[TheWerecat]

This is my first Fan Fic I have ever written I don't think its that good but please C&C.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Freedom

Your Writer TheWerecat

This post has been edited by TheWerecat: 17 November 2009 - 08:20 AM

[Evendim]

I love the concept =D


400 years later, hmm. Promising.

=]

[TheWerecat]

Chapter One: Freedom

Eragon was standing on the western most point of Vroengard looking out to sea it had always put him in a trance since the first time he saw it in Teirm four-hundred years ago.


Come little one we must leave, for the sun is leaving the sky. And we must return to the Hadarac Desert to help the other riders prepare.

Aye. We shall leave then. Are you sure you can make it back without food?

I quenched my hunger this morning while you were searching Doru Araeba.

Then let us leave O Mighty Huntress of the Skies.

Finally after four hundred years you have learnt your place.


They were still flying. Eragon was exhausted from the trip and then on top of that searching Doru Araeba yet a smile was upon his face and love flowing through his veins he was going to be re-united of the holder of his heart Arya Shadeslayer the Emerald Rider. She had been away helping the Surdan’s against rebels who were burning farms. But she and her dragon Evarína were returning for the four-hundredth celebration of the what the elves called Fall of Evil, the day upon which Galbatorix was ousted from his throne and killed by the Bane of Evil, Slayer of Durza Eragon Bromson.

Below them now was Leona Lake, memories came rushing back of when he and Saphira swam in the seemingly endless pool of clear blue water. He remembered feeling like he could live down in the depths forever.

Saphira I cannot believe four hundred years have passed since we were young and carefree.

I was not carefree Eragon. I always knew what we had to do and never forgot.

I am sorry Great Queen of the Skies, Mother of the Dragons how could I disrespect such a great being as yourself. I apologize.

With that Saphira turned round and looked Eragon in the eyes.

Are you mocking me?! How dare you! You will pay for your disrespect to the mother of the mightiest race of all the lands.

Eragon then realized Saphira was now angling down towards the lake. Suddenly fear hit him he would be crushed by water and unable to breathe. He sent his fear through his and Saphira’s connection.

I will not stop because of your fear two-legs. You will pay! Saphira said with a hint of humor.
Eragon knew what to do; he reached down to his legs and undid the straps. He immediately went flying into the air because of the force of the air passing round Saphira she was now about 750ft from the surface of the lake while he was at 1250ft.

Eragon closed his mind from Saphira as much as he could so she didn’t realize he wasn’t on her back. He was free falling he had only done this once before for a trial to see what it was like. He angled himself into a dive. With his wards to make the air pass around him safely he was gaining on Saphira.

After a few seconds of diving he snapped his arms open much like Saphira did with her wings when pulling out of a dive. He was free. With Galbatorix dead and problems from the war finally sorted out he could do what he wanted. Finally he was without a care in the world finally after four hundred years he was having complete fun.

He stopped daydreaming as Saphira dived into Leona Lake. Then he opened up his mind and shouted, “Mighty Dragon you seem to have lost your Rider!”
Saphira then saw the graceful elf free falling in the sky. She let out a roar and flew towards him.

I will teach you a lesson another day. But now we must make camp for the night.

Aye. Land over in that copse. With that he sent her an image of a small group of trees.

[Squirtle Squirt]

Jesus, mate. Already you have your first chapter up. Nice work. When does the main character come in?

Also, you don't need to start basically new paragraphs every time a thought comes in, like so:
(I can't use italics cos I'm using my iPod touch)

Good morning, little one.
Good morning, Saphira.

You don't need a space between the lines. Also, if you have an iPod touch or something of the sort, use the device to write your story on the notepad included, that way you can do the chapters on your way to school. It's what I do. I'm eager to read more, and I can give more ideas to you soon if you like.

~SE~

A.K.A. WaZzA

EDIT: I give consent for werecat to use my idea of having the fanfic set several hundred years after the fall of Galby (I know it isn't just my idea so I'm just saying I don't mind.)

This post has been edited by sapheragon: 17 November 2009 - 09:10 AM

[TheWerecat]

Thanks mate.

The main character will come in the next few chapters.

-TheWerecat

[Evendim]

Will ya read and comment on mine ? :3


Psh, I'm eager to see who the enemy will be this time

[Dragon eggs from the]

Good first chapter but I think that you went a bit fast. Saphira would not be fast enough to go from Doru Araeba to leona lake that quikly. It would take her a lot longer and it seemed a bit fast to me.
DFT

P.S. Dont advertise your fanfic in other people's storys Evendim

[HBomb]

I'm going to be frank and to the point here.

I don't really support the idea of having two books going at the same time. ESPECIALLY if you are a newer fanfic writer. I myself have a second book I'm writing (well a sequel to the one I'm working on right now) and I don't post it as well because it would be to much. I think you'll quickly realize that you won't have the time to focus on both of the stories properly and produce quality updates.

From my experience writers often produce far better results when they focus on one thing, and save the others for later. What I'm doing is writing my book 4, and at the same time when I think of something for book 5 I'll go and either write a little bit in that, or jot down a note of what I thought. That way I don't focus on my second project, but I devote my time to the one already posted and the one people already read.

It's good to have another project you're working on so that if you get a bit bored with what you're writing you can take a small break, but keep the second story to yourself until you finish the first one.

I'm pretty sure most of the people agree with me when I say pick one and stick to it. I had two threads going at the same time before, and it didn't work. Thus I closed my other story and am only focusing on Nexus, which seems to make people happy

Just a bit of advice...

-HBomb

[Savasung88]

Ok Just a few things. I will only point out technical things here. The plot is yours and yours alone so that isn't for me to mess with.

You don't quench hunger, you quench thirst.

Also don't use numerals in your writing unless it is like "10000 Soldiers." or something like that. Try saying Seven hundred and fifty feet. (It makes it longer as well.)

That's my short critique, but it's hard to get a handle on things when it's only your first chapter.

Savvy

[TheWerecat]

Ok thanks.

But now Ive been told two is not a good idea I am quitting this because I don't have all the time in the world and I enjoy writing with someone more. Therefore I am only working on the round robin with Sapheragon.

[runtolive]

will you continue this when you are done with your other one cause i feel like this would be a great story line