[Saphruikan]

Hello, children.

I'm SaS on SFF, so this isn't plagiarism.

I won't update very often.

R&R, if you will.

Waiting for My Rocket to Come

Your life is going by way too fast,
It seems like yesterday you were born.
Inside, you knew, it wasn’t to last,
Yet you’ve never felt this before.

It’s like a poison inside, fast and spreading,
You know there’s just one way to stop it.
All this time you’ve been worried and dreading,
Give up; you just want to drop it.

You know there’s times when you can’t take it,
The knife poised over your skin.
You’ve tried so hard to just go and break it,
But you don’t know where to begin.

And yet . . .

There’s signs of hope, a new way out,
But the door always closes right there.
You’re frustrated, wanting to scream and shout,
But your cries won’t get you anywhere.

But you know it exists, no bother denying it,
Though the chance never comes out straight.
The need is so great; you’re through with not trying it,
But the truth is you just have to wait.

And so you’ll wait for as long as it takes,
Waiting to fly out of this slum.
Though the dawn so far, you’ll sit ‘till it breaks,
Waiting for your rocket to come.

Meh.

This post has been edited by Saphruikan: 09 September 2009 - 02:08 PM

[Saphruikan]

Oh my GAWSHNESS, no replies? You guys are really taking a beating at my self-esteem.

Just kidding.

Da Bird

Yellow, gray, red, black,
Chisel, chomp, gnaw, hack,

Small, sharp, smooth, bumpy,
Straight, stooped, thick, humpy.

Lengthy, short, fat, thin,
Feather, scale, beak, skin,

Fly, drop, scamper, scurry,
Flap, chase, stand still, hurry,

Eating, drinking, sleeping, playing,
Biting, snapping, lunging, slaying,

Finding, searching, looking, seeking,
Screaming, chirping, whistling, shrieking,

Bratty, snotty, nasty, hasty,
Boring, vibrant, dull, tasty,

Stupid, crafty, dumb, sly,
Running, standing, sprint, fly,

Panic, scared, frightened, fret,
Fam’ly, son, brother, pet.

Sometimes seen, always heard,
This is Leo; this is the Da Bird.

God, that SUCKED. This poem was about my cockatiel, Leo, who I've had for about a year now and who I love with a maternal passion. R&R, if you will, children.

[Rebekah]

Nice poems! I love the Bird one.

[Blazing Elf]

Hello, children.

I'm SaS on SFF, so this isn't plagiarism.

I won't update very often.

R&R, if you will.

Waiting for My Rocket to Come

Your life is going by way too fast,
It seems like yesterday you were born.
Inside, you knew, it wasn’t to last,
Yet you’ve never felt this before.

It’s like a poison inside, fast and spreading,
You know there’s just one way to stop it.
All this time you’ve been worried and dreading,
Give up; you just want to drop it.

You know there’s times when you can’t take it,
The knife poised over your skin.
You’ve tried so hard to just go and break it,
But you don’t know where to begin.

And yet . . .

There’s signs of hope, a new way out,
But the door always closes right there.
You’re frustrated, wanting to scream and shout,
But your cries won’t get you anywhere.

But you know it exists, no bother denying it,
Though the chance never comes out straight.
The need is so great; you’re through with not trying it,
But the truth is you just have to wait.

And so you’ll wait for as long as it takes,
Waiting to fly out of this slum.
Though the dawn so far, you’ll sit ‘till it breaks,
Waiting for your rocket to come.

Meh.

Very good!! Like the rhythm of the poem along with your rhyming!!

Oh my GAWSHNESS, no replies? You guys are really taking a beating at my self-esteem.
Sorry I was busy.
Just kidding.
Heheh so was I.
Da Bird

Yellow, gray, red, black,
Chisel, chomp, gnaw, hack,

Small, sharp, smooth, bumpy,
Straight, stooped, thick, humpy.

Lengthy, short, fat, thin,
Feather, scale, beak, skin,

Fly, drop, scamper, scurry,
Flap, chase, stand still, hurry,

Eating, drinking, sleeping, playing,
Biting, snapping, lunging, slaying,

Finding, searching, looking, seeking,
Screaming, chirping, whistling, shrieking,

Bratty, snotty, nasty, hasty,
Boring, vibrant, dull, tasty,

Stupid, crafty, dumb, sly,
Running, standing, sprint, fly,

Panic, scared, frightened, fret,
Fam’ly, son, brother, pet.

Sometimes seen, always heard,
This is Leo; this is the Da Bird.

God, that SUCKED. This poem was about my cockatiel, Leo, who I've had for about a year now and who I love with a maternal passion. R&R, if you will, children.

Wow this was good! Very enjoyable to read if I may add! Keep it up!!

~BE

[witch168]

I LOVED the first one!!! Incredible rhyming, it really clicked together well.
It expressed frustration very well.
You have a little conflicting here:

And yet . . .

There’s signs of hope, a new way out, This line kind of suggests that something good will come next
But the door always closes right there. And then this line dashes our hopes in ice water

About Da Bird, I never thought I would see so many adjectives at once. I heard about this poem book that has the most vocabulary in it ever, called Golden Rainbow or something, and then your poem really reminded me of it.
It wasn't bad at all! It was a really refreshing and new thing that you put up there. I'm looking forward to more!

Sincerely
-The Witch.