[eldrvarya datia]

Hello everyone. Du Eldrvarya Datia, The Burning Mists, here.
This is my first fanfic, or any type of long writing for that matter. Please let me know how I'm doing.

First, I know what you're all thinking. "Another Book 4?!" Well, yes. . But I plan to make mine different than most. I hope you enjoy it.

Comment if you so wish, I want to hear some constructive criticism. Well, lets go!


Prologue:

Galbatoix was sitting on his throne, a scowl on his face. The dark stone room was sparsely adorned, only a tapestry of Alagaesia and fairths of different Empire cities. A single window was off to the side of the throne, and a long corridor led to the great entrance door, which suddenly swung inward. A messenger quickly strode through and up to Galbatorix and bowed slightly. He wore the bronzed armor of a Royal Guard, a longsword hung at his waist.

"My Lord," he began, somewhat frightened. "We have received reports from our scouts that the Varden have taken Feinster, and the elves have taken Gil'ead. Our troops have also arrived at Dras-Leona and are beginning to fortify the city."

"You say this like I don't already know," Galbatorix replied maliciously. He muttered something inaudibly and the messenger fell dead. "Guards! Take this body out with the rest. Recycle the armor and sword," he yelled. Immediately four more of the Royal Guard entered the throne room. They hesitated at the sight of one of their own order dead, but they quickly did as the king ordered. They had seen this before.

After they left the room, Galbatorix stood and walked over to the window. As he looked out over the capital city of Uru'baen, he began speaking to himself. "If only it were easier," he mumbled. "Then this would be over and nobody would oppose me. I would finally have what I deserve."

*****

At Feinster, the Varden were hurriedly going about their business. Injured were being brought to the healers, and the dead back to their families. They would be given a ritual warriors' burial the next day to honor their actions and valor.

High above the sky, Saphira could be seen with Eragon on her back. Not even Nasuada dared to contact them after the loss of their masters.

Saphira? Eragon finally broke the silence.

Yes, little one?

Why did it have to happen this way? They didn't have to leave Du Weldenvarden in the first place. They could still be here. We could still...

Eragon! Stop these thoughts. What is done is done. I feel the same way you do, but we will only be driven insane if you continue thinking of what could have been.

I know. You're right. Thanks. It's just so hard thinking about it.


There was a break in the conversation. Both were lost in grief. Eragon took this time to look around him. They were along the coast now. The large open ocean on his left seemed to go on forever, but he knew this was unlikely after his lessons with Brom and then Oromis. Ahead of them were coniferous trees covering the mountains that he realized were of the same chain of the Spine he grew up in. So much is gone now. he thought to himself. Garrow, Carvahall, Brom, and now Oromis and Glaedr. When will this war end?! Saphira then brought him back to his surrounds with:


Let's not think about it now then. We could be used better in the Varden. There are many injured that need healing.

Okay, lets go. I want to visit Arya then as well. She could use a companion now as much as we.




I was contemplating whether or not to add more to this but I decided to wait until the story continues a little. I hope you guys don't expect the story to be done in 50 chapters. I plan on taking it a bit slower than that.

Well, critiques away!

This post has been edited by eldrvarya datia: 17 November 2009 - 05:16 PM

[Sinitar]

That's a really interesting start.I like the way you described the throne room, so description is not an issue you did a good job on that part.I also liked Galbatorix, one sentence is enough to drive him nuts that's the way it should be.

All in all, the first chapter is pretty interesting and definitely got me hooked.I will be looking forward to the next update.

[Timbowolf]

A great deal more promising than some prologues/chapter 1's I've read. You had somr pretty good description and a semi-unique approach ot the beginning, though it was a little standard-issue. Also, it's Glaedr, not Gleadr.

Your characterization of Galbatorix was interesting; I can see he's not someone you want to tick off. When he says, "...what I deserve", is he referring to rebuilding the riders, or is there more to those words than meets the eye?

Anyway, a promsing start. Kinda short, but not bad at all.

[eldrvarya datia]

@ Sinitar. Thanks, I hope to portray him a little different than some others do. In my opinion he's much more maniacal that it is portrayed.

