[Hold Your Peace]

Chosen.

Galbatorix stood as tall as he could, trying to catch the eye of the elderly Rider on the wooden platform. A huge dragon circled in the air, his scales a deep, hunter green. Undoubtledly that elf who stood upon the platform was his rider. The Peace Keeper lifted a heavily scarred hand and whipped a satin cloth off of a table, that was on the center of the stage.

On that table were four sparkling eggs. Dragon eggs. They were all beautiful, each one had a polished surface as smooth as glass, and looked to Galbatorix like a group of the fairiest gemstones he had laid his eyes upon. But one stood out. The egg at the far end of the table was purple. It had a varied range of shades of the colour and was a light, nearly transparent purple at one end and a nice, deep shade at the other. Pearly white veins interweaved across the purple eggs surface, and as it glimmered in the sunlight, Galbatorix stopped eying the actual dragon flying above his head, and turned to the unborn one on the table.

Cheering and clapping brought Galbatorix down to earth. A boy of ten or eleven, two years younger then Galbatorix was clutching a Orange hatchling in his slender hands, awe written all over his face. 'What?' Thought Galbatorix frantically, the very first one to touch the eggs was chosen? His heartbeat accelerated, 'What if everyone hatches to the first one to touch them? They will all be done! I'm nearly at the back of the line!

Taking a deep breath to calm himself Galbatorix waited. The next boy stepped forward, trembling with nerves. Reaching out with a shaking hand, he touched the next egg which surface looked like liquid silver. A few wild moments passed before he moved on to the next egg, and then finally the purple one which Galbatorix had his eyes on. Nothing. Brief dissappointment crossed the boys face before he stormed off the platform.

Galbatorix sighed with relief, maybe the fact that the orange dragon had hatched for the first boy in line was a coincidence. The next child stepped forward. Same routine, and at the end of it, nothing. Galbatorix counted the number of people between him, and the stage. Twelve. Just a dozen people stood between him, and unlimited power and glory that came with the title 'Rider'.

Seven more, four girls three boys, went passed the eggs without any incident, leaving five more people in-front of Galbatorix. Tapping his leather sole impatiently upon the dried, caked ground Galbatorix prayed that the eggs would not run out. He was confident that the dragons would sense his power, and choose him, he was only worried about not getting the chance.

Then, the silver egg hatched. A tall, willowy girl of about fourteen had just barley traced the egg with her long finger before a crack apperead on the surface. As she bent forward towards her new born dragon, long, blond hair hid her face from view. But then, a yelp of pain that gradually intensified until she was on the verge of howling.

Stumbling around the stage the girl seemed drunk with pain, clutching her right hand while she did so. This confused Galbatorix and most of the numerous townsfolk who surrounded him, not really sure what was happening. But the rider did not look the slightest suprised, in fact it looked as if he were expecting it.

Approaching the girl in a flash, he whispered a few words in her ear and then helped her too her feet. She looked fine, but shaken. As she was escorted by a raven haired elven lady, Galbatorix thought he saw a glimmer of silver light on her left hand. The Gedway Insignia.

Two eggs were left upon the table. The purple one and the brown one. Galbatorix's mouth was practically in his mouth when the next person, a boy, stepped up. He took a very long time to touch them, and when he did, he held his touch for quite some time, determined to be chosen. But alas, it was not so.

'Two eggs and two people.' Galbatorix said to himself silently. If a dragon did not hatch for the next person, that would mean he would definitley get a chance, and if he got that chance, he was positive he would be chosen. It just had to be.

Then, misery. The thing that could do nothing but make Galbatorix's eyes widen and his brow sweat happened, the brown egg hatched. And to a boy that looked eight or nine. Swearing under his breath, Galbatorix remained silent while everybody else cheered.

'It shall be me. It shall be me. It shall be me.' he said forcefully in his mind over and over again.

The next person approached, well practically ran onto the stage. Galbatorix breath dared to breath as the youth touched the single egg, hope lighting up his eyes....no cracks, and no answer.

A wide smile broke over Galbatorix's face, but he had celebrated a tad too soon. Suddenly, a large and burly boy of fifteen charged past Galbatorix, shoving him heavily into the ground. White hot anger flared within Galbatorix, but he did not let it take to much hold of him. He did not wish to get on the wrong side of the elderly rider by a childish scuffle. Instead he stood up, and dusted his tunic. Approached the boy who pushed him just as he was walking up the five wooden steps to the stage.

A pale hand shot out wickedly fast and clutched the large boys hand in place with an iron grip. Turning hesitantly around the boy looked Galbatorix in the eye and winced. Nothing but pure, insane anger was boiling in the black pits of Galbatorix's eyes. They were ruthless and cold, pitiless and utterly unloving.

