[Burrosis]

Hey everyone I wanted to see what would happen if I started writing a book 4 of my own. Writing isn't really my thing so I will understand if you guys think it sucks. Also if there are aspects of my story that are in others it is unintentional and let me know and I will change it.


Chapter 1

Death of More than a Master

Arya was devastated when Eragon told her that both Oromis and Glader died. She spent the day after the battle away from everyone, even Eragon. “How much more must I lose in this war?” She continually asked herself. Oromis had acted like her father when Evandar was killed in the fall, comforting her over both her loss of father and more recently her loss of Faolin. Arya had lost the only other person she had ever confided in besides Eragon. “How long until I lose him too? I have lost everything else why should I deserve to have someone survive this war with me? Do I even deserve to survive this war when all but Eragon has been taken from me?” she thought. She finally looked around at her surroundings to see where she had run to after the battle and spent most of the day. She found herself in a clearing deep in the woods that would barely fit Saphira in it. Arya was happy to be away from the smell of death and blood which surrounded the city, as it just reminded her of all she had lost throughout her life. “Being with nature always calms me down” she thought. With a clear head she thought back to the previous days events.

After Arya had embraced Eragon after he told her the news she looked up into his eyes to see the same pain that she was feeling in them. After the meeting where Arya and Nasuada learned of how Eragon knew about what had happened at the battle at Gil’ead while he was many miles away. Eldunari. Arya was furious at her mother and Oromis for not telling at least Eragon about this secret. Without this knowledge Eragon almost was captured at the battle of the Burning Plains, and needed a lot of help from his personal spellweavers in order to just repel Murtagh and Thorn the second time. Those thoughts only lasted a little while, because she felt another pang of sorrow when she heard Eragon mention Oromis’s name agian. When the meeting was over Arya went up to Eragon and wispered to him, “Don’t follow me, I will come back when I am ready.” Arya could tell that he really needed someone to talk to besides Saphira in this but she didn’t think that she would be able to open up to him about this like she did at the campfire about Faolin and her stay in Gil’ead. Losing a second father was almost too much for her.

As Arya started to head back to camp she thought about how Eragon must be taking his masters deaths. Eragon must be feeling the same as me if not worse, and instantly she felt guilty for telling him not to follow her and share each others misery. Arya knew that Eragon had Saphira to confide in but sometimes Arya felt that Eragon needed someone else besides his dragon to talk to. She put these thoughts to rest as she made it back to the maze of tents called the Varden. Arya made it back to her tent without having to talk with anyone or meet with anyone.

In her tent which had just the bare necessities and free time she thought back to the campfire that she had shared with Eragon while running from the Empire. She thought about how easy it was to confide in Eragon, and how much better she felt after crying about her problems to a friend. Arya was also surprised that he did not make a fool out of himself by pursuing her for a third time. She had expected it since she met him in Melian. “He has finally grown up” she thought.

A messenger boy of no more than 16 years old came up to her tent and looked scared of her. The boy said, “Lady Arya, Lady Nasuada wishes to speak with you about her plans on moving forward.” Arya replied, “ Thank you I will be there as soon as I can.” As soon as the boy heard this he took off running away from her tent. “Do I have that effect on people?” She muttered to herself. Arya made her way to Nasuada’s command tent in the middle of the camp. The six Nighthawks stopped her and announced her presence to Nasuada and was finally allowed to enter. “Why must they stop me every time? I am here almost every day.” As she entered she took notice of her surroundings before going to far into the tent. Everyone seemed to bee there already except her. She felt Eragon’s eyes on her but fought the urge to make eye contact.

Nasuada started the meeting. “Well, now that we are all here let us start with the numbers...” Arya wondered why she was even necessary for these meetings. They said the same things and argued over the same topics every time. Arya did her best to look interested and looked around at all the people in the tent with her. As her eyes fell on Eragon she saw just how miserable he was. His eyes were out of focus and stareing off to nowhere and he was slumped down in his chair. He hadn’t shaved this morning and even Saphira’s expression was one of sadness.

Arya wondered if she did the right thing in not talking with Eragon in this last day. She sent her consciousness towards his and noticed that he had only the weakest defenses up around his mind. He seemed not to even notice that Arya was inside his head.

Eragon?

Arya?

How do you feel? I want you to know that I am here for you to talk to. Oromis was very close to me also.

How do you think I feel? I just lost one of the last people I care about to this war.

Arya was taken aback on how blunt he had been with her. If you want to talk I am here for you.

Are you really? You wouldn’t talk yesterday when I had to watch as Galbatorix took control of Murtagh and Thorn and made them kill Oromis and Glader while Oromis had a seizure. You wouldn’t even let me be there for you.

With that Arya was shut out of Eragon’s mind and returned to her own. She instantly knew that it was a mistake not to talk with him after the meeting no matter how much she wanted to be alone. She couldn’t lose another friend to this war. Arya promised herself that she would make it up to Eragon and Saphira as soon as she could.

Nasuada then told everyone to leave except Arya, Eragon, and Saphira.

Eragon looked annoyed at this but stayed. Nasuada looked at both of them and told them to take a few days for themselves while the army rested in Feinster. With that she excused all of them. Once outside of the tent Arya made her way to follow Eragon back to his tent so she could tell him that she was sorry for not being there for him yesterday.

Eragon could hear her follow so he turned around and waited for Arya to continue the conversation that they had in the command tent.

“Eragon, I am sorry but Oromis was like a father to me after my father died. I needed to be alone to work things out.”

