[Lafele29]

Aiedail

This is my first fanfiction. Seriously it gets better further in, stick with it. Enjoy! ( I hope)

Chapter 1: Free but healing

Chapter 2: The concern

Chapter 3: The council's plans

Chapter 4: Wisdom

Chapter 5: Brother

Chapter 6: Blast it Eragon!

Chapter 7: To be free

Chapter 8: Bonding

Chapter 9: The change

Chapter 10: Admit it Arya, that or deny it

Chapter 11: The mind and the depart

Chapter 12: Evil to the core

Chapter 13: Closer, in more ways than one

Chapter 14: Release but a long day ahead

Chapter 15: Formation

Chapter 16: The pact

Chapter 17: The wait

Chapter 18: Reliance upon magic

Chapter 19: The search of minds

Chapter 20: Of hopeful dreams

Chapter 21: Explanations

Chapter 22: Alone in the world

Chapter 23: Inside her prison

Chapter 24: Eragon's invite

Chapter 25: Passion's dance

Chapter 26: Under the stars
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Chapter 1: Free but healing

Eragon PoV

Saphira, how do we live through such hard times with out our hearts and souls turning black?

We must, young one, we have to live through them as to rid them from the land, only then are we free to live in peace.

Her deep voice echoing in his head brought Eragon out of his dark thoughts, more commun than before. He raised his head to look at Saphira, her sapphire scales reflecting the morning sun, her head held high above the tents as she sniffed the morning air and let out a long yawn. He felt her breathing deepen against his back, the scales gently rubbing against it with every breath.

He lightly tapped on her giant wing for her to lift it, crawled out on his hands and knees and raised his arms above him streching up, rubbed his palms to clean off the dust, then entered his tent, bare expect for a old enchanted with wards wooden chest with his few possessions, a table with two sits and his made up woodwormed bed with a patch quilt sowed by the widows in the Varden. From the chest he took a green elven shirt and dark trousers and walked back outside, to the cold morning air and after greeting the elves, walked off towards the sea on the worn track still wet with morning dew.

The varden had set up camp around the walls of Feinster, the brown tents clashing with the dark stone walls, spread all the way round the city as far as the eye could see. Many soldiers had surrendered and joined the Varden making the numbers lost a minimal. They were organised by race or group, the dwarfs in the south with the Surdas, the Varden the east wall and the urgals, the few elves and nobles in the north.

The birds of war had appeared in the morning of the battle and had not yet left. Eragon had made a faith of it all. He loved studing the different birds and Saphira found this humourous as he had being reading their minds and found a huge beautiful brown bodied and white headed bird was thought to be the king of them, of the sky. He had decided to make a faith of everything that happened for the future to hopefully see and he guessed the future would want to know everything about him.

The thought that maybe one day legends would be told of him made him feel wierd, and he rubbed his stomach lightly. Then he realised that he might be dead and all those he loved too. He skook his head, knowing thinking about the future was to complexe for him in his recouvering state.

Eragon dogded behind the tents and made his way silently out of the camp as not call unwanted attention to himself. The soliders were easy to pass by but the magicains were on full alert for him.

At the shore he set down his clothes on the sand, removed his dirty ones, dropped them in a messy pile and took off running into the sea. He had learned it was easier to run in than going slowly in, wincing as the salt in the water touched his sores. Angela had advised him to enter and bath in the sea every morning as she found it a good healer but for Eragon it wasn't physical pain that was hurting him but his thoughts of his dead masters.

He sighed as he watched the sun rise above the waterline, turning the area in front of it light and chassing away the shadows. He treaded water there thinking about the fact that Oromis and Glaedr could never watch another sunrise nor feel the heat of the sun on their scales or skin.

His mind ran back through Glaedrs last thoughts, the feeling of being alone with no one in the world was unimaginable. His journey in the Empire and to the dwarfs had been hard enough and he did not what that to happen again for another centuary and if possible, ever again.

As Eragon ducked his head under the waves, he saw a shadow pass over the water and looked up to see Saphira slowly skimming along the water, one starling white talon touching the cold liquid. With his advanced sight, he could see her eyes were clouded with the ghost of the past and he wondered if his were the same, sorrow gleaming from the depths within...