"Sorry." the boy mumbled, head cast downwards in spite of the fact that he was much larger, heavier and older then Galbatorix.

"Make sure it dosn't happen again." Galbatorix said smoothly, brushed him aside and stepped up to to the platform.

"Greetings child." the Rider said slowly, staring at Galbatorix intently, and a bit uncertainly.

"Greetings O rider." the boy replied courtesley in a manner that sounded like someone older then who he was.

Not bothering to wait for a reply, if one was coming, Galbatorix stepped towards the egg. It looked much more elegant up close, the glossy oval shaped egg was breathtaking. The wooden planks creaked as Galbatorix took slow steps towards the table, breathing evenly through his nostrils as he did so.

He reached the table and closed his eyes. Slowly, ever so slowly he extended a hand. He laid his palm upon the cool egg and waited. Crack

It was hatching, and Galbatorix was smiling. As applause filled the air, that smelled of crisp and fresh bread, due to the fact that the stage was stationed next to a bakery, Galbatorix savored the moment. Opening his eyelids slowly he gazed down at the purple hatchling in front of him and whispered, "Hello there."

The hatchling's scales that ran over his back were a royal and deep, purple while his belly and wings were violet. Pearly white fangs extended from his mouth and spikes ran from his triangular head to his tail.

Reaching forward again Galbatorix touched the hatchling, and the replying sensation was swift, and unexpected. Pain, it raced through his body and paralyzed his limbs, face twisting Galbatorix nearly fell, but somehow managed to support his weight, he dry heaved, once, twice, and then it was over as suddenly as it had come.

Panting heavily he clutched his knee's for a few moments then straightened up, brushing aside the extended hand his fellow rider had extended, instead he inspected his left hand. It now bore a glittering Gedeway Insignia.

Galbatorix smiled once again. He was a rider.

This post has been edited by Thorn Pwns: 19 October 2009 - 04:52 PM

[Warden]

Corrections in RED
Comments in GREEN, for green is awesome. Not as awesome as blue, but getting there...

Galbatorix stood as tall as he could, trying to catch the eye of the elderly Rider on the wooden platform. A huge dragon circled in the air, his scales a deep, hunter green. Undoubtedly that elf who stood upon the platform was his rider. The Peace Keeper lifted a wrinkled hand and whipped a satin cloth off of a table, that was on the center of the stage.

Rider is written with a capital letter, for it's a name. A name of their being, their organization... Though I must say that I loved reading his willingness to be seen, his ego and the way the setting was taking place. But; I would not go as far as saying that The Peace Keeper's hands were wrinkled. Riders are immortal, which means that their aging is at a very slow pace. Aye, they age, for if they didn't then Galbatorix would still be in his teens (in the original Books) and Oromis would be no older then twenty... But to say that the hands were wrinkled, would be to indicate that the Elder Rider is old beyond comparison. Call it creative freedom and I'll let it be, but I was just pointing that out.

On that table were four sparkling eggs. Dragon eggs. They were all beautiful, each one had a polished surface as smooth as glass, and looked to Galbatorix like a group of the fairest gemstones he had laid his eyes upon. But one stood out. The egg at the far end of the table was purple. It had a varied range of shades of the colour and was a light, nearly transparent purple at one end and a nice, deep shade at the other. Pearly white veins interweaving (or with changing the wording of the sentence, you could use "intertwined") across the purple eggs surface, and as it glimmered in the sunlight, Galbatorix stopped eying the actual dragon flying above his head, and turned to the unborn one on the table.

I would have written some things differently and etc, but it is your writing and I will not dwell into what I would have done. That is not important, what is important is that I liked it. The description is done nicely and it's already clear that he will get the purple egg. Though, it would have been lovely if that dragon would have been taken from him and he would be all *cough* nerd-rage'ing there...

Cheering and clapping brought Galbatorix down to earth. A boy of ten or eleven, two years younger then Galbatorix was clutching a Orange hatchling in his slender hands, awe written all over his face. 'What?' Thought Galbatorix frantically, the very first one to touch the eggs was chosen? His heartbeat accelerated, 'What if everyone hatches to the first one to touch them? They will all be done! I'm nearly at the back of the line!

Very nice way to build his character and introduce his anxiety and need to get chosen. You also made the reader feel the tension and the need for the character, in this case Galbatorix, to succeed! GO GALBY!