“Arya, I understand, but you have to realize that he was a father figure for me as well. I may not have known him for as long as you but I spent the majority of every day with him for months. He worked me through my injury and through my changes. He taught me most of what I know.”

Arya hadn’t realized this about Eragon. It had never occurred to her that Eragon may have lost just as much as she.

“Well Eragon just know that I plan on being there for you as a friend like you were when we were in the Empire.”

“Thank you, you don’t know what that means to me.”

With that Arya told Eragon to come to her whenever he needed and she would make time to listen and talk with him, and took her leave.

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Let me know what you think. Criticism is more then welcome just don't rip me a new one.

Yes its a little rushed at the end but I had to go.

This post has been edited by Burrosis: 06 October 2009 - 12:04 PM

[soldierofwill]

That was a very good start. Your emotions were well portrayed, but your description could use some work. At some times you switched to Arya speaking first-person like:
"He seemed not to even notice that I was inside his head." Unless she is speaking her own thoughts. If so put it in Italics
Also here. "It had never occurred to her that Eragon may have lost just as much as I."
Other than that I enjoyed it.
Keep it up!
Your interested reader soldierofwill, bye

[Burrosis]

Thanks for that Soldier. It's changed to be third person. Glad to see that you like it. As of now I'm planing on what I want to do with it so I should have at least another update by tonight.

[Burrosis]

Chapter 2

Concern

Nasuada was sitting in the now empty command tent. Her chair was positioned so that she would be able to see and hear everyone present. Just like after most meetings Nasuada thought back to the meeting that she just had with all the leaders throughout the Varden. While it is not unusual for Arya not to say to much, Eragon usually says something. Now that I think of it, they both didn’t seem to be listening to anything that was said. I guess I underestimated how much his masters meant to him. I never had seen or even known of them before the end of the battle, and I guess Eragon spent most days with them while he spent all that time training after Farthen Dur. I should call them both back here and make sure that they are still prepared to fight in this twice cursed war. Yes, that is what I will do tomorrow. Nasuada made a note to herself so that she wouldn’t forget to summon them in the morning.

Nasuada woke up a few hours after sunrise like normal in her tent that was connected to her command tent. She looked around her tent and saw just how simple everything was. All she had was a cot, table with two chairs, with her armor and clothes in the corner. She got up and went through her normal early morning routine. She called out to her nighthawks to summon two messengers so that they could go and get both Eragon and Arya. After giving the messengers their job she sat back in her chair in the center of her command tent and waited a while for the people she summoned to show up. After about fifteen minutes Nasuada heard a loud thud as a magnificent dragon landed next to her tent and stuck her head through the flap. Both Eragon and Arya came at the same time and after the standard greetings looked questioningly at her. She told both of them to sit down.

“Eragon, Arya, is there anything wrong with the two of you. At yesterdays meeting you both looked distracted by something. I know that your masters Eragon were killed. I guess I am asking if there is anything that I can help you with so that you both can get your mindset back?”

Eragon was the first to answer Nasuada. “Nasuada for most of the war both Oromis and Glaedr were in hiding amongst the elves. They were their best kept secret. Their only hope of properly training the rider that the sapphire egg hatched for. While I did receive training from my masters, it was by no means complete. The riders of the old order trained for many years so that they could be considered full riders with all their privileges. While I did accomplish much during my time in Du Weldenvarden and would have been considered a full rider because of my training, there is still much for me to learn. I hope that you can understand the magnitude of the loss we have suffered a few days ago. Now as for your concern on wether our heads are in the right place, I cannot speak for Arya, but I know that if we were attacked in the next few minutes I would be very distracted because of the loss of my masters. Yes I would overcome the distraction but it would still be there. They meant a lot to me and I do not think that I will be able to get over their loss for quite some time.”

This defiantly is not good. It seems that Eragon almost considered his masters as father figures. This poor young man seems to loose everyone he becomes close to save for Roran and Katrina.

“I am sorry for your loss Eragon. I understand you told me that Thorn had suffered a serious injury, do you have any idea how long he will be out of commission?” Nasuada said.

This time it was Saphira who answered and projected her thoughts to everyone in the room. Thorn should not be able to fly well for a while, unless Galbatorix is somehow able to heal his tail through some dark magic only he knows of.

This came as a relief to the people in the room knowing that Thorn will be unable to do much for a while.

“Arya you have not said anything regarding Oromis yet. Do you feel the same as Eragon or is it something else that is bothering you?” To Nasuada it looked like Arya was contemplating her answer in her head, but with her blank emotionless face it was hard to tell. Arya took a few minutes to think about what both Nasuada and Eragon had said.

“I feel the same as Eragon does on the matter. I...”

She was cut off by Nasuada standing and looking into the mirror that was opposite of her chair, which had just come to life with Queen Islanzadi on the other side. Both Arya and Eragon immediately started speaking in elvish to the Queen while Nasuada greeted Islanzadi in her native tongue. The Queen looked extremely sad when she looked at both Eragon and Arya, which was rare because she always had the stone cold expressionless face no matter what the situation.

Nasuada spoke up, “Queen Islanzadi why is it that you have scryed us today?”

The Queen’s eyes flicked up to Nasuada before settling on both Eragon and Arya. The Queen started in a sad tone, “Eragon and Arya this may come as a shock...”

Eragon then interrupted the Queen and said, “We know about Oromis and Glaedr’s death. Glaedr gave us... something... so that we would be able to contact him when we needed him.”

Relief was on the Queen’s face before she went back to her blank face. “I’m glad he saw fit to trust you with something like that, and also I am relieved that I do not have to repeat what has happened. That being said I do want both you, Eragon, and Arya to fly up to Gil’ead to attend Oromis and Glaedr’s funeral. I want both of you to leave as soon as you can.”

