[Kari]

So you recently wrote a work of fiction, did you? Congratulations to you! Now, I’m sure that as soon as you posted it, you kept eagerly checking for new replies every few minutes, excited about getting feedback on your work. Sure enough, along comes a person kind enough to read your work and comment. Soon, those comments are multiplied. Some like your work a lot, while others start pointing out mistakes in strange language you don’t understand. This is where things start getting complicated.

Like any normal person, if someone says he or she dislikes your work, you expect them to state a reason. What happens, though, if you don’t understand the reason stated? If you happen to be new to writing, and especially Internet writing, then you might not be familiar with the terms used, both for good and bad aspects of a body of text. If you happen to belong to the category of people not yet familiar with these terms, all you have to do is look at some of the most commonly used ones in the list below so that you can understand what your readers are saying and reply appropriately.

Since we want to encourage budding authors, let’s start with some general comments that can be both good and bad, as well as the bad things you can do to your work.

Character Development

Character development means just that; how well you have portrayed your character’s inner world, his personality, ideas and emotions. The two most basic factors affecting this point are emotional description and personality. In a well-written text, the reader grows to understand the character and feel he is just like another real person. This, essentially, is your goal as a writer; to create the image of a real human being, with all it entails. Gradually building upon his reactions, both physical, emotional and of thought, the reader starts to ‘read’ the person you’re describing. He gets what the character is like, how he would react to another circumstance.

To put it another way, well-developed characters in another fandom are much easier to create fanfiction off than bad characters.

Bad character development would include hardly any or, most commonly, no emotional description, no insights on how the character thinks. Keep in mind that a phrase can be said with many emotions latched onto it. For instance, “go away” can be said irritably, angrily, fearfully, desperately, and so on. As a writer, you’re called upon to nevr leave the reader to guess.

Wrong: “Go away” Max said, looking at the girl.

Suggested Correction: “Go away” Max said angrily, his voice trembling with fury as he glared at the girl.

Remember, adjectives and nouns are a writer’s friend. Don’t forget to comment on your hero’s moods, or else it’ll be like reading about the adventures of a cardboard box.

Mary Sues and Gary Stues.

Mary Sues or Gary Stues are basically characters exhibiting multiple clichéd characteristics which, in turn, render the characters boring, clichéd and in most cases imbalanced. For instance, one trait of a Mary Sue is having too many strengths without the weaknesses or is too perfect. Always keep in mind when creating your character that we’ve all got our flaws and that no one is perfect. Often enough, Mary Sue’s get their way or do things because they’re Just That Special.

There is a huge number of traits listed as Sue-ish, and I will give you the most prominent below. However, please note that having one or more of these traits does not necessarily make your character a Sue.

Primary Sue Characteristics (In no particular order)

a) Is your character described as being exceedingly beautiful in almost every post?
b) Did you start off with that in your first paragraph?
c) Is she an orphan/ important person without knowing?
d) Is your character perfect in everything and anything he/she attempts and loved by everyone?
e) All the time?
f) Does your character have multiple weaknesses with no flaws?
g) Is your character the only savior for a planet?
h) Do many characters find your character unfairly attractive?

Keep in mind that just because your character has one or more of these traits doesn’t make him a Sue. But Sues are generally very annoying and unfulfilling characters, and I highly advise you to avoid them. To check if your chary’s a Sue, look at the Mary Sue Litmus Test.

Purple Prose

Now, purple prose is a nasty case. It’s writer-term for overly flowery description. Something young readers often have trouble with grasping is that a book doesn’t necessarily contain words from the most far-flung corners of the dictionary. In fact, if your reader spends ten minutes trying to figure out what you said, only to find you were discovering some flowers, you’re most certainly putting him off. Keep the descriptions down to bearable level, without becoming too laconic, of course. For example,

Wrong: The moonlit cut stone radiated so profusely that Leo could scare believe his eyes. Small chinks of light reflected off its brilliant surfaces, casting millions of prismatic color formations over the tapestries depicting curative acts. So like a smattering of beatific rainbows they were that the puerile rector found it nigh impossible to resist the heinous temptation of ululating a primal cry in rejoice.

Suggested Correction: The moonlit gem shone so brightly that small chinks of light reflected off it, scattering small points of light all around the room. They were so beautiful the reverend found it difficult not to laugh in joy.