@ timbowold. I wanted to get the start of what is happening in the Varden done with. I promise it will be a bit off the wall compared to some other starts.
And there may be more than meets the eye. But we won't know for sure until I write it

[eldrvarya datia]

I've got some time tonight so I may as well get the first real chapter out.


Chapter 1: Remembrance

Eragon had been at the healers tents for quite a few hours already and he was starting to run out of energy. He has taken some from the Belt of Beloth the Wise, but he didn't want to risk taking too much out. He may need it at any moment.

Slightly staggering, Eragon walked out of the tent and plopped down next to Saphira. She nuzzled him lightly with her snout, giving him some enery to stable him.

Thanks. I needed that.

Of course, little one.

There they sat for a few moments, silent, still deep in thought. The healer tent was in a small clearing on the north western side of the camp, nearest Feinster. There was a small grove of trees that looked very familiar just to the west of the clearing. Eragon walked over to the trees and stared for a moment. He then began to sing in the Ancient Language, the way Oromis had taught him. He wasn't sure at first what he wanted to do, but an idea suddenly sparked inside of him.

As he continued, his idea traveled to Saphira. She slowly approached, giving a mournful whisper of a growl, which translated into magic. With her energy, Eragon managed to accomplish what he had envisioned in only a few minutes.

Before the two lay an almost exact replica of the glade that Eragon had spent so much time meditating in. The trees that were there were of the same species as those in Elesmera, despite the distance apart. However there was one small difference; there was a small pond, only the size of about three round shields, off to one side. The water appeared almost silver in the afternoon sun. Floating in the center was a lily the color of Glaedr, with the stamen the color of Oromis's silver hair. Saphira gave a low rumble, obviously pleased with their work.

Very fitting, don't you think Saphira?

Indeed. Oromis would be pleased.

Let's go find Arya. I'd like to show her this.

*****

Eragon had found Arya in Nasuada's tent. He tried to contact her to tell her to come out, but she wouldn't lower her defenses for him, something strange for her. Reluctantly, he walked towards the front of the tent, only to be stopped by the Nighthawks.

"I'd like to speak to Nausada."

"Lady Nasuada!" the dwarf proclaimed. "Eragon Shadeslayer requests an audience with you!"

"Send him in," came her reply a moment later.

As the guards moved aside, Eragon entered as Saphira went around back to the large flap that allowed her entrance as well.

"Eragon, I wasn't expecting to hear from you today. How are you doing?"

"Not the best, but I've been worse," he replied. He was feeling worse than he made it seem, but he didn't want her to know that right now. He saw Arya sitting in front of Nasuada, facing her.

"Well, what can I do for you? I don't have anything planned for you at the moment."

"I just wanted to make sure of that," he lied. He wasn't sure if he had interrupted something or not, and he was hesitant to ask.

"Well, if you don't have anything else to talk about, you are free to go at your will. However, I was just talking to Arya here about what happened yesterday with the elves and what their plans are. You are free to stay if you wish, you have every right to know as well.

Relieved, Eragon replied, "I have no commitments today, I'll remain here for the time." He walked over to a chair next to Arya, who still hadn't directly acknowledged his presence.

"Continue, Arya. I need to know what the elves will be doing before I plan our action."

"They won't be moving on for some days now, elven burials are different than human ones. Every elf present will pay their respects to Oromis and Glaedr, and then they will have a ceremony to honor his memory. Then after the burial, there will be two days of mourning before they will be willing to move on. Despite the insistence of Islanzadi, I won't be joining them for it."

Nasuada sat back for a moment. Eragon understood her frustration; it would take near a week before they even considered moving on. She spoke quietly, "and you, Eragon, will you be joining the elves?"

Eragon was a bit surprised at the question. He hadn't even considered leaving for a ceremony. Slowly, he answered, "No, I don't suppose that I will. If Arya won't, I wont."

"Very well, you two may both leave now," she sighed. "I have a lot of planning to do."