Taking a deep breath to calm himself Galbatorix waited. The next boy stepped forward, trembling with nerves. Reaching out with a shaking hand, he touched the next egg which surface looked like liquid silver. A few wild moments passed before he moved on to the next egg, and then finally the purple one which Galbatorix had his eyes on. Nothing. Brief disappointment crossed the boys face before he stormed off the platform.

...and the Elder Rider placed his hand upon his temple and made his fingers form a "L". "Looooseeerrr..." He laughed harshly, with his Dragon's growl sending it.

Always good to make characters nervous and especially when the Reader is bonding with the said character. You made me a little nervous and I don't get nervous! Bästard...

Galbatorix sighed with relief, maybe the fact that the orange dragon had hatched for the first boy in line was a coincidence. The next child stepped forward. Same routine, and at the end of it, nothing. Galbatorix counted the number of people between him, and the stage. Twelve. Just a dozen people stood between him, and unlimited power and glory that came with the title 'Rider'.

"and glory that came with the title 'Rider'." <-- I <3 that way it's said! Way to bring fourth his DARK SIDE!

Seven more, four girls three boys, went passed the eggs without any incident, leaving five more people in-front of Galbatorix. Tapping his leather sole impatiently upon the dried, caked ground Galbatorix prayed that the eggs would not run out. He was confident that the dragons would sense his power, and choose him, he was only worried about not getting the chance.

Are there any paragraphs that I don't have to comment on? *sighs* I don't want to spend my entire night here, you know... Anyway; I loved the way you, again, brought forth his Dark Side and told the reader of the power that coursed in his body. Well done.

Then, the silver egg hatched. A tall, willowy girl of about fourteen had just barley traced the egg with her long finger before a crack appeared on the surface. As she bent forward towards her new born dragon, long, blond hair hid her face from view. But then, a yelp of pain that gradually intensified until she was on the verge of howling sounded.

You shouldn't make the dragons hatch so quickly, you know... Saphira waited long and hard until she felt it was time to come out and while I understand that it was because she might not have been secure of her being... I still feel that the dragons might take a little longer then just a second. It's not the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter! -.-'

Stumbling around the stage the girl seemed drunk with pain, clutching her right hand while she did so. This confused Galbatorix and most of the numerous townsfolk who surrounded him, not really sure what was happening. But the rider did not look the slightest suprised, in fact it looked as if he were expecting it.

Approaching the girl in a flash, he whispered a few words in her ear and then helped her too her feet. She looked fine, but shaken. As she was escorted by a raven haired elven lady, Galbatorix thought he saw a glimmer of silver light on her left hand. The Gedwey Insignia.

Two eggs were left upon the table. The purple one and the brown one. Galbatorix's mouth was practically in his mouth (LOL, wut? His mouth was practically in his mouth? Sounds like something 4chan and /b/ would have fun with...) when the next person, a boy, stepped up. He took a very long time to touch them, and when he did, he held his touch for quite some time, determined to be chosen. But alas, it was not so.

'Two eggs and two people.' Galbatorix said to himself silently. If a dragon did not hatch for the next person, that would mean he would definitely get a chance, and if he got that chance, he was positive he would be chosen. It just had to be.

Then, misery. The thing that could do nothing but make Galbatorix's eyes widen and his brow sweat happened, the brown egg hatched. And to a boy that looked eight or nine. Swearing under his breath, Galbatorix remained silent while everybody else cheered.

"That dawg got ze dragon? What's the world coming to?" He thought... "Yet he didn't know that there was a grand plan for everything and his own dice were rolled."

Great way to build upon his frustration! Kudos to ye, whatever your name was... Thorn something-something... Oh... PWNS!

'It shall be me. It shall be me. It shall be me.' he said forcefully in his mind over and over again.

Yes, baby, it shall be you!

The next person approached, well practically ran onto the stage. Galbatorix barely (for scarely is not a word...) dared to breath as the youth touched the single egg, hope lighting up his eyes....no cracks, and no answer.

A wide smile broke over Galbatorix's face, but he had celebrated a tad too soon. Suddenly, a large and burly boy of fifteen charged past Galbatorix, shoving him heavily into the ground. White hot anger flared within Galbatorix, but he did not let it take to much hold of him. He did not wish to get on the wrong side of the elderly rider by a childish fight. Instead he stood up, and dusted his tunic. Approached the boy who pushed him just as he was walking up the five wooden steps to the stage.

A pale hand shot out wickedly fast and clutched the large boys hand in place with an iron grip. Turning hesitantly around the boy looked Galbatorix in the eye and winced. Nothing but pure, insane anger was boiling in the black pits of Galbatorix's eyes. They were ruthless and cold, pitiless and utterly unloving.