Don't get me wrong, description is necessary. However, don't spend ten paragraphs describing some small fact or thing that does nothing to advance the action. The reader grows bored and any tension you had built up simply vanishes into thin air.

Plot

There’s not much anyone can really tell you about your plot. All you have to keep in mind is that don’t make it so simple the reader gets bored, nor so complicated he loses you in the first three paragraphs. You might like to think of yourself as the new Stephen King, but until proven worthy, or at least until you gain experience, try to make it easy enough to follow. Something else you’ll have to watch is not moving the plot along too fast, so that everything blurs together, or so slowly the reader grows tired of reading about your character’s immensely long shopping spree.

Inconsistency/ Contradiction

This is something I see all too often, and it’s probably the easiest mistake to make and hardest to spot. It’s when you write something, that’s followed by something that contradicts your previous statement. For instance, writing that your character has brown eyes, then stating she gazed into his sapphire eyes a chapter or so later qualifies. All you need to do here is proof-read your work carefully and watch your vocabulary; if you misuse a word, it could lead to inconsistency.

Logic Failing

Simply put, your logic sequence fails at some point. Keep in mind that you have to give reasons and consequences for things, or at least, if your character isn’t affected by them, make them reasonably plausible. For instance, a draft way underground isn’t likely. Being in a dark, stone cell, with fungus on the walls and no sunlight, way below the earth’s surface and moisture clinging to the air kind of means it’s freezing. If you don’t mention it, it seems kind of lacking. Also, if your character’s completely comfortable, he’s either a pachyderm or you didn’t think about it logically. This is another hard mistake to spot, and all you can do is give your facts as logical a basis as possible, and you should be fine.

Wish Fulfillment

Wish fulfillment is when you add too much of your own self, your own personality into the piece of work. Mind you, keeping some traits of yourself is positive. However, art, to be art, has to be beautiful and didactic, a lie that reflects reality. You don't want to bore the reader with minor details you slipped in simply because they happened to you and you find it interesting. Things like having your character practice the exact profession you would have liked to is a good example. Keep those traits you think will add to the story and not weigh it down, and you should stay within reasonable bounds of the limit.

Being Just That Special

This, admittedly, is a branching-off of Mary Sues, but I decided to signal it out because it happens often, I believe. In Layman's terms, it's when your character gets away with something, or does The Impossible, just because he's Just That Special. As mentioned above, logic is a key instrument in writing. Use it. For whatever happens, logical consequences should follow, and not a lack of them because your character gets special treatment. Each character should be treated equally, unless there is a definite disctinction between social status. Even then, remain reasonable. A prince is persectuted for murder, even if he is a prince.

The Impossible and the Unlikely

Probably the briefest thing to note. Simply because it happened to your friend does not mean you can slip the fact into a story. When reading a book, a reader won't consider the most remote possibilities, but will simply think that 'this is so impossible' and scoff. To avoid it, simply try and weigh out how likely each occurrence is.

Deus Ex Machina
"Deus Ex Machina" is Greek--or maybe Latin--for "god of the machine." It dates back to Greek plays, when the gods would be lowered in on a contraption to save the day. This was generally acceptable in ancient Greece. This is generally not acceptable today. In modern times, a Deus Ex Machina is when a problem is solved in a highly unlikely way (after "everything is lost") with little or no justification. It is a form of cop-out.
[Author's note: Simply put, when you need to get out of a difficult situation, simply giving a random solution that comes out of nowhere is a no-no. The Greeks used it for a hole other reason, called katharsis. You are not writing a tragedy-play. If you are, then you might consider this. If not, please spend some time thinking up how you will tie all loose plot ends together]

Designated Love Interest (DLI)
A character who exists solely for the purpose of giving the protagonist a girl/boyfriend and the author a reason to write in a romantic sub-plot (which seem obligatory at times, but they're really not).

This turned out more into a guide on what not to do than an explanation, but I hope it helps new authors. If anyone else comes up with something I missed, feel free to add it.

A good site to check on such terms would be www.tvtropes.org

This post has been edited by Kari&Gatomon: 13 October 2009 - 02:23 PM

[zenron]

Some of it is kind of obvious, but overall it is a good guide. The thing which I found the most helpful was the Sue characteristics. I get what you mean but I never thought about it.

I was thinking about Arya as a Sue type character at first, but I realised that she does have flaws and weaknesses. I then realised that Authors themselves don't make overly perfect characters(most of the time). The thing with Arya was just an example I thought was helpful .

