[darkangel447]

Ok so here it is. My first FanFic ... errm ever, really. Scary thought. Ok well I wanted to look more at Arya and Eragon's relationship as friends mainly, rather than the whole He loves her/She loves him thing, but who knows. Where it leads, I shall follow.

Ok basic deal, I'm going to try and keep to; I have the first five or so chapters pretty much mapped out, but I really need some feedback. So if you want me to write them, I'm going to need to be told to do so, cause otherwise I'll not bother and save some time and effort. PLUS with work and all of lifes little dramas, I'm aiming to be getting about one chapter a week out of a similar length to Chapter One (if I write a short chapter, then the next one will be ready sooner)

So yeah, be as harsh as you like. Seriously. Im a big kid, I can take it.

P.S I'm not in the habbit of giving away spoilers, but as it's my first one, and I need you all to read it. Theres a spolier at the end

N.B - Ok, so alot of people have been asking for a prolouge, but as I don't have time to write a fully detailed prolouge, here is a comprehensive covering of what has happened between the end of Book IV and this story;

• Galbatorix has been killed by Eragon, with the help of Arya.
• Thorn and Murtagh, Nusuada and Blodhagarm have all been killed (Thorn and Murtagh were killed in the battle of Dras-Leona)
• Eragon does not have a million Eldunari, he defeated Galbatorix with help of the desendents of the Grey Folk ie Tenga
• The Valut of Souls was opened by Eragon saying his true name, however it will play no part in this story
• Eragon and Arya are still not together, however this is an AxE story, so they will get there eventually
• The Menoa Tree has NOT called for her price from Eragon.
• Anything else anyone wants to know about the standing of Alagaesia before my story, P.M me and I shall answer them as well as I can

Un Allr Maela (And all [is] quiet)

Chapter One – An Elven Loss;

Eragon sat astride Saphira and watched as the final bodies of the dead where counted. Amongst those who had fallen, Blodhgarm, his blue fur moving slightly in the wind and Nasuada, the bandages from the Trial of Long Knives stained with a blood that was not her own. Saphira flapped her wings in order to remain airborne.
'Little one?' she queried but Eragon remained numb. He had retreated deep within himself. Yes Galbatorix had been vanquished, but at what cost? The leader of the Varden, Thorn and Murtagh, King Orrin, and many more beside were all dead. Another beat of her wings caused Saphira to bob on the spot before Eragon said
'Let us tend to those we can.' With this, and a shared moment of agreement, Saphira gracefully dived toward the white tent of the injured. The tent had expanded a number of times over the campaign until the magicians and healers were forced to commandeer a second, and then, third tent.

As Eragon landed he saw Queen Islanzadi exit the middle tent. Eragon would have felt concerned, and a small, unacknowledged portion of him did, however, for the most part, he had adopted a cool, unaffected air that allowed him to seal off his emotions. Only when level with her did Eragon bow and greeted her in the traditional elven way.
'Atra esterni ono thelduin Islanzadi-svit knoa'
'Mor'ranr lifa uni hjarta onr.' Queen Islanzadi replied. It was only then that Eragon saw she was crying.
'How many?' Eragon asked
'Eragon . . .' He heard Saphira's voice but ignored her. It took all his energy to remain focused on the conversation at hand.
'How many?' he repeated, a little more forcefully this time.
'Just over three quarters.' Eragon closed his eyes and again retreated inside himself.
'Eragon . . .' Again he ignored Saphria's voice. 'ERAGON!!' The shout acted as a mental slap which brought him out of his shock-like state. He was vaguely aware that that Queen Islanzadi had been speaking to him. He picked up the sentence half way through
' . . . many fell where they were mortally wounded. Arya . . . ' she faltered 'Arya has not been seen amongst the living and while . . .' At this point Eragon snapped to full attentiveness.
'Arya has not been seen?' He interrupted 'Since when?' There was a little more anger in his voice than he had intended but before he could resolve the matter, Queen Islanzadi replied
'She was seen leading a charge during the second quarter, over by the breach but I do not know . . .'

Without another word, Eragon had leapt onto Saphira and said to her
'We must find her.' Worry and anger and a whole host of other conflicting emotions were shared across their mental link. Saphira flew to the hole in the fortifications of Uru~baen and, she and Eragon, began the task of searching through the dead.