As Islanzadi said this a look of horror found itself onto Nasuada’s face. “You can’t take him from the Varden! We need him here in case we get attacked!”

Soon after she said this a vast consciousness found its way into the heads of everyone present save Islanzadi. Eragon is not needed with the Varden for at least two weeks. There is no way for Thorn to be able to grow back his tail and he will need to get used to the shortened tail first so he could even be a match for Saphira. The dark king will not send them back out into battle until he is certain that they cannot lose.

Everyone in the tent was awed especially Nasuada who had never spoken with Glaedr before. Eragon quickly relayed Glaedr message to Islanzadi who had a somewhat confused expression on her face at the silence. As soon as Eragon was done talking the Queen said, “Nasuada you now know that you will be safe from Murtagh and Thorn for at least two weeks, so I expect you to send Eragon, Arya, and Saphira to Gil’ead so that they can attend their masters and friends their last respects. I will send them back in a week and a half so that they will have adequate time to return to you. Eragon and Arya I will see you in a few days.” With that she ended the connection without hearing another word from anyone.

Nasuada was fuming. She hated that the Queen could boss her around like that. She was also angry that the Queen’s logic was sound and she couldn’t find a way to make Eragon and Arya stay. With a sigh, admitting defeat, she said, “The three of you may go as soon as you are ready.” With that the three left Nasuada alone to think about what had just happened.

An hour or so later she heard a roar signifying that Saphira was getting ready to leave. The roar reminded her of Murtagh’s dragon, one of the reasons Murtagh was taken from her at Farthen Dur. Still thinking of Murtagh and what could have been, she continued on with her day of endless meetings and problems to be solved.

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Hopefully its not too bad. Yes I know the funeral thing has been used often but I am going to do something that, to my knowledge hasn't been done before in the next few chapters.

[Burrosis]

Chapter 3

A Terrible Success

Murtagh and Thorn were almost back to Uru’baen. Thorn was struggling to stay in the air even after his wounds were healed because of his tail. Murtagh wanted for the two of them to stay above the clouds so they could at least enjoy the sunshine before they were stuck back in their dark, damp cells. Both of them were regretting what they had just done. It’s one thing to be forced to by the Ancient Language and their true names where they would at least be able to interpret what they have to do so they do the least amount of harm possible, but it is something completely different when that terrible, mad old man controls everything you even think about. It was a terrible experience that both of them never want to happen again. Both thought that being controlled and forced to kill the huge gold dragon and the elf rider was one of the worst things that the dark king has ever done. They were both literally one with Galbatorix. Every thought that he had was a thought that both Murtagh and Thorn shared. They had always known that they did not control their lives, being the name slaves that they were, but at the end of that fight Galbatorix took away their last semi-freedom, their minds.

After a particuarly hard flap of Thorn’s wings while he was struggling to maintain altitude Murtagh was forced out of his train of thought. Partner-of-my-heart the castle is right ahead. Thorn said sadly. Their brief respite from the dark king was over. They were back to their cells. Back to their inadequate meals. Back to living in fear of the next beating. Back with Galbatorix.

Murtagh sighed. We cannot delay any longer Thorn. We can only hope that he is lenient with us for his victory over the gold dragon and rider. Murtagh thought to himself Nobody should have to go through this even if they are a son of the Forsworn. When they landed near Thorn’s cell Galbatorix was waiting for them. This can’t be good Thorn. He is waiting on us personally. Thorn gave a small weak roar in response.

Galbatorix had his usual half smile on his face. “Welcome back Murtagh and Thorn.”

“It is good to be back my king” they responded in unison.

After this response Galbatorix started to turn a light shade of red in anger. “You two cannot do anything right can you? I cannot believe that you needed my assistance in killing an injured dragon and a crippled old elf!” With this exclamation he thrust himself into their minds with no regard for their personal comfort. As Galbatorix forced himself into their minds he forced their bodies to believe that they were on fire and that screws were driving themselves into their skulls.

This was the type of torture that Murtagh and Thorn hated and feared the most, for they did not even have their own minds to yell or scream in pain without that crazy old man figuring out and being elated at their pain. They both knew that this was coming but also knew it was futile to even try to put up their mental barriers. They just accpeted that this was their fate and that there was not much they could do for the Varden or the elves because of the many oaths that they have sworn to the old man.

Once Galbatorix was bored with this form of suffering he turned to two guards that were standing at the door to Thorn’s cell and told them to open it. Thorn was so used to this he did not even have to be told to get into his cold, dark, damp cell. It had been so for all of his life. The cell was barely big enough for him to do a circle in and was just big enough for him to rest almost comfortably. Once Thorn was locked in Galbatorix motioned for the guards to pick Murtagh off of the floor and drag him to his own cell which was not to far away. The guards stayed in Murtagh’s cell only long enough to dump him on the ground. The guards feared that if they stayed too long in Murtagh’s cell that the king would shut them in there with him. Murtagh’s cell consisted of a cot that was too short for him, which took up half the room, a stool and a small puddle in one of the corners that was always there. Sometimes at night Murtagh would not be able to sleep because there would be a slow agonizing drip that came from the ceiling that was not able to stop no matter how many different spells Murtagh tried.

Once Murtagh was alone he felt a very familiar consciousness touch his. Shruikan was checking up on him and Thorn. I hate it when he used your own mind against you two. It makes it so I am unable to help with the pain.