This post has been edited by zenron: 12 October 2009 - 02:09 PM

[Kari]

Actually, many do. Which reminds me, thanks. Two more flaws just came to mind.

[zenron]

Actually, many do. Which reminds me, thanks. Two more flaws just came to mind.

The thing which always annoys me about characters is when they are just way too amazing at something for absolutely no reason. For example, in the sword of Shannara series there was a character in it who was a weapons master. Whenever he picked up a weapon he would immediately be amazing with it. No matter how cool that may be, it still annoyed me. Same with Roran in IC.

[Go for Gin]

Great guide of terms, Kari&Gatomon. Do you mind if I add a few more they might come across? I'm hoping this is an open thing where people can add literary terms that come up often in critiques that newer writers might not recognize.

First of all, one good place to check on terms writers use is www.tvtropes.org. They have a vast collection of terms writers use. Just try not to get too sucked in.

More terms:

Protagonist
The main character(s)

Antagonist
The opposing force(s); the "bad guys(s)"

Deus Ex Machina
"Deus Ex Machina" is Greek--or maybe Latin--for "god of the machine." It dates back to Greek plays, when the gods would be lowered in on a contraption to save the day. This was generally acceptable in ancient Greece. This is generally not acceptable today. In modern times, a Deus Ex Machina is when a problem is solved in a highly unlikely way (after "everything is lost") with little or no justification. It is a form of cop-out.

Designated Love Interest (DLI)
A character who exists solely for the purpose of giving the protagonist a girl/boyfriend and the author a reason to write in a romantic sub-plot (which seem obligatory at times, but they're really not).

[Kari]

The last two are excellent, Dwarves. I'll edit them onto the main list for convenience. Thats a lot for the input!

[Go for Gin]

This would probably be a good thread to pin as well.

[garfield]

The only problem I have with this is that it suggests that there's a 'right' and a 'wrong' way to write - something I don't agree with. Rather, I would say there are several different ways of writing, and obviously some are better than others.

Wrong: “Go away” Max said, looking at the girl.

Right: “Go away” Max said angrily, his voice trembling with fury as he glared at the girl.

Remember, adjectives and nouns are a writer’s friend. Don’t forget to comment on your hero’s moods, or else it’ll be like reading about the adventures of a cardboard box.

I actually think the second sentence, the 'right' one, is a bit too over complicated. It's a bit heavy - by using three words that relate to anger in a relatively short sentence, you're kind of hammering us over the head, making sure we get that he's angry. We do. We did at the start.

Something I think is important to mention is that, in my opinion, there is no 'structure' that a sentence must follow (aside from grammatically... obviously). You don't have to include a certain number of points/things. You shouldn't be calculating them (the sentences). This is because they are very much determined by the surrounding writing. Yes, using adjectives and nouns is a good thing, but if you use them a lot in every sentence, your paragraph is going to be too flowery and infodump-y. What you want to achieve is a flow, and the best way to do this is just to write, write more and read over your work.

I do think this is a good guide to read through, especially if you're just starting out, but the thing is, everyone makes these 'mistakes'/doesn't write very well when they start out. I mean none of our first attempts at writing are every going to get published (and thank God for that). Really, just write, write badly, realise how bad it is and notice yourself improving. Woot.

This post has been edited by garfield: 13 October 2009 - 01:48 PM

[Kari]

Agreed, Danae. But by understanding your first mistakes and working to correct them, you can slowly get better and better. I'm not claiming in any way that the way I I write is correct, and these are only examples of what would be better. In the example you gave, sure, it is indeed a bit overstuffed with words, but nevertheless, it's an improvement to the point I was trying to make.

Each and every single person will discover their style over time, and I'm more suggesting what things one mustn't do. This is exactly why I'm explaining what not to do, which is something most people agree on, rather than what to do.

But to keep the peace, and concede your point, I'm changing Right to Suggested correction. I think that's better for all, right?

This post has been edited by Kari&Gatomon: 13 October 2009 - 02:22 PM

[Malus Rune]

Overall, I agree with Garfield. The advice it gives is very good, but there's a little too much emphasis on do-it-this-way. And I agree with the example she quoted, I thought the "wrong" one read better then the "right one"; show don't tell, and all.