"Sorry." the boy mumbled, head cast downwards in spite of the fact that he was much larger, heavier and older then Galbatorix.

"Make sure it dosn't happen again." Galbatorix said smoothly, brushed him aside and stepped up to to the platform.

"Greetings child." the rider said slowly, staring at Galbatorix intently, and a bit uncertainly.

"Greetings O rider." the boy replied courtesley in a manner that sounded like someone older then who he was.

Not bothering to wait for a reply, if one was coming, Galbatorix stepped towards the egg. It looked much more elegant up close, the glossy oval shaped egg was breathtaking. The wooden planks creaked as Galbatorix took slow steps towards the table, breathing evenly through his nostrils as he did so.

He is awesome. Simple as that. Pure awesome!

He reached the table and closed his eyes. Slowly, ever so slowly he extended a hand. He laid his palm upon the cool egg and waited. Crack

It was hatching, and Galbatorix was smiling. As applause filled the air, that smelled of crisp and fresh bread, due to the fact that the stage was stationed next to a bakery, Galbatorix savored the moment. Opening his eyelids slowly he gazed down at the purple hatchling in front of him and whispered, "Hello there."

The hatchling's scales that ran over his back were a royal and deep, purple while his belly and wings were violet. Pearly white fangs extended from his mouth and spikes ran from his triangular head to his tail.

Reaching forward again Galbatorix touched the hatchling, and the replying sensation was swift, and unexpected. Pain, it raced through his body and paralyzed his limbs, face twisting Galbatorix nearly fell, but somehow managed to support his weight, he dry heaved, once, twice, and then it was over as suddenly as it had come.

You write the sensations that take place and the feeling that occur; with such quality that one would think that you yourself have been through all of that... But I doubt that, for I deem myself to be the only living Dragonrider.

Panting heavily he clutched his knee's for a few moments then straightened up, brushing aside the extended hand his fellow rider had extended, instead he inspected his left hand. It now bore a glittering Gedwey Insignia.

Aye, he is awesome and needs no help from some elderly Rider who dares to approach him. He has become someone great and the world shall know his name. Oh, he will make sure of that!

Galbatorix smiled once again. He was a rider.

Lucky bästard...

Keep up the good work and as long as you are writing; I shall be here reading.

[Hold Your Peace]

Thanks for your feedback Warden! I really appreciate it

Rider is written with a capital letter, for it's a name. A name of their being, their organization... Though I must say that I loved reading his willingness to be seen, his ego and the way the setting was taking place. But; I would not go as far as saying that The Peace Keeper's hands were wrinkled. Riders are immortal, which means that their aging is at a very slow pace. Aye, they age, for if they didn't then Galbatorix would still be in his teens (in the original Books) and Oromis would be no older then twenty... But to say that the hands were wrinkled, would be to indicate that the Elder Rider is old beyond comparison. Call it creative freedom and I'll let it be, but I was just pointing that out.

Oh O:, I was going for very old but maybe ancient beyond what has ever been seen is a little too much ^^, I'll try to somehow make him seem really old, but not wrinkly.

I would have written some things differently and etc, but it is your writing and I will not dwell into what I would have done. That is not important, what is important is that I liked it. The description is done nicely and it's already clear that he will get the purple egg. Though, it would have been lovely if that dragon would have been taken from him and he would be all *cough* nerd-rage'ing there...

Hahaha, I was tempted I admit. I could really picture the scene; Galbatorix watched nervously as the next boy bent down to touch the purple egg. For a moment, it seemed as nothing would occur but then, suddenly a lone crack ran through the oval shaped egg's center. It was hatching.

"Motherf*cker." Galbatorix said under his breath, eyes livid with rage. He quickly lept up onto the stage and starting beating the crap out of the kid with a large, wooden plank that had happened to be close by. "That!" Galbatorix bellowed as he continued to kick the other kids ass, "Was my Motherf*cking dragon!" For a second the old rider seemed about to break up the ass-kicking but instead he just chuckled and kept on watching. "I called it!" he screamed. "I called that motherf*cking dragon thats all purple and sht in my motherf*cking head! MIIINEE! It's MINE wench, MINE!"

That would be classic

...and the Elder Rider placed his hand upon his temple and made his fingers form a "L". "Looooseeerrr..." He laughed harshly, with his Dragon's growl sending it.

Now if I had used that line, and the paragraph above, this story would be complete

Always good to make characters nervous and especially when the Reader is bonding with the said character. You made me a little nervous and I don't get nervous! Bästard...

Hehe, the fact that I'm making you nervous is defintly a good sign.