Don’t worry about it Shruikan that crazy old man only did it for half of the time he usually does. He must really be happy that that gold dragon and rider are dead.

Aye Murtagh, Oromis and Glaedr were some of the ones who denied him a second egg when he asked.

Shruikan, will Thorn’s tail grow back or does it always have to be short?

It will always be missing the tip, it will take Thorn two to three weeks to get used to it enough to where he will be fit to fight again.

At this Murtagh’s heart sunk. One of his only friends was going to be maimed for the rest of his life and there was nothing that he could do about it. That feeling was replaced by hatred for Galbatorix for not letting them just run away from the ancient dragon and rider.

The three of them immediately began looking for ways around their oaths to Galbatorix and ways to possibly change their true names. The three worked on their only two goals in life well into the night because they never knew when they would be called to meet the dark king or forced into training or battle or more torture.

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Let me know what you think. I didn't like this chapter but you guys might.

[Burrosis]

Chapter 4

Its Good To Be The King

Galbatorix sat in his throne room bored. His throne was built out of black marble. It was supported by dragon claws. The high back was the tallest thing in the room. The king sat on his throne thinking of what to do. He had just finished torturing Murtagh and Thorn for a while, but he could not do that for much longer because of Thorns injury. It would take time for him to get used to the new length on his tail and the only way he will be able to fly is if he is not in too much pain. Galbatorix needed Thorn as much as he hated to admit it, and he never did. He looked around the room. The room was much like his throne. Black, intimidating, and with many of his trophies which he had collected over the years, wether they be rider swords, skulls of his enemies, or other trinkets. There were various guards and servants stationed around the room doing this and that. All had one eye watching the king when they thought he wasn’t looking at them. Their reason for this is they had noticed that the king was looking for something to do. He had a notorious reputation for taking out his boredom on the people around him. In most instances it involved a long and painful death. If the victim was lucky something of importance came up to save the persons life, or end it quickly, either way was a blessing. The king decided, like so many times before, to check on his personal stash of eldunari and the green egg. As he came to this decision the people in the room almost gave an audible sigh of relief, for one of them would not of lasted much longer.

The king then stood up and went on his way as he had so many times before. While he went down the numerous dark hallways. They all looked the same and if anyone even dared to try to steal this egg or his eldunari they would get lost in all the different hallways that all looked the same. The only people who knew the way was Galbatorix, of course, Durza, who was dead, and Murtagh. Murtagh... What a disgrace to his father. Morzan was my most trusted servant. In some instances he exceeded even myself in going out of his way to cause pain. Sometimes Morzan even surprised me with gifts of subjects to torture. Morzan did not try to weasel his way out of his oaths like Murtagh does. That boy has caused me nothing but trouble since he got to touch the remaining eggs. I still can’t believe that a dragon hatched for a weakling like him. Murtagh is yet another example of why the dragon riders were corrupted and acts like the ones who denied me a second egg.

After that last train of thought Galbatorix found himself outside the door to his room of treasures and power. He said, “I am king of the empire” in the ancient language in order to make sure that the countless wards covering the door did not kill him. The only other person with access to this room is Murtagh and he would never betray me again. The last time he tried to escape I spent a week making sure he wouldn’t think to do it again. Now that I think of it, I am surprised that he survived that week. Anyway it looks like all the Eldunari are here where I left them in mounds all over the room and there is the egg in the center of the room on a pedestal on top of the cushion. After assuring himself that everything was where it was supposed to be he closed the door and went to his meeting with the generals that were still in the city. Winding his way back to his throne room with a smile on his face as he reminisced the pain he had caused Murtagh and Thorn a few hours ago.

Back in his throne room he made his way back to his throne, not even caring to look at the people that have gathered and waited impatiently for his return. There were five generals standing in front of his throne. He had not cared enough about them to learn their names, for they were some of the few that served him willingly and believed the lies that he gave out on a daily basis. When Galbatorix needed to talk with them he just pointed and either asked a question or gave an order.

Galbatorix asked them what they needed to report.

The general on the Galbatorix’s far left spoke. “Feinster has fallen a few days ago. Judging by the rebels’ course they will head to Belatona then north to Dras Leona.”

Galbatorix asked the general, “How many soldiers are in Belatona right now?”

The general responded, “I don’t believe that we have enough soldiers there to withstand the rebels and that cursed blue dragon. There are 4,000 soldiers total and a quarter of them are soldiers without pain.”

To this Galbatorix smiled. “Leave them there. Send everyone else to Dras Leona and here. I want to have one third of the remaining forces to Dras Leona and the rest I want here to defend the capital, should by some miracle they make it past Dras Leona. Everyone is dismissed.”

The rest of the generals were not worried at all that they did not get to speak, for it was one less way that they could die at the kings hand by saying something wrong. The five generals left the throne room with haste. The king was back on his throne with nothing to do. He quickly chose one of the servants that he thought looked to be doing a half hearted job and started to torture him. The man screamed out and Galbatorix chuckled. The other servants and guards in the room were trying their best not to look at the man who was having every bone in his body broken with an audible snap throughout the room. The others knew better than to stop working and watch, or get the crazy notion that they were going to try to help or comfort the current victim of Galbatorix’s boredom. It had not taken many multiple deaths and tortures for the entire castle to figure that out. The only reason people even worked in the castle was that it was one of the only ways to get a job in the city. Outside the castle in the city living conditions were terrible. Only the nobles and the king lived in comfort inside Uru’Baen.

Before the king retired for the day he extended his consciousness towards his treasure room to make sure everything was where it was supposed to be. Satisfied he drifted off to sleep.

