[Arya327]

Ok here you go i'm not claiming to be a goood writer so please try not to be to harsh.

Here you are then:

My book IV: Ending

Chapter 1: Mourning the Sage

Eragon lay against a tree by the beach, he had been hear for 3 days after fleeing from everyone soon after explaining what had

happened to his Masters.

-----------------------------Flashback

“….and that’s what happened“. Eragon said emotionlessly.

“Eragon I’m so sor- “ Nasuada had tried to say as Eragon dashed from the room after muttering a quick spell so that no one could

follow him.

Arya starred after him shocked at the out burst, even Eragon usually tried to control himself better than this. Well he has lost a lot,

now even his masters are gone to. Poor Eragon. No he has not lost more than me no one has. She thought bitterly. As Nasuada

interrupted her thoughts.

“You may go Arya,” Nasuada said sounding extremely stressed.

As she turned to the tent flap to leave Nasuada spoke once more “Wait. Arya, what is wrong with Eragon, he seems off today”.

She turned slowly.

“I am not sure and for whatever reason though I am sure he will be fine,” She said sounding solemn though if you really listened with

and underlying tone of worry, confusion, sorrow, mourning and for some reason coldness.

As she turned around though Nasuada could have sworn she saw tears glistening in the warrior princesses eyes with utmost caring in

her expression.

--------------------- End of flashback.

Eragon you should eat, the-partner-of-his-mind-and-heart Saphira said, also you should return to the Varden. Nasuada and Arya will

be worried you have been gone for many days. Our masters would not want us to endanger our chances of beating the empire my

spending all of our time mourning.

No I will eat when I go back to the Varden I do not wish to speak with anyone about our masters perishing, I just need to be alone,

he said remorsefully.

Well I am hungry and need to hunt, Saphira said grumpily, I have summoned Arya here and she will take you back to the Varden

when you get there I will be waiting at your tent, with that she looked at him tenderly once, then unfurled her sapphire blue wings and

launched herself into the sky.

This post has been edited by Arya327: 23 December 2009 - 09:13 PM

[Burrosis]

First of all you went a little space happy. You do not have to double space after every two lines of typing on top of double spacing after each sentence.

There were also some spelling and grammar errors, but I'm too pressed for time to find them all.

You also went the path most taken. That was a fairly standard 'cookie cutter' start. While that is not always a bad thing, you should try to make your book 'yours'.

Also get in contact with a mod and get them to delete the other two topics that you made. There is no need for them.

Keep writing.

[Arya327]

Burrosis I would just like to say thanks for the honest comment sorry bout the space thing it was an accident. Also I would like to warn readers now that i am 13 and a B level writer so sorry for the crappy writing skills!

[Arya327]

I'm just letting anyone who reads this i cannot post again until late tommorow minimum





Chapter 2: Equal pains

Arya ran over the sandy beach leaving no foot prints behind because of magic, not wanting to be exposed or followed to where she knew Eragon was mourning.

As she ran she thought about the confusing things that were swirling around in her head.

Ahh. Hear is the clearing of trees up ahead.

Where is Eragon? I can sense him but I cannot see him.

That’s when she saw him leaning against the tree, hidden from view almost completely by the thick tree roots. She walked over to him.

“Eragon we must go back to the Varden you are needed”.

His tone was bitterer than she had ever heard from him before “ Why should I? No one has lost more then me no one suffered more?”

Arya brought her hand down across his face with such force that a loud THWACK echoed out.

“How dare you say that, I have lost everyone except my mother, who barely acts as if I existed until 6 months ago before that she punished me!” Arya thundered outraged.

Eragon roared back equally angry, ”At least you knew your parents mine are both dead I did not even know one of them, and I never knew Brom as a father,” he wincing as he spoke Brom’s name.

For some reason Arya suddenly burst out crying” I am sorry Eragon I do not know what has gotten into me lately. I should not take my anger and sorrow out on you.”