Anyway; I loved the way you, again, brought forth his Dark Side and told the reader of the power that coursed in his body. Well done.

Thanks, I was sort of focusing on emotions in this chapter!

I'm very thankfull for your comments Warden, *makes a sad face* How come you get to be the only dragon rider? ): ..........

^^

Hoping that you stick around,

Thorn Pwns

This post has been edited by Thorn Pwns: 17 October 2009 - 12:35 PM

[Silver Ridrer]

it was pretty good i think i can't say much more for now.But when is the next update coming ?

[Hold Your Peace]

Hi, welcome to IF!I'm glad you liked my opening chapter, I'm starting on my next one now and should propely have it ready tonight (Icelandic time)

Thorn Pwns

This post has been edited by Thorn Pwns: 17 October 2009 - 12:36 PM

[Hold Your Peace]

Flight and Fight

Galbatorix bent his head until it was practically buried into the finley crafted dragonsaddle. He was riding a young, golden dragon. Sunlight bounced of his scales, and was reflected in every direction imaginable, making the young man feel like he was riding upon the sun herself, in all of her majesty and glory. The only thing that held back Galbatorix being happy about every detail was the cold headwind blew against them, hindering speed and chilling the young rider to the bone.

Ever since the choosing ceremony had come to a close, travells to Iliera had begun. Three other fully grown dragons were accompanying them, ferrying them from the small coastal town of Kuasta, too the fair capitial of Ileria. His purple dragon hatchling was sleeping soundly in his pocket, at home in the air. For the beginning of their journey he had poked out his little head at every chance, trying to glimpse more of the world around him.

'The world looks so much diffrent from up here.' Galbatorix thought as Glaedr, the dragon whom he had the privlige to ride swooped down into a dive. A clear blue sky, framed by purely white clouds was something of a treat for the youths eyes. His mind did often drifted back a few hours ago, to when he had first ventured into the realm of the sky;

Galbatorix eyed the proud dragon, who radiated majesty and grace uncertainly. But he did not hesitate to long, he was making sure not to do anything that might diminish himself in the eyes of the elderly and ancient Rider of the dragon who's scales were a glittering assortment of jade.

Taking a deep breath, he approached the dragon, twisted his hand in a strange gesture that the old Rider had shown him and then swung himself up into the saddle. He took another deep breath, and then, he was gone. A wonderfull sensation of elated weightlessness took over, and pure joy emanated from the very fiber of Galbatorix's being. This was something he loved! To fly, to sail across the heavens and see all, feel all, and be all. 'Unlimited power and glory.' he reminded himself softly, smiling.


'Ileria is fast approaching.' Glaedr whispered within the confines of Galbatorix's mind, startling him.

Before he could word a reply, or rather think a reply, Ileria came into view. The elegant, fair elven city was stunning. Every single gracefully crafted building was eqsuisote, and expertly crafted by none then the finest artists Alagasiea had to offer. The tallest building, the Palace of the Rider's was built from glittering, white marble, the rooftops were constructed from pure gold and on the horizion, the ocean was just visible, strecthing on in an endless continuety.

Galbatorix then notcied that Glaedr was steadily loosing altitude, glancing behind him, he saw the others too, also lowering their flight. With a dull thud
___________________

Galbatorix leaned back into his comfortable, leather armchair. Next to him was a wooden table, made from ash, covered with a warm blanket on which Galbatorix's dragon rested. He was in a large, circular room. Five armchairs, identical to his own were clustered around a grand old fireplace.

Each seat was occupied by one of the new riders chosen back in his small hometown, and the other one by the rider who had been present at the ceremony. He was explaining their training schecduleus that were due to start at dawn the next morning, but Galbatorix wasn't realy listnening. His black eyes never strayed from the fire. It's glowering lights danced wildly in his pupils, casting his face into an eerie, firey glow.

Finally, the rider seemed to of finished. He closed the large door that led to the one of the numerous rooms in the Palace of the Rider's. Nobody said a word. But Galbatorix did not realy care, he just continued staring into the flames. Slowly, one by one the others departed, leaving Galbatorix and the willowy girl from the choosing alone.

"Who are you?" the tall blond girl asked him bluntly, she was sitting next to him and was trying to strike up a conversation to break the akward silence.

"I am Galbatorix." he replied, emphasing each word heavily, as not sure whether or not the girl could coprehended his statement. But never looked at her, just at the fire.

She snorted and said, "Oh, of course. Galbatorix, the orphan."

Slowly, Galbatorix turned his head. His unwavering stare seemed too burn into her's, but she did not flinch or back down. She just made a small sound, and tossed her hair around.