Eragon spent all of that day, and much of the night searching through the piles of corpses.
‘Little one' Eragon again ignored her. ‘Little one. She is not here Eragon.’ Whether this thought pleased him or not was hard to tell. The conflicting emotions of relief and worry still poured through their connection. ‘Eragon. We should not tarry here. Let the sleeping dead lie.’ Eragon paused and then, with a dejected air of one who has lost all hope, stopped looking and fell to his knees. A solitary tear tracked its way down his left cheek. He did not say anything. For four hours he sat amongst the dead, until the grey tinge of dawn was visible on the horizon. As the sun rose, a single, animalistic cry escaped him. It echoed around the castle walls and down the valley making horses whiney and bay in fear. After that, there was again silence.
________________________________________________________________________________


Oh No! Yeah well heres the spolier. Its not really a spoiler but if you want to find out what Really happened to Arya, you better read the next Chapter

This post has been edited by darkangel447: 25 September 2009 - 01:28 PM

[soldierofwill]

Ok. That was pretty interesting. But you have to work on dialog, like so:

"Hello Eragon." Arya said.

"Hello Arya." Came his reply

Yeah so work on it. It is very interesting and can't wait for more!
Keep it up!
Your newly interested reader soldierofwill. Bye

[darkangel447]

Ok. That was pretty interesting. But you have to work on dialog, like so:

"Hello Eragon." Arya said.

"Hello Arya." Came his reply

Yeah so work on it. It is very interesting and can't wait for more!
Keep it up!
Your newly interested reader soldierofwill. Bye

Ok thanks. Ill make dialouge easier to read from now on

[Thunder Gulch]

Interesting Start to a fanfic, but it short. Just a sugesstion can you please put more more descriptions in next time. It will make your story seems longer

-OTF

[gyerv59]

An interesting begining. like soldier said the dialogue can use some work, but the discription and the emotion were good. Starting at the end is a different way to go about it, very Quentin Tarentino. Look forward to more.

[darkangel447]

@ gyerv59 - This is a post Book Four, set after the war with Galby and Co, so I'm not starting at the end! Sorry if I didn't make that clear! My bad.

Anyway, My God chapter two is turning out longer than I expected. Im onto a third page and I havent even scratched the surface of what I want to do

So yeah, there may be some 'Part One's' and 'Part Two's' in this one.

Update by tonight hopfully

[darkangel447]

Here it is - And yes it is in stages.

Hope the diolouge and the description is better for you guys. Also made it MUCH longer than the first - is this ok for you or do you want shorter chapters, longer chapters, differing lengths?

Chapter Two; A grieving man

Part one;

Saphira nosed Eragon gently to his feet. It took her two attempts, for at the first try, his legs had simply refused to support his weight, almost as if they were saplings, snapping under the weight of too many branches. When Eragon was standing Saphira pushed him again with her nose, a light push that made him take a step forwards, and then another, and then another. They continued in this odd shambling walk, Saphira offering physical support as well as mental.

‘She was not there Eragon. She did not die at the walls of Uru’baen.’ But while Eragon listened, he refused to reply.

Returning to the Varden camp took them just over an hour. The sun was now fully over the horizon, leaving an orange-grey glow over the pallid landscape. Those who had fallen were given a pinkish hue, a cruel imitation of the colour that had once filled their faces. Eragon staggered over to the red command tent. In the new morning sun it had become a darker red. Blood red. Another sad reminder of the losses suffered. While Nasuada had died in the battle, The Nighthawks still remained on guard. As Eragon drew ever nearer, he heard raised voices. He recognised one of them as Captain Edric, and the second he realised with a start, was that of his cousin Roran. He entered the tent and took in the scene before him.

The council seats had retained their circular formation within the tent, but now only a few of the seats were filled. Nasuada’s chair, the one directly opposite the tent entrance, remained empty, as did that of King Orrin. Roran’s seat had toppled over and even Captain Edric’s was pushed back. These obvious displays of internal violence, coupled with the heated argument that was still raging, gave the impression of action, of something to do, something to still strive for. However, it was Queen Islanzadi’s position that best represent the massed feeling off the tent. She was sitting in the elven ambassador’s chair, Arya’s chair. Her eyes were closed and tears made their silent way from the source at her eyes, to her cheeks, before dripping from her chin to her chest. She did not hide them, and she made no attempt to brush them away.

‘BAH’ shouted Roran ‘You couldn’t lead this army to victory! There has already been too much blood lost on account of Captains who didn’t know one end of a sword from another!’

‘I was Nasuada’s second in command Stronghammer. I was not the one flogged for insubordination! If anyone is responsible for lost blood it is You, and not I.’

‘Enough.’ A voice almost whispered.