[quakerbuck]

Great guide Kari&Gatomon.. Really helped a lot. Thanks.

[SergantMajorJefforson]

All you have to keep in mind is that don’t make it so simple the reader gets bored, nor so complicated he loses you in the first three paragraphs.

The Metal Gear series fails at this forever.

[talt]

On Mary Sues, whether a character is one or not, can also depend on how powerful the enemy they are facing is. For example, Eragon and Arya are not really Mary/Gary Sues (although they are close to it), because they are facing extremely powerful enemies (Galbatorix and Murtagh).

Can you imagine Eragon fighting Murtagh with just the powers of a human and a crippled back?

Twilight, is full of Mary Sues, because the villains are both very weak and also have little impact on the story, only turning up in the last half of the book or so.

[dwarf9miner]

Thank you to everyone who posted here. This was very helpful. I think it might be helpful to also add:

Character Realism and Plot Devices
Whatever strange magic permeates your "fictional universe", even in a fantasy context, people have to make sensible choices. Try to put yourself in your character's shoes and think what they would do, not just what is convenient for the plot. For example, there is often the like of "Anthony and Bernard can be going on a journey when Bernard is suddenly killed. A mysterious stranger in black clothing comes up to Anthony and they have a long conversation"; that just wouldn't happen. Anthony wouldn't do that. Another common example involves variants of "Anthony is going on an important journey when he suddenly feels the need to visit a city where, purely out of coincidence, his love interest Bella is also approaching". Try to make sure your characters do what a person would do in the situation offered; you don't necessarily have to be scientifically realistic, especially in fantasy, but you do have to portray human nature as it is.

Clichés
This is one of the easiest traps to fall into, especially for fantasy authors (I won't deny I am not entirely innocent of it myself) but it is very annoying for readers. If you have an antagonist, for goodness sake, don't make him/her dress in a black cloak, have his/her face hidden by shadow, sit on a black diamond/black granite throne and laugh maniacally every other minute. It's been done before. If you have a thrilling hero (or heroine), don't make him/her wander the mountains with an ancestral sword and no vices whatsoever. If you have a climactic battle scene, don't make the antagonist paradoxically declare "I am your father/brother/uncle/other random relative". It's been done before. If you have a special place where the main antagonist lives, don't make it a shadowed, volcanic plain with enormous black stone towers all over the place. It's been done before. When you think you have a novel idea, think whether it has been done before, and if it has, whether it has been done before lots and lots of times. If you find that yes, your supposedly innovative idea has in fact been portrayed in half the other books of whatever genre you are writing in, change it—it doesn't have to be a complete change, but add your own ideas to it and make it in some way original.

This is only my humble opinion, but I think (and hope) it might help new authors. Thank you everyone on here for your helpful advice. Regards,

d9m

[Regitnui]

Ahem, Dwarf, I'd like to suppliment your cliche section:

Nothing wrong with using cliches as long as they are well thought out. Your bad guy's stronghold being in a wasteland/volcanic crater can work, but only if you know how it works. A few questions to consider before making the decision:

1) Human settlements (And most other forms of known life) need water. Where are they getting the water?
2) In that same line, Where's the food coming from?
3) Why build in that location? Surely there are better places.
4) Dustbowls are prone to duststorms. How do the builders/mantenence crew/slaves deal with the constant pounding of sand?
5) How do they get anywhere? Walking unprotected in a duststorm is a good way to get your skin flayed off.

This also goes into something else I find myself thinking about more and more. Setting. Where your Plot takes place is just as important as the plot itself. A serious story about murder and abortion is harder to pull off in a fantasy kingdom filled with immortal flower-hugging fae that a gritty, 1950's RW (Real World) setting.

Always consider how and why the settlements came to be there, always consider why settlements aren't where they should be. Don't be discouraged, you just need to keep in mind a few points;

1) Food
2) Water
3) Safety (is something going to attack and/or destroy the villiage often?)
4) Stability (is it likely that the people inhabiting the settlement move around? if yes, then everything could move with them)
5) (Not Always Applicable) Monetary gain

Look at most cities today. Why is Durban (South African Port City) where it is? It surrounds a natural harbour, so which encourages trade and therefore money. Water is provided by a large river (Thukela), food was plentiful (game animals everywhere), and it lies in a coastal plain far from flooding or tectonic activity.

Fantasy is creating an entire world, not just characters.

---,-'-@