My Book IV - Needs a name, as well as comments as to how to improve

Seeing how terribly constructed and descriptionless my first attempt was, I've revised it to make a more original plotline.

Contents:

Part I:
Prologue: Annihilation
Chapter 1: Allegiance (Funeral arrangements)
Chapter 2: To Gil'ead (E/A go to Gil'ead)
Chapter 3: Debate of the departure (Varden argument)
Chapter 4: Tranquillity (E/A discussion)
Chapter 5: Infection (Varden meeting)
Chapter 6: Forthcoming plans (Funeral, planning)
Chapter 7: Back to the forests (E/A go to Osilon)

Part II
Chapter 8: The gems (gem-finding)
Chapter 9: Dark plots (New subplot - related to Solembum)
Chapter 1o: Master and apprentice meet again (Some Angela POV)
Chapter 11: Climbing break (Eragon/Arya)
Chapter 12: A Rebellion's roots(Roran/Nasuada argument)
Chapter 13: Discovery at Kirtan (...)
Chapter 14: Inferno (Empire POV)

Prologue: Annihilation:

The barren, lifeless ground was a grotesque mixture of red and brown. There was no sign of any plant life around the desolate scene. A terrible, four-peaked mountain could be seen in the distance, near a settlement that resembled a dystopia. Two minuscule dots were near the horizon. Grey storm clouds foreshadowed trouble to anyone unfortunate enough to be near this miserable scene.

On the ground lay a large pile of sparkling sapphire gems. It was quite strange that no-one had come to collect it to make jewellery, as they could live in comfort for the rest of their lives. It was a such a large pile, they could have easily made over a thousands, if not more rings with it.

A smoke screen appeared out of nowhere. Colours and shapes starting appearing, and didn't stop until they showed an elf duelling with a man. A mighty fortress was standing proudly nearby, and behind that, was a calm blue sea which seemed to represent the exact opposite of what was going on the land.

The elf had shining silver hair, and appeared to be winning against the man who was dressed in black. He seemed faster, stronger and more flexible than the human. They continued duelling for a period of time, without any major shift of power. The sound of two brightsteel swords banging together seemed like music, especially compared to those of normal steel used by the mortals.

Eventually, the graceful elf had his sword to the man's neck, ready to slice through the black plate armour. All of a sudden, the screen disappeared into the air, revealing the miserable scene once again. The two dots had disappeared, and the clouds were growing closer by the second. The vision started changing direction.

If the other side was bad, this was far worse. On this side, there was still no signs of plant life, but blood and carcasses lay everywhere. Burnt cloth was evident, and some poles were still standing. Swords and armour lay on the ground. Limbs were scattered everywhere.

After a closer look, it seemed like these people had been attacked by a horde of wild animals. Some of the bodies were split in half, some had been burnt severely, some had been impaled where it hurt most. All life had been obliterated.

Or so it seemed. An elf in a coloured but bloodstained tunic was still alive, mourning over all the deaths in the scene of destruction. It was a mystery how any intelligent creature could withstand the bloodshed. He seemed focused intently on something that he was thinking, as well as mourning.

But before more observations about the elf could be made, time itself began to blur, and the world started rewinding. A mass of tents coloured white, green, brown and bronze had been erected. Campfires had been lit and people sat around them on the grass.

Although they all knew of the impending battle before them, they enjoyed themselves with drinks and entertainment. Now, all of those people no longer had their most important possession: their lives.

Lights swirled in the humid air, before a malicious voice sounded. The pitiful resistance has been crushed. No elf, human, dwarf or urgal can attempt to resist my rightful empire. We shall live in peace. No more fighting is needed. They knew they were going to achieve nothing apart from their deaths by opposing me, yet they still did it!

The mourning elf seemed to find that statement slightly amusing, and said to himself, "Pah, the pathetic mortal turned immortal shall fall. Even if it requires me to find a bridge from the living world to the void, I shall do it.”

He did not notice two masked men sneaking up upon him. They were of equal height, and they sneaked up confidently, as if they knew that their power was greater than that of the elf. The elf only noticed them when they stabbed him through his back, and as his last words, he uttered a phrase in the ancient language and darkness ruled over the world.

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Urgh, not as long as I wanted. Chapter 1 is longer, but it isn't very interesting.

Thelduin Wyrda - My book IV

My autumn holidays have started and I don't really have much planned to do so I'm writing my own fanfic. The title is temporary, I couldn't think of a better one.

Chapter 1. Forbiddance:

“My Lady, I wish to go and pay respects and attend the funeral of my masters. They meant a lot to me, and it would be highly inappropriate if I missed it.”

“No, I will not let you go, Eragon,” Nasuada replied, “You know well enough that the Varden will be destroyed if Murtagh and Thorn attack.”

“And who says he will be in a fit state to attack...? Glaedr almost destroyed his tail.” Eragon shot back. He could not believe that Nasuada was trying to stop him. She had always seemed like an intelligent person to him. “Glaedr almost completed bit off his dragon’s tail.”

“We still cannot take this risk. You are our most important person, Eragon, and we need you here. Not at Gil’ead. I do understand that they meant a lot to you, but I do not want my commanders asking me where their greatest weapon disappeared to.”

His eyebrows slanted in a V shape like Arya’s had in Farthern Dure. “You are not worthy of my fealty if you consider me a weapon… I have feelings too, I am not a machine!” he seethed.

“You have no choice but to obey. You swore an oath that you would obey me, and that will not change.”

It will, he secretly thought. Eragon did not responded and contacted Saphira instead. She had been hunting while he was talking to Nasuada

Saphira.

Is that foolish human trying to stop us? She guessed.

You are right. Maybe you could prove a point.

Okay, when I’m flying back at the moment.

Saphira got their a couple minutes later and landed on the ground with a loud thud and let loose a roar. Nasuada had clearly not been expecting it, but she still defended her opinion. “So Eragon, I will not let you visit them…”



Eragon had not been able to sleep. Visions of his masters dying had troubled him to no end so he decided to searched his mind for his partner of heart and contacted her.

I can’t believe Nasuada stopped us!

Yes, I always thought of her as smart

She seemed to show sympathy when we told her about them

Yes, she did. Do you have any plans on what to do?

Well, personally, I’m out of ideas…

I think we should sneak out of the camp

So how do we sneak out of camp?

Is that really so difficult, little one? Really, who can stop us from flying? I could also carry Arya, though I’m not sure how to get the elven spellcasters out.

Hmm… they could sneak out during night, or they could make themselves invisible by magic and then exit the camp. I will talk to them tomorrow about this, if you agree of course.

I think that will work. Seems like you have finally outsmarted me. She teased.

That’s actually not the first time, you know. He retorted. Saphira responded with a snort.

And what do we do about Nasuada?

I think we should break your oath to her. I told you I could do that when we were discussing this after Ajihad died.

I do remember, and, I can do that as well. We might as well stay with the elves under the siege of Dras-Leona in that case. Their hospitality is far greater than that we receive here.

We could go flying over Lake Isentar, like we did before we got to the Varden.

Yes, although I don’t really think we need to plan our schedule right now. The most important thing is that we pay our respects.