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It would be nice to get some feedback, good, bad, or ugly.

I just want to make sure I'm any good.

[soldierofwill]

Whoa. I was gone for a few hours and you post three chapters...awesome. I think you portray Galbatorix as one bad son of a b****. he is so evil he makes me want to cry (not really) Anyway your description was good but could use some improvement, Emotions are the same.
All in all great chapters.
Keep it up!
Your still interested reader soldierofwill, bye

[Burrosis]

Yeah I had nothing to do today so I decided to write. I just might slow down a little in the coming days... 4 chapters in one day is a bit much. I have my story planed out for another 4 or so chapters. In the next few it will get much more interesting.

Also I'm thinking of changing the name from Fate's Game to Victims of Fate. It seemed to fit more since the whole Murtagh situation was the whole fate thing and eragon getting the egg being fate.

Let me know what you think.

[Burrosis]

I tried something different with this one. I really want comments on this one. I'm not happy with it and unless you guys like it I will probably rewrite it.

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Chapter 5

Break Down and Discovery

Eragon, Arya, and Saphira were flying through the spine so that they would avoid detection by the many groups of Galbatorix’s soldiers. The sun was setting in the west and because of how high up they were they could see the sun reflecting off of the sea, turning it into a bar of gold.

Most of the trip was spent in silence, and the few times someone did try to start up a conversation it quickly died. Everyone was to uninterested in anything but the thought that Oromis and Glaedr were dead. For Arya they had been a big part of her life for as long as she could remember. For Eragon and Saphira they were more than just masters, they were another free dragon and rider. Now they truly were alone.

Eragon could tell that both Saphira, through there bond, and Arya, through her recently slumped posture that they were tired. Saphira, lets land in a nearby clearing and call it a night. Everyone is tired. Eragon was amused that she was tired enough not to answer even with thoughts, she just did an odd nod of her head mid-flight and started to descend. Eragon went to turn to face Arya and let her know what their plan was. As he started to turn Arya jerked back startled. Eragon smiled to himself when he realized that Arya had been sleeping on him, but quickly hid it so that he would not anger her. “Arya, we are going to land so we can get a decent night’s sleep.” She was also too tired to respond verbally, as she just gave a small, almost imperceptible smile and nodded.

Saphira found a clearing in the woods of the Spine that was big enough for all of them to rest comfortably, and landed with a ground shaking thud. All the small wildlife in and around the clearing ran in terror at the majestic blue dragon that had appeared from nowhere. As Eragon and Arya unstrapped themselves, they took a look at their surroundings ready to fight and kill. Eragon noticed that most of the trees around the clearing were pine trees, which although did not have the size, reminded him of his time in Ellesmera. Eragon chanced a quick glance at Arya to see if she had also made that observation. As Eragon looked he could tell that Arya was thinking the same thing as he. Their eyes met, her deep green, with his mud brown. They held each others gaze for a moment, that to Eragon seemed like hours, then they both looked away. Eragon did not know if Arya would be angry with him for looking at her like he was, or if she would just let it pass as she had since their talk around the campfire. She let it go, but the small smile she had after realizing that the clearing reminded her of her home left her beautiful face. As Eragon saw this he announced that he was going to get firewood, and turned and left the clearing.

Arya wished that Eragon would stop looking at her like that, but she had grown more tolerant of it as of recently. I don’t understand why I get like this around him. If anyone else looked at me like he does I would smack them into tomorrow. Why do I allow him? She pushed those thoughts from her mind and started to take off Saphira’s saddle so that she could hunt and be back for much needed rest. As she did this she noticed that there were some fairths in one of the bags. Once she got Saphira’s saddle off and she left, Arya wanted to look at what was so important to Eragon that he couldn’t leave it in his tent. There were three fairths in the bag.

The first was of a woman that she did not know. She was quite beautiful, dressed similarly to Arya, in the fact of leather armor and leggings. She had a smile on her face and was looking at a flower. I wonder who this is. She thought with a small almost imperceptible pang of jealousy. I will have to ask him when he gets back she resolved.

The second was a younger looking Brom holding hands with the same woman from the first fairth. Brom had brown shaggy hair, much like Eragon’s she noticed. He was also visibly happy, which was something not too many people have seen. The woman must be his mother. She thought as she remembered back at the battle, Eragon had told her that Brom was his father, not Morzan. In the air behind Brom and this woman was a blue dragon, which was a lighter blue than Saphira but still looked as majestic as any other dragon. They were all standing by a meadow with many white roses around them. They all seemed truly happy.

The third and final fairth was of a raven haired elf with honey colored skin. This elf was sitting on particularly large root of the Menoa tree. Arya gasped as she realized that this fairth was of her. This fairth is... Beautiful. Even after I rejected him he still feels this way towards me? I know with all of his glances to me when he thinks I’m not looking, he still feels for me but I never knew it was to this magnitude.

She looked over the fairth of her again and saw that she was in the same elven dress that she was in on the night of the Blood-Oath ceremony, she was barefoot and looked truly happy. Is this how he sees me? With that final thought she looked around to see if Eragon had come back yet. To her horror and embarrassment he was frozen mid step in place at the edge of the clearing looking at her. He had a shocked look on his face and the tips of his ears were turning red. After a few minutes of them looking at each other like that, Eragon broke the silence. “Arya... I’m sorry... you were not supposed to see that. Please forgive me.” Eragon started moving closer to her and made to put the fairths back in the saddlebag. As Eragon went to take the third from Arya’s hands, she tightened her grip on it. Eragon then looked at Arya with a questioning face. She favored him with a small smile and whispered, “This is one of the most beautiful fairths that I have ever seen.” With that she stood up, handed the fairth back to Eragon and moved to pick up the firewood that he had dropped and started a small smokeless fire in the middle of the clearing. Eragon chose to leave it at that so he wouldn’t have to jeopardize their friendship if he asked or said the wrong thing. If Arya wants to talk about it then I will, but not unless she brings it up again. With that thought he moved to the saddlebags to take out both of their bedrolls. He gave Arya hers and moved to the other side of their small fire.