As Eragon slowly re-entered the camp, he forgot to hide a messenger came up to him.

'Shadeslayer, Nausada summons you to her tent after midday'.

After bowing to him, which amused him, a once simple farmboy, the messenger hurried away, scared of the 18 year old boy and the great beast behind him. Eragon looked after the man until he was hiden behind the many tents.

I wonder what the plans are now?

Saphira did not reply and carried on weaving her way round the tents until she reached her bed and then lauched off in to the sky away from the worries of the Empire. Eragon watched her with envy as she looped through the air breathing fire in to the sky.

I guess that is what you are going to find out.

Very clever Saphira. You deserve your title as a dragon.


'She's lucky, she's the freest thing in Alagaësia'.

Eragon spun round in surprise as he had heard no one approching to find Arya, dressed in her black tunic and leggings once more, staring in to the heavens and the dragon high in the clouds. As though she could feel his gaze she lowered her eyes to his. After exchanging the eleven greetings Eragon noticed that while she held herself as normal, Eragon could see she was too tense and her eyes, where her emotions always showed, held no light and were cold.

'It used to be like that all the time before Galbatorix and it will be after he's dead.'

'How can you be so sure?'

'I'm not, but you need to have a bright outlook or the world is just one big war, filled with death.'

Here Arya's eyes misted over. Eragon seeing he had said something to upset her took a step forward and lightly touched her on her arm. Speaking in the ancient language he said:

'I'm sorry, I should of thought about what i was saying... but we feel it too Arya, you are not alone'

Arya lifted her head and smiled slightly at him.

'Thank you Eragon, I needed to know i'm not alone and to hear it. I needed you'

Taking his hand which was on her shoulder she squeezed it then let it drop and walked away leaving Eragon staring after her then up at the dragon high above.

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Please comment!! C-4 hope you like it

This post has been edited by Lafele29: 14 March 2010 - 12:11 PM

[Lamar]

Not bad, Although I think you should try to make your chapters longer. Overall good start.
-Lamar

[HBomb]

Eh biggest problem I found was the way you used dashes to signify speech. Just use quotation marks, dashes are improper. For mental chat you italicize it and its alllll good.

-HBomb

[Lafele29]

Thanks i'll get on that... next chapter is an eragon pov Tommorrow or at least this week

[Lemon Drop Kid]

Good start, but I noticed some spelling mistakes.
It's Arya not Ayra.
It's Alagaësia or Alagaesia if you find it too hard. And try to use quotation marks for speech instead of hyphens.
eraphira

[shadeslayerII]

Good first chapter. I like the descriptions and your writing style.
The few worse things have already been pointed out (longer chapters, the way you mark the speeches and at the beginning you wrote somewhere "eleven" instead of elven and I think that the varden are no race, more a group or a folk.Same for the Surdans.
I'll keep an eye on this.


SII

[Lafele29]

Heres chapter two. Hope you like it.
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Chapter 2:The concern

Eragon PoV

Eragon had nothing to do so he took some vegatables and we out to a small wood next to the city. It was made up entirely of pine trees, planted for fire wood during the long winter months. He went to roughly the middle of the wood where nobody had been in a century, the ground covered with ivy at ankle high. As he entered a clearing were there was no trees, he saw rabbits spring back into their burrows. He smiled as he saw this and the birds started singing at his entrance. As he sat down the baby rabbits poke their heads back out of the burrows and slowly when Erago did not react, restarted their games dancing through the small meadow. He leaned back against the rough bark of tree and closed his eyes and opened his mind to the trees and animals. He discovered that it was full with different insects and that the ants were black not red here.

After a hour he remerged from the glade eating an apple slowly striding back to his tent when somebody bumped into him. Holding the person to make sure they didn’t fall he foung himself looking at Nausada her hair messed and her face flustered.

- “Ah Eragon. Good i wanted to talk to you. Follow me.”
Eragon raised his eyebrows as Nausada looked back behind her at the crowd scanning in for some one.
With no warning she trooted the way Eragon had just come while ducking everytime a noble or someone of sorts saw her. Half way back, Eragon grabbed her shoulder told her to wait and mouthed a invisibility spell which allowed only her and Eragon to see each other. She nodded her thanks and went down a non-crowed ally through the tents while Eragon followed behind removing their traces.