Eragon rushed forward as he sensed her falling catching her close to the ground inches away from a rather sharp rock.
The last thing Arya heard before she fainted was Eragon saying” We have endured equal losses and pains, pomunuria fricai“.


******************
Arya woke to the sound of a fire crackling and crickets chirping. As she pulled herself up from her lying position she looked around to see Eragon smiling at her. Why is he smiling wasn’t he mad at her for hitting him and yelling at him?

“Eragon why are you smiling? Aren’t you mad at me?“

“No,” he said “we have both been through our troubles and you seem better now, and know you are not alone you still have me and Saphira, as well as Nasuada.“

At that moment she realized she had not lost everything she still had Eragon a very close friend.

“Thank you Eragon for letting me get that off my chest I was so tightly wound on not letting my emotions show that I snapped on you and I beg your forgiveness Eragon”.

“Of course I forgive you Arya you are not a animal you have feelings too, everyone snaps once in a while.”

“Shall we go then?” she said wearily.

“Alright,” he said his smile faltering.

As they set off, Arya thought, he is wise, kind and caring far beyond the youth of his years. He has matured slightly.

*********************
They made it back to the Varden as the sun was setting on their backs.

“We should probably go talk to Nasuada now we need to discuss our plans,” Arya said.

“What plans?” Eragon asked suspiciously.

Arya sighed. “Eragon though we elves do not believe in gods we do have funerals, to celebrate the lives of the deceased. You intend to go do you not? It is required, he was your ebrithil.”

“Oh.” Eragon spoke surprised, “Yes we must leave soon I assume then.”

“Aye. We probably should have already left,” said Arya sighing again.

“What?!” Eragon yelled.

“Why have you not informed us of this already!!” Eragon said annoyed.

Arya spoke calmly still, “We didn’t want to disrupt you.”

“Fine but if you are coming I am leaving tonight with or with out Nasuada’s permission“. He said arrogantly.

“I will see you in an hour then,” Arya said, as she strode off.

Eragon went straight to Nasuada’s tent pausing for a second has the Nighthawkes permitted him entry.

“Eragon,” Nasuada greeted him.

“My liege I wish for you to renounce my oath of fealty, I will continue to help the Varden but the only free rider in Alegasia should not be bound to one group.” Eragon smiled in his head he presented his case well she could not deny him.

Nasuada smiled “You are free Eragon you present your case well I see you have finally learnt to play this came and speak knowingly”.

“I know of your plans to go to your masters funeral I wish you would not but I have no power to stop you. I only have one request will the elfin guards stay to help protect the Varden?”

“Yes this I can allow though I would ask Queen Izlanzadi to order this of them, elves can be quite unpredictable,” He warned her caution in his voice.

“Alright that is all you may go,” Nasuada said wearily.

With that Eragon strode from Nasuada’s pavilion to let Saphira know and prepare for the journey.

________________________________________________________________________

Well there you go please comment some more!

This post has been edited by Arya327: 25 October 2009 - 09:11 PM

[Pixel]

I'm just letting anyone who reads this ever i'm not posting again until i've gotten 5 more comments!

Stop threatening no updates unless you get more comments. That's selfish when other authors try to get readers simply by their own talent.

[Arya327]

I'm just letting anyone who reads this ever i'm not posting again until i've gotten 5 more comments!

Stop threatening no updates unless you get more comments. That's selfish when other authors try to get readers simply by their own talent.

Sorry Pixel i will change that then i cannot update until atleast late tomorrow any ways

[HBomb]

I'm hoping that you make this story a bit more original. The Arya slaps Eragon/Eragon and Arya go to funeral opening is getting a bit cliche. Anyway my advice apart from originality would be to read a few of the more popular fanfics on the site and see how they structure their chapters. And lastly I caution you not to go to fast. The whole reason I decided to write a new fanfic and scrap my original is because it developed too fast. There wasn't enough building up of the characters.

PS: I would think a bit about your Arya as well. It is of course your story so you can make her how you want, but I would recommend transitioning from a CP-like Arya to your own.

Again it's your story so do as you wish but that's just my advice.