The two of them stood up and walked out of the tent. After leaving, Eragon turned to Arya. Her hollow look stared back at him, no emotion showing at all. "Arya..." Eragon began. Tears shone in her eyes and soon she broke down. Eragon embraced her, and for a few moments they remained there like that. Soon she regained some of her composure and wiped her eyes. They separated, Arya still not speaking.

Following suit, Eragon grabbed her hand and gently tugged at it. She gave him a quizzical look, but he just replied, "Trust me. I want to show you something."

*****

After about ten minutes of walking, they arrived back near the healer tents. Saphira flew low overhead, and lightly landed where she laid before. Eragon continued to lead Arya over to the replica glade, and upon entering, she released a slight gasp. Normally singing plants took an extraordinary amount of time, yet with Saphira's magic, it was completed in just minutes.

"It's exact..." Arya began.

"Not exact. Look," came Eragon's reply as he pointed to the small spring.

Arya walked over to the water and looked at the lily. Her eyes began to water again, but this time she kept her composure. She turned to face Eragon once more. "It's beautiful. More beautiful than anything the elves could even make at the ceremony.

"Why didn't I know about the ceremony?"

"I was going to tell you today, but our paths didn't cross until now."

"I suppose it's best that we don't go. We are needed here more than anywhere else."

"It would be nice to go, but that was my reasoning as well. There is too much going on here to leave now."

"We will have to visit the site when we get a chance."

Arya nodded, but didn't reply. Silently they stayed there for a few more moments before going their separate ways into the night.




I did a small edit, but its better than I thought. Not too much I really want to add to it.

This post has been edited by eldrvarya datia: 04 January 2010 - 11:19 PM

[Sinitar]

Another good chapter.It's good to have Eragon using his belt of Beloth the Wise, many other fanfics do not have him using it, and I find it a pretty important tool to his arsenal.The idea with the lily was interesting, and the description helped a lot also.Good job

[eldrvarya datia]

Quick update from my iPhone. I am going to make some adjustments to the chapter later on today. I'm going to wait until I get some more view before posting the next one, and I might not have time in the next day or two.

This post has been edited by eldrvarya datia: 04 November 2009 - 03:42 PM

[Feladrin]

Your story seems quite promising from what I have read. I like what you did with that glade, it was pretty good.
I cannot give you any inputs, considering that you are doing pretty well at the moment. The only thing I would suggest is to increase your chapter length a bit, but that's all. I'm looking forward to your next chapters.

Oh and one more thing. Please try to post more chapters and then maybe decide to wait for readers to show up. Right now people can't really know what to say about your story when there's only a chapter posted, not counting the prologue. Perhaps posting 3 or more chapters will give the readers an insight about your story's plot and stuff.

[13Angela13]

I think your chapter is good. I like the glade a lot. Keep it up. I can't wait until the next chapter.

13Angela13

[Timbowolf]

Nice. The description of the glade was very good and the twist of Arya and Eragon not going to Oromis's funeral made me feel very good; too many people do the funeral right in the first chapters of the fic.

And I have to agree with Feladrin; worry about gettign more readers once you have a few chapters up and people ahve something to work with; it's hard making judgements based off only one or two chapters.

[eldrvarya datia]

Well I guess I'm writing it now. Let's see what Nasuada has planned.

Chapter 2: Planning

Eragon awoke early the next day, just before sunrise. Saphira was still sleeping, so Eragon silently dressed in a blue elven tunic, strapped Brisingr to the Belt of Beloth the Wise, and exited the tent. The first rays of light were now peaking over the horizon, and Eragon surveyed his surroundings, deciding what to do.

To the north laid only the makeshift palisade with guards patrolling, and an open field laid beyond it. Unlike near the Burning Plains, the grass here was greener and taller. It seemed almost peaceful, until Eragon looked to his west. There he saw the fallen gate of Feinster, some smoke still escaping from fallen buildings. It sickened him to know what he did to those people, most of whom were innocents just living their lives.

How could we do that? They were no different than any of us before this war.

What did I tell you about this? Don't think about it; it was necessary

The reply came as a shock to him. Without realizing it, Saphira had awaken. One large blue eye was staring at Eragon. He walked over and scratched her eye ridge.

I know, but that doesn't make it any easier

I know, little one. But we have more important things to focus on.