"Yes, the orpan. The orphan that became a Rider." he rose from his seat, and spoke with a magnified tone, a hostile one.

"Yes, you became a rider, obviously a mistake that will be soon corrected." the other girl countered smoothly.
Tension built up in the air, and it seemed to sizzle from the emotions emnating from them.

"You would not be laughing, were you sparring me. For there, shall we see who of us is the strongest." Galbatorix said, in a dangerously low voice, his cold eyes daring the girls amber ones to accept his duel.

"You think you stand a chance? Very well Orphan. I belive we now have an hour left to us before we have to report to the Riders, how about finishing this duel now?"

Galbatorix laughed, "Belive me, I stand a chance. My only concern is not to hurt you to severley.... but then again, maybe I will." Galbatorix added with a wicked smile.

Glowering the girl said, "Shall we go then?"

Galbatorix laughed again, coldly. "Heavens no, lets make this a little challenging. We will duel here, and try to use the weapons the current situation provides us with."

This seemed to unsettle the other girl a bit, but she just said, "Very well... My names Alexia." she then added.

Both the small silver dragon, and the slightly large puprle one wich was Galbatorix's squeaked with exitment, not realy knowing what was going on, but they knew something was.

Alexia rose to her feet aswell, and grabbed hold of a chair. For a heartbeat, she hesitated. Then, shrugging she broke one of the chairs legs off with her knee, grasped it and wielded it like a sword. Galbatorix just raised his eyebrows and remained still. Cocking a finger, indicating for the duel to begin.

Alexia shot forward and swung the chair leg in an overhead swing with all of her might, attempting to knock Galbatorix down in the first blow. But he did not wait for her, he dropped to the floor and rolled sideways, rising in a buckled crouch. His left leg shot out sideways, and supported his weight as he shifted it to his left side, he then pivoted himself off the leather, into a backwards spin with a hard shove from his sole, into the armrest. He sailed through the air, and landed lightly on his feet behind Alexia, he drove his elbow into her back and his fist into her head.

Crying out in pain, she stumbled forward and swung her wooden stick blindly towards Galbatorix, with luck it struck him in the cheek and drew a trickle of blood. Swearing Galbatorix ducked as another blow was delivered. Galbatorix's left leg shot out once more to the side. Momentum pulled his body towards his oustretched leg, dodging another blow.

His torso spun around and both arms swung over to his right side. Hands slapped flat against the ground to brace his weight, and his left leg whipped upward, striking Alexia squarley in the jaw. Galbatorix rose quickly and dove toward's Alexia, he punched her hard in he face, once, twice, three times.

Blood splattered from her broken nose, her face was heavily bruised , and one of her eyes was black. Galbatorix on the other hand, just had a thin trickle of blood on his cheeck, a momento of a lucky hit.

"I belive that I am the Victor." he whispered in her ear with his snakelike voice.

She didn't answer, she was unconcious. Snorting Galbatorix left the room.

_________________


Phew, after I edited my spelling on my first chapter I set to work on this one, hope you liked it! (Galbatorix seriously kicked her ass, didn't he? xD)

This post has been edited by Thorn Pwns: 18 October 2009 - 08:25 AM

[saphiraisscary]

Hi . Galby's already showing his evil colours . What happens to the dragons during the fight by the way because it says that Galby's dragon was in his pocket ?

Anyway, those two chapters were a good start,

saphiraisscary

[Hold Your Peace]

Thank you Saphiraisscary! I'm glad you enjoyed my chapters, because I enjoyed writing them. Galbatorix's dragon is in his pocket during the flight, he is on the table in the room when the fight occurs.

Thorn Pwns

[BaneOfGalbatorix]

Good idea for a fanfic but first, Glaedr would be 800 years old or around there (not a young dragon). And also, Galbatorix is fighting a GIRL!? You could have made it a guy and then built up a rivalry which could continue on in the story. I find it weird a young guy is fighting with a young girl :S?

[Hold Your Peace]

Well, first of all thanks for commenting! I'm glad to have a new reader

Second of all, Glaedr is maybe a few centuries old when Eragon comes along, and maybe about one hundred when Galbatorix is chosen, and onehundred isn't very old for a dragon. Therefor, I found that saying that he was young was appropriate.

The reason I had Galbatorix fight a Girl is to portray that he does not care who he hurts, so long that it satisfies his needs. A rivilary will indeed start to build, but between Galbatorix and a boy who was greatly opposed to Galbatorix fighting a girl.

Hope you stick around!