-HBomb

PSS: I forgot to say something positive...Your second chapter was far better than your first.

[Dempton]

I agree the first one hardly had any mistakes,though I agree with others that this starting has become repetitive.If you want my comments on the first chapter,look at your other topics.

[Arya327]

I'll probably get another chapter up tonight maybe not this chapter I will do PoV's before this I haven't really. It will probably be a Murtagh PoV.

Your Writer And Fricai,

Kat

[Arya327]

Okay so don't know who is reading this but I'll post another short chapter anyways:

Chapter 3: Pain Just Pain and Misery (Murtagh PoV)
(Couple hours after Feinster’s battle)

H-he m-made us kill h-him T-thorn, they might’ve been able to help us and Galbitorix force us to kill him, not even Eragon will try to help us now.

Oh Murtagh, Wolf eyes will always help us she won’t give up on us and neither will Eragon we didn’t kill him Galbitorix did Eragon will know he will help you must have hope Murtagh if you ever truly wish to be free you must not give up hope. The Varden never did and they continue to take over the empire. Thorn thought has he washed a wave of comfort over my mind.

Maybe, but we will be tortured horribly when we get back, I hope she gets away from the castle. She keeps trying to take the pain away when he tortures me.

I hope as well, small one Shruikan will try to help her get out.

Thorn we need to help the Varden they will not win if Galbitorix gets the egg to hatch.

Oh they will small one if Wolf eyes gets away me and Shruikan made a plan to get her the swords she had and the egg out.
Shock passed through me, Thorn why didn’t you tell me I could’ve helped.

No you couldn’t HE checks your mind more than mine and I’ve got stronger walls I’m better at hiding things from him; anyways she should be out by now. Hopefully we will run into her on the way back then she can take our Eldunarya with her as well.

I am glad I have you thorn you truly are a brilliant Dragon. We never took oaths to not give her the eldunarya he said to not give it to any of the rebellion or the empire but she belongs to neither ras she so loudly screams at Galby. Thorn chuckled at this.

Yes but she brings on more torture for herself how she stays quiet and unbreakable is beyond me she is stronger then the elf you spoke of, and yet so young.

Aye shes been through much for her age more then even us. Pity enveloped Thorn.

All of a sudden a howl ripped through the air cutting the eerie night of its silent death song.

Elation surged through us as we heard it was Sundarvar. She made it Thorn, She made it….

________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________

Okay so thats it for now if anyone PMs me and guess who the girl is I'll anwser any future question they have about the story.

Hint:She will not be Murtagh's lover and she may have a relation to one of the main characters.

[Arya327]

Last chapter today I need to study for a history test tomorrow.




Here you go:



Chapter 4: Preparations

Eragon strode by row after row of tents, until he reached his own tent.

I need to tell Saphira there is a funeral she doesn’t even know yet.

Eragon walked towards Blohdgarm. “ Hello Blodhgarm“, he nodded in response “Shadeslayer” “ I assume you know of the funeral to be held in Oromis-ebrithil and Gladr-ebrithil’s honor.”

“Aye.”

“ I was wondering if you and the rest of the guards would stay here and help the Varden just in case Thorn and Murtagh some how managed to heal themselves and return here to attack.” Eragon asked politely.

“We do not wish to miss their funeral but we will do as you ask Eragon-vodhr” Blohdgarm said with deep loyalty in his voice, this shocked Eragon slightly they seemed to truly respect him now he thought shocked.

“Thank you Blohdgarm-vodhr,” Gratitude in his voice.

“It is our honor to serve you.”

Eragon merely nodded and continued into his tent.

I should only bring Gladr, food and my amour. I will bring Domia abr wydra to Jeod maybe he can watch over this for me while we journey I do not want to ruin it.

I am back Eragon.

Hello partner-of-my-heart-and-mind.

Saphira much has happened since you left……He went on to tell her everything that happened.

Hmm. I suppose I shall take a rest before we leave then, you can put the saddle and bags on now if you wish.

Alright thank you Saphira.

