[Hold Your Peace]

Hello everyone! I usualy dont read much poetry but after a sudden compulsion to compose a poem I mad one, it's about my favorite character in the cycle : Thorn, this is my first one so some pointers and some crit would be lovley if you have the time.

Crimson Fate.

He had been judged

by those

who did know him.

He had been condemned,

and sentenced,

by fate.

He had been clapsed,

in cold chains.

And he had been cast,

Into an abyss.

By strangers.

Strangers, whom he did not know.

He had been enslaved,

eternaly enslaved.

By a wicked Pupeteer.

His dices were cast

for him,

and he had no say.

A crimson veil,

had been lain.

Over his judges eyes,

So that they could not see,

the truth, the truth, the truth.

That he,

was,

a mere puppet,

of fate.

Well, there it is my first poem. Please tell me what you think.

This post has been edited by Thorn Pwns: 04 September 2009 - 04:12 AM

[holyknight]

This poem just gave me the image of poor Thorn.

It's such a shame that not very many people seem to care about Thorn these days. Poor guy is mistaken to be evil and not very many people pity him or have sympathy for him.

To me, I think he's cooler than Eragon. Wonderful Poem, will there be more to come?

[HJP]

Wow, I like it a lot. The layout you chose makes each statement fall heavier. Nice!

[Hold Your Peace]

This poem just gave me the image of poor Thorn.

It's such a shame that not very many people seem to care about Thorn these days. Poor guy is mistaken to be evil and not very many people pity him or have sympathy for him.

To me, I think he's cooler than Eragon. Wonderful Poem, will there be more to come?

Thanks alot for your comment, Im very glad you liked it I totaly agree, I cant stand the fact that some people don't like him like I posted above "He's a mere puppet of fate" He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time, poor guy

Im going to try and work on something if I get the insparition, It might also be on Thorn but Im also considering doing one on Murtagh.

Wow, I like it a lot. The layout you chose makes each statement fall heavier. Nice!

Im very glad you enjoyed it, Im also very glad you liked the layout, I considered another type but then stuck with this one, and im pleased I did so.


Thanks for both of your comments!

Cheers!

Thorn Pwns

P.s. HolyKnight:I also agree completley that Thorn is way cooler then Eragon The page hogging batard.....lol...

This post has been edited by Thorn Pwns: 04 September 2009 - 07:03 PM

[Blazing Elf]

Good job on writing this poem I like it alot.

[Slytha Tieneun]

Wow, when I read this, I think: Thorn. This wasn't the best poem I've ever read, but it is very good and portrayed(sp) the character perfectly. It's very nice.
~S.T.~

[Hold Your Peace]

Thanks both of you, I'm thrilled you like my poem.

[Aramus Shurtugal]

I liked it. Made me think more about how he lives his life.

[SnapeandMurtagh ROCK]

Hi, just read Crimson Fate, and I realized I've spent a lot of time analysing Murtagh's character and how he must be feeling, but not enough about Thorn. It's definitely made me feel a lot more compassionate towards him.
And also gets me thinking of how the relationship between Thorn and Murtagh must be as emotional and heart-wrenching as that which Eragon and Saphira share (if not more).
So thanks, and good job

[Hold Your Peace]

Why thank you ^^, happy that you like it. I'm starting to think about making another one, this time about old Murty.