Eragon could tell that Arya was deep in thought because she had a far away expression on her face as she gazed into the fire. Her knees were brought up to her chest and arms were wrapped around them, chin on her knees. Her pose reminded Eragon of their last campfire together like this. He hoped that she was not going to start crying again, for it pained him to see her that way. Then out of nowhere she asked Eragon, “That woman in the other fairths, was that your mother?” Eragon thought back to how he had found out that Morzan’s Black Hand was his mother, along with Murtagh’s, and how she had spent years helping the Varden after she met Brom and they fell in love with eachother. He simply answered, “Yes.” Arya had an understanding look on her face as if she knew the pain Eragon was feeling. “Eragon, if you want to talk about her or any of your losses, you do not have to talk to Saphira, I am here also. I know what it is like to lose a parent young.”

Eragon tensed. “Maybe, but you lost your father after you had spent at least some time with him. You always knew what he looked like. You always knew what he acted like. Me? I had nothing. I was the poor farm boy, Eragon Son of None. I had no true father, I had no mother. And the person who I looked up to as a father was killed by the Ra’zac. When Brom went with me on my quest for vengence, he never told me that he was my father. I only knew him as a simple storyteller who knew too much about dragons. It was only a short while ago that I found out he was my father. I was never able to call him father and he was never able to call me son, except through a memory he gave to Saphira. Then I started to look up to Oromis like a father and now...”

Arya couldn’t believe it. She had noticed about half way through his talk he started to tear up, and not long after the tears were streaming down his face with no signs of stopping. Without thinking she got up and sat down next to Eragon, putting her arm around her. Once he turned to cry on her shoulder she realized just what she had done. It surprised her that she had went to comfort Eragon without even thinking about it. There was no hesitation. I never knew he had lost this much. Yes, I suspected it, but never this much. It must be all he can think of and takes all of his willpower not to appear this weak in front of everyone. Now I know that this war has taken just as much from him as it has from me. If not more so. Is this how he reacted when I told him of my pain at the losses of Faolin and my exile?

Eragon finally got a grip as Saphira landed, having returned from her hunt. Saphira touched her mind.
What happened Arya?

We were talking about what we had lost during the war.

Thank you for comforting him while I was away. It means a lot to both of us that you care.

With that she broke contact and Arya let go of Eragon. Arya said, “It has been a long day and we have talked to much. Now, let us sleep.”

Everyone went to their respective bedrolls and drifted off into waking dreams.

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Its a bit longer than my other paragraphs but I tried to put in more description and emotion than I have previously. Let me know if I utterly failed or if its passable.

Thanks for reading so far, but I would like to see more comments.

This post has been edited by Burrosis: 24 August 2009 - 06:15 PM

[Shruikanisbeast]

I love your fanfic bro it is one of the most well written on this site, can't wait for another update.

[Burrosis]

Have another!

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Chapter 6

Family Ties

Roran and his beaten down raid patrol were just about to make it back to the Varden camp. Roran looked at his favorite magician, besides Eragon, Carn, and reminisced their costly victory over a crucial supply train leading into the empire. The soldiers without pain pose a very large problem when there are small skirmishes over supply lines during raids. So few soldiers can cause so much damage, even with the Varden’s knowledge to only to attack vital organs or the head. Their wards pose an even greater problem. Roran sighed as he remembered how many good men he had lost during this last raid. Of the one hundred and fifty soldiers Roran was sent out with seventy remain. Of the seventy still alive after this small battle, twenty were injured to the point where Carn had done what he could but needed to return to the Varden in order to complete the healing with the help of the other members of the Du Vrangr Gata to restore them to the condition they were in before the fight.

Upon their arrival Roran took one last look at the remaining soldiers under his command. He immediately felt a pang of guilt for all of the fallen soldiers who had trusted him with their safety. Most of their armor was visibly battle worn, some still with blood stains of all the deaths around them. All of them were exhausted because of both the fighting and the pace they took coming back in order to save their wounded. Despite the backbreaking pace there were still four deaths on the journey back. Regardless of the dead weight we took their bodies with us so that they could have a proper funeral with what was left of their families. Is this what my life has become? A series of battles and death? How can I go back to being a simple farmer when I have all the men I have killed in battle keeping me up at night? Will Katrina still love the man that I am becoming? A merchant of death.

As Roran was thinking of his report that was to be shared with Nasuada, he was making his way to the command tent in the center of the Varden camp. Of course he was inevitably stopped by the Nighthawks who announced his presence and wish to speak with Nasuada. After Nasuada gave him permission to enter her command tent, he was almost surprised that they were the only ones in there. She was always in some meeting or another, with a consultant or other leader. Roran gave his report of his successful but costly raid half heartedly, and Nasuada seemed to have noticed.

Nasuada looked at Roran with a kind expression on her face. “Roran it seems that something is troubling you greatly, would you like to share and see if I can help?”

Roran was shocked that Nasuada wanted to have a personal talk with him that wasn’t about numbers, victories, or the next mission. He must have showed it on his face because she chuckled. “Well, it just bothers me that so many innocent people have to die just so we can have a shot at overthrowing the dark king.”

