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Fan Fic Set After the Galby's Death By Me Help from Sapheragon Chapter 1: Carvahall City of the Riders is up Rate Topic: ****- 4 Votes

#1 User is offline   TheWerecat Icon

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Posted 17 November 2009 - 11:26 AM

Table of Contents




Chapter One: Carvahall, City of the Riders.

Vanyal was traveling to Carvahall, the home of the riders, with his younger brother Enfias. He was to be tested to become one of the legendary Dragon Riders. With the brothers was Náiria she had been Vanyal's closest friend since they were children; they went with each other almost everywhere. Vanyal was viewing the horizon they could now see the mighty rider city of Carvahall. Suddenly Vanyal grew concerned. "Náiria what will happen to our friendship if one of us becomes a Shur'tugal and the other not?" He asked the beautiful, graceful elf walking by him. "Nothing. Nothing will happen to our relationship, I believe it is stronger than that do you not agree Vanyal?" But he did not answer he was too entranced by her body, Argh, shouldn't I have learnt to control myself around her? But she is so beautiful I must confess my love to her soon or I believe I will explode from the feeling I have inside.

Enfias then blurted out, "Neither of you will become Dragon Riders you are not worthy like myself. You my brother don't have my courage or strength. And you Náiria you are nothing but a wise little elf girl who follows around people like me with higher status! I could defeat either of you in a duel. Nay, I could defeat you both in battle together!"
"Do you want to test that theory child!" Náiria yelled as she drew her magnificent elven blade, which Vanyal had given her on the 30 birthday, she was trembling with anger as she approached a now meek looking elf boy.
"No, no sorry I... well..."
"You what?!" Náiria interrupted him.
"Nothing..." said Enfias as he cowered under the beautiful yet dangerous female.
"Come on you two. We won't arrive in Carvahall for years if you carry on like this, I know you don't get along but still just try at least until we've touched the eggs?" Exclaimed Vanyal, "Oh and brother it is not strength or conceit that will cause a dragon to hatch but pureness and love and the will to help the people who need you most. Also you know you cannot better me in swordplay, so next time do not make false remarks."

With that the company of three strode towards the mighty gates of Carvahall, the once small farm village with no more that 200 inhabitants now a bustling city, which was the home of the Greatest Order in history and the mightiest race in Alagaesia(sp). The rest of the morning went by peacefully, apart from of course some of Enfias' witty remarks and comments about Vanyal and Náiria and how he would become a Dragon Rider and they wouldn't. Finally they reached the huge iron gates which had a statue of a roaring gold dragon with a Rider upon his back at the peak of the arch. They had entered the Rider's stronghold. Upon a plaque to the left of the path was a notice saying this statue is in remembrance of Master Oromis and Ebrithil Glaedr Goldscales the last Dragon Rider pair of the old order who died fighting to the rid the land of evil.

"Halt. What business do you have in the Carvahall and what is your lineage." Asked a stout dwarf guarding the main gate.
To the obvious surprise of the dwarf Vanyal replied in the dwarfen language: "We are here to touch the dragon eggs and are the grand-children of Eragon the Bane of Evil slayer of Durza."
"Oh my, it is an honor to meet on of such strong lineage," said the dwarf as he bowed to the three elves."Where my Lord did you learn mine language though?"
"I studied it with a dwarfen scholar who stayed in Ellesméra for a while." answered Vanyal.
"I see, I see. You may pass my Lord, you and your friends are welcome here whenever you please."
"Thank you, my friend."

As the trio entered the city they all gasped at the amount of dragons in the courtyard. Their scales were every hue of the rainbow and they varied in size from the height of a man to the size of a small hill. They heard a cry across the ground and Vanyal looked up to see his father beckoning them towards him.

This post has been edited by TheWerecat: 19 November 2009 - 03:15 PM

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#2 User is offline   The Critic Icon

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Posted 17 November 2009 - 02:09 PM

I like the names you picked. But you need quite a bit more description. We know absolutely nothing about the characters, except that they know Dwarvish, two are Eragon's grandchildren, and the third has passed her thirtieth birthday. What do they look like? How tall, what hair color, any distinguishing marks, abnormal number of fingers? And please take your time with the Vanyal-Náiria thing, but, I beg of you, don't make it another painfully pointless one-sided infatuation as in Eldest. How do you pronounce Náiria's name? The apostrophe thing over the 'a' (forgot what it's called) would signify pronunciation as NA-ir-ee-uh, is that as you envision it? This is just my opinion, but it might be better as Naíria (na-EE-ree-uh).

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#3 User is offline   Fredric 43 Icon

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Posted 17 November 2009 - 04:08 PM

Besides describing the characters all I really want is length, then I'll be satisfied.
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#4 User is offline   Squirtle Squirt Icon

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Posted 17 November 2009 - 05:56 PM

Nice work. I love how Vanyal can speak dwarven, and I wonder how his relationship with Naria will go.
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#5 User is offline   Savasung88 Icon

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Posted 17 November 2009 - 06:08 PM

This is a cool idea but I can't help thinking that it is all to similar to your original stories.