He attached the saddle bags. Then spoke quietly “I will go speak to Roran as well as Jeod then I will find Arya and we may leave, my friend.”

Alright little one.

He ran through out the Varden until he came to Jeod’s tent and knocked quickly on the center pole.

“Come in” gravelly voice said.

He walked in silently.

“Ahh. Eragon you return once more.”

“Aye Jeod, just for a quick visit though unfortunately I must venture to the elves soon. It looks like wealth has been struck by your wife once more?” He said as he looked around the now lavish and large tent.

“Aye you were right about the dwarves and their mead and I thank you for helping us like that, Shadeslayer.” Helen said happily coming from behind Eragon.

“It was no problem I owed you for helping my cousin anyways.”

“Since this a short visit I am assuming you need something?” Jeod asked.

“Aye, I was wondering if you had anything new on tunnels into Uru’baen, also I was wondering if you could look after the book you gave me I do not trust the movers that handle my things with something so important.”

“Of course Eragon, and I’m afraid I haven’t come across any thing new sorry my friend.” Jeod spoke sadly.

“That’s alright it’s not your fault I’m sure Galbitorix tried to seal most entrances anyways.”

“I must be off I wish to speak with Roran before I leave as well.”

“Alright off you go then.”

With that Eragon jogged quickly towards Roran’s tent.

As he approached he heard a loud voice boom out “Going somewhere O Mighty Shadeslayer?”

Roran. He thought as he spun to face his cousin.

“Hello Roran just came to say good bye off to the elf camp for a few days.”

“Why ?“, he asked curiously.

“Though elves do not believe in the after life they do hold ceremonies to honor the deads life.”

“Oh sorry ‘bout that,” Roan said.

“It’s fine, just be careful I do not want to have to race to the Varden to save your butt,” Eragon said chuckling.

“Of course not brother,” He said as he bear hugged Eragon.

“I best be off then I said, I’d meet Arya in about 10 minutes,” Eragon said.

“Well good luck with that then” He spoke with a smirk on his face.

Eragon ran back to Saphira and waited for Arya to arrive. 15 minutes passed before Arya arrived.

[Dragon eggs from the]

Good chapter, but why would Arya be five minutes late. Normaly (I think) she is precicly on time. I also thought that the Saphira part should have been longer. Just my opinion and the fact Saphira is my third favorate character after Vreal and Murtagh.
Your story is quite good plot wise, especialy "wolf eyes" I think that what we descussed over pm is quite original and a good plot twist.
Your friend and reader
DFT

[Arya327]

Hi everyone I'm back with another chapter, probably won't be last one today!

Chapter 5: Wolf-Eyes


Girl’s PoV

I looked up as I heard a loud roar coming from the skies. A magnificent ruby red dragon was diving to where I now stood.

Thorn, Murtagh.

Hesitating slightly, I extended my mind to Thorn and Murtagh. Smiling as they allowed the contact.

How are you two? I heard Shruikan roaring early and I thought something may’ve happened. I thought as Thorn landed heavily and Murtagh jumped off.

Something did happen wolf eyes. There was another dragon and rider at Gilead and HE made us kill them it was an elf and a huge golden dragon bigger than even Shruikan. We would’ve been killed but Murtagh knocked the sword out of the elf’s hand and the rider had a fit we would’ve let them go but the black king decided to take control and killed them. Remorse and guilt filled Thorn’s every thought.

Even worse we believe him to have been Eragon and Saphira’s masters as well, now not even they will wish to help us. Murtagh added sadly.

You have little faith in our brother he may not be so quick to assume.

Maybe, Kvindr, maybe not. Murtagh thought.

Either way he will be proud you help me to bring the dragon egg to the Varden.

About that I want you to got the elves instead I believe they will be there to mourn for their masters so go there first. Thorn said thoughtfully.

Fine Sundarvar and I will head there first, now can you give me the eldunarya or must I take them from you by force.

You may take them Thorn found a loop hole. Murtagh thought proudly.

I laughed a bit. Of course he did dragons are brilliant.

