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Oh My Shur' tugal just a poem translated from AL to common Rate Topic: ***** 1 Votes

Poll: Opinion? (8 member(s) have cast votes)

Please tell me what did you think! oh and please leave comments why!

  1. loved it (4 votes [50.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 50.00%

  2. it was okay (2 votes [25.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 25.00%

  3. hated it; waste of time (2 votes [25.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 25.00%

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#1 User is offline   greenriderangel Icon

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Posted 28 October 2009 - 02:38 PM

My Shur' tugal part one

In the forgotten village
on the edge of the Spine
There lived a farm boy destined for flight
The hollow stone he found on his hunt
Would hatch into the proud dragon of sapphire

Oh my Shur' tugal of fate
Careful of those around you
Take care of your precious partner
Grow in this bond that will save
Oh my Shur' tugal

Home burnt down; family killed
Revenge was sworn; a journey begins
On the run with the wise old storyteller
You, my Rider, utter your first spell, brisingr

Oh my Shur' tugal of fire
Beware of the king's dark desire
Kindle our hopes; ignite our dreams
But be aware that not all is as it seems
Oh my Shur' tugal

Another death by Ra'zac hands
Sends you on a journey to rebel lands
Rescue the maiden; join your brother
Enter the fight for the empire's freedom

Oh my Shur' tugal of battle
Protect your new family
Of human, elf, dwarf and dragon
Their lives, their futures reast on you
Oh my Shur' tugal

My Harry Potter and the next generation fanfic James Potter and The Dark Heiress
http://www.inheritan...showtopic=54762

Angel's Notebook: My Poems
http://www.inheritan...showtopic=56162

"A room without books is like a body without a soul"

#2 User is offline   Silver Ridrer Icon

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Posted 28 October 2009 - 02:46 PM

It woes great thumbsup.gif .At least i thing it woes.Then it woes a poem about Eragon(i mean the book)?Well i liked it.I think, that i don't need to say more.

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#3 User is offline   Kari Icon

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Posted 28 October 2009 - 02:46 PM

Take care of your precious partner
Grow in this bond that will save

Save what?

QUOTE
Home burnt down; family killed
Revenge was sworn; a journey begins


Misused punctuation here ; is explanatory as in: His home was destroyed; a meteorite hit it.

Otherwise, I find it a very nice poem. tongue.gif You've roughly summarized Eragon and I like the points you've focused on. But I think this should be in the Poetry Cafe, to be honest.
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#4 User is offline   Spinner Icon

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Posted 28 October 2009 - 02:48 PM

Moved.

Ben

#5 User is offline   Fireball123 Icon

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Posted 28 October 2009 - 09:52 PM

congratulations, you have reached a level of skill I will forever envy. Great poem, nicely sums up Eragon. All I can say is Encore!!
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#6 User is offline   SnapeandMurtagh ROCK Icon

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Posted 29 October 2009 - 03:20 AM

Wow, good job! It's a simple and quite effective summation of all that happens to him.

And I like how it alternates between the descriptions of Eragon, and what you're saying to him thumbup.gif
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#7 User is offline   greenriderangel Icon

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Posted 28 November 2009 - 05:43 PM

Thank you to all that replied! I'm glad you are liking the poem.
I hope to have three other parts but I don't have the aha! moment yet for those.
And as much as it sucked that some people hated it, that's fine, but please without flames could you tell me why you hated it? Help me out please!

This is not part of the same poem but it is inspired by the inheritance cycle.
I don't have a name for it... maybe you can give me suggestions?

Noble and wise is you lady fair
Her beauty to none can compare.
Side by side you will fight midair,
Upon jeweled dragons, rulers of the air.
You march to the final battle, which draws near.
When you duel with the dark king becomes to much to bear
Call Love's true name, calm and sweet to hear.
And fight noble Rider, with a heart of fire
On you rest the people's hope and desire.
Save them with you epic romance
Strong enough to outlast the empire.

This post has been edited by greenriderangel: 09 December 2009 - 06:21 PM

My Harry Potter and the next generation fanfic James Potter and The Dark Heiress
http://www.inheritan...showtopic=54762

Angel's Notebook: My Poems
http://www.inheritan...showtopic=56162

"A room without books is like a body without a soul"
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