You're right. Thank you again, Saphira. I don't know what I would do without you.

Let's hope you never find out.

Just then a young boy of about 14 came running toward him. Eragon didn't recognize him, but he could tell that he wasn't a threat. He arrived a moment later, saying "Eragon Shadeslayer, Lady Nasuada has requested an audience with you today at noon."

"Thank you," Eragon politely replied. The boy bowed, turned, and began running back the way he came.

What do you think she wants?

Probably to talk about her new plans. The council needs to know, I'm sure.

Oh how I loathe these meetings.

How do you think it is for a dragon then!?

*****

Eragon was walking towards the mess hall when he spotted Roran up ahead of him. "Roran!" he shouted. Roran quickly spun around and waved back. Eragon ran up toward his cousin to talk to him.

"Where are you heading to now?" Eragon asked.

"Off to the mess hall for some breakfast. Nasuada requested an audience with me at noon today, and I want to get something to eat before then."

"Well, let's get going. I'm hungry too, and I happen to have an audience with her at the same time."

"Well I'd imagine that she's finished her plans then. Mighty fast if you ask me."

"We only have about a week to take Belatona before the elves will start to march on Dras-Leona."

"Aye, I guess we have to hurry then."

By this time, they were right outside of the large tent that served as the mess hall for the Varden. The cousins entered, got their food (it wasn't a busy hour) and took it to a table near the back entrance.

"So, what's this I hear about singing and trees?"

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: news travels fast here. Aye, it's something that the elves value above almost all else. There is a way to sing in the Ancient Language and imbue your words with magic. This allows them to 'sing to trees,' if you will, and they will take the shape that they wish. It's how they made all of their cities, directly from the trees."

"And you did this here, right near the Varden camp?"

"I did it as an honor to my old masters. Now would be as good a time as any to tell you."

"I'm listening," came his reply.

Eragon took the next half an hour telling Roran all about Oromis and Glaedr, their teachings (many of which Roran did not understand), and their personalities. By the time he was done, Eragon was quite sad, yet happy to be passing on their memory, Roran had finished his meal, and it was almost time to leave. Eragon quickly finished his salad and walked out with an apple.

"Well, it's about time to head toward Nasuada's tent," Roran stated. Eragon nodded and followed his cousin.

Have fun, I'm going hunting instead, Saphira said to him.

You don't want to be at the meeting with me?

Didn't we already go over this? It bores me. Besides, the messenger only asked for you. Not me. This is as good an excuse as any. On top of that, I'm hungry.

*****

Roran and Eragon entered the great tent after the admittance from the Nighthawks. Upon entering Eragon saw that Orik, Orrin, Arya, Jormunder, the rest of the council of elders, and a few other commanders were all present. Arya glanced over at him and flashed a quick smile to him. Roran and Eragon took their seats at the end of the row and Nasuada began.

"Thank you all for coming today. We had a great victory over the Empire just a few short days ago with the taking of Feinster." A few shouts of glee came from some of the men present, but Nasuada continued anyway. "However, we must continue on our way if we wish to meet with the elves for the siege of Dras-Leona. We will have two more days here, and then we shall leave. I will be informing the rest of the Varden about this later on tonight.

Upon leaving, we will march north along the Jiet river. It should take us about three days to arrive to where we will camp. We will set up, and begin the siege the next day."

"Why are we the ones moving so fast? Can't the elves wait for us?" one of the commanders questioned.

"They are not obligated to help us," Nasuada corrected him. "We would be best to not make them wait when they are ready to fight." Nobody could argue with this, and nobody else spoke until Nasuada has finished her plans. "You are all free to go now," she said once she had finished informing them of her plans.

Eragon nodded to Roran who then left the tent. Eragon walked up to Nasuada, who had gone back to looking at a map of Belatona and asked, "Lady Nasuada, what shall I do until the siege starts? Surely Saphira and I can be of some assistance."

Nasuada looked up and into his eyes. "No, Eragon. I have nothing planned until the siege begins. Surely that traitor Murtagh will be sent to deal with us, and I want you in top condition."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. Remember, Thorn lost a good portion of his tail during the battle with Oromis and Glaedr."