Eragon looked around for the source of the voice. It was not loud but everyone seemed to take heed. It was with a little start that Eragon realised the voice had been his. He continued in a half state. His emotions remained buried, and so he gave off a calm and detached air.

‘I do not know what you are arguing about . . .’

‘Cousin! We did not see you. We thought . . .'

‘Peace Roran.’ Eragon continued ‘I do not know what you are arguing about’ Roran made to interrupt again but Eragon quelled him with a look. ‘But I do know this. It is folly whatever it is. Can you not be content in your mourning? Must you rage so? Tomorrow, we will decide the fate of the remaining Varden. Tomorrow we will set aside our grief . . .’ His voice broke and tears fell freely from his eyes ‘Tomorrow we will move on. Tonight is a night for lost ones. Let it remain that way.’

And with that Eragon left the tent and returned to his own. He was so grief stricken he did not even remove his armour. He simply sat on the edge of his bed and grieved.

For the rest of the day he mourned. He mourned for those he had known; Orrin, Nasuada, Murtagh and Thorn. Then he mourned for those he had not known; the countless men who had laid down their lives to end the Black King’s reign. And then, when he felt he could cry no more, he mourned for her. There had been no body, but he felt with every fibre of his being that Arya must be dead. A lump appeared just behind his sternum, almost like a large stone, so solid it restricted his breathing. He knew he would carry that stone until the day he died.

Throughout his night-long mourning Saphira had remained silent. Letting him come to terms with his grief. It wasn’t until morning that she broke her self-imposed solitude.

‘Little one?’ Saphira questioned. When he did not reply she said ‘Come. We must attend the Council, if only to vote on a new leader.’

Eragon again, did not reply but an out pouring of grief flooded across their link. Saphira entered her riders mind and showed him images of a happier time, of Garrow and of Brom, of what was and what could be. She showed him images of a land without war, willing him into action.

‘This is what we were fighting for. This is what those men and women laid down their lives for, and this is what We shall protect and cherish. In every conflict there is blood shed. It is the nature of war. It is what we do after, how we move on, that defines us Eragon.’ Gratitude and understanding blossomed between them. Eragon stood slowly, testing his legs, before he washed and changed. Removing the grime of the fight went some way to removing his trance like state, but he still remained on auto-pilot. He continued to the Command tent where he saw that the rest of the council were already there and waiting for him. Roran’s seat had been righted and he now sat there, waiting with the rest of the members. Of the original council of seven, only three remained. Jormundur, Roran and Eragon all looked at each other, fully aware that they had all lost friends and loved ones in this war.

Arya’s seat was again taken my Queen Islanzadi and King Orrin’s chair had been filled one of his nobles. Eragon was surprised to see Angela sitting in another of the empty chairs, and Nar Garzhvog moving in to fill for another of the lost. Much to Eragon's disgust Captain Edric now occupied one of the chairs.

Eragon took his seat between Nasuada’s empty chair, and Arya’s filled one. King Orrin’s replacement, a man by the name of Lord Allrah, stood and spoke first.

‘My friend’s.’ He opened his arms as though welcoming a crowd. ‘My friend’s, the people of Surda understand that the war is over, and so we come here to seek our leave of the Varden. We will forever be an ally, however the needs of our people are great, and before we re-join you, those needs must be addressed.’

Lord Allrah looked expectantly at Eragon at this point, but when Eragon didn’t reply Allrah returned to his seat. As Allrah returned to his chair Nar Garzhvog stood and also asked for his people’s freedom from the Varden.

‘We will always be willing to fight for you’ Garzhvog started ‘but for now, we must return to our own lands and attempt to change our ways.’

Eragon nodded at him but still remained silent. It was Captain Edric who next broke the silence.

‘I feel, while you have every right to leave, removing yourselves at this time would not be in the best interests of the New Empire. There are still servants of Galbatorix out there and we need to . . .’

‘What we need to do’ Roran interrupted ‘is send these men home. They have fought long enough. Let them return to their homes.’

‘If we do that Stronghammer what becomes of the rest of Empire’s army? If we do not slay them, they will surly band together and attack us once again! Nasuada would have wanted the Varden to remain in place’

‘Bah!’ said Roran ‘They would not. They have homes and families they wish to return to. And who would lead this great army of the Varden? Without Nasuada who is capable? Will it be you Edric?’

‘Friend’s peace.’ Queen Islanzadi stood and motioned for Captain Edric to return to his seat. ‘While I do not know the feelings of the rest of council, I do believe that a small force should remain in place to ensure that we are ready for all eventualities.’ At this Edric looked smug.