Nasuada nodded. “I understand exactly what you mean. I have to make hard decisions that may or may not result in the deaths of many people. But I try not to let it bother me to much, so that it doesn’t effect later decisions that must be made for the good of the Varden and our cause.”

Roran didn’t seem to like this answer and Nausada picked up on his discomfort. “Roran, got and spend some time with your wife. She has missed you since you left after the battle at Feinster. Go and see her immediately. That’s an order.” With that Roran thanked Nasuada and took his leave. She could tell that he was having somewhat the same issues and Eragon and did not want to aggravate that family any more than is necessary. Still she felt a small touch of loneliness. Here she was again, alone in her command tent with nobody but her servant for company. No love that is so obviously shared between Roran and Katrina. No real friends. Nobody to have a friendly talk with. Alone.

Roran was happy to leave the barren command tent and return to his wife. He had not seen her in days. Katrina seemed to know instinctively when he returned, no doubt because of their wedding rings. She was waiting for him in the front of their tent. Roran noticed that she was just starting to show signs of her pregnancy. Their strong feelings of love for one another have not wavered in the slightest. They only had eyes for each other and they did not care who knew. Roran was naturally worried about the baby. For Katrina had been on the move ever since she conceived and Roran just wanted to be sure. He told Katrina what he was thinking of doing and she agreed after little persuasion.

Roran had decided to go to where Eragon’s tent is and ask one of the elves if they would mind to check the baby and make sure everything was going as planned. As he neared the tent the blue furry elf turned to greet Roran.Blast, what is his name again? Roran immediately thought. “I was coming over here to ask one of you elves a favor. I was wondering if any of you are experience in child birth at all and could tell if a baby is fine while still in the womb.” The elves within earshot all turned their heads, for childbirth was something to be celebrated. A female elf volunteered to come with Roran and check up on his wife and the baby. Roran’s gratitude was all over his face and the elf smiled, and said it was her pleasure. She introduced herself as Ilumea and asked to be shown to their tent. Roran quickly obliged and hurried off to his tent. He introduced Ilumea to Katrina.

Ilumea seemed radiant at the sight of the pregnant woman. She explained why she was acting the way she was by explaining that there were only two elf children in all of Du Weldenvarden. To which Roran and Katrina were stunned. Even growing up in their small farming town they had seen babies and children. It was hard for them to understand the elves situation. Meanwhile Ilumea was extending her consciousness to Katrina’s womb and reveled in the unborn, incomplete mind. After a few moments she proceeded to check and make sure that the baby was fine, which it was, and returned to herself. Both Roran and Katrina looked worried and expectant at the same time. Which Ilumea thought was quite a combination. She explained that nothing was wrong and that she would be more than happy to have the privilege to do regular checkups on the baby. Katrina instantly agreed and started talking with the elf to find out more about her. She was talking a mile a minute and Roran instantly lost interest and excused himself.

Roran was walking around his tent when a young messenger came up to him summoning him back to Nausada’s tent. He sighed at the knowledge that he was going to have to leave his wife again and sent the boy on his way. Again he was stopped by the Nighthawks until being allowed passage. This time in the tent it was a stark contrast to the one on one talk he had a few hours before. Now in the tent was not only Nasuada but King Orrin, and the counsel of elders. After Roran greeted everyone he was told of his next assignment which he would leave on the day after next. He had that time to replenish his squad and was told that he was to be in control of another group which would be combined with his own, and sent to capture Melian. After this he was dismissed yet again and his time was his own.

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I know, I know filler chapter. Next will be more interesting I promise.

Also tomorrow may be another update crazy day for me as I have nothing of real importance to do.

This post has been edited by Burrosis: 25 August 2009 - 09:59 AM

[gyerv59]

So far, its a very good story. Good description, good emotion. The rapid fire updates is also a plus. Theres been a noticable improvment since chapter 1. Kepp up the good work.

[Burrosis]

Thanks for the compliment gyerv. And yes I am aware that my first chapter sucks... I was rushed and had important stuff to do but I am glad that you like my story.

Just for you I may or may not get another update out tonight. Though if I do then it would be late.

Either way I am feeling an update binge coming up tomorrow as long as nothing unexpected comes up.

[Burrosis]

Let me know of what you guys think of this chapter.

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Chapter 7

Friendly Duel

Eragon, Arya, and Saphira had another hard days worth of flying. They were currently flying high over Woadark Lake so that if any farmhand or traveler happened to look up, Saphira would look no larger than a bird of prey. The conversation was a little better than the previous day but most topics died out quickly. Arya could not stop thinking of how vulnerable and helpless Eragon had made himself in front of her. Also to her surprise she wanted him to never feel like that again, though she was unsure on how to put her plan into action. She knew that they had one last night around the campfire together, alone, before they made it to the elves camp in Gil’ead.

Is this how Eragon felt after I opened up to him? He seemed to react the same to her during her episode. Is this how true friends help each other out? I haven’t had a friend that I could open up to since... Cutting off her train of thought Saphira entered her mind.

What is it that troubles you. I can tell that you are confused about something. To Arya’s surprise Saphira had guessed that she was in a dilemma. While she was busy flying no less. Remarkable. It was at that moment that she was glad to be behind Eragon so that he wouldn’t see how she had stiffened and her usual blank face showed shock and amazement.

How could you tell that I was trying to figure something out?

A dragon must know these things. Saphira answered smugly.

Saphira would you like to help me work this out? I would like to know if Eragon felt the protectiveness and deep concern that I felt when I opened up to him while we were alone in the empire?