"I still say you must be ready if he should appear there."

"Alright," Eragon replied somewhat upset about it, "Let me know if there is anything I can do though."

"I will. Now if you will excuse me, I have some more details to sort out."

Eragon bowed and walked out of the tent. Saphira?

Yes, little one?

The meeting is over. You can come back now.

I will. I just finished my meal anyway. The deer are nice and tender here.

That's good. Maybe we can come back here once we are done with the king.

How many times have you said that now?

Said what?

That we would come back to a place.

Have I said it before?

Only about 5.

I don't remember it at all.

Guess we aren't coming back here then..





Tried to get some of that dragon humor in this chapter. I always find their humor funny, but maybe that's just me?

I know, its still kinda boring. I promise it's gonna get better, the transition chapters are almost over.

Next chapter, we will drop in on our friends Mutagh and Thorn and see how they are doing. You can expect the book to get a bit more interesting from there on out.


I'll try to get the next chapter up tomorrow. Sorry that I can't tonight.

This post has been edited by eldrvarya datia: 04 November 2009 - 07:33 PM

[13Angela13]

Another good update. I can't wait for Murtagh and Thorn to come on in to the story.

13Angela13

[Timbowolf]

Another good chapter; you did a good job with Saphira's sense of humor. I'm also curious to see what you do with Murtagh and Thorn.

P.S.

Why did you choose hte title Fairth (and I'm not sure about the spelling)?

[eldrvarya datia]

@angela. thanks for the support. It makes me actually want to keep writing.

@timbowolf. Murtagh and Thorn should be fun to write. I've always liked the pair.

As for Fairth (yes, thats how you spell it), you'll have to wait and see. Did you know why Eldest was called Eldest until the end? Or why Brisingr was called Brisingr? Its part of my finale. Lets just hope I get there some day.

This post has been edited by eldrvarya datia: 04 November 2009 - 10:00 PM

[eldrvarya datia]

What the hell, may as well type it up.

Chapter 3: Reward and Punishment

Murtagh and Thorn had only arrived back late last night. It was hard for Thorn to fly after losing a good portion of his tail; Murtagh had only been able to stop the bleeding and relieve some of the pain. To compensate, they flew back leisurely so Thorn wouldn't be worn out.

Surprisingly, Galbatorix hadn't tried to contact them during their flight or when they arrived home. But this morning, they weren't so lucky.

"Murtagh," began the member of the Royal Guard. "The king would like to speak with you and Thorn."

"I'll be there soon," he replied. He wanted to delay as much as possible. He hadn't had a real rest in days, and although the room was dreary, it at least had a bed. That is about all it had, though. The walls were the same dark stone as the throne room, and there was only one window there as well. Murtagh didn't look out it much though, as it only showed the slums of Uru'bean. Besides the castle, that is what most of the city had become.

Murtagh slowly got up from the bed and grabbed his belt with Zar'roc on it. Here we go, Thorn.

Be brave, little one.

You too. We've suffered through it before. We can do it again.

Together.


Upon entering the the throne room, Galbatorix was standing by his lone window. An oak table with eight chairs had been added since Murtagh was last there, evidence that the king was actually taking more time to plan with his subjects. "Come here," Galbatorix commanded.

Murtagh walked up toward him with Thorn right behind him. Galbatorix didn't look at him, but continued talking. "The Empire is wonderful, isn't it?" Murtagh nodded, even though the king wasn't looking at him.

"Then the Varden had to come and ruin the peace that I had finally established. They had to be selfish. They just want power; they don't care about the people that they are 'saving.' It's all a cover up...

But today, Murtagh, I wish to reward you for your wonderful service to me at Gil'ead. That foolish Rider is finally gone, thanks to you. You did well."

Murtagh was shocked at what he was hearing, but didn't say anything in fear that the king had finally gone completely insane and would snap at any time. Galbatorix walked over to the new table and picked up a small mahogany box and handed it to Murtagh.

"What is it?"

"Open it, my boy! It's a gift of thanks."