‘However’ the Queen continued ‘I do not believe that we should give control over such a force to one who has asked for it, for surly they would use it without thought.’ Captain Edric’s smile faded. ‘This is why I propose we give command of our small force to you Roran.’



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry for the length considering its pretty much a filler.
It kinda gets Roran out of the way and allows me to show a deeper feeling of Eragon's grief. Part Two will be up just as soon as I get it finished.

And then possibly part three. Unsure as of yet how many parts I might need.

So up to you guys now, critic away

[soldierofwill]

That was better. Please let Arya live!!! I thought the emotions were well placed and description was a bit better than last time. Please use actual quotes: "". Not your way ''. It is as easy as pressing shift.
Keep it up!
Your interested reader soldierofwill. Bye

[Burrosis]

I liked the chapters. The second was better than the first, in my opinion. Keep on writing and I will keep on reading.

[Thunder Gulch]

That was much better. But you still going a little too fast paced, but i can live up with it. Interseting to see ayra get kidnapped or lost or whatever you have put her through. Lets hope you don't disappoint . Another one of those great potential stories, get my seal of approval.

EDIT: I thought that you would be letting us know what happened to Ayra in the next chapter, but anyways nice chapter- always that Edric.

-OTF

This post has been edited by Orik Thunderfists: 05 September 2009 - 03:34 AM

[darkangel447]

I thought that you would be letting us know what happened to Ayra in the next chapter, but anyways nice chapter- always that Edric.

-OTF

Yeah Edric annoys me too.I didn't want to have him killed before I started so i get too kill him off

The origional aim was to find out Arya's fate in this chapter, but thats probs not gonna happen. Maybe in Part Two, but as that is shaping up to abit lengthy also, who knows

[Dempton]

Excellent story.However although it's not my place to say so, you should make chapters longer.Nice description and emotions.PLEASE LET ARYA LIVE!But I know she's alive because otherwise there wouldn't be ExA would it?

Edit: On the contrary, your chapter length's just right I just reread ch 2 but if part two's much longer, you should get shorter chapters.

This post has been edited by Dempton: 05 September 2009 - 07:43 AM

[darkangel447]

Ok, Part two is up

Surprisingly, this was an absolute nightmare to write, and I'm still not happy with it.
But yeah, here goes.



Part Two;
For about 2 full second’s there was silence. Then there was uproar. Roran was shouting. Edric was having some form of tantrum usually associated with a small child. Jormundur was pointing and yelling. Other members of the council were also letting their feelings be known, and throughout all of this Queen Islanzadi stood and waited. Eragon didn’t move. He hadn’t been following the conversation and so when the room erupted around him, he went back to staring out of the tent door. When Eragon had counted to three and twenty, the Queen said in a voice as powerful as a storm

‘Maela!’ The whole room went silent. Edric was still opening and closing his mouth in a good imitation of a fish, but much as he tried, no sound escaped him.

‘As I have said, I feel a small force should remain, and I also feel that Roran Stronghammer would be the ideal man to lead our forces until such time as they are no longer needed. So that has been decided, unless you have any objection Roran?’

‘Y - Your majesty’ Roran finally stammer as the spell was removed from his voice box. ‘Y -Your majesty, while I am honoured by the decision I . . .’ He stopped at the quelling look Queen Islanzadi gave him.

‘She is a good strategist. ’ Eragon said to Saphira ‘There is no way Roran can get out of it now. ’ He smiled, but it was a half smile, a sad smile at seeing Roran backed into a corner like this.

‘He will make a good leader of the Varden. His strength comes from his willingness to not act. Edric would have all of the soldiers dead within a month.’

‘I know, but I feel I should help him. He wants to return to Carvahall with his family, and this will take that opportunity away from him. ’

‘Not so. It is necessary that the Varden remains in place. However, with Roran as their leader, the necessity shall not remain very long. He will ensure that everything is done efficiently and without haste. Edric would ensure the end of this war dragged on for a very long time.’

‘With that settled, the elves also take their leave of the Varden for the time being. We have . . .’ She faltered ‘We have many dead to burry.’ She turned to Eragon before continuing ‘We would be most honoured if you would join us Shur’tugal.’ Tears were again flowing freely down Queen Islanzadi‘s cheeks. Eragon stood and made a small bow with his head in her direction.

‘I would be my honour Islanzadi svit-kona. Although I shall leave now as I wish to visit my father before I return to Du Weldenvarden and Ellesmera.’

‘Very well, we shall give you a three day head start. That should be plenty of time.’