Thorn Pwns

This post has been edited by Thorn Pwns: 17 October 2009 - 01:12 PM

[Hold Your Peace]

Swordplay

"Why did you do it?" Ingvaldur hissed angrily, glowering at Galbatorix.

"Because she asked for it." Galbatorix snarled in return, equally worked up.

He and the orange dragons rider, who was around the same age as Galbatorix were having a heated argument a few minutes away from the sparring field about the incident that had occured last night between Galbatorix and Alexia.

"Who cares if she asked for it, you should of courtesly declined or something of the sort! Besides, I hear you one because fortune shone upon you, it was just luck!"

Galbatorix's hand shot out and grabbed Ingvaldur by the collar, then he threw him with all his might into a nearby brick wall, the other boy slumped to the ground, bleeding from a gash in his face. Ingvaldur started to get up groaning, but Galbatorix delivered a thundering kick into his backside, and made him plummet back into the ground, face first.

Galbatorix grabbed him by the collar again and hissed venoumsly, "Don't you ever suggest that I won a fight by luck. It was pure skill Ingvaldur, just like the skill it took for me to beat you, someone probally twice my size."

Galbatorix shook him, "Understand!" he said quietly, a dangerous gleam in his eye.

"Y-y-yes." Ingvaldur managed to croak.

"Yes what?"

"Y-y-yes, Sir."

"That's better." Galbatorix breathed, and let him drop back down. He turned away and walked quickly, but calmly towards the sparring field. Despite his deep satisfacation over beating both Alexia and Ingvaldur, a bit of axienty lingered on in his mind, Alexia had kept silent over her defeat, and he was sure Ingvaldur would too. Out of fear for Galbatorix.

But what if they didn't? What if they didn't keep silent and would inform the elders? Would he be expelled from the order? Was that possible? these were the questions which Galbatorix asked himself continueosly. Despite how much he tried to but on an act of confidence, his nervousness never went away.

Galbatorix reached the sparring field two minutes later. The clashing sounds of steel on steel, and the dull thuds of arrows on wood, filled the crisp morning air. A wide peremiter marked by a two foot trench was where the sparring field lay. If one crossed the trench and was not about to partake of a lesson, anyone could challenge him or her to a duel, and they were obliged to accept.

Galbatorix carefully crossed the marking line, and walked to the left wing of the field, searching with a practised eye for his swords tutor. It was a bright and sunny day. The golden rays from the sun however shone upon the Palace, casting the sparring field into a shadow. Finally, a musical voice that sounded foreign and exotic called, "Greetings Galbatorix."

The young rider turned. There, standing in-front of him was an elven rider that he regonized, it was Oromis, rider of Glaedr, the dragon whom had born him hither.

"Greetings Master." Galbatorix said smoothly, bowing his head ever so slightly. "But, wasn't Haraldur supposed to teach me swordplay?"

Oromis smiled serenley at him and said, "Aye, that is true. But other matters of important pressed him and his dragon away for a few days so until then I shall be your tutor. Now, pick a sword."

Galbatorix looked in the direction Oromis was pointing. Rows of wooden weapon racks lined both wings of the field, to Galbatorix it seemed that every weapon available was there. Bows, swords, maces, cudgels, spike chains, daggers and warhammers of every shape and size lay there.

Galbatorix turned back towards Oromis, "I prefer daggers." he said in the same, calmly dignified tone.

Oromis thought for a second before saying, "Very well. Normally I would decline such an offer, but I will allow you to sparr with daggers," Oromis said then added shaking his finger slightly, "If however, you are not sufficent enough with the blades, you must choose a sword."

Galbatorix just nodded in reply, and approached the racks. Plucking up a pair of twin daggers, he tried a few test swings through the air. The blades were of fine mack, sturdy yet fluid and light. Nodding again, Galbatorix turned to face Oromis.

"Shall we dance?" the young rider said, a small smile playing across his face. The eagerness for a fight showing on his face.

Oromis laughed his wonderfully musical laugh, "I am afraid not child, it would be unfair to pit you against an elven rider with one hundred and twenty years of experience in the art of the blade. Your oppenent shall be Ingvaldur here." Oromis said, gesturing behind him were Ingvaldur held a very stout looking short sword.

Then suddenly Oromis gasped as he turned around to face Ingvaldur, "What happened to you ny child?" Eyes drawn to his blood splattered face,

"I-I-I fell." he replied a bit hesitantly.

Oromis's dark eyebrows knitted together in a fierce frown, "I see." he said lightly and raised his right hand, which bore his Gedway Insignia, to Ingvaldur's face. The elf muttered a few words that were lost in the sounds of the sparring elves and humans all around them. Suddenly, Ingvaldur's face was no longer bloody, or bruised.

