratna, Linum's mate and the many eggs that she and Linum had had. He started.

Are the eggs safe?

Yes, they are, its a good thing that you put those wards and invisibility spell on them. At least we can see them, which was very smart of you.

Munil got off the cot, and laid on his stomach, feeling around underneath until he bumped into one of the eggs, he brought the other two out, white, gold, soft rose, the soft rose one was one of Linum's children. He put them back under and lay down next to Linum, a violet wing draped over him as he curled into a ball and drifted off into his waking dreams.
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Enjoy!

This post has been edited by Aramus Shurtugal: 05 October 2009 - 04:09 PM

[StarSapphireWolf]

Chapter Three:Anger

"He did what!"

Galbatorix yelled into the face of Tynzen.

"He killed the messenger sent to get him...and smashed a wall...and left, my lord."

Galbotorix reached for his magic and muttered, in the ancient language,

"dieDie with pain."

Tynzen screamed and fell to the ground. Galbatorix stepped over the body, grinning to himself, the grin faded as soon as it had appeared. He continued to walk through the halls that only he and that traiter Murtagh could go into.

The walls were black stone, torches that never went out hung on the walls every twenty feet, illuminating the wall hangings that pictured elves and dragons being killed. Galbatorix laughed to himself, a evil, vile sound that echoed off the walls. He stopped at a door to his right, itMight want to change 'it' black like the rest of the hallway. He walked into the room it had a red carpet that had claw marks on it, like the rest of the castle the walls were black stone. Chains hung on one side of the chamber, a whip and other numerous sharp objects, and several jars of seithr oil, were on shelves of the other side. Large cells lined the back of the room, this was his personal torture chamber.

He went into the far right cell. In it was a huge violet dragon, his rider glared at Galbatorix from the cot, his gray, gold, eyes bore into Galbatorix's blue black ones. The elf, for it was an ef, had moonlight hair with black streaks every now and then, his face was angled, and pale, his build was that of a dragon hunting.

"Well, Linum are you ready to give me your Eldanari?"

Linum snarled and lunged for his throat,

"No Linum he isn't worth the trouble."

The riders voice was empty toneless, at one time it had been musical and joyfilled but years in the cell had taken away that joy. Galbatorix turned to him, his eyes were kept down.

"So, Munil you decided to finally grace me with your voice, I havn't heard it in many years are you going to tell your dragon to give me his Eldanari or go through another bout of torture?"

"Torture."

The rider said. Galbatorx shook his head,

He and his dragon are the only other ones that I havn't broke or gotten an Eldanari out of. I still don't see how he can survive this.

Galbatorix went over and hauled the elf off the cot, he brought him out and chained his hands on to one of the chains, he muttered a spell so that Munil's body wouldn't suffer any harm but he would feel the pain. He walked over to the other side of the room and picked up the whip he dipped it into a jar of seithr oil, he pulled it out and whipped the elf til' he was bored, he put the whip away, Munil hadn't even whimpered. Galbatorix attacked Munil's mind after he failed in that. He un-chained Munil and threw him into the cell.

"You will never break me Galby."

"Tommorow I will break you elf."

"Thats what you said yesterday and the day before,"

Galbatorix slammed the door behind him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At one time the torture would have hurt him, but now he felt nothing, Galbatorix never had found out.
Munil felt Lunim pick him up and set him on the cot, he glared at the ceiling, Galbatorix had put a picture there, his dragon being killed. Lumin looked up too. They were always connected, clinging to each other, the only thing that they had in this dark place. Lumins

Little prisoner, all will be well. Think of something else.

He thought of his mate her emerald eyes and raven black hair, Imbalis, their child, Hunid, with his blue, gray, green, gold eyes and black hair with moonlight streaks, his teacher, Aaramus, being taught in secret in the time when the Blood Elves had their war on Alagaesia and no riders could be trained, they were the ones who had ended the war, a siple raid with him and his teacher.

He started.

Are the eggs safe?

Yes, they are, its a good thing that you put those wards and invisibility spell on them. At least we can see them, which was very smart of you.

Munil got off the cot, and laid on his stomach, feeling around undernesath until he bumped into one of the eggs, he brought the other two out, white, gold, soft rose, the soft rose one was one of Lunim's children. He put them back under and lay down next to Lumin, a violet wing draped over him he curled into a ball and drifted off into his waking dreams.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Enjoy!

I spotted a few mistakes witch I highlighted, but I'm not a really good critque anyway but besides that, I loved the chpater good emotions and decriptions.

~ You're Reader, SSW

This post has been edited by StarSapphireWolf: 26 August 2009 - 07:39 PM

[Aramus Shurtugal]

Chapter Four:Leaving

Aramus tried to make it look like he was wandering aimlessly through the elven city, it was morning very few humans were awake, that was good all the less to notice that the price was leaving Hyrule.

"mista 'ramus will you play a song for me?"

A small human toddler tugged on his pant leg, he looked down at the child it had brown eyes with some white in it, the brown hair hung down to the nape of the child's neck, a small green tunic hung over black trousers, his ears were slightly pointed.

"Yes but I need a piano."

"follow me."

The toddler grabbed his hand and slowly walked off, in a few minutes they had reached a tree house, he pointed to the top of it.