Murtagh handed me several pouches stuffed to the brim with gem like stones and heavily warded.

Thank you, my brothers I will need to hurry to them I’m afraid there are a hundred or so soldiers up a head and I’m carrying to much to escape un-wounded or fight them off uninjured.

Alright wolf-eyes run fast and may your travels be safe. Keep the egg guarded and do not get captured. I’m afraid he will kill you this time, and there is only so much Shruikan and I can do. Thorn spoke worry coloring his thoughts.

Of course, I will be fine I always am. Good bye Murtagh, Thorn be safe and try to escape I will miss you and thank Shruikan for me he is a good friend. I thought to them as I hugged Murtagh and then Thorn around the neck tightly.

I watched as my brother climbed back into his dragon’s saddle and took off with a roar.

I sighed as I took off running knowing there was no way around the soldiers, and that inevitably I would have no choice but to fight them.

I continued running until I saw the soldiers marching on the horizon.

Sundarvar I’m going to need you here soon my friend.

My thought was responded with a long howl distinctly meaning he was coming to my aid.

With that I continued jogging until the regular human soldiers could see me then stopped waiting for them to approach. Whispering one of the few spells I knew to make the 4 swords and 4 daggers invisible along with the pouches I dropped twenty feet back.

What a foolish mistake for them. I thought rather sullenly to myself. Always the same thing disgusting male soldiers who think I’m a harmless human girl that they can toy with and abuse. Not someone who could kill them before they blink.

“Well, well, well, what do we have hear a little girl traveling around by herself just waiting for slavers to come and get her.” An ugly smelly man with a ratty beard said, making the other soldiers laugh rudely and boisterously.

“Well maybe we can have some fun be fore we give her to the slavers.” Another said laughing nastily. Once again the others laughed.

“An who said I’d allow that?” I questioned strongly. The stupid soldiers merely laughed at this. I let a smile creep over my face, and removed the spell covering my weapons.

The soldiers stopped laughing as they saw the heavy weaponry strapped to my back, arms, and hips. I smiled wider.

“You can’t be serious a little girl like you couldn’t even swing those swords let alone fight back.” The first one who spoke said.

With that I crouched into my ready stance as I unsheathed the sapphire blue sword and the midnight blue sword strapped to my back. As I prepared to launch myself forward the soldiers still did not draw their weapons.

Oh well they’ll learn after the first few are dead.

With that I launched myself at them, swinging my swords in a circle decapitating 3, then brought my swords back and stabbing 2 more threw their hearts. After they realized what had happened they immediately clamored for their swords or other things. As they did this I spun among them killing another 15 before they actually began to fight back.

A few minutes later there were about 45 left but I was peppered with wounds wearing no armor.

Another couple minutes and I had started to slow down a large gash in my right arm slightly impairing me. As I started to get really worried. I heard a loud growl and saw a black blur fly by.

I immediately realized in was my special-wolf-companion and started back towards the bags as I reached them I turned around to see all the rest of the soldiers dead, and Sundarvar running back towards me his abnormal fangs and claws still extended from the fight.

I extended my mind out to his as I ran towards a small forest. Sundarvar meet me in the forest I need to rest I feel extremely weak and my whole body aches that was foolish of me too take them on without you there.

With that I ran into the forest lying down against a tree. The last thing I saw before was Sundarvar’s furry face….

________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________

Well hope you liked It please comment and reveiw.

Your writer,

Kat or Arya327

[Dragon eggs from the]

Good chapter, and I would say that her being Murtagh and Eragon's sister was incredibly surprising exept I knew from the pms. Just two questions. What is her name and how was she able to kill 45 solders.
Also, in the story always type your numbers as in one two three ext.
You have a very good plot and I congratulate you for originality.
Atra esterní ono thelduín.
Your Interested reader
DFT

[Arya327]

Thank you DFT and you will have to find the answers to those question in the chapters i will be posting shortly.

Atra gulian un ilian tauthr ono un atra ono waise skoliro fra ruathr.

Your writer and friend Kat,