‘Eka elrun ono.’ Replied Eragon

‘With that resolved. I believe we should call an end to this council meet and reconvene in two weeks to consider the state of our New Empire. We will meet again here at Uru’baen.’

Everyone stood and bowed to each other before leaving Eragon and Queen Islanzadi alone in the tent. Eragon saw her resolve crumble and fall, in a parody of the breaking of the walls of Gil’ead.

‘Islanzadi – elda . . .’ Eragon started. The Queen stepped back and sank into her daughter’s chair.

Her chair now thought Eragon.

‘Don’t Eragon.’ The elf whispered ‘I must believe she is still alive.’

Eragon bowed and left the tent.

‘Do we journey with the elves partner-of-my-mind-and-heart?’

‘Yes, but first we are visiting Brom’s tomb.’

Eragon finished packing a few supplies and his armour in a set of saddle bags before throwing the saddle over Saphira’s back. He tightened the straps around his legs, and with one last look around the camp took off. He didn’t say goodbye to Roran. He didn’t have the heart.

Eragon and Saphira took two days to make it to Brom’s tomb. They were able to enjoy each other’s company, and for once, didn’t have to fly directly to their destination. They went as far south as the crossing into Surda, just by the Jiet River, before flying north west to Feinster. For that first night they camped half way between Melain and Belatona on the eastern side of the river. On the second day they flew to Belatona and then north towards Helgrind and Dras-Leona before veering further east towards a small hillock that reflected the rays of the sun, forming a half rainbow further south. Saphira landed at the bottom of the hill before she and Eragon walked to the top.

The coffin was still as perfect as it had been when Saphira had created it.

‘He has stayed where no time can touch him, little one.’ Grief and gratitude in equal mix rushed over into Saphira’s mind. Eragon sat cross-legged at the end of the tomb and meditated. He stayed there until the sun had sunk low enough to kiss the horizon, when, with Saphira sharing his grief, they departed to camp for the night.

For the next few hours they flew with only a general direction, both dragon and rider mourning for Brom. Just after the sun had set, Saphira landed in a small wood at the northern tip of Leona Lake.

‘Little one? ’ Saphira’s question hung in his mind, adding weight to the stone in his chest. ‘You need to rest little one.’

As she settled down and raised one wing for him to sleep under, a deep rumble came from her belly.

‘Saphira! When was the last time you ate? ’

‘Before the battle at Uru’baen’ Saphira replied, a little sheepishly.

‘But that was almost four days ago! Go and get some food, right now.’ And then knowing she would not leave him he continued ‘Ganga. I will be fine. Ganga’

With a slight tilt of her head, Saphira took off leaving a small round imprint in the soft soil.

Eragon spent the rest of the night building a small fire and lighting it with a word.

‘Brisinger.’ He cut the flow of energy to his sword, stopping the blue-white glow of flames that emanated from it, before hugging it to his chest. He sat for a long time staring into the fire, willing himself to sleep.

It was then, in that twilight stage between waking and sleeping, alertness and restfulness, that a twig, suddenly snapped. Eragon threw himself to his feet pulling Brisinger free of its sheath. The fire had burnt low giving the trees a two dimensional shape. He cast his mind out, seeking what, he did not know. Saphira would be gone until dawn, and the sun was not yet visible on the horizon. He found a single consciousness, apart from the natural inhabitants of the forest, and turned towards where the thoughts were coming from. The consciousness was familiar, but well guarded, and he took another step towards the hiding place.

As he placed his foot softly down on the ground, several things happened at once. Someone came sprinting from the trees, sword drawn and ran at him. His mind was assaulted and he only just retreated behind his defences in time. He raised his sword to meet the charge but knew it to be too late. The new-comer barrelled into him, forcing them both to the floor. It was by shear luck that Eragon managed to put Brisinger between his neck and the attacker’s sword.

The attacker faltered before saying in a sing-song voice that echoed the music of the elven halls

‘Eragon?’

For the first time Eragon got a clear view of his raven-haired attacker.

‘Arya??’

[Dempton]

Whoa what was she doing near the tomb? And what happened when she was missing after the battle?Highly irresponsible behaviour unless she has a good reason for allowing her mother and Eragon think she was dead and letting them grieve for her

[soldierofwill]

Even Better!! Great emotions and description, it flowed nice . Like Dempton said,(but I'll say it nicer ) Although I would rather jump to conclusions(like Dempton ) I am just going to say: that was very interesting and I'll let you tell how she came here.
Keep it up!
your addicted reader soldierofwill. Bye