When the pair had crossed the frontline of trees, Eragon removed the spell and turned to look at Nausada with a questioning look.
‘What?’
‘What’s with the secrecy?’
‘ The council of Elders are forcing me to listen more to their ‘ideas’
‘So they are blackmailing you? With what?’
‘No they are not blackmailing me but threatning to spilt up the varden if i do not appect.’
‘How?’
Eragon could see this was really stressing Nausada and he wondered what they had done to make her like this.
‘They have been talking to Orrin, saying small comments which are slowly turning him against me not the varden just me.’
‘But if they want the Varden why do that?’
‘No idea but i hear they are on the brink of rethinking about their choses.’
‘ Even Jordumer?’
‘A bit less than the others but he, like Orrin, is slowly being convinced to look their way.;
‘What are you going to do?’
‘That’s why i wanted you. I want to know what their doing, no matter how. You can read their minds, follow them around, anything just find out. This means you have three days off then Islandi wants to talk to you and Arya. I'm not being mean Eragon, I know you are grieving with Arya but having something to concertracte on will take tour mind off things. Good night Eragon’

And she left slipping back in to the camp like she had never left. Eragon watched her and slowly left in the opposite direction to his tent when he heard a footstep behind him. He stopped and turned around to confront the person to find it was Ayra, arms over her chest, glaring at him with a slight frown.

‘ Ayra! How are you?’
‘How do you cope Eragon? How do you not let it show?’
Eragon looked at Arya who seemed to be shaking.
‘I do not show my emotions and start crying as I know I will never stop.’
Here Arya nodded even though her hands were still trembling..
' It makes sense in words but it's one of those things that are easier to say than do.'
'Aye. It's easier for me as Saphira will do anything to erase sad thoughts from my mind when I get to far to losing myself.'
Here Arya looked in the direction of Saphira, a few of her spikes showing over the tents.
'Of that I am jelous. I have no one.'
'I've already told you Arya, you have me. I will do anything for you all you need to do is ask.'
Arya smiled at Eragon, a smile that went to her eyes and shined through them.
'Thank you Eragon, you always know how to help me. I bid you goodnight.'
' My pleasure. Remember that all you need to do is share and the burden isn't just on your shoulders. Do you want to stay with me and Saphira tonight?' He asked before his courage failed him.
Bowing her head she said:
'Thank you for the offer but I just need so time alone. May the stars watch over you.'

With that she turned and walked back to the camp but not before he saw a tear slowly rolling down her face. He hesitated about going after her when Saphira advised him:
'Let her go tonight. You heard her, she needs to be alone.'

Sighing he entered his tent as he knew Saphira was right and that if he went Saphira would lick him head to toe.
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There redid it. Hope you think its better.

This post has been edited by Lafele29: 21 December 2009 - 05:29 AM

[Lamar]

No offence Arya isn't that stupid. She would see that Nausada was just talking to him. Nothing happened and Arya would have the common sence to notice that. You need to make her more realistic.

[HBomb]

Arya wouldn't cry or get mad at Eragon like that. She would probably just be surprised, and she'd listen to his explanation. Anyways you still didn't fix the dashes, use quotes!

-HBomb

[Thunder Gulch]

Hello

First of all congrats on the new fanfic.

Now then, that was really a interesting way to show off Arya's feeling (if any) for Eragon. Though I doubt it if Arya was crying and ran away, that Eragon would just Walk into his tent. Wouldn't he rather go after her.

I also the the descriptions, especially the forest. But you didn't seem to put them every where. Ohter than that like other said, don't use dashes. Looks untidy.

Anyways hope that you do update soon.

-OTF

[Savasung88]

Hello.

Like someone has said, Arya doesn't seem like CP would make her to be. Try to follow his guide and then turn her into your own character because a sudden change is disconcerting.

Also use quotation marks for speech, they are internationally recognized for that purpose so try to follow that. Keep it up though, these comments are meant to help you.

Savvy

[Lafele29]

ok i'll try to redo it today and make it more realistic. Thanks for the comments, im new at this and a bit lost.

[Thunder Gulch]

Make it realistic in the sense that you see them. Remember that this is your fanfic, you can do pretty much anything you want with the characters.