Hesitantly, Murtagh opened the box. Inside he found a ruby pendant on a gold chain. "Put it on!" Galbatorix shouted, seemingly drunk.

Murtagh hesitated again, and quickly muttered a few spells to see if it had been cursed. When he found nothing on it, he placed it over his head. It seemed to be just a normal pendant.

"Thank you, it's very nice."

"Yes, it is. I took it from that dwarf prisoner. I figured it would be better here than with him. Now on to more pressing matters; Thorn, would you come over here? Let's see if we can do anything about that tail of yours." Galbatorix studied Thorn's tail where Murtagh had healed it. "About six hands, right?"

"Roughly," Murtagh replied. Thorn was obviously in pain as Galbatorix handled his tail, but he kept silent. It will be over soon, Thorn. Don't you worry.

Galbatorix mumbled a few words and Thorn's tail suddenly started gushing blood at the end. Thorn roared in pain, unable to hold it back. Galbatorix didn't even look up; instead, he continued his spell, with eventually grew a new segment of tail directly out of the wound. "How is that? We can't have you without a proper tail."

It's much better, thank you. Thorn projected this to both people in the room. Galbatorix returned to his throne a moment later and left Murtagh standing there.

"You may leave now, if you wish. Rest for the next few days. I will need you soon."

*****

Why didn't he punish us? We didn't obey his orders. We didn't kill the Rider. He did. He would have normally tortured us for days on end.

I'm not sure. Although he was in a strangely good mood. And he fixed my tail.

How does it feel?

As good as ever. Now what is that thing that he gave you?

A pendant of some sort. I couldn't detect any spell placed on it. It seems normal as far as I can tell.

Well, he is giving us time to rest anyway. I think we would be best to leave it at that and not question his madness anymore.

Aye, I can't agree more.

*****

That fool, Galbatorix thought to himself, again staring out his window. Did he really believe I would reward him? No, he is lucky I didn't kill him. We'll see how he is tomorrow though.

*****

Murtagh and Thorn were again flying over Gil'ead. The elves had just started their assault and the great golden dragon and Rider were again seen over the horizon. Murtagh and Thorn were compelled to do as they did last time. However, as they closed the gap and Murtagh tried to re-place his wards, he found a void where he would normally find magic. The great dragon was almost upon him now, roaring loudly. They were now only a bowshot away. Suddenly, the dragon rushed, his Rider holding a sword above his head.

Panicing, Murtagh was too slow to block the attacks of the elf Rider. He was slashed from the top of his shoulder down much of his arm, across his thigh, and on his back seemingly all at once. Thorn was faring equally badly, taking scratch after scratch and soon his wings were too tattered to remain airborne. The pair plummetted to the ground. What's happening? That was all too fast. How could we...

Murtagh awoke with a start as he would have hit the ground. Thorn awoke not a second later with a loud roar of pain. Murtagh then felt the shocks as though he had really been in that battle. His arm, his thigh, and his back all burned in pain at once. Thorn seemed equally affected, but there wasn't a scratch on their bodies. Murtagh had a spasm a moment later, leaving him incapacitated for nearly ten minutes.

When he finally felt he could move again, he gingerly sat up and looked at Thorn. Did you have that nightmare too?

Yes. So much pain. My wings. My belly. What happened?

I don't know. Every wound I got in that battle feels real now.

As do mine.

Murtagh looked down once again to see the ruby pendant glowing against his chest. He then realized that there had to be something in that amulet that caused the nightmare and the pain. He tried to use his good arm to try to take it off, but to his surprise, he couldn't. It wouldn't move above his chin. There was something holding it down.

Thorn, I can't take it off! What is is!?

I don't know, little one. All I do know is that we were fooled by that evil man.

Yes, we have to get back at him somehow.

Yes, but how?

I have a plan.



Well well, it seems Murtagh and Thorn were fooled by the king's false act of kindness. But what is this pendant? And what is Murtagh's plan?






Edited version. There wasn't all that much I did. Changed a few words to be more vivid, added some to the nightmare, and Thorn's feelings about his new tail.

This post has been edited by eldrvarya datia: 04 January 2010 - 11:21 PM