Pure awe and exitment rose in the depths of Galbatorix's being, 'I have to learn how do that. Whatever the cost. I could hurt people, or heal them. I could build structures or destroy them. That is the key to my salvation, and it shall be mine!' the young rider thought heatedly.

And then the duel began. Ingvaldur charged the distance towards Galbatorix, sword raised high. He brought it down in a perfect arch that headed straight towards his head. Galbatorix barley needed to move to avoid the blow he just swayed out of the way, allowing the blade to pass him, mere centimeters from contact.

The opening left after his strike was something that Galbatorix took to his advantage, he leaped forward with the speed and grace of a cat and in a rapid session brought both of his daggers into Ingvaldur's right shoulder, leaving nothing but a small bruise.

Instead of drawing blood however, blue sparks jumped into the air, and the daggers just seemed to bounce of the other Rider's shoulder, as if it were armoured. Galbatorix had no time to ponder this phenomana but had to roll out of the way as a second crushing blow from the short sword was dealt.

A lone bead of sweat ran down Galbatorix's brow, as he yet again dodged an attack. Rushing the distance bewtween the pair, Galbatorix now instead of focusing on Ingvaldur himself, he brought both daggers down with as much force and speed as he could muster towards, Ingvaldur's hands which cluthced the sword he wielded.

Crying out, Ingvaldur dropped the sword, and Galbatorix whipped his right leg upward, kicking him hard in the chest. Ingvaldur fell backwards, but with luck right next to the sword which he had dropped. Picking it back up, he rejoined the fight.

Fury enraged Ingvaldur as he let rip a flurry of powerfull blows, each one stronger then the last. At first, it seemed as he would never hit Galbatorix, who dodged, duckend and rolled out of danger faster then Ingvaldur found possible, he connected.

Ingvaldur started out with a powerfull backhand strike, but switched direction in mid-air, and changed to a underhand strike, the blade smacked Galbatorix fiercly in the jaw, sending him skidding. One of his daggers skidded across the field, but the other one remained in his hand.

Ingvaldur slowly approached Galbatorix sword hanging loosley at his side, he then calmly raised it, but hesitated slightly, all the time which Galbatorix needed. The young bow proppelled himself backwards off Ingvaldur's chest, spinning backwards into the air. Landing on his feet, he slid onto the ground, underneath Ingvaldur's blow and swept his feet from under him.

Before his sparring partner could stand back up, Galbatorix was ontop of him with his dagger pointed to his opponents throat. Whenever Galbatorix fought, his eyes lit up with an insane glee, like now. It unnerved Ingvaldur greatly, and he was not putting as he was not putting it past the other boy to kill him.

But Galbatorix just whispered, "Rule one when sparring is never hesitate, you could of defeated me, but you didn't."

He stood up, and started to leave the sparring field, "Dead." he called to Ingvaldur withought turning around.
_______________

Hoped you guys liked the fighting, as you may of noticed Galbatorix is more of a 'Ninja style' fighter, then a regular one.

This post has been edited by Thorn Pwns: 17 October 2009 - 12:38 PM

[saphiraisscary]

Hmm would Galby be so evil and powerful already? You could put in more description like was it a sunny day, what did Galby's dragon think? Anyway that was a good chapter besides thes things. keep it up

saphiraisscary

This post has been edited by saphiraisscary: 18 October 2009 - 05:45 AM

[Hold Your Peace]

Galbatorix is not evil yet, but he is getting there. Throughout my tale, we will see is personality change from the violence loving Galbatorix that he is in his childhood, to the utterly ruthless and wicked tryant he is in adulthood. And he isn't nessacarily that powerfull, he is just a very skilled fighter. And also if you remember during Brom's tale in Eragon, he says that Galbatorix rose quicker through the ranks of the riders then anyone ever before, so it can only be expected that he will be a bit better(and 100% more awseome) then everyone else his age.

Thanks for pointing out my lack of landscape descpritions and the lack of Galby's dragon, I will edit my chapter and edit the landscape, and as for the dragon he wasn't present at the moment, we will see what was going one with him in the next chapter.

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

Thorn Pwns

[Silver Ridrer]

Nice fight description.Galbatorix is getting evil before his dragon is killed? Wow that is fast.It woes great update but when is the next one coming?

[Hold Your Peace]

Thanks, Im happy you enjoyed my fighting details, as I am very tired from being down town all night I wont have time for the 'Midnight Update' I had planned. Tommorow, chapter 4 will be up!

Thorn Pwns

This post has been edited by Thorn Pwns: 18 October 2009 - 05:42 AM