Don't worry after some time it all goes away.

-OTF

[Lafele29]

ok redone it. Hope you like it more. Please comment! I'm rereading Eldest and I remember that Arya changes 'a bit' towards Eragon but I went a bit over sorry.

[Lafele29]

Heres chapter three. I'm got the flu and mums at work so i can get a chapter out. Tell me if you've got fanfics and i'll go read them if they're not to long.

this is for Orik thunderfists, my follower.

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Chapter 3:The counsil's plans

Nausada PoV

Nasauda woke up to see the red tents roof above her embroided with gold stiching in the shape of ancient language runes. She didn’t know the ancient language apart from the polite greeting Eragon’s body quards had taught her one day.

She found them to be slightly annoying with their half truths and long silences. It surprised her how much they were devoted to Saphiar and her rider. She had been told about the war between them from her father and through she knew about their paterner ship she was still shocked.

She got up and washed in the tent and then stepped out and marched of to the clearing where everyone ate. As she set off she heard the clicks of steel plates telling her her nighthawks were following her. She still not like being followed around but she understood their importance to her protection even more now that Elva had be release from her spell thanks to Eragon. For the rest of the wlk her mind lingered on the girl and wondered how she was doing, how angela was coping and finally back to a question that often bothered her. How did Angela protect her mind from Elva?

She had asked Angela once or twice trying to catch her by surprise but never had she answered. She wondered how old Angela was and how she was always were the action was. This some times worried Nausada when she saw her as she never knew if something was going to happen.

As she entered the clearing, a quarter of a league wide, she scanned the people to see if the numbers looked right or if there was someone acting odd. Finding no one she walked up to the wifes cooking took her plate and went to sit at the table at the middle of the chaos. Here she saw Arya and the elves eating their vegetables soup and the nobles eating their eggs and uneven bread, thick and heavy in the stomach.

As she sat down she remembered why she had been avoiding comeing here and eating in her tent. The council walked up and sat down around her, making small talk. She knew it was only a matter of time until they began questioning her. Hoping today was like the others and that they would wait until she finished eating, she started slowly on her porridge and chuck of bread.
Eventenaly she couldn’t delay any more she put the last mouthful into her mouth and shallowed, waiting for it to begin. Falberd turned to Nausada.

‘Well have you thought about what we said?’

‘That would be what? I can’t remember all the details.’

Sabrae turned round and smiled an wide smile whilest leaning forward and Nausada caught a whiff of the sweet perfume she always seemed to smell so strongly of.

‘Our ideas are the following; That we forget Belonta and go straight for Dras- Leona, that we do not wait for the dwarfs and carry on and that the elves come here as quickly as possible leaving Gil’head empty.’

Nausada was slowly letting her anger and impatience show.

‘Why? They do not seem like good ideas to me, they just endanger the army.’

‘ Do they really. Are we not just sitting here like ducks begging for the red rider to attack us whilest waiting for the dwarfs. Why waste elven troops on Gil’ead and why kill of alot of our men on Beltona.’ Said Orrin coming up to the table to sit down staring at Nausada with a frown.

She held in her sigh. It seemed as if they had gotted to Orrin as well. As she drew in her breath to reply; she heard some one steal the words out of her mouth.

‘ We are waiting for the dwarfs, for though they are small will help us greatly, so that less of our numbers die and we will attack Belatona, it would be foolish to leave the enemy surrounding us in all directions. As for the elves, they are coming after they have buried something which is none of your corncern. You forget they are not human and will cover the distance between Dras- Leona and Gil’ead distance in a very short span of time. You are trying to get us surrounded and the elves attacked with out reinforcements. What side are you on? I also know the rider is incapable to attack us quite some time.’

Nausada looked over her shoulder to see it was Eragon who had talked with such logic and authrotity that had the council covering in their chairs. Behind him, she could see Arya looking at him with wide eyes and her face thinking.

‘ Thank you Eragon. That was very true. That is why I decline your ideas. Good day to you.’

With that she rose handed her plate back and entered her tent to deal with the mishappenings that had occurred in the camp.

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Hope you like it.

This post has been edited by Lafele29: 21 December 2009 - 05:31 AM