"We live onna top."

Aramus smiled down at him, he scooped up the child and ran through the door he ran up the stairs, in a few minutes they had reached the top. He set the child down, he opened the door with a chubby hand, pulling Aramus along. The first room had a couch, a couple of chairs, a table, and a piano, the walls had a intricate design on it, the floor had a rug by the piano.

"Mota, faddy Aramus is gonna play for me."

He shouted, a female walked out of one of the doors she had brown hair that hung to her waist and brown eyes, a man stood behind her, his eyes were green, his hair was short and silver, with a tint of moonlight, the hair fell back to show pointed ears. the child pulled him across the room to the piano, he sat down on the bench, and pulled the boy next to him. He heard footsteps behind him, he didn't have to look back to know that it was the parents.

Aramus crossed his arms, one of the songs that he rarely played because of who wrote it, he decided that one. His fingers flowed on the keys, He filled the tree house with its sweet notes. He finished it, he heard sniffles from behind him.

Oh great, the wife's crying.

He twisted around in the seat, the boy grabbed his hand and led him to the door. Aramus opened it and walked out, he silently closed it, it was mid-morning. He ran down and left. He ran as fast as he could toward the docks, the trees sped by. When he was out of the city limits he altered his course toward the east. He reached a clearing a shadow fell over him, Aramus didn't have to look up to know that it was Acitcratna, he skidded to a stop. She landed and walked over to him, her ice blue water droplet shone in the sun. Her saddle was on, he checked to make sure that all the straps were under her legs, they were. He backed up and ran over and leaped on top,

If you were any bigger I wouldn't be able to do that.

Why thank you Little wolf.

He quickly strapped in, she lowered herself ever so slightly and pushed with her legs, she spun in a circle, and took off toward the sea. By noon they had made it to the sea, five dragons were waiting on the ground when they saw him and Acitcratna, they roared and jumped into the air. They set off in a formation around Aramus. He nodded at them they nodded back. The dragons flapping sped up, and faded into the distance, Aramus felt something in his mind dull the sounds, it was Spirit Aramus.

Thanks Aramus.

Your welcome.

Aramus leaned forward, and rested against the saddle edge, and let his eyes close he drifted around in his memories for a while then he forced himself, as no other could, to go into his waking dreams.
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it was mid-day the sun beat down on the clearing for one night they had been trying and now Eragon felt something click in Murtagh's mind. He hugged Murtagh,

"We did it! Your and Thorn's name has changed."

Murtagh hugged him back, tears in his eyes. Eragon pulled back he made a hasty decision He ran over to Saphira calling over his shoulder.

"Stay here, I have some business to attend to."

Saphira didn't wait for him to strap in she took off and flew, faster than Eragon had ever seen, the ground flew by beneath them in less than a minute they landed outside of Nasuada's red command tent, he waited for the nighthawks to tell Nasuada that he was there then he stepped into the tent. the furniture was a table a chair a couple scrying mirrors. A mirror hanging on one of the poles blackened then showed Islandzadi, she beckoned him over. He walked up to the mirror, she surprised him by starting the greeting, he replied, she finished, but still spoke in the ancient language.

"Eragon do you accept to be Lead Rider, Oromis wanted you to, he never wanted to become the Lead rider, and since you are the only free rider I think that he would have wanted this."

"My lady are you sure?"

"Yes I am now do you accept or not?"

"I accept but My lady. But I am no longer the only other free rider Murtagh has changed his true name! and another rider is far away in a land called Hyrule."

Her face froze in shock she seemed to get a hold of herself. He was suddenly looking at himself, he turned to Nasauda. She had a puzzled look on her face.

"I need you to release me from my oath."

"Why?"

"I am now the lead rider and since the riders are subordinate to no one."

"I get it, I Nasuada release you Eragon from his oath."

He thanked her and left the tent. He raced over to his tent passing by tents and people who jumped out of the way calling his name and Saphira's she was up in the sky, the elven bodyguards ran next to him. He ran to his tent grabbing his possessions, he strapped Brisingr on the belt of Beloth the wise, then strapped it on him, he slipped his, now full, pack on his back, he ran out again. Eragon ran to Arya's tent, he called to her,

"I and my bodyguards are going to the elves if you want to join us...oh and Murtagh."

Arya came thundering out the door when he said Murtagh, her green eyes snapped her face angry.

"Arya calm down, like I said a few days ago, it wasn't Murtagh it was Galbatorix, his true name changed,"

She calmed down and went back into her tent, five minutes later she came out again, she was carrying a pack on her back, he motioned for her to follow him, he turned, his elven guards all had packs on their backs. Eragon ran out of the Varden his guards behind him Arya by his side.

This post has been edited by Aramus Shurtugal: 12 September 2009 - 08:37 PM

[StarSapphireWolf]

Wow It took me a while to read this, thx for the chapter. I don't think I spotted mistakes. Have a fun day Aramus!

~ You're Reader, SSW

[soldierofwill]

That was a good beginning with Aramus but when it went to Eragon everything moved too fast. It was hard to picture everything in my head. Especially when Eragon was speaking to queen Islanzadi.
All in all goos chapter.
Keep it up!
Your addicted reader soldierofwill. Bye