Arya, you should know that Eragon would be more than willing to put himself in danger if you, his nest-mate, or his nest-mate’s-mate were in danger. I would also because we are one in the same, no matter our personality differences. If that does not answer your question then it is something that you will have to figure out on your own in time. Now wipe those thoughts from your mind we are landing shortly to make camp.

When Saphira broke contact Arya was having a tough time not thinking about Eragon and what Saphira had just said to her.

Eragon did foolishly assault Helgrind without a sword in order to help both Roran and Katrina. Would he really put himself in harms way just for me. He is obviously more important and we cannot risk him, no matter the cost. Is Saphira suggesting that he would ignore orders and advise like he ignored my and Nasuada’s protests not to join Roran on his rescue mission?

She let that thought bounce around her head until she felt the unease of her stomach which signaled their dissent from their safe height. I don’t know if I will ever get used to flying like this she thought to herself while focusing on trying not to vomit.

As Saphira landed on the outskirts of the spine north of the pass which allowed access to Terim, Arya had an idea that would take Eragon’s mind off of what they talked about the previous night. Not to mention give herself less to think about. After they unstrapped Saphira’s saddle and gathered dead wood for a smokeless fire Arya turned to Eragon. He looked into her eyes and she in his. They kept all of their focus on each other’s eyes for a moment then Arya spoke. “Would you like to spar? I have a lot of extra energy I would like to exert before I sleep from riding on Saphira nonstop since Feinster.”

Eragon smiled for a moment. “Of course, though I hope you realize that you will not be able to beat me as easily as you did in Farthen Dur. I hope you are up for a true challenge.”

With that they both unsheathed their blades and guarded them with magic. There was enough room around the camp for them both to move freely and have Saphira as a spectator. They were in a very large clearing, as usual to fit Saphira, but instead of pine trees that reminded them both of their time in Ellesmera they were leafy trees very green with the season. They both felt at home being surrounded by trees for their own reasons.

Both were in their respective stances ready to attack or defend at a moments notice. The blue and green guard on their blades glowing in from of their faces, lighting them up in the color of their magic. With the dim glow of the guards along with the clear starry night and the campfire there was more than enough light for the two elves. It was Eragon who attacked first with a simple slash from shoulder to hip. However it was blocked by Arya’s sword. Her arm jarred at the impact, for the last time she had fought someone who had speed and strength to match her own was a long time ago. She was too used to fighting weakling humans and had expected Eragon’s strength to be stronger than that on a human but by no means should it of matched or even surpassed her own. Quickly realizing this she went on the offensive with the fluidity that only an elf could have. Her strength and speed only matched by her grace. She was pushing Eragon back with her flurry of blows. All of which, no matter how complicated or unexpected, were either blocked or parried by Eragon, who she noticed, did not seem to be fighting at full strength. This enraged Arya.

Why does he insist on treating me like a weakling human woman who cannot do anything but get in trouble and hurt? I am an elf, I have been in battle, I have killed too many people that I wish to remember. Why does he act like this.

Eragon noticed her lack of concentration even as she was still on a dizzying offensive. Taking advantage of this he decided to flip over her as she was going to land a blow. Arya had been expecting her sword to come up with some type of resistance but when it hit nothing but air she was thrown off balance by her sword’s momentum. Realizing her mistake she scolded herself and got her mind back into the fight. She turned and blocked Eragon’s blade as it was coming to hit her arm, just in time. Both of them were surprised on how close Eragon’s blade had come to striking Arya. Arya saw the shock on his face, but did not know that he was chewing himself out for almost hurting the woman he loved. She attributed it to him not expecting that she would block and went back to her furious offensive, driving Eragon back. Eragon was still distracted and yelling at himself for what he had almost done, when Arya came back to attack again. He was easily driven back and as Arya’s luck would have it, towards the campfire. Eragon could feel the heat coming from the fire but did not act on it. Arya was trying to force him into the fire so she could end this fight quickly. What she had not counted on however, was that as Arya was going for the strike that would throw him back into the fire he flipped over her and as he was coming down hit her just hard enough for her to stumble forward and towards the fire. Arya was so surprised that she did not do anything to protect herself from the flames but drop her blade and throw her arms up to cover her face.

Eragon quickly whispered “Letta” and Arya was suspended over the flames. He was going to wait for her to realize that she was not getting burned before he moved her away.

Arya was just hovering over the fire for a few moments before she realized that she was not on fire and that she couldn’t move. She yelled at Eragon to move her, so he quickly obliged. Saphira was making the strange sound she made when she was laughing. He was not going to try her patience. Eragon quickly said, “Did you really think that I would have let you fall into the fire?”

Arya quickly realized that this was very true and had also held true with what Saphira had told her not that long ago. “I didn’t know what to think Eragon.” She quickly shot back in order to cover her confused thoughts. “Eragon I...”

As she was about to finish her sentence there was a flash of light and burn marks around an object in front of the three.

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First cliffhanger!

Anyways how did the fight scene work out on your end. I didn't think it was good but this is for you guys let me know.

Compliments, Criticism, and "You Suck"s are always welcome!

This post has been edited by Burrosis: 25 August 2009 - 09:58 AM

[jky1995]

I like it. You started to develop characters, you have great description, and you give nice loooooooooooooong updates. I would change two things:

space. Sometimes you have big paragraphs, that make it hard to read, try and break them down.

vocabulary. this is your own preference, but I do not think that Alagaesia had the word "Ok". But that's up to you, and frankly, it doesn't really bother me.

I like your story, and I;ll keep on commenting.