This looks like a good story though, make it awesome.

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#6 User is offline   TheWerecat Icon

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Posted 18 November 2009 - 12:59 AM

QUOTE (Savasung88 @ Nov 18 2009, 12:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is a cool idea but I can't help thinking that it is all to similar to your original stories.

This looks like a good story though, make it awesome.

Savvy


Okay Everyone I am going to quit my own story to work on this I like it more and I don't have all the time in the world to do it.

There Done.

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#7 User is offline   Fredric 43 Icon

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Posted 18 November 2009 - 02:29 AM

I would think that only doing one would make a faster UPDATE speed, which is good. Do you like my 'subliminal' message? welcome.gif
If you have ever been in a conversation and all of a sudden the discussion changed to the topic of Twilight and you wanted to repeatedly shoot the book and the Twilight freaks who ruined your conversation, copy this into your signature

#8 User is offline   TheWerecat Icon

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Posted 18 November 2009 - 10:30 AM

QUOTE (Fredric 43 @ Nov 18 2009, 08:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would think that only doing one would make a faster UPDATE speed, which is good. Do you like my 'subliminal' message? welcome.gif


Nice 'message' I would update but A. It's Sapheragon's turn and B. I don't have any ideas.

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EDIT: But it won't be for about 12 hours atleast by Sapheragon because he's asleep at the moment and then he has school. But I will update tomorrow if he doesn't.

EDIT #2: @The Critic: Yeah, I like your one better. Now it's going to be Naíria.

This post has been edited by TheWerecat: 18 November 2009 - 10:35 AM

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#9 User is offline   Squirtle Squirt Icon

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Posted 19 November 2009 - 03:13 PM

Hahaha sorry guys but we needed to update and say I won't actually write any chapters (I'm tied up with my own fanfic) but I will be giving TheWerecat ideas. Here is a spoiler:
there will be an apparant betrayal from one in Vanyal's family.

This post has been edited by sapheragon: 19 November 2009 - 03:15 PM

95% of teens today would cry if they saw Robert Pattison (Edward Cullen) on the edge of a skyscraper about to jump. If you are one of the 5% who would sit there yelling,
"Do a f***ing flip or something!", copy this into your signature.
James Cooper FTW! Read about him and his adventures with the Firewielders in my original story, James Cooper and the Firewielders, and PLEASE comment. Chapter Four is up!
~~~~My favourite symbol is the squiggly~~~~ I like how it is all squiggly and stuff~~~~
Formerly known as Sapheragon (a.k.a. ANUS NOOB HAHA)
Revelations 21:6-'It is done. I am Alpha and Omega/the first and the last, the beginning and the end. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life'- the only reading in the bible which I actually like.

#10 User is offline   Fredric 43 Icon

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Posted 20 November 2009 - 12:55 AM

I knew it, and it'll be grandpa Eragon!
He has left Alagaesia hasn't he?
If you have ever been in a conversation and all of a sudden the discussion changed to the topic of Twilight and you wanted to repeatedly shoot the book and the Twilight freaks who ruined your conversation, copy this into your signature

#11 User is offline   TheWerecat Icon

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Posted 20 November 2009 - 11:51 AM

QUOTE (Fredric 43 @ Nov 20 2009, 06:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I knew it, and it'll be grandpa Eragon!
He has left Alagaesia hasn't he?


Well maybe it'll be Eragon but no he hasn't left Alagaesia. Yet.

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EDIT: 1/3 Chapter 2 but I've been sick for a few days sorry guys.

This post has been edited by TheWerecat: 23 November 2009 - 01:11 PM

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Posted 03 December 2009 - 04:10 AM

Mate, are you gonna do your next chapter? I'll be on msn if you need ideas.
95% of teens today would cry if they saw Robert Pattison (Edward Cullen) on the edge of a skyscraper about to jump. If you are one of the 5% who would sit there yelling,
"Do a f***ing flip or something!", copy this into your signature.
James Cooper FTW! Read about him and his adventures with the Firewielders in my original story, James Cooper and the Firewielders, and PLEASE comment. Chapter Four is up!
~~~~My favourite symbol is the squiggly~~~~ I like how it is all squiggly and stuff~~~~
Formerly known as Sapheragon (a.k.a. ANUS NOOB HAHA)
Revelations 21:6-'It is done. I am Alpha and Omega/the first and the last, the beginning and the end. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life'- the only reading in the bible which I actually like.

#13 User is offline   TheWerecat Icon

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Posted 15 December 2009 - 12:23 PM

Okay. For anyone who is still reading this. Schools has been a killer lately that is why I haven't been posting. Winter break starts on Friday for me so then is when I start to write again.

Sorry.

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#14 User is offline   TheWerecat Icon

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 02:41 AM

Okay. Well I know I haven't been here for ages. Sorry about that, but I am at them moment attempting to write a 2nd chapter.

It should be up by Saturday or Sunday.

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