[Emeraldscales]

Here is a poem, it's long, in free verse, but true. Tell me what you think.


Mask

What do you do when you are so different from everyone else you know that you can’t confide in them?
What do you do when your day-to-day thoughts are deeper than their greatest epiphanies?
When all you want is someone you can love who will love you back..
When the want, the need, is so huge it hurts...
Hurts so bad, you can feel your heart slowly being torn asunder...
Hurts so bad, you want to just scream until your voice fails you...
You want to do anything to try and get rid of the pain...
But you can’t let it out...
You can’t speak to someone...
You can’t find comfort in another...
Because you simply can’t be around them without being reminded...
Reminded of the fact that you aren’t on their level...
That you can’t get to their level...
Not without becoming someone you hate...
Someone cold and hard...
You don’t know how to show them anything but that...
Unless you hide your feelings...
The true ones...
Your heart and soul...
Deep inside...
Beneath a hard, impenetrable, shield...
But then you go too deep...
You can’t get out again...
You always have to be so strong for everyone else that you can’t let anyone see your own pain...
Can’t even let yourself see your pain...
You try to avoid it...
Tell yourself it’s not really there...
But you are lying when you say that...
It’s always there...
Whether you want it to be or not...
And it grows...
Grows until you can’t bear it anymore...
Until you explode...
Then you say and do things that you regret...
Things you feel horrible about for a very long time...
Is there anyone out there who can help me?
Is there anyone who even cares?
Everyone is scared when I reveal anything more than my shallowest thoughts...
Disturbed by the ways I express myself...
Scornful of my true feelings...
Find my problems and pain so insignificant compared to their own...
I need someone with whom I can be my whole, true self...
With whom I can be more than just a mask...
Switching modes to accommodate my listeners...
I hate that...
My gift and curse is to be able to feel another’s pain...
I want to be there for everyone...
To feel their pain with them...
So they don’t have to bear it alone...
But if I am going to be the strong one for them...
How can I be weak enough to feel my own pain?
I can’t be allowed that luxury...
I can’t tell if this is my restriction...
Or if it is the one placed on me by those who name themselves among my friends...
I need to be around people...
It’s who I am...
But sometimes I’d rather be alone, so I don’t have to feel like I’m lying...
So I can feel free...
So I can be whoever...
Whatever...
And however I please...
Around others, that pleasure is denied me...
They don’t mean to, I think...
But they do...
They don’t always know what’s wrong...
But how do you explain that being around them hurts you...
Even though you thrive on their presence?
How do you tell someone that you love them, and will always pick them up when they fall...
But will be gone any other time..
Because they hurt you?
I am the loner who people can come to...
The person everyone uses when they need them...
But the person no one truly understands...
No one really wants to understand me, I think...
I think they aren’t ready yet...
Maybe that sounds selfish...
But it’s true...
I think on a different level than them...
They wouldn’t get me...
They wouldn’t be able to comprehend me...
It’s just who I am..
And who they are...
What do I do?
I don’t really have anything to complain about...
I have money...
A great family...
A good school...
What do I have to complain about?
What right do I have?
These questions always come up when I am trying to sort this stuff out...
I can’t feel this bad...
I just don’t have a right...
Others have it so much worse...
So I don’t let myself feel the pain...
I lie...
I say I’m fine...
I say I’m all right...
I say nothing’s wrong...
But inside...
I’m dying...
Bit by bit...
I wonder if anything will be left of the real me...
Or will I simply be a dead mask...
Giving the programmed responses...
Doomed to never be myself...
Ever.

[Artrain]

Aaah. What can I say? As free a verse as any I've seen, but I don't care about the cosmetics, the content was...quite understandable. At least to me. I loved it. I hope you post more often...

[Blazing Elf]

Wow that was long, but I liked it first cause just like Artrain I understood it and could relate to it.

[witch168]

Yup, totally relatable. I had to stop and stare a bit at the length, but it was actually very easy to read. I feel like everyone has said something like that to themselves at least a bajillion times in their life.

I hope you feel better, though. It's a stage that everyone has to go through, so you're not alone.

excellent poem, though.
-The Witch.

[potter573]

I can surely relate to this. I like how the poem explores philosophically a certain stage in the human life. Everyone has to go through it.

The poem is emotional and one can feel it. Well done. Hope you feel better.

Hasan.