[Musician]

Hey,

This is my first post here and I would like to share some poems I wrote.
constructive critisizm is most welcome.

Here goes:

Sweet autumn

The woman's eyes make me wonder,
what wonders lie inside the cave.
Protected by unyielding armour,
there's nothing for me here to see.

The day dawns in shadows of laughter,
remaining from previous nights.
The moon shines with true hesitation.
The falling of leaves falls behind.

He is a beast of a man,
to keep you away from me.
See the light radiate.

The rain pours with unmatched menace
as the trial of life begins.

Sweet autumn keeps my soul from falling behind on you.



So that's one.

Gloomy day

I woke up to the solemn songs
the garden birds sing.
Oh what a good start of a gloomy day.

No light greets me as I stick my head
out of the liquid window;
The gateway to the word that revolves within our minds.

Looming shadows hang over the road
I wish to follow.
Taking shapes of ancient demons.
Is this a sign of good between all evil?

Send me a clue!
May the sun shine upon me.
I can not do this on my own.



So this next one I wrote for a girl called Moon. I know it's cheesy...
It's astronomical though.

Oh beautiful moon.

Oh beautiful moon,
why do you hang in mid-air?
Is it for affection for the earth,
or repulsion for the sun?

Free from heaven's waters you are.
Close but still far;
free from the pull of gravity.

Though I can not see you,
I feel your presence.
Hiding behind clouds,
you watch over the stars on your molten throne.

Oh beautiful Moon,
why do you hang in mid-air?
You are free of obligations.
Does this seem fair?


I hope you like these poems. I might post some more if I get some positive reactions.

Yours,

Kelvin.

This post has been edited by Musician: 17 October 2009 - 01:11 PM

[witch168]

I actually like the Moon one the best. It's very sweet.
You need to put a ? mark after

Is it for affection for the earth,
or repulsion for the sun.

[Musician]

Thanks =)
I added the questionmark

[RealmLeader]

i really like the titles... but there is not enough rhythem, or rhyme for my likeing..not that thats all that dictates as good poem my friend.. for me.. its like this.. to write well, you've got to have an emotion quite evident throuigh the peice.. good luck, check my poetry out some time, i would be humbled for u to look at them..ur words are deep, just weave them a lil;' tighter and its gold.

Hey,

This is my first post here and I would like to share some poems I wrote.
constructive critisizm is most welcome.

Here goes:

Sweet autumn

The woman's eyes make me wonder,
what wonders lie inside the cave.
Protected by unyielding armour,
there's nothing for me here to see.

The day dawns in shadows of laughter,
remaining from previous nights.
The moon shines with true hesitation.
The falling of leaves falls behind.

He is a beast of a man,
to keep you away from me.
See the light radiate.

The rain pours with unmatched menace
as the trial of life begins.

Sweet autumn keeps my soul from falling behind on you.



So that's one.

Gloomy day

I woke up to the solemn songs
the garden birds sing.
Oh what a good start of a gloomy day.

No light greets me as I stick my head
out of the liquid window;
The gateway to the word that revolves within our minds.

Looming shadows hang over the road
I wish to follow.
Taking shapes of ancient demons.
Is this a sign of good between all evil?

Send me a clue!
May the sun shine upon me.
I can not do this on my own.



So this next one I wrote for a girl called Moon. I know it's cheesy...
It's astronomical though.

Oh beautiful moon.

Oh beautiful moon,
why do you hang in mid-air?
Is it for affection for the earth,
or repulsion for the sun?

Free from heaven's waters you are.
Close but still far;
free from the pull of gravity.

Though I can not see you,
I feel your presence.
Hiding behind clouds,
you watch over the stars on your molten throne.

Oh beautiful Moon,
why do you hang in mid-air?
You are free of obligations.
Does this seem fair?


I hope you like these poems. I might post some more if I get some positive reactions.

Yours,

Kelvin.

[RealmLeader]

yes! now this is really good! i like it the moon one) its has some rhythm, and some well placed rhyme, i did not mean to come across as arrogant b4, just tryign to offer a fellow wirter some advice, feel free to critque me

Hey,

This is my first post here and I would like to share some poems I wrote.
constructive critisizm is most welcome.

Here goes:

Sweet autumn

The woman's eyes make me wonder,
what wonders lie inside the cave.
Protected by unyielding armour,
there's nothing for me here to see.

The day dawns in shadows of laughter,
remaining from previous nights.
The moon shines with true hesitation.
The falling of leaves falls behind.

He is a beast of a man,
to keep you away from me.
See the light radiate.

The rain pours with unmatched menace
as the trial of life begins.

Sweet autumn keeps my soul from falling behind on you.



So that's one.

Gloomy day

I woke up to the solemn songs
the garden birds sing.
Oh what a good start of a gloomy day.

No light greets me as I stick my head
out of the liquid window;
The gateway to the word that revolves within our minds.

Looming shadows hang over the road
I wish to follow.
Taking shapes of ancient demons.
Is this a sign of good between all evil?

Send me a clue!
May the sun shine upon me.
I can not do this on my own.



So this next one I wrote for a girl called Moon. I know it's cheesy...
It's astronomical though.

Oh beautiful moon.

Oh beautiful moon,
why do you hang in mid-air?
Is it for affection for the earth,
or repulsion for the sun?

Free from heaven's waters you are.
Close but still far;
free from the pull of gravity.

Though I can not see you,
I feel your presence.
Hiding behind clouds,
you watch over the stars on your molten throne.

Oh beautiful Moon,
why do you hang in mid-air?
You are free of obligations.
Does this seem fair?


I hope you like these poems. I might post some more if I get some positive reactions.

Yours,

Kelvin.

[Musician]

Thanks mate,

no offence taken.
I've got a whole bunch more of short Poems. Might put them up later.

[Musician]

A Day and A life

Morning skies,
with you I want to fly.
through red and golden clouds;
a landscape of euforia.

afternoon sun,
you cast light on existence.
The lonely ploughman,
would be lost without you.

Evening skies,
discussed in sacred conversation.
You leave me engulfed in emptiness
when you make place for the night.

Night black as a shadow,
you show mankind in true light.
Ignorance nor bliss,
is revealed in your reign.

The mute

Silent acceptence
makes easy listening.
The absence of words and beauty within.
The silenced forever silent.

This post has been edited by Musician: 22 October 2009 - 09:58 AM

[Musician]

and one more:

inevitable obstacle

sharply lined-
and shown in clever light.
waiting for something to happen,
but it never ever does.

dimly lit-
and is that smoke I see?
The outlines of a town
perpetually covered in haze..

the hoot of an owl-
and scurrying of rats.
the sound of the night
is an obstacle everyone has to take.

[Musician]

Eye to..irony?


I look into her eyes
To look through her beauty,
Only to find the magnificence in those.


Awestruck and caught off guard
I pick the leaves of flowers.
Yes or no? How much do you know?


The sweet scent of irony
A scent I can relate to.
It all began with mythology.


Beautiful ivy on decrepit walls;
A tool beyond repair;
The wisdom of a fool at hands.

[Blazing Elf]

Very nice if I should say myself I like your rhyming and your word choice and I like alot of the lines that you put in your poems like for 'A Day and A life' I liked the first two lines when you wrote 'Morning skies, with you I want to fly.' and for 'Sweet Autumn' 'The day dawns in shadows of laughter, remaining from previous nights. The moon shines with true hesitation. The falling of leaves falls behind.' So yeah I definetly (sp?) liked it.